AU & [mainly] OOC
'There's a whole 'nother conversation going on
In a parallel universe
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.'
- P!nk
"Do you believe in parallel universes?" Ahsoka asked Anakin as they sat together in the empty dining hall. Their backs were to each other, however, because dinner had been quite an awkward occasion. There were too many odd questions about their relationship, and Ahsoka didn't even know whether or not there was a relationship to begin with. To make matters worse, Anakin denied everything, saying that their relationship was strictly business.
Truly, isn't that what Ahsoka wanted? She wasn't one to fall in love – or so she thought – but this wasn't love, was it? She wasn't sure what she felt. Sure, her heart picked up every time he stepped into the room and she always smiled whenever he was near, but that wasn't love. Around the park, she'd heard little children using the word crush around a lot, especially if they were describing the relationship between two of their friends. That's what it was – it was just a simple crush.
"What type of question is that?" Anakin asked as he stared at her back. Unlike Ahsoka, he had turned around, hoping that she would also do the same – instead, he was met with her back. A few seconds after asking the question, he began to think about it himself. What, exactly, was a parallel universe? Was it a place where, instead of what was happening presently, it was the exact opposite? Did that mean, then, that in a parallel universe, he and Ahsoka would be having a nice conversation instead of the slightly awkward tension that hung around them?
"I mean, do you think that instead of sitting here all awkward and stuff, we'd actually be having a worthwhile conversation?" Unknowingly, she voiced Anakin's thoughts aloud, and it amazed him to know how alike their minds thought. Great minds think alike. He smiled inwardly to himself.
"What made it awkward?" he asked, genuinely interested. A small voice in the back of his mind told him that it was partly his fault, but he wanted to know what she thought. Obi-Wan Kenobi would tell him to suck it up, act like a man and apologize for his wrongdoings, but the stubborn streak in him told him to wait for her to talk first.
"You probably know how I feel about you," she replied, her voice slightly quieter than it had been. This came as a shock to him – he didn't know that she felt the same way he felt about her. It all reminded him of the random television shows and soap operas the students watched during their free periods in the common room.
Forcing himself not to interrupt her, he coughed slightly, as a sign that she should continue speaking. "When they asked all those questions around the table and you denied them, saying that our relationship was strictly business, it made me wonder if what I was feeling was real. How can you have feelings for someone if it's quite obvious that they don't feel the same about you? I don't even know why it's hurting me so much. I've known you for a long time, and I've come to the conclusion that you might not even have a heart, so why do I bother myself with having these feelings if you're never going to feel the same way?"
"What does that have to do with the parallel universe question?" he asked, his own voice barely audible. He even had to strain his own ears to hear himself.
"In a parallel universe, don't you think that I wouldn't hurt anymore? If this was a parallel universe, we'd be getting along and I wouldn't have to worry if you reciprocated my feelings because I'd know. In a parallel universe, I'd be immune to such things; I wouldn't be able to feel the emotional pain that I feel now and nothing would get broken or get hurt, including me." She wiped away a few stray tears that started trickling down her cheeks.
Cautiously, she turned around slightly and was surprised to see him staring at her. The intensity of his stare made her rethink her earlier statement about him not having a heart. There was something more than confusion in his eyes. Was it affection? She wasn't sure, but she hoped that it was. Ever since the incident, she hadn't quite been able to trust anyone – much less have feelings for anyone – and it was amazing what Anakin was doing to her.
"I don't know," he replied truthfully, glad that her eyes finally met his own. "It hurts me to see you sad," he said, more to himself than to her, but she heard him anyway. "I know I'm not the most perfect person, but it doesn't mean that I don't try. It's been a long time since I've had feelings for someone, and I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to say or do." He paused and began to blush, something that Ahsoka had never seen happen to Anakin.
Smiling, she leaned across the table and took his hand in hers. "I know how you feel, Anakin. To be fair, it's been a long time since I've felt this way too. We don't have to rush this. Let's just take it slow." She congratulated herself internally for quoting lines from Lady Antebellum's Just A Kiss.
"You don't have to be tough," she continued, feeling very proud of herself. "You're one of the strongest people I know, but even the strongest of people have to break down someday. You need someone to help you relax, and you need someone to take the stress away from you. What you need is someone to fight for you sometimes; someone who can make you feel free again. I have a feeling that you didn't have a conventional childhood; neither did I."
He felt his heart beat faster; it started racing. "Will you be able to provide that? Will you be able to make me feel free again?" Her face fell and his heart stopped at once. He had a feeling that his question would be answered with something he didn't want to hear. This was one of the reasons he didn't like having feelings for people. Most of the time, it always ended in someone getting hurt.
"I'm sorry, Anakin." She dropped his hand and looked away from him. "I've come to realize that I'm a fighter myself. As much as I'd love for us to be together, I'd just be kerosene to your flame because you and I are one in the same. It hurts me to say this, but even though we have these feelings, we should just let them subdue."
. . .
It had been a year since the awkward conversation between Ahsoka and Anakin took place. They were close, but not as close as they would have been, had they forgotten about all precautions and gotten together. The news spread through the entire neighborhood and everyone was disappointed; they had all expected them to get together at a point in time. Ahsoka felt that she couldn't walk anywhere without feeling that everyone's eyes were on her, whispering about how she had virtually turned down one of the most handsome and popular men.
She stood at her bedroom window. It was ten in the evening, and she couldn't sleep. Wrapping her robe tighter around her frame, she walked out onto the balcony connected to her room. The moon shone brightly in the night sky and the stars started to twinkle slightly. No matter how tight she wrapped her robe, she still felt cold, both inside and out. A shiver haunted her and goose bumps appeared on her arms.
Just as she was about to enter her room, she caught the unmistakable body of a blackbird soaring in the sky, and her breath hitched. The blackbird was surely Anakin's symbol; maybe it meant that he said goodnight. How did he know that she couldn't sleep? Even though they weren't too close, there was this unsettling feeling that he could see over her. It calmed her, and, suddenly, she wasn't alone anymore.
.
"Do you believe in parallel universes?" she asked, and it was déjà vu. They still sat in the dining room; once again, it was after an awkward dinner and they sat opposite each other. This time, neither of them faced each other – Anakin was no longer staring at Ahsoka's back.
"The last time you asked me that," he began in a sullen tone, "I basically got my heart broken. Why are you asking me this now?"
"I'm sorry," she said, defending herself. It didn't matter what she said – she knew that what he said was true. It wasn't intended to make him feel bad, but she had noticed that ever since that night, he hadn't been the same. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. To be fair, Anakin, I also had my heart broken that night. It wasn't easy for me either."
He shook his head, then remembered that she couldn't see him. Tired of what was going on, he scraped his chair back and stood up. He still had feelings for her. If anything, they had grown stronger. He was almost positive that it was love, but he didn't exactly know how to tell her.
Walking over to where she sat, he took her hand and looked into her eyes. Her mind told her to look away, but her heart was already dead set on meeting his eyes. "You're never alone," he whispered. "I sent that blackbird, Ahsoka. I just want you to know that if you ever need me, there is only one thing you have to do. I'll pass by your room every night. If you ever need me, light a candle and turn off the lights. I'll be there."
Her eyes glistened with tears. No one ever had said anything even remotely close to what he said. "Thank you," she whispered back, the tears not attempting to hide themselves. "Thank you for everything."
'So, when I need you, can I send you a sign?
I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights.'
- P!nk
hope you liked it :) this was basically a good-bye one shot, since i won't be on for too long. i've always loved ahsoka and anakin together, so i enjoyed typing this. feel free to point out any mistakes :P lates.
ox,
aly
