Phineas looked at himself, his counterpart, with wonder and concern and so much regret. Alone they sat in the living room of a house with no joyous memories, on the floor, facing each other, one a distorted mirror image where colour hadn't been translated, the other a person who wanted to change that.
"I'm sorry for doing this—it's not that I don't want to see Ferb, or, er, Ferb. I just…wanted to talk to you," the visitor of the house explained. He'd had to do this; he couldn't help himself from thinking that this dimension's Phineas lacked so much. It made him want to give everything that he thought made Phineas Flynn who he was—creativity, laughter and an urge to seize every single day—to this bleak boy. Because it was impossible to imagine what his life would be like, what he would be like, without them. "Has Doofenshmirtz been ruler for your whole life?"
Phineas hesitated before answering. "No, not all of it. I think I was about four when he took over," he said. He didn't sound anguished about it, which seemed strange to the other boy, so he pressed his counterpart on that.
"Well, do you have memories of that time? Happy memories spent with your family?"
"Um…I don't know. I don't think of that time very often, because, I'm just concentrating on the present, and living life one day at a time, I guess. Memories wouldn't help with that," the other dimension Phineas replied, getting a little flustered from being asked about his opinions when he didn't really have any. That hadn't been a cause of not wanting to do so—he only knew that they wouldn't help him, and so he didn't question anything enough to form them.
Hearing this, Phineas was reminded of how he knew that, in the future, he would always treasure his memories of the summer holidays, and of his wonderful family and friends; knowing that this Phineas wasn't permitted to do that made him feel horribly saddened. "When 'concentrating on the present', are you happy?" he asked cautiously.
"I'm not exactly unhappy. I just don't ever think of things being anything other than what they are. Dreams aren't really worth anything."
"Don't you treasure imagination?" Phineas questioned with a worried expression.
The paler boy breathed in deeply. "Not worth it," he repeated, and this time, there was regret in his voice.
Phineas' hand clenched. He looked at the dooferalls the other boy was wearing—so dismal, a sign of this oppression, this complete curb of originality—and without really thinking about it, he got onto his knees and reached out to place a hand on the grey clothing. He then slowly moved his hand down the material and across, stopping above the heart. It was beating quickly, and when Phineas looked up with raised eyebrows, he saw his own face wearing a look of apprehension. Coming to his senses, he sat back onto the floor, scooting away slightly. "Sorry. I…I see you in those clothes, and I get pretty down, thinking about how unfair it is that you have to wear them." He looked down at his own stripy top and blue shorts guiltily.
The other Phineas smiled, trying to reassure him that he really wasn't unhappy, and Phineas uncertainly returned it without much heart.
"Tell me more about yourself. I'd be completely willing to hear your entire life story, you know. This dark dimension, and you, especially, I truly want to know about it all."
The other Phineas laughed a little. "You know, I've pretty much singularly had Ferb to talk to, 'cause Candace is always a little grouchy, dad's always away and mom's always worrying, so it's funny, speaking to someone that doesn't know everything about me, and wants to," he acknowledged. "I…heh, I don't know where to start."
Phineas deflated a little at that description of the family, but persisted with what he was going to say. "As I understand it at the moment, you're not allowed to travel without authorisation, you can't be too loud, you're forced to wear that clothing, and…I guess you generally have to obey anything Doofenshmirtz commands. All right so far?" When the other Phineas nodded, he continued. "What about school?"
"School? Our definition of it is—well, professions are chosen for you, and then you have to teach yourself everything you need to know through Doof-approved books. There aren't really any issues with how much talent someone has, because… It's easier to pass exams if a robot's gonna do something to you if you don't, let's just say that."
"I can't believe that! And you don't even get to choose?"
"No," Phineas said with a small shrug.
The spiky-haired boy shook his head, getting increasingly agitated about the other Phineas' state of affairs. "So, what job's been chosen for you?"
"Factory worker, like my dad," he informed, looking to his left and right before sighing and letting his head drop. With a dismal voice, he admitted, "I sure would love to be something more exciting, though…"
He looked so cheerless in that moment that Phineas was overwhelmed with the need to make this person's life better. It may have been affecting him before, but it was only now, when Phineas was unable to bear seeing this vulnerability which was so utterly undeserved, that it moved him enough to make his chest ache. He shifted forward and hugged the other Phineas closely and tenderly, eyes shut and hands gripping the dooferalls needfully. This surprise made the other Phineas gasp quietly and stiffen; surprises were always more upsetting than they were appealing in his history, like Perry disappearing. But he gradually relaxed into the embrace and allowed himself to draw strength from this animated spirit. When he'd previously heard of the summer he and his brother had had, it had caused the alternate Phineas to feel uplifted, and this brought back that emotion tenfold. He leaned into the hug hesitantly, unsure of whether this dimension-travelling Phineas would be okay with it; his concern was brought about because it wasn't like him to do anything other than what he was certain would cause no problems. However, he felt Phineas' lips moved against his neck in a smile and relief flooded him.
Phineas stopped hugging him eventually, but left an arm in its position around his grey counterpart's middle. He looked at him with gleaming eyes, lips still softly turned upwards. But, seeing the paleness of his skin, all traces of his smile faded, his eyes shone with a stronger emotion—determination—and Phineas' free hand reached up and caressed a cheek tenderly. Because it showcased how devoid the other Phineas was of the radiance of summer's sun, the carefree time of the holiday, and how different they were when looking past being the same person.
