Waiting

Chapter One

She was asleep with her head on his shoulder and he couldn't stop watching her. The bruise on her jaw where the perp had punched her was becoming a blaze of color that resembled a Monet painting – all purples and blues. Marty Deeks realized that he was smiling. Not grinning like the Cheshire cat, not smirking like he'd pulled something off, not teasing in any way that might have been expected in these circumstances. He was simply smiling because he was happy.

Sitting at his desk in Ops, Marty had watched Kensi leave with the ice pack pressed against her face. Again with the "fine". He'd watched her all evening as they'd completed the necessary paper work. In truth, she probably was fine, or would be soon. Yes, her jaw hurt and yes, she really had misjudged King. But a very important part of their jobs was to improvise in difficult situations. That and working seamlessly with the other members of the team. Those were the factors that were make or break in this game. Today had been another day when the good guys won and the bonds between team members ended the day stronger than they began.

When he arrived at her door with a take out bag and a five pack of beer plus a smoothie, he was past the point of caring whether or not she would be glad to see him. He knew she wouldn't eat and combining that with taking anything for the pain was not a good idea. She'd been punched in the jaw, so it was a stretch to believe she might have suffered a concussion, but it was within the realm of possibility, so she shouldn't be left alone all night. Mostly, he just wanted to see her and know for certain that she was all right – but of course, he'd never admit that to her.

When he found her watching Top Model he was intrigued. Kensi tried so hard to appear tough at all times. Oh, and she was indeed tough. He knew that all too well. She'd bested him in the gym, at the shooting range, on motorcycles, tracking suspects and hotwiring cars. He'd also seen her wear an incredible, tight black dress with a hem that hinted at a view neither he nor the bad guys would ever forget. She'd run after suspects wearing stilettos and carried her gun somewhere he didn't let himself think about. She was an incredible agent who had been captured, blown up, punched and shot at more than once. At the end of the day she was still able to regret deeply that she couldn't tell a woman and her child they were safe from the threat that had forced them into hiding.

So, to find her watching a TV show that might be the most girly of all girly shows, made him feel all warm inside. As they watched, they'd laughed about the drama. She'd made comments about the challenge of the day and the awesome clothes. During the judging Kensi critiqued the outfits each girl wore and said "I told you so," more than once when Tyra agreed with her.

Near the end of the show, Deeks noticed that she was getting quiet and when he snuck a look at her he knew she was close to falling asleep. At that point he asked her to open him another beer and after taking a drink and setting it on the table, he was able to reposition himself just a little closer to her. He put his arm behind her on the back of the sofa and grinned to himself as he felt her relax against his side.

Now she was asleep and he wondered just what was going to happen next.

For a long time he just sat. He watched her sleep and cataloged in his mind the tiny sounds she made and the way her face looked. Once, she had furrowed her brow and pulled herself tightly against his shoulder. At her discomfort he reached up and gently stroked his fingers through her hair. It was not lost on him that this was one of his favorite fantasies about her that he had often thought would never happen. At his touch and quiet words of comfort, she relaxed and his heart melted just a little more. He smirked ruefully as he pondered just when he had fallen so completely under her spell.

When Deeks woke up several hours later, his hand hurt and his neck was stiff, but he didn't care. His movement woke the beautiful woman beside him. He was disappointed that he'd disturbed her but pleased that she didn't freak out and jerk away. Instead she turned her face toward him and met his eyes. After a look that spoke volumes, she smiled.

"Hey Kens." He knew the next few moments would shape the way this whole new dynamic would shake out. He had so much he wanted to tell her, but knew he needed to get there very carefully. "How's the face?"

She reached one arm up behind his head and stretched deeply.

"Feels like somebody punched me."

"Ha ha. Funny girl." The words were similar to the ones she often used on him.

They fell silent for a moment, and then both tried to talk at once.

"You first," Deeks said as he sent her a grin.

"No, you go ahead."

Pausing briefly, Marty decided he might as well get this over with. He sighed deeply and then began. "I'm going under cover for LAPD." He actually heard her gasp softly and the sound caused something inside his chest to tighten. "It's not a particularly dangerous case. I don't think I'll be gone more than a week or two. A month at the most."

Kensi had pulled herself away from his chest as he spoke and was fiercely focused on his face. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. He shook his head slightly and made himself go on.

"I don't feel good about leaving you right now. I know you think I worry too much, but this case was hard on you and I feel like I'm letting you down by going."
Taking another breath, he continued. "Somebody is using rich high school kids to steal top end cars and paying them with a new designer meth out of China. It's some really bad stuff that has been putting people in the hospital. It acts differently than regular meth – which is bad enough - and they don't seem to recover. I really need to get in there and stop the flow of this stuff before any more kids get permanently screwed up."

