Hey everyone. I sincerely apologize for not responding to your amazing reviews but my computer is being mean and I'm currently trying to do this from my iPod. I promise I'm reading all of them and I thank you for being so nice and encouraging me to write sequels for everything.
Shawn Spencer suffered for years. He suffered 24 hours a day, every single day, for years. He had long ago given up and drawn into himself, forced to live with her the only way he could: his memories.
He had forgotten how to live without her. Everyday was a fight he would most likely lose. Everyday was yet another day that he would fall further into himself. He had tried once, to drink himself to oblivion. It didn't work. Even in his drunken haze, the only thing he knew was her.
Everyone else could see. They knew that one day, he would fall. Surely he would one day fade away because they saw. They all saw how his eyes would light up when they landed on her. They saw how the day she left, she took that light with her. They never saw it again.
They all knew that her love was as vital to him as the blood pumping through his veins. He needed her like he needed air to breathe. So they knew; when she left she took him with her and he was never the same. It didn't matter that they tried to tell him that she had always loved him. He couldn't feel it so it didn't feel real.
He changed that day. The only thing keeping him alive were the memories, even if they were his own personal hell. Every thought, every moment, every detail of her, preserved in his perfect memory.
It was easy to see; the real Shawn Spencer was gone, replaced by a man whose very soul had been broken at the hands of death. He died the day his love left and he knew it was his fault. He didn't even deserve memories, no matter how much they hurt. He didn't deserve to see her in any way possible because he was the reason she was gone.
It was his lies that led her down that path. It was his lies that pushed her into the waiting arms of the angel of death. The love of Shawn Spencer's life was dead, and it was his fault.
They tried to tell him it wasn't but they knew he didn't believe them. Half the time, he didn't even know they were there. But nonetheless, he knew he couldn't leave like she had. He knew his best friend, if no one else, would miss him. Gus, and maybe even Lassie, would want him to stay.
So he fought. Shawn fought valiantly for ten years. Ten long years of a hell built from memories of her. But everyone knew in the end he would fall and he did. He gave up and waited for the reaper to take him too so maybe, just maybe, he could find her again.
He had to find her. She was his angel. She had saved him when no one else could. Except for now. Nobody could save him now. Because without his beloved, his Jules, Shawn Spencer was hopelessly, forever lost to the darkness.
As always, I hope you enjoyed this and would like to say that I'm so happy they are getting back together. Even if it's happening at almost the same rate as the first six years. : ) And I hate killing them off but my mind has been refusing to give me a happy story lately. Maybe another day.
~Five-0Forever
