I just wanted to write something about those two beautiful women. I love the show and I wanted to write my version of their relationship. Please, let me know what you think about this, I need to know if I should go on with this or just leave it in my mind. Send me your comments/reviews, they are really important to me.
I feel sick, incredibly sick. I'm sitting here, in my office, crying my heart out for something that's been haunting me for months. Something that I'd like to throw away, something that I keep pretending I am not feeling. But I need to do something. Why can't science just help me solve this ? I am a great medical examiner, I help solving murders and I can't get over somebody who can't love me back ? I'd like to understand how love works, why can't a person just fall in love with somebody able to love them back ? I have tried to hide this for so much time I can't even rember when I started feeling like this. Love is magical, but only when shared. It's killing me, I can't even focus on my work. I should be working now, but I can't stop thinking about...
"Maura ?"
Silence. Awkward.
"Maura ? Where are you ?"
Nothing again.
Where in the hell is she ?
Approaching her best friend's office, Jane heard somebody softly sobbing. She would have recognized those sobbs among thousands.
"Maura, are you okay ?" She slowly hugged the medical examiner, concearned.
"Fine. Yes. I am fine. Totally fine."
"Maura, stop it, please. Just tell me what's wrong ! You're acting weird, actually, you've been acting weird for months ! What's the matter with you ?"
Maura pulled away from the hug and got up, facing Jane.
It's time for me to talk. Now or never.
"You wouldn't understand, Jane. It's so complicated it hurts, I can't talk about this, it just makes me incredibly sick." She started crying again. "I... I need time to process, I have tried for a long time to pretend it wasn't real, but it's just too big I can't hide it anymore."
"You can trust me."
"I know, Jane. I know. I... I just don't want to talk about it. It hurts, too much."
A little moment of silence. "Just let me hug you, then." Jane hugged Maura before walking away. "Come find me when you're ready."
I find myself alone in my office, again. When Jane's here, I feel safe. I feel like nothing's happening, I should have asked her to stay. I don't know what to do. I know that I can't trust her, she's my best friend. But what if she doesn't understand ? What if she thinks I am completely mad ? She already thinks that I am a weird whiny pain in the ass, isn't it enough ?
That night, Jane was having dinner with Frost. She normally would have had dinner with Maura, but she had called to say that she had to take care of Bass.
"I am worried, Frost. I don't know why she keeps trying to lie to me, we all know that she gets all itchy when she lies. Why is she doing this ? I need to know what's hunting her, what if she's in danger ?"
"I don't think she's in danger, Jane. You are a homicide detective, I think she'd ask for your help if somebody was threatening her. She's just not ready, she'll tell you, someday."
"I, uhm... I don't know. I have waited for months for an answer and she still doesn't know if she can trust me, she doesn't know if she can talk to me about something that's basically killing her. I am her best friend, Frost. What's wrong ?" she sighed, uncertain how to go on.
"Give her the time she needs, Jane."
"I can't be patient anymore."
She took her jacket and got up, "I'll see you tomorrow" She walked away, leaving Frost speechless.
She looked for her keys, tensely. She was nervous, she didn't know what to expect, but she really needed to know.
She parked her car in front of Maura's house and she waited several minutes before walking towards the door.
"Oh, hi Jane. What are you doing here ?" A surprised Maura opened the door.
"I need to know, Maura. Just tell me. I'm not going to say anything, but I am really worried about you. I can't see you like this, I know that you're hurt and you probably think that there's nothing that I can do to help, but maybe I can, Maura. Trust me, please trust me. I can't go on like this, I can't pretend that I don't see how destroyed you are. It's so wrong to see you like this. I need to know, I need to do something to help you."
Silence. Again. It was always like that. Jane had tired several times to make Maura talk, but she just wouldn't.
And then, it hit Jane like a train.
"Oh, God. Maura, are you sick ?" Jane felt the tears coming, but she had to stay calm, to make Maura understand that she was strong enough to support her.
Maybe I should just say that I am sick. That I am dying and that's why I have been such a whiner for the past months. It surely would be easier, for me. But, maybe, it would destroy her. Maybe it would make her sick as much as I am, maybe she'd go crazy. No, I can't do this.
"I am not sick, Jane." She finally said, staring at the floor.
"Thank God." Jane just couldn't talk anymore, she just hugged Maura tightly, to make sure she understood how much she cared about her. "I was so scared I might lose you, Maura. I can't lose you. So please, tell me what's the problem. Tell me."
"Jane it's too much. I don't think you could handle it. I mean, it's just so complicated..."
"IT HURTS. I already know, Maura. I know it's so complicated it hurts, I know you can't hide it anymore, I know it's too much to handle. I know, Maura. I know. Now please stop, tell me !"
A moment of silence, Jane was looking at Maura, who was still staring at the floor. Jane could see Maura's tears falling on the flooer, she placed bot her hands on Maura's shoulder.
"I am sorry I screamed. But I am worried, Maura."
Finally, Maura was looking at her in the eye, still crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, it was painful for Jane to see her like this.
"I am in love." Maura finally said. "With you, Jane."
