Authors note: just saw a performance of The Rocky Horror Show at a playhouse in santa ana. Really great cast, especially the guy who played Frank. The guy who played the Criminologist was really funny as well. When the audience did all the callbacks, sometimes the actors would interact back, making a really great show.

Anyway, on with "A Bigger Nightmare beyond Any Measure." Let there be lips...

Months into the pregnacy of Magenta and Columbia...

"Hurry up Riff!" Magenta yelled.

"Yeah! Hurry up GOD DAMMIT!" screamed Columbia.

"I got it I got it!" Riff Raff said opening the containers of raw meat he bought from the super market. Columbia and Magenta Immidiently dug in with their bare hands, and stuffed their faces. Riff Raff had to admit it was a little revolting, yet arousing. They soon quickly finished.

"Chicken!"

"Yeah Riff Raff hurry up with the GOD DAMN CHICKEN!"

Riff Raff unwrapped the raw chicken and placed it on the table. The two women ripped apart, and quickly devoured it until only bone was left.

"Are you two full?"

"NO!"

A couple more months later came the sadness and depression phase.

Columbia and Magenta were crying together in the Zen room, sitting on a couch. Magenta was wearing her evening wear, and Columbia was just in a bra and her coat. There bellies were a bit bigger, and Columbia couldn't fit into her top.

"WAAAHH! RIFF THINKS I'M UGLY!"

"WAAAHHH! I CAN'T FIT INTO MY FAVORITE TOP!"

Riff Raff walked into the room.

"Ugh! There you are Magenta!" Riff Raff said.

"SEE? HE HATES MEEEEEE!"

"Magenta, ugh...no I don't hate you."

"YES YOU DOOOOO!"

"No, come on now let's go to bed."

"SEE HOW HE ORDERS ME AROUND?"

"Let's go."

"Fiiiine."

Magenta got up and left the room. Before he left, Riff Raff turned.

"And what are you so unhappy about?"

"I'M FAT AND EDDIE DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME AND I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP WITHOUT SOMEONE OR I GET SCARED!"

Riff Raff sighed.

Moments later...

Riff Raff was laying on his back in the middle of his bed, eyes open. Columbia and Magenta were cuddling him, making whimpering and crying noises.

"Atchoo." Riff Raff sneezed.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Damn it."

A couple of more months later came the "Sick" phase.

One night...

Riff Raff walked in with a tray with two bottles of soup. Columbia and Magenta were both in their beds, snot running down their faces. They looked so pale, and weak.

"I got your soup." Riff Raff said putting each bowl on their laps. "I put some raw beef in there too."

"Thanks Riff." Magenta said taking a sip. She instantly dropped the spoon and covered her mouth, grabbed a nearby bucket, and puked.

"Here Riff."

Riff Raff sighed and took the bucket, and gave it to the dogs to eat. He then went back up to his room and went under the covers.

"Boy, what a night."

"You said it."

"GAH!" Riff Raff said looking at his side. "YOU?"

"Yeah I'm afraid so." Eddie said. "You're the cleanest guy here. I don't want to catch Collie's...sickness."

"Just get out here! Go sleep on the couch!"

"Fine..." Eddie said getting up and leaving the room.

A few more months later...

"You're lucky I had to reroute the shipment of the dead guy from the Denton research center to the Castle." Riff Raff said watching the two ladies feast upon the corpse.

Riff Raff left them be, and sat on the couch in the TV room to read the paper. A few minutes later, Columbia and Magenta walked up to him. Riff Raff put his paper down.

"What now?"

"Our water just broke."

"Oh Shit."

Riff Raff was driving the truck with Magenta in the front and Columbia in the back as fast as he could. Frank and Eddie weren't at the castle to help.

"Riff, hurry!"

"I'm driving as fast as I can darling!"

He soon reached Denton McKinley hospital. He stopped the truck, and helped the two women out of the truck as doctors helped them out and escorted them to a room. Riff Raff walked inside to the front desk. Sitting there was a lady with short, red curly hair and wearing a doctor's uniform.

"Hello Mr. Raff. I am Dr. Nation. My brother and a nurse is assisting your wives."

"Ha ha, no, only one is my wife, Magenta."

