Not sure how necessary this is... but it is my favorite fandom crossed with well... my new favorite fandom.


The entire gang was waiting for them when they finally rolled into the library. "What's the what, Red?" Faith asked, slinging her leg over the arm of the couch in the study.

Buffy suppressed the eyeroll she could always feel coming when Faith put her feet on some piece of furniture. "Yeah. Super important meeting? At eight o'clock in the freakin morning?" She couldn't however suppress the yawn.

It was already nine. The rest of the Scoobies had already congregated. The meeting had actually been called at nine but there was no point in belaboring that point. Faith would be late. So would Buffy. So they just told them it was at eight and showed up an hour later. It made more sense.

Willow was holding a book. She closed it and walked over to where they were sitting. "Mircalla Karnstein," she started. "Heard of her?"

"Nope," Buffy shook her head. "I have heard of coffee though. Andy?"

"At your service," he smiled, handing her a cup.

Faith groaned. "That's disturbing." She turned back to Willow," And yes, Mircalla Karnstein daughter of one Count Karnstein of Styria, a duchy of Austria. Born 1680. Turned 1698. Killed almost as many slayers as William the Bloody. Was known for her alluring looks and had a special liking for young girls. Cut a pretty destructive path across Europe for a couple of centuries and then boom- dropped off the face of the earth, presumed dead, around the end of the nineteenth century." Faith took a drink of coffee. "Also was supposed to be like able to turn into some giant black cat or something."

Buffy eyed her incredulously. "Uhh…"

Faith shrugged. "Slayer handbook."

"Seriously?" Buffy turned to Giles. "I mean really… how is it that everyone but me was…"

Giles held up his hand to stop her. "Yes, yes. You were never properly trained. We know. However, there are more pressing matters at the moment." He nodded at Willow to continue.

"So, a couple of months ago there was a big ole demony uprising at Silas University… in Canada, anyway… pretty sure it was a hellmouth and I'm more than sure that a cult of really old vampires were sacrificing young girls to it." She sat down and opened a webpage before turning the computer towards the rest of them. "This girl here – Laura Hollis, she documented the whole thing. Apparently it started out as some journalism project or whatever when her roommate went missing." She noticed both women yawning and trying to talk to each other with that stupid slayer eye contact they used. She hurried to finish before she lost them. "Anyhoo, the first few videos were all about Laura's new roommate, Carmilla. And how they hated each other… yada yada yada. Long story short, Carmilla is a vampire. Somehow these college students were able to trap her and tie her up and she pretty much confessed everything."

Willow pressed play on the video and the gang scrambled to get a closer look. Once the video was over, she pushed pause.

Faith shuddered slightly. "You think that's the same chick?" she asked. "Cause I don't remember a lot about old vampires or whatever, but seriously… they've got her tied up with a few pieces of garlic and some rope. It sounds like she's just been reading the same damn books I read."

Buffy nodded. "Also her name is Carmilla."

Faith sighed. "Okay, well… I'll explain that one to her later," she told the group since they were probably thinking the same thing she was. "But I'm just saying… I ain't so sure someone that easily caught is a scary old vamp from the late seventeenth century."

Buffy stuck her tongue out at her fellow slayer. "As much as I hate to admit it, Faith's right. Xander could get out of those bonds."

"Offended," Xander piped up.

Buffy shrugged. "I'm just saying…"

Willow opened another video. "I took the liberty of cutting some footage together."

What played was a fast, violent, strong vampire.

"Editing?" Dawn tried when it was over. "I mean I can make anyone look fast and strong if you gave me thirty minutes and iMovie."

Giles took off his glasses. "Regardless, something did go down at the university. A place, in and of itself, quite familiar with the occult. However, what you haven't seen is the end…"

Willow pushed play before he could finish.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, Right, Well, uh...not the kissing, Willow."