The last part of his speech came out of his mouth sounding like an apology or maybe a whimper.

Kensi was quiet for several minutes and Marty could feel tension in her body and the pounding of her heart against his chest.

As soon as his first sentence had reached her ears, Kensi felt her pulse pick up. She couldn't stop the pictures in her mind.

After his first case with NCIS, he had gone under cover. She remembered how she'd set his cup of coffee on his forehead and how he explained that he wouldn't be coming in for a while.

A while had almost turned into never. Kensi, Sam and Callen had come up with a desperate rescue plan that had nearly failed. Deeks had been beaten and in tough shape when they finally got him out. The whole experience spawned a rocky start to their partnership; it had taken a long time to smooth things out between them. And now that they were finally getting comfortable with each other he was going to leave her. Again.

Kensi worked on getting control. She actively slowed her breathing and tried to calm her runaway thoughts. To distract herself, she started to gently play with the face of Marty's extra large watch. She remembered when she had done the same thing while she waited for him to come out of surgery after being shot twice. The watch had been a connection to him then too, and she was calmer when she finally spoke.

"Did you ever think it was odd that you and I wear almost the same watch?" Kensi looked into his face while she spoke but her fingers continued to stoke the watch, occasionally brushing his wrist.

"Yeah. I always figured it was karma or something. Like we were meant to be together. Partners, I mean," he added with a quick grin. "You?"

"I thought about it a lot in the hospital when I wasn't sure you'd ever have my back again."

Deeks' hands started to move before he realized what he was going to do. First, he reached up and unbuckled his watch, sliding it off and holding it in his other hand. Then he looked at Kensi with an expression that was definitely asking a question. After a slight hesitation it dawned on her what he wanted her to do. She quickly slipped her own watch from her wrist and, with trembling fingers, slid it onto his and strapped it into place.

He repeated her actions placing his watch onto her arm. When he finished, he slid his thumbs over the watch face one more time and gave it a series of small taps.

They were both very quiet, lost in thought. They were getting better and better at just being. Being together, being there for each other and being honest.

Kensi's thoughts jumped from place to place. She knew Deeks excelled in under cover work and that LAPD's agreement with NCIS included his being available to work for them on certain cases. She knew he was a capable and well-trained agent. What she was feeling now had little to do with any of that. Leaning against his side, feeling warm and safe in his company, she had to admit that she didn't want him to go. Truth be told, she wanted him with her not just because the job was dangerous – their jobs were often dangerous. But when he was with her she felt more stable, more able. When he was with her she was just better.

"When do you leave?" Kensi's voice sounded hollow in the quiet of the room. Running her hands over his watch on her arm she forced herself to look up at him. He was watching her closely and when their eyes met he grinned.

"You're going to miss me aren't you? Oh, I know you'll never admit it – but I can tell." His words were intended to lighten the mood and give her a way to avoid saying anything that might make her uncomfortable. She reached up and smacked him gently on the chest.

"In your dreams. It'll be a vacation. No nonstop chatter. No whining over a hangnail. And nobody constantly asking me if I'm okay."

As the words left her lips Kensi wished she could reel them back. She was teasing and he knew it. They'd talked about her "I'm fine" automatic response to his frequent question. It had been a gentle turning point for them and now she had screwed it up.

"Deeks." She paused before she could continue.

"I didn't mean it. You know that. You know I hate it when you worry about me. But I guess I could admit that it's nice knowing I matter to you. Knowing you're watching out for me." After a long pause she continued, "I think you must have put truth serum in this smoothie. I'm only going to tell you this once so don't get used to it. I wish you didn't have to go. Okay? But I know you do. So, you need to promise me," she took a slightly ragged breath," that you'll take care of my watch."

It was her way of telling him she wanted him to be careful and come back safely, it might be sideways but it meant the world to him.

Marty drew Kensi into his chest with the arm he still had around her shoulders. She didn't hesitate or resist in any way but she didn't look at him.

"Kensi." She didn't look up or respond. "Very-special-to-me-Agent Kensi Blye I'm going to kiss you now. Do not put me in the hospital, okay?"

At that Kensi's head snapped up and she tensed. She would swear later that she could actually hear warning bells. "No, no, no," she thought desperately to herself. Partners do not kiss…

But she didn't pull away and she didn't pull her gun. When she felt the gentle brush of his lips against her own, she realized in a rush that this was inevitable. Just because she had denied and ignored it did not make it go away – and it never would. If this was defeat- bring it on.

