A/N **For those of you who didn't know, Sasuke-san and England-san (Hetalia Axis Powers!) have the same voice actor. I thought it'd be funny to take the situation from episode 26 of Hetalia and tweak it to fit Naruto-san and Sasuke-san. (Yes, the episode with Bugsby's chair. I'm only doing the scene where England-san gets drunk, though.) You do NOT have to have watched Hetalia for this to be funny though. (Though it may help considerably.) :3 **
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Setting: In the Naruto Shippuden Arc, some bar in Kanoha.
Situation: Naruto has just defeated Sasuke, and forced him to retire from the Snake/Hawk.
Sasuke's plan: Get Naruto stinking drunk and coax personal secrets out of him to spill to the entire village as revenge for ending Sasuke's villainous career.
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Naruto took a swig of sake, glancing down at the cup with a broad grin.
"Wow, you don't invite me out to drink often!"
**Never mind the fact that the last time they met, they were both underage**
Sasuke glanced at his friend, and, behind the kind smile on his face, was contentedly contemplating what sort of secrets he would be revealing to Kanoha the next day.
"It's fun to do this kind of thing sometimes."
**But, several hours later**
Sasuke was sprawled upon the table, a flush on his cheeks from an over dosage of alcohol. He traced a finger across the smooth wood, the tears almost visible in his eyes.
"Damn you, Orochimaru, for making me wear that gay outfit."
Naruto glanced down at him, holding back a sigh. He's drunk again? he thought to himself.
**Since when have you two drunk together before? Naughty, naughty Naruto and Sasuke**
"Damn you, Karin, for following me only because you wanted me as your sex toy."
Naruto stared. Well, this told him a lot about the friends Sasuke had been making since he left Kanoha. He swore never to let that raven-headed ninja out of his sight ever again.
"Damn you, Itachi, for making me hate you and then love you again after you died."
The bar manager bustled over, glancing towards Sasuke with a worried expression.
"Are you alright?"
Naruto grinned, "He always gets like this when he's drunk."
"DAMN IT!" Sasuke suddenly sprang up from the table. He turned toward Naruto, pounding himself on the chest, "You're one to talk when I'm the only reason you're a powerful ninja!"
Naruto leaned away, shocked, "You're talking about that again!?"
Sasuke laughed, the tears coming to his eyes, while pointing an accusing finger at the orange-clad ninja.
"And to think I took pity on you so long ago, when you were getting your ass handed to you by Haku!"
Naruto blinked, an exasperated expression on his face.
"I was an idiot to think that defeating Haku would make us good friends!" Sasuke continued ranting, pounding the table, "Uwaaaah~~! BAKA~BAKA~BAKA~! BAKA NARUTO~! Bakabakabakabakabakabaka…"
**The next day**
A lump was huddled in the corner of the Kanoha headquarters, covered in the black cloak of the Akatsuki. Upon closer inspection, it could be heard to be muttering.
"I want to die. I want to die!" It trembled viciously, "I'm going to quit drinking. I'm telling you, I quit!"
Naruto strode into the room, and after noticing it, pointed to it.
"What's that?"
Tsunade glances up from her desk.
"Sasuke."