"And the other one?"

"The other one is a mistake."

"Okay, so one birth, one abortion."

"NO! No no no, we'll deliver the other baby."

"Okay. Just sign these papers."

"What are these for?"

"They give us power over an attorney."

"What?"

"Just sign."

Riff Raff signed the paper.

"And the birth certificates."

Riff Raff signed them both.

"Exellent. Would you like to be with them in time for the birth?"

"Of course!"

Riff Raff was brought to the room. The two women were being assisted by a nurse. The doctor walked up to Riff Raff.

"Oh and you must be the father!"

"Hey I know you! You own McKinley motel!"

"Ha ha ha, why yes, that was a while ago. Now I am a doctor. Oh, this is Nurse Ansalong, she will be assisting your women when they go into labor. Right now the both of them are on the medication they are signed up for, but very soon they will start their labor."

"Hi!" Nurse Ansalong greeted cheerfully. "Oh you're right Columbia, he is sexy!"

Riff Raff rolled his eyes and looked at Columbia, who started to giggle.

"Oh!" Magenta shouted.

"Ulp!" Columbia yelped.

"Oh they are going into labor."

Cosmo and Ansalong assisted the two.

"Push push push!" they both said. Magenta and Columbia kept breathing heavy, and pushing, until both Ansalong and Cosmo delivered the babies. Riff Raff went over to Magenta's baby.

"Oh...my son."

"Do you want to cut the cord?"

"Yes."

Riff Raff cut it, then held his son.

"Hi there Richy. I'm your father."

Riff Raff handed the baby to Cosmo, then went over to Columbia.

"What's her name?" Riff Raff asked Columbia.

"Nellie. Little Nellie."

Riff Raff cut the cord.

"She's beautiful."

"Yes."

He handed the newborn to Columbia, and went back to Magenta. He took her by the hand.

"Oh my most beautiful sister. We are now a family!"

Columbia looked over at their tender moment in envy. And secretly wished she could have a moment like that with him. Eddie was loving, but never as compassionate as Riff Raff.

Soon Frank and Eddie came in, both eating ice cream.

"Ohhh how darling." Frank said.

Weeks later, soon enough the two women got their figures back.

Cribs were bought, and placed into Columbia and Magenta's room. The babies would cry every night. Magenta and Columbia would have to pick them up and hold them until they stopped.

the next morning, Riff Raff was reading the paper on the couch.

"Riff Raff."

Riff Raff put his paper down and looked. His two children were wearing corsets, and fishnet leggings were on their legs and attatched to their diapers. Magenta and Columbia were looking looking at Riff Raff, eager for his reaction.

"Well, aren't they adorable."

The thing about Transylvanians was that they grew up quickly, but aged slowly. A technique that Frank N Furter himself would use one day when he discovers how to creat life. A few weeks later they had the appearence and intelligence of 10 year olds.

Richy was kind of short with short blonde hair. He had Magenta's lips and eyes, but Riff Raff's nose and ears. His back wasn't completely hunched, but it had a very small hunch to it.

Little Nellie wasn't exactly little. She was kind of tall, and had long red hair the same color as Columbia's. She had Riff Raff's eyes and ears but Columbia's nose and lips.

Both children always wore corsets, leggings, and high heels. One day Riff Raff was watching the news when his children walked up to him.

"Daddy!" Nellie said.

"What is it darling?"

"Richy and I have been talking and we want to go to school!"

"School?"

Riff Raff had noticed how much time the two spent together. They were like best friends. Riff Raff and his wife were happy about this, because they hoped they would pair up like they did.

Columbia on the other hand wasn't exactly happy about this. She loved their clothing, but wasn't comfortable with the idea of them being in an incest relationship. She wanted to keep this a secret.

Eddie loved the kids as more of an uncle. He never wanted to be a father. He didn't like the idea of having tons of responsibilities, but he loved to play with the kids when he could.

Frank kind of liked the kids as well, and loved to dress them up in little outfits or play with them in the pool. However he hated it when they would sneek and play in his lab. Everytime he caught them there, Riff Raff would have to pay the price in the form of a whipping.

So they wanted to go to school. Around the age they looked they would be in 5th grade.

