A/N: It's another Glee Parody, finally! I've been really busy with school starting and all that… anyway, here it goes! Also, reviews are appreciated! Even flames, if they're entertaining :)
In locker room:
Finn: Why the hell would you get in a bucket of literal ice water?
Sam: It's a lame segue into an awkward conversation. Ignore my hypothermia.
Sam: Anyway, I'm used to cold showers dating Quinn!
Finn: Rachel won't do it with me either.
Sam: Hmm, wonder why.
Finn: I imagine nearly killing someone to cool off.
Sam: …WAIT, WHAT?
Finn: …I take it you might need another image to cool off… use Bieste! It'll work!
Finn: … not that I've ever done that or anything.
Sam: Jwehrkijhi. That's Na'vi for "sounds good in a totally impractical way that can only end in us telling our teachers everything because that's what teenagers do nowadays".
Lockers:
Karofsky: *shoves Kurt* YOU SUCK. AND YOU'RE GAY.
Kurt: Your insults are so original. Oh, look, a teacher just walked by.
Karofsky: YOU SKIN IS SO SOFT- I mean… MY BULLY FRIEND AZIMIO WILL KICK YOUR ASS WHEN HE'S NOT… doing whatever he's doing…
Kurt: You wondered where he went too?
Sam: Oh, Quinn, you're so hot.
Quinn: I know. Say my name, bitch.
Sam: Bieste.
Quinn: WHAT THE HELL? THE ONLY PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION IS YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH BIESTE!
Sue's office:
Quinn: -he's obviously cheating on with Bieste!
Sue: DEAR GOD, THE IMAGES! Even Schue's rapping and that margarine covered atrocity he calls a hairstyle is better than them!
Quinn: *surprised face*
Sue: Ok, now go confront her in the worst way possible! WE ARE TAKING DOWN THE BIESTE.
Quinn: Okay! Obviously my boyfriend troubles are WAYYYY more important than some woman's only source of income!
Random room:
Mike: So, Tina, to cool off just think of the Bieste. It works!
Tina: Sounds good, I'll do that! BIESTE!
Mike: WHAT?! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?
Tina: Five seconds ago, you told me to cool off using Bieste-
Mike: SHUT UP, YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!
Hall:
Quinn: BIESTE, STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN!
Mike: AND MY WOMAN!
Tina: Seriously, you told me five seconds ago-
Mike: SHUT UP!
Bieste: What the turducken is going on?
Quinn: JUST STAY AWAY! I HATE YOU!
Bieste: WHAT THE-
Hallway:
Karofsky: I WILL KILL YOU! MWAHAHA! *twirls mustache maniacally*
Kurt: AHHHH! I'm going to clutch this wedding topper, my only current source of support and comfort!
Karofsky: *takes it away*
Kurt: …well, that's just great. How could this get any worse?
Karofsky: *shoves him into locker*
Kurt: Seriously, where the hell are the teachers?
Dalton:
Kurt: Must get away from the bullies! Hurray, a mentor character!
Blaine: YAY FOR GARY STUES- I mean, gay mentors.
Kurt: I'm new… I just don't… have… a uniform… or a schedule…
Blaine: No prob! Let's walk down the hall awkwardly in slow motion… I wonder who'll be your love interest this season!
Blaine and Warblers: *sing Teenage Dream*
Blaine: Imma stare at you the whole time and lead you on!
Fangirls: OMG KLAINE IS BORN!
Blaine: … but I don't actually like you, Kurt.
Fangirls: Dang it.
*go to cafeteria*
Kurt: Don't kill me, I'm a terrible spy. Say, are you people all gay?
Wes: We're not offended at all by that wrong and stereotypical remark.
Blaine: No, but I'M GAY. *wink* Yes, Kurt, I'M GAY.
Kurt: Was it wrong to assume that an all-boys school with those uniforms that sing Teenage Dream to other guys is gay?
Wes: Well, when you put it that way…
*Klaine all alone*
Blaine: So, you can join if you're ridiculously rich. If not, go back to your hellhole.
Kurt: But what about the bullies?
Blaine: Educate them and get beaten up. Courage, Kurt. COURAGE.
Locker room:
Kurt: Karofsky, being gay is when a boy likes other boys. Are you educated enough to stop bullying-
Karofsky: *kisses Kurt*
Kurt: EW, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE BLAINE! AHHH!
Outside on stairs:
Blaine: Karofsky! I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
Karofsky: Um, what?
Kurt: …you kissed me.
Karofsky: Oh, that. It's hard to separate my fantasies from reality- wait, WHAT? I ACTUALLY DID THAT?
Blaine: Yeah, and stop bullying Kurt. We kind of have blackmail on you.
Karofsky: Not gonna happen. *leaves*
Blaine: Kurt, why are you so upset?
Kurt: Oh, I don't know, he threatened to kill me and kissed me? Not to mention he was my first kiss! Well… besides Brittany, but… I try not to think about that.
Blaine: Oh! DANG IT, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FIRST KISS- but remember, I don't like you.
Kurt: Dang it.
Back at McKinley:
Schue: What's going on?
Sam: We were using Bieste to cool down.
Schue: …that wasn't awkward… anyway. NO ONE TELL HER, it'll make her upset!
Teacher's lounge:
Bieste: What's going on?
Schue: Ok, YOU BROKE ME DOWN! The kids are using you to cool off!
Bieste: Wow. You could've just said you didn't know.
Schue: Don't question my methods.
Locker room:
Bieste: I quit.
Schue: WHY?
Bieste: Because you told me everything…
Schue: I'M THE MORAL CENTER OF THIS SHOW, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME!
Bieste: True dat. God, I'm like a goat who never got their saddle rattled up.
Schue: …yeah, I have no idea what you just said.
Bieste: I haven't had my first kiss yet.
Schue: Wow, THAT'S not stereotypical. Anyway, here's a pity smooch. I'm not a manwhore or anything.
Shelby, Emma, Sue, Terri, April, and Holly: …right.
THE END.
