A/N – I wrote this forever ago and then forgot about it. I decided to post it because I like the way some of the paragraphs are written, and I'm about eighty percent more conceited than regular people. Plus, I've been so The Social Network-obsessed lately that frankly it's about time that I got my head into something else. Enjoy!

Angel blames himself, again.

He should have died Doyle's death for him; he knows this. But he can accept that and take it into himself and make it a part of his guilt. His guilt pushes him hard toward deliverance. It is a positive force.

The part he can't handle is that he has done so much damage over the past couple of centuries that it is hard to believe that his first true friend has been killed by coincidence. Doyle made him believe that he could exist in someone's company and be wholly content, in a way he never could be with Buffy because it was always too complicated.

And Doyle's voice reminded him of home.

But now Doyle is dead, and Angel knows that somehow, this is because he is not supposed to be happy. He is not supposed to have something that makes living mean more than just survival. He does not believe in God, but he believes in redemption and balance and he believes that the universe keeps track of his sins and knows that he has not paid enough of a price yet to be happy.

The good fight, yeah?

He thinks Doyle understood the concept better than he does. Doyle knew that you celebrate the small victories because there is never going to be a grand finale, not in this world. The fight always goes on. And Angel wonders if it will always trouble him that he never bothered to ask Doyle why he fought, and what it was that he had to atone for. Maybe it was the same reason why he drank so much, or why he was afraid of his demon side.

Whatever it was, Doyle had paid his price and won his happiness. And for that, Angel wants to believe in God, because he wants to believe in Heaven. He wants to believe that Doyle has gone home for a rest. He has to believe that, not just for Doyle's sake, but for his own. He has to believe that because someday, he wants to go home, too.