"I don't know. Earthlings are not the brightest bunch. You would laugh at what they say is true."

"But daddyo, we want to go to school!" said Richy.

"You two are very mature for your age, or at least that is what earthlings would say."

Magenta walked into the room.

"Riff, let them go. They just want to mingle."

"Well, alright. I'll sign you two up so you can start going tommorow."

"Yaaaay!"

The next morning Magenta and Columbia were getting their children ready for their first day while Riff Raff was preparing lunches for them. They came down stairs with their backpacks and Riff Raff handed them their lunches. The bus pulled up to the castle, and they went outside, not before Magenta and Columbia gave them both kisses good bye. They went on the bus and they watched it leave.

"Genta, do they have the same class?"

"Yes."

"Why..."

"Why not?"

"Genta...this may sound crazy, but...are you trying to pair them up?"

"So what is I am?"

"It's...gross. I don't want my daughter doing it."

"What? You think incest is gross?"

"Well...just a little. I mean I don't mind you and Riff Raff. You two were made for each other. But as for my daughter...I just think it will be very weird for her to date her half brother."

Magenta crossed her arms.

"Well I think her father will agree with me on this one."

"I may not be able to stop them from falling in love...or could I..."

"Collie, if they fall in love, let them. It's their choice. I am just seeing if they will make that particular choice given the help me and Riff give them."

"Whatever."

"Besides, it's not like you are going to stop loving her if they get together."

"No..."

"Well alright then."

Later in the noon, the phone rang at the Castle. Riff Raff answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi this is the principal of Denton elementary. I am going to need you and your wife to come here immidiently."

"Why? What happened? What did those earthl...I mean children do to my son and daughter?"

"Calm down, and just drive to the school. I will explain everything."

"Okay thank you. Goodbuy." Riff said hanging up. "Genta! Columbia! We need to drive to the school NOW!"

Riff Raff quickly drove the truck to the school with Columbia and Magenta. They hurried into the office.

"Ah you must be their father. The principal is expecting you."

The three of them went into the office. Richy and Nellie were sitting in chairs.

"Hello Mr. Raff. Magenta, and..."

"Columbia."

"Who is she?"

"She's the mother of Nellie."

"She's your wife?"

"No, Magenta is. She is the mother of Richy."

"Okay, and you are the father of both?"

"Yes. Enough, now tell me what happened."

"Well first I must ask why you insist dressing up your children in such revealing clothing for their age."

Riff Raff looked angered and stood up, but Magenta put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"What they are wearing is the cultural clothing of their roots."

"Where exactly are they from?"

"Transylvania."

"Uh, heh heh, I don't think they where that there."

"Shows what you know. How dare you judge us."

"It's not just that. For one, your son flirted with every girl and boy he laid eyes on!"

"Aww." Riff Raff said proud of his son. Magenta looked at her husband with an annoyed look. She then made a disappointed look at her son. Richy looked away upset.

"Richy that is no way to behave on your first day out." Magenta said.

"And he got into a fight. *sigh* he won."

"That's my boy!"

"Riff!"

"And that's not all. Your daughter had an attitude in class when she called the teacher "A stupid bitch."

"Nellie, is that true?" Columbia asked disappointed.

"Maybe. It was only because she claimed I looked like a slut. I couldn't just let her get away with that!"

"Well...you shouldn't have said that anyway."

"And she too sexually harrassed the boys and girls."

"Nellie..."

"I was just having fun."

"
Now Columbia, I think it is okay they explore their body functions."

"Well, I think it is a little wrong..."

"I don't know where you people are from, but I can't allow nonsense like this at my school."

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." Riff Raff sang beautifully.

"That as it may be I am banning them from my school."

The ride home was very quiet. Both Richy and Nellie looked sad.

"Don't worry kids. You never needed to go to that stupid place anyway. How about we all go out for ice cream!"

"YAAAAYY!" The kids, and Columbia exclaimed.

"What about their education?" Asked Magenta.

"When they look old enough, I will sign them up for Denton High School."

"I hope that turns out better than this did."

Meanwhile, in a certain studio, a certain princess and a tv station owner were making a diabolical plan...