She smiled shyly. "Oh, sorry. I thought you'd want to see how…"

"I mean what happened…"

He missed Faith roll her eyes at Buffy and Buffy giggle back because he was too busy cleaning his glasses, which for obvious reasons were incredibly dirty.

They watched the recap of the battle. The "resurrection" of the fearless, apparently semi-moral vampire, and the final clip questioning how smart it was to feed a centuries old vampire to whatever the hell was in the bottom of that pit at Silas.

He nodded. "Since this aired, the demonic activity has certainly picked up in the area."

"So where's the chick?" Kennedy asked. "The one that posted the video? Or the wussiest vampire on the planet? Either one?"

Buffy chuckled even as Faith interrupted.

"Changed my mind. She's a vamp," Faith volunteered.

"Changed your mind? Seriously? Just because she has questionable fashion choices," Buffy started, shaking her head… "Actually, if we went on fashion alone, than you're a vampire."

"And if we went on ditzy, blond, airheadness – that other chick is a slayer…" Faith rolled her eyes. "She's a vamp. She was just trying to get in the bubbly girl's panties…"

The rest of them looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Seriously? This Karnstein chick was supposed to be some sort of seductress. I remember her because – hello – lesbian vampire…" She trailed off when the others just kept staring. "Okay, whatever. Is there a point to this meeting? If I wanted to watch lesbians on the Internet, I could probably find something a little more…"

"What Faith is trying to say," Buffy cut her of, "is why are we here?"

"We need you to speak to them." Giles answered. "Actually, both of you," he motioned between the two oldest slayers. "We were prepared to send you to the university but we weren't sure what your cover would be. Obviously you're too old to be students…"

"What the hell, Giles?" Buffy squeaked, interrupting. "Too old. I don't look older than…" She chanced a look at Faith. "And neither does Faith. We are not too old for…"

Willow broke in. "Of course you're not… And you don't need a cover anyway because…"

Faith cleared her throat and interrupted this time. "So then what? B and I just show up and say hey lame vampire girl, we have to stake you now. Sorry bout that but your honey was a dumbass and put that shit on the web. Had to have seen this coming, really. Hope the pillow princess was worth it." She winked at Buffy.

"If you'd just…" Giles tried to interrupt.

"How about we just tie her up with our shoelaces and put her in the basement? Maybe we could stop by the grocery and grab a few cloves and duct tape." Buffy added. "Or we could just send Andrew and Xander because they could probably take her."

"Still offended," Xander grumbled around a muffin.

"Ditto." Andrew added.

"You aren't listening…" Willow tried again.

Faith shrugged, cutting her off. "Hey, B. It is a free vacation. I mean it's Canada, so like there's not shit there or anything, but it beats the fuck outta Scotland."

"Oh!" Buffy squealed. "Maybe we could take a detour. Like through Hawaii. Or Morocco."

Faith rolled her eyes. "I find it disturbing that I attended school way less than you and yet still managed to form a working knowledge of world geography. Remind me to show you where Morocco is when we get finished in here. Cause they ain't even…"

"Enough!" Giles leaned forward. "Will the two of you stop being insolent for five seconds and listen to us?"

They both turned towards their semi-retired watcher. Buffy put her best contrite face forward. Faith at least tried to fake it.

"Yes," the answered in unison.

"They are here," Willow filled in. "In the next room. The girls. And a few others."

"You fucking let a vamp in the castle?" Faith asked. She visibly bristled before shaking it off and turning to her fellow slayer. "Why do we even bother?" She asked Buffy.

"Good question," Buffy answered. "Is she a vampire?"

Willow nodded. "As far as we can tell. They asked to speak to you specifically. It's almost like they knew they were on our radar. Anyway, they got here this morning. Which is why we called a meeting. And why the two of you had to get up so early."

Dawn and Kennedy started giggling.

"Bite me," Faith growled. "Could we've maybe just skipped this merry little meeting and…" She shook her head. "You know what, fuck it. Come on, B. Let's go see what Teen Scream and her merry band of sorority sisters want so I can go back to bed."

