The Seeker was gone.
He would no longer haunt me.
I was finally free of him.
Victory was finally mine,
Victory that was completed
With you, Kahlan, my love.
Having you was even better
Then finally being rid of the Seeker.
You were the Seeker's love, Kahlan,
And you loved him in return.
You loved him so intensely
And you hated me so deeply
That you went into the Con Dar.
I will never forget that moment, Kahlan,
Nor will I ever forget the moment
Where you said that I was unlovable.
Your venomous yet beautiful voice,
Your blood red eyes,
I will never forget those things.
Your sharp, harsh words cut me
In an area I didn't even know existed.
Your passion filled eyes paralyzed me.
You are a creature of passion, Kahlan.
You are a tigress, a fiery warrior.
You are my equal, Kahlan.
I have laid with my best Mord-Sith,
But none of them
Could ever hope to match you.
They lack your passion and your love.
You are both beautiful and dangerous, Kahlan.
You are capable of both strong love and strong hate.
I have never before met a woman
With such a dangerous but remarkable combination.
I had to have you,
And it wasn't just because you belonged to the Seeker,
The man who had ruined my life
Long before he even existed.
The Seeker could never hope
To be your equal, Kahlan.
It was only a bonus to me
That you and the Seeker love each other.
It was only a bonus to me
That I now had for my wife and queen
The woman that my baby brother
Had desired for himself.
I was as gentle with you as I could be, Kahlan.
I couldn't treat you like I would treat
One of my Mord-Sith.
I respected you too much for that.
I respected you, Kahlan,
Even though you never treated me
With anything but hate,
Because you had moved me
In a way that I didn't know
I could be moved.
I wished for your love, Kahlan,
But I never received it.
However, you did bring me great happiness.
You gave me a child
That would be a worthy heir.
I was so happy the day our son was born,
But you were full
Of so much despair and anger, Kahlan.
The intense hate inside you
Once again reared its face.
As I held our beautiful baby son,
I was once again overwhelmed by your passion.
Even though your eyes were not blood red,
I was once again paralyzed by them.
Perhaps, like my brother, I am not your equal either.
I prepared myself for your flow
Of harsh, sharp, cutting words.
You have been taught, my beloved Kahlan,
To see male Confessors as evil,
Just like you have been taught
To see me as evil.
Why else would you want to kill our son,
An innocent baby,
A baby who had not done any evil
Besides existing?
When you ordered me
To let you kill our son, Kahlan,
I loved our son more
Than I loved you.
I felt our son's plight.
When I had been a baby,
People wanted me to kill me
For my mere crime of existing.
Prophecy said that I would be evil,
Just like people say
That male Confessors will be evil.
My son and I were the same.
We were both living in a narrow-minded world
That saw us as monsters.
You should have known better, Kahlan.
Many people see you as a monster
Because of your Confessor power.
How could you, Kahlan, a monster yourself,
According to the narrow-minded world,
Be so narrow-minded yourself
And condemn our son
For the crime of existing?
I held our son close to me
As I left your bed, Kahlan.
I stood and turned away from you, my love,
As I held our son close to me.
You wanted to kill him,
And he needed a security blanket.
My father had never been
A security blanket for me,
And I had made the decision
From the moment
That I first saw our son
That I would be a better father to my son
Than my father was to me.
Unlike my father, I would love my child.
Unlike my father, who saw me as evil,
I would never see my child as evil.
My child was not evil
Just because he was a male Confessor,
Just like I am not evil
Just because prophecy said so.
My son and I were the same.
He needed me.
I was disappointed in you, Kahlan.
You were supposed
To be the nurturing one.
I knew nothing
About taking care of a baby.
You were supposed to teach me, Kahlan,
How to be the best father possible.
You were supposed to help me
Raise our son into a great ruler,
A ruler that the world could be proud of,
Despite the fact that the world sees him as evil.
You tried to compromise with me, Kahlan.
You offered to give me another child.
You were actually willing to lie with me again,
Even after you had made it clear to me
That I disgusted you.
You were willing to do me a great kindness.
I loved you once more, Kahlan.I loved you even more
When you spoke the kindest words
That you ever spoken to me.
You offered to give me
A daughter who would dote on her father.
You were willing to give me a child
That would actually love me.
Believe me, Kahlan,
For a moment,
I wanted to give in to your request.
I wanted to give you our son,
So that you could kill him
Before lying with me again
And giving me a loving daughter,
A daughter who would dote on her father.
What would having a daughter be like?
Rahl heirs have always been boys,
A Confessor heir
Would have been a different story,
Even if it had been a girl.
I could have loved a girl
In a way
That I could have never loved a boy.
Our daughter would have been spoiled, Kahlan.
She would have had to been trained
To fight and to rule, of course.
After all,
Both her parents are warriors and rulers.
She would have had to be hard
Because rulers must sometimes
Make difficult decisions.
But I would have never tried
To break our daughter, Kahlan.
I would have never
Wanted a Mord-Sith daughter.
My Mord-Sith are incapable of feeling.
I would not have wanted
Our daughter to be that way.
I would have wanted our daughter
To be like you, Kahlan,
Fierce and passionate when necessary
But also capable of love and compassion.
For a moment,
I waned to exchange our son
For a daughter,
But only for a moment.
Our son and I, after all, were the same.
Would should our son have to die?
He had just as much of a right to live
As you did, Kahlan.
Being a male Confessor does not make him evil,
Just like you are not evil
Just because you are a Confessor.
There is more to you, Kahlan,
Than just your Confessor power.
