The Reason
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person,
There's many things I wish I didn't do,
I know that I was never really the best for her, but I was as close as she was going to get. I only wanted to help her forget him. There are so many things that I did to her that I deeply regret, but that doesn't mean that I can forget about them, or her, for that matter.
But I continue learning,
I never meant to do those things to you,
I have grown up a bit as time goes on. I will never forget Bella, of course, but I do learn slowly yet surely, how to control myself around her in case she ever wants to come back. As for the past, I regret every time I saw her pain, because I knew that I was part of the reason for it. I never meant to make her live in pain, and to see it actually happening only made it worse.
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know,
There is so much that I didn't get to say, and such strong words need to be heard by her. That just makes me pain, her pain, more unbearable, and I never want to see her hurt, again. But I just need her to know these things, otherwise I don't know if I can continue by life the way it was.
I've found out a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
And the reason is you,
I guess my life has some worth to it, but whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is still undecided. I will do any amount of things for her, and I will change beyond reason as much as I possibly can if it would mean that she would come back to me. She is giving me a reason to be a person in this world, and I'm doing it all for her. Because of her. She is my fuel, my power, my adrenaline, that keeps me going each day.
I'm sorry that I hurt you,
It's something I must live with everyday,
I will never forgive myself for making her choose in the beginning. It was wrong, mean, and selfish, and I should have known that, in the end, she would have chose…him…, anyway, because she would have never seen what a pressure I was towards her. Knowing that I made such a horrible mistake makes each day, each hour, each breath more and more worse every second.
And all the pain I put you through,
I wish that I could take it all away,
All in all, she didn't deserve any more pain than she already had to endure. I damn myself countless times every day, and I will never get over it. I wish that I could just start over and take away everything that she had on her shoulders when he was gone so that she might have chosen me, instead. But that's the problem; I can't.
And be the one who catches all your tears,
That's why I need you to hear,
I used to be her sun. I could have been if I hadn't let her go to find her leech, but it was what she wanted. I couldn't bear to see her horrified face and hear her tortured cries when they found her dead, so I let her go. Now look where that's gotten me. She needs to give me, her healing drug, from the beginning, a chance.
I've found out a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
And the reason is you,
And the reason is you,
And the reason is you,
And the reason is you,
I'm not a perfect person,
I never meant to do those things to you,
And so I have to say before I go,
That I just want you to know,
I've found out a reason for me,
To change who I used to be,
A reason to start over new,
and the reason is you,
I've found a reason to show,
A side of me you didn't know,
I can be nice. She has seen that side of me. But…that was before I…became…and found out…what I truly am. I still have the power still, of course, but that doesn't mean that doing it is easy. I can be nice. It's a part of me that she doesn't see as often as she used to, but I can still be that way towards her.
A reason for all that I do,
And the reason is you…
She never faded away from me, and she never will. A part of her is mine. I would have it any other way. She is the reason that I am here, because, inside, I am miserable. The reason that I will never fade away. And she is that one, powerful, unbreakable, endless feeling…