Buffy shrugged. "Sounds good to me," she smiled, following her out.


"Did you see all those books in the library?" LaFontaine asked. "Hundreds. Thousands. I swear they had titles like the Demonic Ecriptium. What does that even mean? Is it even more scary that I've already seen that book in our own library?"

Laura nodded. "I think our library would be impressed with their library. Like if they were sentient beings and could communicate. I wonder if theirs will suck us into a watery grave or a flaming vortex?"

"How long does it take for jetlag to disappear? I'm unnaturally tired. And these scones are horrible. Aren't scones supposed to be better in Great Britain?" Perry interjected. "You'd think they'd be more hospitable. At least give us a place to rest and shower. It's almost like they left their manners on the other continent."

"I cannot believe I choose to come on this stupid trip," Danny interjected.

Carmilla was silent. Nervous. She'd overheard the conversation in the other room. Vampire hearing - sometimes it was necessary. And sometimes it was a curse. She was sort of still seething about the lame comment. Also the giant Amazon tagging along. But that was a different story. At least the others would be safe here. Herself – well that remained to be seen.

Before Laura could eat her third horrible scone, the door to the study opened and in walked the two… well, by Laura's estimation sort of disappointing slayers. One of them was as tiny as her. And the other one… well, she figured her girlfriend wasn't the only broody woman on the planet.

The little one, who was still in pajama pants, with what looked like pieces of sushi on them for whatever reason, and a tiny tank top, spoke first. "So, I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer." She looked at Faith and shrugged. "Basically we're…"

LaFontaine nodded, even as they were interrupting. "We know. One girl in all the world. But you died. And then Kendra was called. And then Kendra died, and Faith was called," they nodded to the dark slayer. "And then giant snake, stabbing, prison, more death, first evil, lots of slayers, giant hole in California, school in Scotland, and here we are."

Buffy pouted and crossed her arms.

Faith, the other slayer, who was also still in maybe pajamas or maybe just had thrown whatever the hell she found on the floor on this morning – which looked like boxers and a tank – mouthed impressive. She put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Sorry, babe. I know you like to do the spiel. I can make them shut up and you can come back in here if you want?"

Buffy scowled, but shook her head. "Well it's ruined now."

"You can tell me later," she whispered in her ear. "You know I love it when you…"

"Excuse me," the only real threat in the room, if she could be called that, interrupted. "Could we maybe get to the point?"

Buffy ignored her and turned to Faith. "Definitely vamp," she mouthed.

Faith nodded back.

"Yes," Carmilla added. "Thank you. I am a vampire. Now that we've established that, if you would just…"

"We would just what?" Faith asked. "Refrain from turning you to a pile of dust? Cause that's where I think this is probably gonna go, if you get me…"

"No!" Laura squealed, jumping in front of her.

Faith raised her eyebrow at that, catching the vamp's glare.

Carmilla sighed, and moved Laura to the side. "I hoped that you would understand my coming here of my own freewill means that I have information and that we need help. I don't imagine that many vampires cross your threshold."

Buffy watched her carefully. "Not many that can stand in sunlight. How do you do that?"

Carmilla, who was standing by the window, opened the curtains more fully and stood directly in the light. "I'm not your average vampire."

"No shit, hot stuff." Faith interjected. "You spent nine days tied up with some rope and a few pieces of garlic. You're like the worst vampire ever. Unless, like I was saying you only did that to…"

"Regardless," Carmilla started. "We sort of got off on the wrong foot here. My name is Carmilla Karnstein."

Buffy sidled closer to her. "I've honestly never seen a vampire walk in sunlight. Can you do other tricks?" She put her hand on Carmilla's arm.

Carmilla quirked her eyebrow at the tiny slayer. "I've got a few up my sleeve but I'm betting the angstier half of this little equation would be offended if I showed you."