In response to that action, the other Phineas' heart swelled powerfully with an emotion he'd never felt before. Then he very quickly noticed how exceedingly close he was to the other, and a thousand thoughts buzzed in his mind, none comprehendible, and yet they caused his head to jut forward and capture his lookalike's lips in a kiss. Everything froze for one incredible moment. Before considering what that moment felt like, he jerked his head away in abrupt realisation with a burning face. "Oh my gosh—I can't believe I did that—I'm so sorry—I don't even know you! You didn't—I couldn't—," he faltered, inarticulate because everything had just happened so hastily and suddenly, then was stopped completely by a finger shushing him.
"Hey, hey, hey, calm down. What do you mean, you don't know me? I'm you!"
The other Phineas was too mortified to say anything.
"What's wrong? You assumed I would react badly to this? Don't you have any confidence in yourself?"
When Phineas removed the restraining finger, the other, in his self-reproach, softly answered, "No one does. Mom doesn't have confidence in anything whatsoever. Candace definitely doesn't—she's always checking if Ferb and I are breaking the rules and insists on telling us not to, as if we can't understand that ourselves and stepping a foot out of place will be our indisputable downfall. They've no reason to have confidence in me, so neither do I."
Phineas thought about that pensively. He drew his assurance from the way the people that surrounded him believed in him: his friends, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford…Candace, while not liking his inventions, knew what he was capable of and wouldn't accept him giving up if he was ever in a situation where that wasn't an option…And, of course—"What about Ferb?"
"Look, we've never been in a situation that calls for it, Phineas. We just stay at home being quiet and lawful, okay? And that definitely wasn't like anything I've done before," he confessed with haunted eyes.
This wasn't how Phineas wanted his companion to be feeling. He had to figure out a way to assure the other in himself—because he really wasn't reacting badly. He may have known that the feelings caused by that action couldn't be sustained, because he had to get back to his own dimension, but if this could lead to a positive resolve, he was entirely willing to do anything. He could even disregard what he'd feel like after this was over, when he would be without the other Phineas. So, looking him straight in the eyes, he said reassuringly, "Well I've never been one to break rules myself, but I'm going to, now, for you." He placed a hand on the back of the other Phineas' head to move it forward and dipped his own into another kiss. It didn't last long before he carried on with desperation in his speech. "Because you're worth it. Everything's worth it—so dream, imagine, take risks, believe in yourself, please."
The other Phineas' eyes showed disbelief. After a few seconds of processing that information and the fact that he'd been kissed, his face showed uneasiness. "But Phineas…" the straight-haired boy said helplessly. "Why are you—?" He sighed and stopped, starting again. "Why are you trying so hard? I've got everything, the entire world, to gain from you, and what can I give you in return?"
The hand on the back of the pale boy's head gripped more firmly. Phineas had always been prone to revealing his emotions through body language. "Aren't you listening to me? You're worth this! I want you to be happy—that's what I get in return: a fulfilment of my wish."
"But how come that causes you to accept that kiss out of nowhere and give me one in return?"
Since relinquishing the hug, the arm had been left around the other Phineas. After hearing that, its hold tightened, similarly to just moments ago with his hand's grip. Every instant the other Phineas sounded defenceless and sensitive, Phineas wanted to make him feel secure, it seemed. "Maybe—maybe this love"—had he really just said love? No, never mind, he had to tell the other how he felt—"is a part of wanting to save you. Or maybe I'm just self-centred," he said with a wily grin.
The other Phineas hadn't exactly returned the hug when it had happened, but now, he wrapped his hands around Phineas' neck. Perhaps he'd accepted Phineas' feelings after hearing that, Phineas thought. Either way, he couldn't have been more thrilled to hear the other say, "I think you've had your wish fulfilled. I think you've saved me."
xxx
And later, the alternate Phineas let himself go against his rigid restrictions to experience his ideals; he dreamt, imagined, took risks and believed in himself, and in his brother, when he stole away to help Phineas and Ferb find Perry, and then to join the Resistance with his sister, to discover his innate talent in machinery. It had all been because his counterpart had opened his eyes to summer, joy and love (though not separately, because they were all connected to each other in some way). He may have still been a distorted mirror image, lacking colour in clothing, but on the inside, well, he matched every shade of Phineas'
Odd thoughts:
I have such a thing for self-cest, haha. Always happy when there are instances when it can work. Except in Yu-Gi-Oh, for some reason.
You know, I think Alt Phineas is so adorable. Especially when he's still in his dooferalls, just his whole character around that time.
Rather dislike my writing in this. The sentence structure bugs me the entire way through. I'll have to go through it when I can be bothered, make it easier to read.
It's really annoying, by the way, having to distinguish between the two Phineases. Have I done alright? Because I refer to Alt Phineas as Phineas sometimes, I think, because, if it's in his point of view, that would obviously be what he thinks, and also, Phineas calls him Phineas, I believe. (That sentence is the most awkward thing ever. Which is an impressive feat, because it has to beat me.) Just point out any times you get confused; hopefully I can clear things up.
Anyhow. Hope you enjoyed reading.
