Author's Note: I simply can't use this pen name without writing this. This was written with the attention span of a towel in mind, hence it will intentionally be bad, very bad. Will probably revise and expand it several times seeing as I blazed most of this out in under an hour (it's not easy making 4 chapters about Doritos Brand Corn Chips. . .guess I should've got a little high.) I'm honestly surprised no one has attempted this. . I searched and found no love for Towels :( . . . . With any luck this won't be my only South Park fanfic. May go on and write "Valley of the Penises" and "The Poop That Took A Pee" after this, though I doubt I could do "The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs" justice on a site that doesn't allow hardcore explicit content.
A Million Little Fibers
by Toweleieee
Chapter 1
All my life I've pretty irresponsible towel. I thought I was stronger and more immune than other towels. In fact I had good reason to be so cocky. You see I'm not your ordinary towel; I'm a specially engineered smart towel developed by an alien-run company called Tynacorp. I was made with a computer chip inside that would automatically fluff myself so I would stay dry. I came pre-programmed with all sorts of tidbits on towel safety and proper towel use, it's important! I could walk, I could talk, I could light up, you could say I was the perfect towel. That was probably why these army guys wanted to take me to their base, but let's wait on that. I wouldn't want to get ahead of myself here. Yeah I was the greatest thing to hit towels since well, towels.
It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops though. I am a towel that would often get left out to dry by those around me. It would get pretty lonely you know. I would spend days lying around on a rack waiting for someone to come by. People would wipe all sorts of nasty stuff on me. Grease, grime, food stains, butt cheese, stuff that came out of their wieners, yeah it all got pretty gross. I even had some dumb bitches come and wipe their minges clean with me. I shudder at that thought sometimes. Even worse was when they forgot to wash me and oh my that washing machine wasn't that pleasant either.
The one thing that helped me out through it all was the weed. I would always get high, even a little high would make the misery off being used and abused seem fun. Oh yeah that weed was good stuff. Back when the company was still funding my development I could steal from this little bowl they called a charitable trust and use it to buy some bomb ass herb and since I was a towel, light weight and all, it didn't take much to get me high. Yeah I could toke up all day and I did. Joints, pipes and bongs it didn't matter, just one puff and I was off to wonderland. Yay! Well that's all I have to say right now. Wanna get high?