"No shit, you vapid..." Faith muttered under her breath, even as she pulled Buffy closer to her. "Stay here, B. Jesus. What is it with you and broody, poser vampires. Give a chick a break."

"Sorry," Buffy mouthed.

"She's not the only one," Laura huffed, crossing her own tiny arms.

It snapped Carmilla out of whatever she was thinking. "Of course not, cupcake." She kissed her on the cheek.

"Again," Danny started. "Why am I here?"

"Is there someplace they," Carmilla motioned to the other girls with them, "could go? This is sort of a long story and they've heard it enough. There's nothing supernatural about them. Well except that one – I'm pretty sure she was raised by a tribe of ginger warrior women."

Before Faith could comment, Buffy walked over to the door and yelled "Will!"

Everyone else winced.

"B, we have an intercom." Faith tried, apologizing with her eyes to the others.

She shrugged. "It's faster."

Willow and Xander came running in. "You rang?"

"Can you take our guests to their rooms or whatever? Maybe get them some real food? Show them around? Do whatever it is you do when we have guests and stuff?" Buffy asked, giving her best I know you love me, because I'm Buffy smile.

Faith shrugged when Willow caught her eye, as if to say, she's as much yours as mine.

"Sure, sure," Willow smiled. "Just follow me. We can show you your rooms and then we have all sorts of things that you would probably be interested…"

Faith shut the door. If this all went to shit, she liked the odds now. Her and B against the pussy-whipped vamp and her tiny plaything. Should be easy enough. "Okay what's the sitch?"

Carmilla eyed her closely. She was rocking back and forth. Obviously itching for a fight. She sighed, even if it was only for show. She turned to the sunnier one.

She recounted, with Laura's help, what had exactly occurred at Silas. She went through every detail, what they could see on the web, and what they didn't show. She explained how her "mother" was thrown into the pit… into the light. And now. They listened to the two of them until they were finished.

"So you need us to vanquish this…Lollipop-y thing?" Buffy asked.

"Lophiiformes," Carmilla corrected.

Buffy scrunched up her nose. "Right. We need to destroy that. So we'll just let Willow get with the research and figure out how to send it back to the fiery pits of hell or whatever, and Faith and I can go back to bed."

Faith smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me."

Carmilla shook her head. "No. You can't destroy it. Not now. It's…" She put her hand on Laura's knee.

Faith noticed that the girl had been quiet, which she was guessing was a bit uncharacteristic based on the little she'd seen of her videos. That and the fact this Carmilla chick was seemingly comforting her, and… "What aren't you telling us?"

"We needed the others to leave," Laura said quietly. She made eye contact with Buffy because she was less scary.

This peaked Faith's interest. "So there's more. Right. There's always more, isn't there? And what don't they know?"

Neither girl spoke. Carmilla zeroed her gaze onto Buffy's stomach. Buffy caught her looking and put her hand over it. Protectively. "Fuck," Carm muttered.

"What?" Faith jumped up. She'd noticed her staring.

"Two Months?" Laura asked Buffy.

Buffy nodded.

"Guess we're not the only ones with a secret," Carmilla smirked at Faith.

"Fuck," Faith echoed, sitting down.

"Where were you two months ago?" Faith asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Fighting the Lophiiformes." Carmilla answered. "You?"

"Stopping a blood sacrifice of five virgins in Rome," Faith groaned. "At something called the fucking 'Winter Festival.' Like there was gonna be snow and bunnies and shit. The fact that it was May should've maybe clued us in that it wasn't..." She shook her head. "Basically a bunch of goddamn undead vampires and…" She stopped and glanced to Buffy. "Guess we should've figured that out a little sooner, huh?"

Buffy was busy staring at the young girl, much younger than her, in front of her. She frowned slightly. "We haven't told the others yet. Mostly because we don't think they'd believe us. I wasn't sure Faith would believe me. But… we were sort of, well… out of commission for about two weeks after the fact. She didn't really have a choice because she knew no one else was…" She shook her head.

