Originally written for the Skyrim Kink Meme.

Standard disclaimers apply.


Bjarni stood at the top of the steps to the Markarth barracks, watching another guard perform the all-too-familiar shuffling walk of a man sentenced to death. It seemed to be a hallmark of the senior city guards, but the extra heaviness in his step meant that something had happened. Probably nothing good.

He took a harder look at his fellow guardsman, and saw exactly what had happened: this poor sod was the new Captain of the guard. The new sash signified the "promotion".

The doors behind him opened and out came - what was his name? - the guard who would relieve him at end of his shift.

The new guard spoke without ceremony, "Hey. You can go, now."

Bjarni looked at the man askance- not that the other man could tell under the helmet. "So much for the formalities," he said dryly.

The new guard shrugged. "Like it really matters. Who's been around long enough for anyone to care?"

Bjarni nodded at their new captain, "He might."

"Doubt it. He looks as though he might drop dead any moment."

"Might be praying he does." The new voice startled the first and second guards. That was bad. They'd probably end up stabbed in the back if they didn't learn to be more careful.

"Sorry! The name's Einar."

"Bjarni."

"Alrik." So that's what his relief's name was…

"So," Einar began, "What do you think he'll try first, to assert his authority?"

"Probably make it so the rotation of duty favors his friends," said Alrik.

Einar didn't look too sure, "Does he have any friends?"

The first two guards froze. The question came uncomfortably close to home.

Bjarni frowned. "After the Forsworn Conspiracy? I doubt it."

"I thought the Dragonborn had taken care of that."

Bjarni stared at the boy, and Alrik chuckled darkly, "You could say that. You could also say the Dragonborn took care of everyone else there, too."

"What do you mean?" Gods! This Einar fellow had no idea what he'd signed up for…

"You haven't heard?" Alrik was incredulous, "The Dragonborn killed the jailbreakers, their king, and the whole conspiracy in one day."

"And that's not a good thing?" The boy asked.

"Not when you consider that some of the senior guards at the time put him there as part of it."

The boy paled. "You mean he was part of the plot?"

Alrik sighed and cuffed Einar on the shoulder. "No, you dolt, some of the guards that involved him in it."

The boy put a hand up to hold the offended shoulder. "Why in Oblivion would they do that?"

"Because they were corrupt, you idiot."

Bjarni knew at that moment that both he and Alrik were calculating the length of the junior guard's lifespan. It got shorter the more he talked.

After a moment, the boy started up again. "Well, it's good they're gone, then. We can't have men like that, here."

Alrik tried and failed to put his hand on his head. He'd apparently been so exasperated that he'd forgotten about the helmet, somehow. "Some may have wanted to, but those that didn't were probably forced."

"By who?"

"If you don't know already, then you're either daft or lucky."

Bjarni stepped in before the boy could voice offense, "Well, they're having trouble convincing anyone these days."

Einar perked up, "What happened?"

Bjarni and Alrik shared a look. Helmets or no, there were some things that experienced men just knew.

No use dancing around the subject.

"The Dragonborn."

There. They'd said it.

"What about the Dragonborn?"

The three of them jumped at the new voice. Bjarni turned and saw that the new Guard Captain had finally made it up the steps. He promptly saluted her as he eyed her new Captain's sash with fear: the thing was considered bad luck.

"Captain Janikke."

She waved the gesture off. "Gods! Don't remind me."

"We thought you were a man!" Einar exclaimed.

"Show some respect, you idiot!" Alrik smacked the boy on the back of his helmet. It wouldn't get through to the boy's skull, but it was the thought that counted.

"We were just explaining the situation to the lad." Bjarni offered.

"You mean about the Dragonborn?" she sighed.

"They were going to," the the boy said helpfully, "but I don't really get the big deal."

"That's because there isn't much to get." Janikke said flatly.

"So…"

The captain sighed. "Not too long ago, the Dragonborn killed all the Forsworn conspirators and their associates. That includes the Forsworn and the corrupt guards. Ever since then, the Dragonborn has taken exception to anyone who'd think to frame or obstruct the Dragonborn in any way. Especially guards."

"But we were just doing our jobs!" The boy exclaimed.

"What part of 'framed' do you not understand, boy?" Alrik sounded torn between incredulity and exasperation.

"And there was harassment before that, too." The captain added.

Bjarni didn't know about that part. "Really? Gods! The Dragonborn must think we're all part of it."

"You don't say." The woman said dryly. "I'd have thought that was clear from the number of recruitment drives we've had ever since."

"But I signed up yesterday. Surely the Dragonborn couldn't think I'm part of it!"

"Einar, I'm not sure the Dragonborn can tell the difference between all of our uniforms." Janikke sounded strained.

"Especially since we've been reduced to recovering old uniforms." Alrik didn't bother to hide his distaste.

"You mean someone died in our uniforms?!" For once, Einar was understandably perplexed.

"With the amount of money we've been spending to constantly train new recruits, we've had to take some cost-cutting measures." The captain informed him.

Bjarni tried to reassure the boy. "Don't worry so much; when you prove yourself, you can petition for a new one of your own."

"If he lives that long…" Alrik muttered.

Janikke reprimanded him, but offered no reassurances of her own. It was just as well; the senior guards knew not to get attached to the ones who probably weren't going to make it.

"Speak of the Daedra…" Alrik whispered.

The four of them turned to the city gates, where the Dragonborn had just arrived.

Janikke groaned, "Oh just perfect! How much worse can my first day as captain, be?"

"Did Jarl Igmund tell you to, uh… do something about it?" Bjarni asked.

"You mean the Dragonborn?" She laughed bitterly, "I'm not stupid enough to try. I haven't lasted this long in the guard for nothing."

"So you're not going to fine him for littering?"

Three helmeted heads turned to Einar.

"Not I." Jannike snorted.

"Me neither." Alrik seconded.

"Nope." Bjarni backed up.

"But he just did! And whatever it was looks disgusting!" The boy looked perplexed.

"Look, if you go down there, I take no responsibility for what happens to you." And with that, Janikke turned and entered the barracks.

Einar stared dumbly after her before trying again. "You really don't think we should stop him?"

"You're more than welcome to try." Alrik laughed, "It's our duty, isn't it?"

"Alrik, don't encourage him." Bjarni groaned. He had no interest in seeing another new blood die on the job.

"But he's disrespecting our city…" the boy said weakly.

Bjarni tried a different tactic. "Not sure the Dragonborn will appreciate being called a man."

"What do you mean? Is the Dragonborn a girl?" Einar was confused.

Alrik burst out laughing. "If the Dragonborn isn't, I'm sure he'd take exception to that, too."

"You mean nobody knows?"

"Nobody living, that is." Alrik snickered.

The boy blanched, and shook his head, "But someone should do something…"

Bjarni sighed and took the boy's shoulder and steered him towards the barracks. "Einar, just let it go."