Kensi closed her eyes to the rush of sensation he was creating in her. This tiny, gentle kiss had caused an instant change in not only her body but also her mind. Or was it her heart?

Slowly, she moved her hand to the back of his head and threaded her fingers through his hair. She acknowledged briefly to herself that this was something she had wanted to do for a very long time, but that thought was quickly chased away by more insistent ones.

To say Deeks had been uncertain as he moved to kiss his amazing and sometimes frightening partner was an understatement. He had not allowed himself to think about this moment. Well, he had tried not to think about it -very unsuccessfully. Now he was past caring about rules and hypothetical problems. He had seen her in danger many times including today, and was no longer willing to let this be unspoken. He would be leaving her again soon, and like it or not, he wanted her to know that he definitely had feelings for her.

One gentle kiss. That was it. As they pulled apart, Marty stroked his hand up the side of Kensi's face and let it rest in her hair just behind her ear. He leaned his forehead against her's and they spent a comfortable moment just being together.

As much as he wanted to say more to her, as much as he was enjoying every second and every sensation of her body resting close to his own, he knew they needed to leave this thing alone for a while. It was too fragile, too important to rush. So, slowly he unwrapped himself from her and stood up beside the couch.

She made a little squeak of disappointment and he laughed softly, deep in his throat.

"I think maybe we could use a little pause. How about some ice cream? You have some, right Princess?" As he teased, he bent and placed a gentle, serious kiss to the top of her head.

"Yeah, as long as you like chocolate." Her words were playful but her expression was focused and she didn't look away when he met her eyes.

"I'll suffer through so you don't have to eat alone." The lightness of his tone didn't hide his seriousness. He wanted so much for her to know that he was committed to this and to know she was okay with it. They had been partners long enough for him to recognize her tells. He knew when she was uncomfortable and how she tried to force herself not to feel the things that scared her. Tonight he saw no sign of her preparing to run from him and it put that goofy grin that she would never admit she cherished, firmly on his face.

They ate their ice cream and talked about everyday, not -scary things. As they finished, Deeks gathered up the dishes and put them in the sink.

"I guess we could call that breakfast since the sun will be coming up pretty soon. It counts as a serving of dairy, right?" He flopped back down on the couch and pulled her close to his side while she was still laughing. It was something he would never have done in the past but this time it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Marty turned his head toward her and returned to the conversation they had started earlier.

"You never got your turn to talk." Knowing they would have to go back to the subject of his leaving eventually, he wanted to make sure they covered whatever was important to her as well.

"I'm not sure I remember exactly what I was thinking. Your announcement kind of shook me up." She realized the implications of what she had just said and he saw her flinch, then make a decision to continue.

"I was thinking about the number of near disasters we made it through in the last few weeks. I think I was going to make a snarky comment about your need to put us in situations where you look like a hero."

Deeks chuckled quietly and shook his head but didn't speak.

Kensi took a deep breath, and then met his eyes. It was now that she would have normally deflected her feelings with a joke.

"But now, I think I'll just say 'thank you'." There was a long silence and Deeks wondered if that was all for tonight. He would be okay if it were, but…

"I have spent years working hard to be an independent unit. I'm part of the team because if not I'm in greater danger, but I refused to need anybody away from work. I've been doing it for so long I almost believed it was working."

Needing to gather her thoughts, Kensi picked up the ice pack from the table and held against her jaw.

"I have succeeded in keeping a lot of my life shut away in a place I don't have to visit very often. I thought it was how I wanted to live."

They were close enough that their legs were touching. Still intent on watching his face, she felt him move his hand to her arm and concentrated on the feeling of his fingers brushing back and forth.

She wanted to ask him to stop so that she could think about what she was saying. Wanted to pull away because this was a place they had never been before and she wasn't sure they would recover from going there. But she knew it was too late. It felt too good. Instead of running, she moved her other hand to his arm and held on, taking comfort from his strength.

"Now I'm not sure what I want. It's all your fault and I may never forgive you for it." She tried to lighten her words with a smirk but fooled no one.

"Oh, I think if you give me a chance, I can get you to forgive me." His smile was one that lit up his face and the whole room. Seeing she was still serious he relaxed against her once more and waited.

"The team is better with you on it, Deeks, and I'm safer when you're around." Her last words dropped in volume and when she spoke again it was barely a whisper, "happier too."