"Same," Laura added. "Pretty much anyway."

Carmilla frowned. "She was so sick. I couldn't figure out what it was. But then one day, after listening to her throw up for the fifth time in one hour, I realized she hadn't had her menstrual cycle. I went to the pharmacy arguing with myself the whole way, but… yeah… so…"

"Fuck," Faith muttered again.

Buffy patted her on the knee. "Okay, so what do we know? Two pretty much identical vanquishings. Both resulted in strong vampire women falling in a giant hole. And voila. Two pregnant women who just happened to be there." She turned to Carmilla. "Are you pregnant? I know it's rare but I have heard of one vampire giving birth. Actually I think she was human when she conceived, but I don't…"

Faith shook her head. "Long story." She turned to the vampire. "I'm assuming that's a no."

Carmilla shook her head. "You?"

"Missing the right equipment." She rubbed the scar over her stomach lightly. She jerked when she saw Buffy wince. "Another long story," she sighed again. "Look, all we have gathered is that the theater where we fought those vamps in Rome was built over the temple for a Roman goddess – Bona Dea."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow at this. "She was a secret goddess, right? Of fertility?"

Faith nodded. "Give me five minutes," she said, jumping up.


She was back in two.

"Basically this is all we have," Faith said, handing the papers to the vampire. "We've had to old school research it because we didn't want anyone to know. We weren't sure what we were dealing with but, we knew we needed to be certain before we told anyone else."

The Bona Dea is a very ancient and holy Roman Goddess of Women and Healing, who was worshipped exclusively by women. Her true name is sometimes said to be Fauna, which means "She Who Wishes Well." Fauna was considered Her secret name, not to be spoken-especially by men-so She is usually referred to by the name the women called Her: Bona Dea, or the "Good Goddess".

The Bona Dea is an Earth Goddess who protects women through all their changes, and is believed to watch over virgins and matrons especially. She is skilled in healing and herb-lore, and snakes and blood are sacred to Her. She blessed women and the earth with fertility, while at the same time, in a seeming paradox, She was considered by the Romans to be a pure virgin, chaste and inviolate.

She was purely concerned with women; and that this focus, which by its nature includes female sexuality and childbearing concerns, Underworld connections, healing, divination, and other typically chthonic attributes of the dark Earth Goddesses, was so sacred and so exclusive that that purity of purpose, and the sanctity and respect it commanded, was symbolized by making Her virgin, much like Artemis. Her relationship to Artemis remains unclear, though it has been speculated that both, together, formed a Sappic bond that no man could break.

The Bona Dea had a festival on the first of May that commemorated the date Her temple was founded; at the ceremony prayers were made to Her to avert earthquakes. She also had a secret festival, attended only by women, that took place over the night of the 3rd and 4th of May. It was held during the Faunalia, and was referred to as the sacra opertum, ("the secret or hidden sacrifice"): at this ritual sacrifices were made for the benefit of all the people of Rome, something proper to the realm of a Mother or Earth Goddess who is concerned with the well-being of all of Her children.

Her association with Artemis, and the preservation of femininity has left many skeptical to her role in conception of the female child. At any rate it was the divine female life-force within the Earth and within Woman that is worshipped.


"Shit," Carmilla muttered, as she finished reading. "You do realize that Artemis is also a goddess of…" she closed her eyes. "And our battle was..."

"The third of May," Buffy whispered. "Ours too. Why did you come here?" She asked them. "I mean why search us out?"

Laura smiled softly. "I had a dream about you," she turned to Buffy. "You specifically. When I described you to Carm, she said you were the slayer. And that we probably needed to find you."

Faith raised an eyebrow at that.

Carmilla shrugged. "She's famous."

Faith shrugged back. "Yeah…" She turned to Buffy. "Have you had any dreams? Of them?"

