After seeing the season 12 episode 10 promo, here's a little drabble. Contains 12x09 spoilers!

...

"Mer?" Callie rested her hand gently on Meredith's shoulder, causing her to jump.

"I thought I told everyone to leave?"

"I know"

"Why are you still here then?"

"I wanted to make sure you were doing okay"

"Callie I'm fine"

Callie sat down beside Meredith and squeezed her hand gently.

"I'm not even gonna try and pretend I know how you're feeling because I don't. But you're my friend and I love you and I want you to know you can talk to me. Even if it's just to tell me how mad you are or how much you hate the world. Just... Don't bottle it up"

Meredith sniffed quietly and wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"I really am fine"

"Fine doesn't mean you're not allowed to be cross. Or upset. I know sometimes it can feel like there are things you can't say. Thinks you shouldn't be thinking or feeling. But Just know that you can. No judgement here" she held up her hands.

Meredith nodded, sniffing back more tears. "Thanks Callie"

"Don't mention it"

Meredith turned to Callie and went to say something, but stopped herself before the thoughts in her head could form words.

They sat in silence for a short while

before Meredith tried again.

"When Alex brought the kids to see me. They were scared. Zola and Bailey wouldn't even come near me. Ellis screamed as soon as Arizona put her on my lap." The tears ran freely down her cheeks. "My own kids were scared of me"

"It was probably just a shock for them to see you like that. They're not used to seeing their mama any other way than fighting fit"

Meredith nodded.

"And you're okay now. Your bruises are gone, your jaw is fine. You're okay"

"I see Zola giving me this look. Like I'm a china doll about to shatter at any moment. She barely leaves my side at home. She's not even in Kindergarten yet. Kids that young are supposed to be care free"

"Have you talked to her about any of it? She's a smart kid. It will help"

"To be honest I haven't. I've been so concerned with trying to be 'normal mommy' I have tried not to mention anything."

"Try it. I think it would be good for both of you"

...

"Zozo?" Meredith whispered as she knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. "Are you still awake?"

Zola sat up in her bed, turning to face Meredith. Meredith crept into her room and closed the door, climbing into the bed beside Zola.

"I'm okay Zozo. You know that right?"

Zola looked at her mother with intense eyes, considering her words.

"I know when you came to see me a few weeks ago it was scary. Mommy couldn't talk and I had lots of casts on. But I'm better now."

Zola wrapped both her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed her tightly.

"I thought you were gone like daddy. Uncle Alex kept saying you were getting fixed up at the hospital but we couldn't see you. I thought you were gone..."

Meredith blinked back the tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry honey. I was getting better but i couldn't look after you while I was at the hospital. Your aunts and uncles were looking after me while Aunt Maggie and Uncle Alex looked after you kids for me. They did a great job right?"

Zola nodded. "I wanted Aunt Amy too. But she wasn't here. I miss Amy. When is she coming home?"

"I'm not sure Zo. I'm not sure.."

"Can we see her soon?"

Meredith nodded, her fingers grasping Amelia's 30 day chip that she kept in her pocket. "I"' sure we could arrange that. Mommy would like to see aunt Amy too.."

Zola nodded with a satisfied smile.

"I love you mommy"

Meredith pulled her daughter close and kissed her forehead. "I love you too lovebug. Mommy loves you too..."

...

Sometimes I have to write these little drabbles as I know they won't appear on the show. It's like filing in the blanks :-) apologies if it's not great, it's 4.02am and I've just watched 12x09 and couldn't sleep!