It was difficult for her to talk to him so openly, but not as difficult as she would have expected. Still, she was worn out by her honesty and desperate to take the focus off herself.

Without moving away from him physically she defused the intensity by returning to their original subject with a question.

"Can you tell me about your undercover op?" Her voice sounded casual but Deeks saw the tension in her jaw and knew she was working hard at not gritting her teeth.

"Yeah. Well, what I know is that I'll be working in a local restaurant owned by the brother of an LAPD cop. The place is mid range but close to an affluent area. They only hire waiters, no female wait staff. For years they've hired the guys that go to the same school as the really rich kids, but who don't have money at the same level – the ones that have to work. These guys know and run with all the rich kids.

There was a manager, Stan, who worked there for years. He ran the place and was in charge of staffing and scheduling. That put him in the perfect position to 'encourage' these kids to get him information - like who had the newest Mercedes and when they went on vacation. He paid them with privileges at work, cash and with meth. When all this started to come to light a couple months ago, LAPD contacted the owner. He knew nothing about what was going on except that some of his kids were ending up in the hospital at best, and long-term rehab or the morgue at the worst.

Long story short, Stan disappeared and we don't know if he got wise and went into hiding or if someday we'll find him at the bottom of a river. Either way, there was enough info that I could show up and conveniently fill his shoes. The owner is committed to finding out who's behind this and has been very helpful. There's an apartment at the restaurant so I can monitor just about everything that happens.

The one bit of good news I have is that when I'm at the restaurant I'll have access to safe communications including my cell phone. I'll be working nights." Marty paused for just a second too long. "I thought maybe I could call you sometimes."

Kensi's lifted her head and smiled. Realizing that she had spoiled any chance she might have had at seeming indifferent to his suggestion, she blushed gently and nodded.

Aware in this new place, they exchanged uncertain looks and then both broke into genuine grins. It wasn't completely comfortable and would probably never be easy, but it was a start.

The whole thing was just weird enough that they ended up laughing out loud.

What happened next was one of the most difficult moves Marty Deeks had ever made. He rose from the couch and reached down for Kensi's hand. Then he pulled her up and into a tight hug and was pleased when she returned his embrace. After not nearly long enough he moved away and looked into her eyes. His traditional grin returned as he teased her. "Tell me you haven't wanted to do that for a long time." he challenged.

"I haven't wanted to do that for a long time."

"Liar."

"That's what you told me to say…"

They shared a chuckle and then, with conviction he didn't know he had, Marty gave her hand a squeeze and sent her to her room to get ready for bed with a promise that he would tuck her in.

It wasn't the way the actors in a movie would have expressed their feelings for each other. But for Kensi and Deeks, it was enough for now.

He lifted the covers and Kensi crawled into bed wearing loose fitting sweat pants and a tiny white tank top that made him bite his lip and look away. It was a move not lost on Kensi Blye. Marty sat down on the edge next to her. For maybe the first time, there was no confusion. They had finally been honest with each other. Hiding their feelings was hard work and it was a relief to just to relax and be themselves. They both knew this wasn't the answer or the end of their challenges. It would often be difficult but something had changed and a small weight was lifted. With a little luck and a lot of work they would keep moving in this direction. This wasn't something they could talk about today, but it was something they would take away with them and pull out later when they were alone, worried, frightened, sad or even hopeful. It would be there to remind them to keep trying, to stay focused on this tiny growing thing that was us.

Marty wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against him. He could feel her breathing against his chest and just wanted to stay there forever. But he knew it was late and he couldn't risk falling asleep again. He wouldn't risk damaging the moment. They both wanted more than this – so much more.

After several minutes, Deeks forced himself to pull away from the warmth of her pressed against him. She opened her eyes and gave him a gentle smile that he had never seen before. It was calm, sleepy and just happy. He leaned forward intending to place a kiss on her cheek, but she moved her head and captured his lips with her own. This was not a tiny, gentle kiss. Marty moved his hand to the back of her head and pulled her closer. She tasted like toothpaste and something indescribably Kensi. It was more than he could comprehend, and all that he'd ever wanted. He ended the kiss and then leaned in for one more, lingering again. Then, with a groan, Marty pulled himself away and stood up. Looking down at a sleepy, soft Kensi Blye did things to his body and his mind.

"I can't believe you're leaving me." She tried to sound hurt but was really pleased that he respected this whole thing enough to leave when he obviously didn't want to. Her grin gave her away.

Smiling down at her, he shrugged then winked. " I'll lock the door on my way out."

Would love to hear if you like this. Kensi and Deeks together make me smile and so do reviews! Thanks for reading.