Buffy shook her head slowly, even as she was realizing… "Not specifically. I mean I've dreamt about…" she shuddered. They watched her expectantly. "Just the baby. Or actually… babies… that makes sense now." She exhaled. "A lot of sense. I was worried I was having twins. I'm not." She turned to Laura. "How old are you?"

"Twenty," Laura sighed. "Just turned." She hopped up suddenly. "Holy crap. I'm twenty. I cannot have a baby. No one has a baby at twenty. My dad is gonna kill me." Her breathing became labored. "I don't know anything about babies. They sleep and eat. And poop. And cry. Oh god they cry. Why would someone give me a baby? I can't even…"

Carmilla rose up quickly and ran to her. "Shhh, cupcake. Just breathe. It's gonna be okay. Deep breaths." She rubbed her hand up and down her back. "This happens about every three hours," she said over Laura's head. "I feel unrealistically guilty."

Buffy smiled softly.

Faith nodded. "B does it too. Not the holy crap I'm twenty, cause she wishes…" She dodged the book Buffy threw at her head. "But the holy crap I'm pregnant with a mystical love child bullshit – at least ten times a day."

"They have to have a purpose," Carmilla stated, leading Laura back to her chair. "I mean, the babies… there has to be a reason. We went to the doctor. All's well and it's just…"

"A normal pregnancy. Yeah," Faith finished. "Us too." She sighed heavily. "I know you don't want to hear this, but…" She crouched down in front of Buffy. "We're gonna have to tell the others."

Buffy shook her head. "No! They may want to experiment or hurt her… Cause it's a girl. I know she is."

Faith nodded, seemingly having heard this before. "I'm aware." She rubbed her knees. "I'm not gonna let them touch you or the baby, B. As far as I'm concerned she's mine. Until someone tells me differently, I'll protect her like she is. Even if someone tells me differently… she's yours and I will always…" She closed her eyes. "We have to tell them." She made eye contact with Carmilla.

"I agree," Carm said softly. She took Laura's hand. "I know you're scared but we can't figure this out on our own. We need help. Nothing is going to hurt you. I promise."

Laura frowned at her. "And the baby? What about her?"

Carmilla sighed. "I would never hurt either of you. You know that."

Laura side-eyed her. "What if she's not yours? What if she's some rando frat boy's that happened to be standing near me when your mother died?"

Carmilla bristled. "Well, biologically speaking… the chances of her actually being my offspring are sort of…"

Laura sprang up. "Whoa. Do not finish that sentence. I mean it. I don't know who you'd think she belongs to, if not you? I didn't notice anyone else in the room with us those two weeks. I mean LaF stopped by a few times… but they don't really have that kind of equipment either. So..." She crossed her arms, and stuck out her bottom lip. Faith was duly impressed by the B level pouting the munchkin had going on. "Don't even finish that sentence. I mean it. It's going to suck a lot for you if you do."

Carmilla pulled her to her. "I know, sweetie. You're right. I was just being silly. And anyway, it doesn't matter who she biologically belongs to – she's mine. I promise I'll take care of you both."

Laura huffed, but relented. "I'm hungry."

Buffy nodded. "Oh! Me too. We've got Andrew. He cooks! A lot. He'll make whatever you want." She turned to Faith. "Can we wait on telling everyone until after breakfast?"

It amused Faith how short B's attention span could be. At least now she had a partner in crime. She smiled at her. "Sure." She motioned to the door with her head. "Why don't you guys…"

Before she was finished, Buffy had pulled the younger girl into the hallway squealing something about chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate sauce.

"So now that they're gone…" Carmilla started.

"Yep," Faith finished. "Guess we need to talk." She shut the door behind the two girls. "Long time no see, Karnstein." She whispered, even though everyone else was out of earshot. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, mirroring Faith's gaze and posture. "You've grown up," She started.

"You haven't," Faith finished, raising up and locking the door behind her.