Your Confessor power
Allowed for the Blood Rage,
But the passion that sparked the Con Dar
Had nothing to do
With you being a Confessor.
You would be just as passionate
As you are, Kahlan,
Even if you weren't a Confessor.
Likewise, there is more to our son
Than just the fact
That he is a male Confessor.
I was desperate, Kahlan.
The last thing I wanted to do
Was hurt our son, our precious son,
But I had to make him cry.
I felt like my only hope to save him
Was to play on your emotions.
A mother, after all,
Has emotions towards a child
That a father
Could never hope to understand.
The mother, after all,
Is the one who carries the child,
Who feels the child growing,
Who hears the child's heartbeat,
Who is the personal witness
To the life that is about to be born.
The father just watches from outside.
My plan worked, Kahlan,
Worse than I expected.
I know how to make
A baby start crying,
But I don't know
How to make a baby stop crying.
How do you shut them up?
I confessed a weakness to you, Kahlan.
I confessed to you
That I had never held a baby before.
I confessed to you
That I didn't know what I was doing,
And that is something
I don't like confessing to.
I need to be in control,
But I was no longer in control.
The baby was the one in control,
And only you, Kahlan,
Could do something about that.
Despite the fact that you hated the baby
For being a boy,
You were not heartless
Like my Mord-Sith are, Kahlan.
You could not forever
Deny our baby's cries.
You reached out for him,
And I gladly handed him to you.
You didn't look at me with hatred
As you took the baby, Kahlan.
Watching you hold our baby close to you
Was the best moment in my life.
Our son would be loved by both of us.
Our son would be safe.
You fell in love with our son, Kahlan.
You smiled at him often.
Even though I wished
That you would smile at me,
I was content in knowing
That you didn't hate our son,
Even if you hated me.
I could live with your hatred for me, Kahlan,
Just as long as you loved our son.
All was well for many years.
You were teaching our son
Everything he needed to know
To one day become a great ruler.
You were a worthy wife and queen, Kahlan,
And you were helping our son
To become a worthy heir.
Life couldn't have been better.
Then, one night,
You tried to kill our son, Kahlan.
I was furious, overwhelmed by anger.
Even though you hated me,
I thought that you loved our son.
What made you do it, Kahlan?
Had you finally decided
That Nicolas was a monster?
Was it because he was a male Confessor?
Was it because he was my son?
Would it have been different, Kahlan,
If you have had a male Confessor
With the Seeker?
If the Seeker had been the child's father,
Would you have seen it as good.
You do, after all, see the Seeker as good.
Surely anything that comes from him is good,
Just like
Surely anything that comes from me is evil.
What made you do it, Kahlan?
I didn't want to kill you, Kahlan.
If your death had been my desire,
I would have killed you
After you had given birth you our son;
But instead, I didn't only leave you alive;
I also allowed you to raise our son.
Even though you hated me, Kahlan,
I loved you.
Even though I hated to see you die, Kahlan,
I didn't think much of it
When Nicholas asked to be the one
To kill you.
After all, I had killed my own father
After he had bragged to me
That the Seeker, my own baby brother,
Would one day kill me.
My father, my own father,Sired the one
Who was supposed to be my murderer.
My father intended for me
To die at the hands of my own baby brother.
Likewise, you had intended to kill Nicholas,
Your own son, your own flesh and blood.
I could understand
What was going through Nicholas's mind.
My son and I, after all, are the same,
Apparently in more ways than one.
After you attempted to murder our son, Kahlan,
I once again loved him
More than I loved you.
How could I not?
My son and I share a bond
That you and I
Could never hope to share, Kahlan.
The world sees my son and I
As monsters, as great evils that need to be destroyed.
I'm sorry, Kahlan, my love,
But someone needed to take care of our son,
Someone needed to protect him
From the narrow-minded, heartless world.
That someone
Definitely wasn't going to be you, Kahlan,
So I had to take your place.
If I wasn't there for our son,
Who would be there for him?
No one.
Just like no one
Was ever there for me.
My son and I are the same.
I didn't cry over your tomb, Kahlan,
Even though I wanted to.
I kept on reminding myself
That I loved our son
More than I had loved you.
Perhaps if you had loved me, Kahlan,
Things would have been different.
Perhaps if I had loved you more than our son,
Things would have been different.
Perhaps our bastard son
Would not have won in the end.
My son, my own precious son, betrayed me,
Just like everyone else in my life
That I had loved had betrayed me.
My own father; then Jennsen, my own baby sister;
Then you, Kahlan, my own wife and queen;
Then finally my own son, my dear Nicholas.
Perhaps I should have given in
To your request, Kahlan.
Perhaps I should have allowed you
To kill our son.
Perhaps things would have been different
If we have had a daughter instead.
Or perhaps not.
I had loved our son,
But he had not loved me in return.
Would a daughter
Really have been any different?
Our son killed both of us, Kahlan.
A daughter probably wouldn't have killed you,
But would she have really doted on me?
You have always seen me as a monster, Kahlan,
Even after I was kind and gentle to you.
Those kind words that you spoke to me
Were merely words of desperation.
You had wanted to kill our son,
And you had tried to play to my emotions
To get your way.
After all, Kahlan, you seek to destroy monsters.
I would have allowed you to raise our daughter, Kahlan,
Just like I had allowed you to raise our son.
You would have taught our daughter to hate me
With as much passion as you hated me, Kahlan.
A daughter would not have doted on her father
No matter how much I would have loved her.
I give love to others,
But I never receive love in return.
Such is the fate of monsters such as myself.
