Written for comment_fic on livejournal

Prompt was Mom/Professor, inspired by the song "Steady As She Goes"

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"Good news, everyone! You're all fired!" the Professor announced as he walked in.

"What?" his crew yelled.

"I've decided to settle for - er, I mean, enjoy my new relationship - with Mom!"

"What!" yelled Leela, " You'll just end up hating her and leaving like always!" and continued by muttering under her breath, "But not before almost ending the world."

"Yeah, I have a few felonies planned for this weekend, so could you guys end existence on Monday maybe?" Bender asked, tactful as always.

Fry responded, "Oh come on, guys, they're in love! No, what's that thing that old people have instead of love? That's right, they're in arthritis."

Leela answered, "Shut up, Fry! And Fry's right! This never ends well, Professor. It's nice that you found a friend and that you want to settle down, but don't you think you should try for a relationship that's a little more ... steady?'

Bender said, "Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you wrinkled old meatbags really enjoy slapping your graying, loose-skinned, organic materials against each other, but aren't you a little young for a commitment?"

"Ewwgh!" Fry and Leela said.

"Enough chitchat!" Mom thundered as she stormed in, "My wubbie and I are together now, which means we're all family. So all you suckers can just deal with it!"

Leela considered this unusually devoted response from Mom and answered, "That's.. actually very sweet. For you."

"I know," Mom said as she slapped Leela, Fry, and Bender in one swift motion.

"Hey! You can't do that!" Fry objected, "You're not a girl I dated. Or one I met at a bar. Or on the merry-go-round."

"That's right!" Leela said, "I'm going to martial-arts your ass if you do that again!"

Bender walked over and whispered in Mom's ear, "Hey, buddy, if you want to slap a human, you should really use some sort of sharp and/or highly explosive weapon. I know a guy..."

"Enough, you idiots! Get out! It's time for my boyfriend and I to screw like genetically engineered bunnies!" she yelled.

"The kind that produce delicious strawberry smoothies from their whiskers?" Fry asked.

"No, the kind that have lots of energy and enjoy sexual experimentation," the Professor corrected.

"Great," Leela muttered as they walked out the door. "Just when I thought I had enough lunatics to deal with."

Just then they heard Mom yelling from behind the closed door, "Oh, yeah, I'm gonna deplete you til your blood turns to glue!"

They walked out of earshot in a big hurry.