Chronicles of Absolution: Do You Believe in Magic?

Chapter 1

The woods looked skimpy given the time of year but the birds were singing and it was an interesting backdrop for the stone ruins of the house that they were in. The place looked like a dump but it was a place of power and well away from prying eyes. It was once a hiding place for beings that lived off the grid whether they were supernatural or not.

Wosret was waiting near the rise of the hill. She looked like a woman that was dressed against the snowy coldness of a town like New York. She was wearing a wool coat, jeans and boots. Her long hair was down and hung like a curtain; it was like the bas-reliefs of the Egyptian temples. Her expression was somber as the party advanced.

"I don't want to go. Please Ima."

"You have to go."

"Ima," the little voice said. A little finger reached up and touched the face to collect the tear that was starting to fall.

The little finger held the tear. A pair of hazel eyes looked up. They were contorted into a sad puppy look. The little hand was gently clasped gently in a pair of gentle hands. The little voice said, "But you and Abba will be sad."

"You must be with your own."

"Can I come back?"

"Maybe you can… someday."

The little one went towards Wosret and grasped her hand. They looked down and waved goodbye at the group at the bottom of the hill. The sun seemed to rise from behind them and engulf them both in the light. The little one held out a hand towards the bottom. "Ima don't go. Stay with Abba."

Angela blinked as leaned against the counter. She sighed as her gaze looked downtrodden while she tapped the bar for another drink. There was no point to it since she really couldn't get drunk on alcohol but the buzz felt good. There was the downside in that she appeared stoned and her senses were slightly dulled but she wasn't drunk. If someone wanted that, they would have to find a way to get her to drink a can of soda. Weird thing the carbonate format of soda made her do…

The bartender gave her a whiskey and was about to take the bottle away but she put the extra down and said, "Leave the bottle please."

The bartender gave a slight shrug and took the money and left the bottle. Angela knew that he was wondering how she had been able to go through the equivalent of two bottles and not feel a thing. It was a pretty good joke. It certainly dulled the pain of the last few days and she wasn't talking the physical pain.

It had been about a week since Hibah had returned to the realm of the gods. Actually she went home to Karnak with her mother Wosret. It was then she had become officially an adult and was actually protected from the merciless persecution of the other gods who thought Halflings were dirty things and should be executed. More specifically if the Halflings had a god as a parent. Hibah was a special case.

Hibah was the daughter of Wosret, a daughter of the Nile and of an angel. That, in terms of the whole supernatural, was considered a big no-no. So Wosret entrusted the care of her newborn daughter to her and did so knowing that the potential for the imprint bonding was at its highest. Angela knew that it was an imprint bond because she had tried her hardest to convince Hibah to call her by name or even aunt but the girl called her Ima, the Hebraic term for mother.

The same thing happened to Sam. The imprint bond between them was not as severe as hers was but it was still there. Sam loved the little girl and she loved him in return, giving the name Abba or father. Dean was another story but he was loved all the same. It was a rare third imprint bond and because of that, their little family was fucked up once again.

Angela downed the glass of whiskey and poured another. She held it in her hand as she thought some more. She downed the drink without flourish. It went straight down and it felt good.

"Seems like you've been on a bender without me," a familiar voice sounded close in her ear full of concern.

Angela gave an impolite snort and poured another glass. She replied, "Been on a mild one for a few days and still able to function." She made a motion with her fingers and a second glass came to her hand. She poured a second glass and set it in front of the one who joined her. "So one less won't hurt me. Have one Gabe."

Gabriel sat on the stool next to Angela. He nursed the glass and looked to see Angela downing a glass and pouring another. He took a drink and it hit the spot. He was used to champagne and fine wine but he occasionally would indulge in the Jack. "Don't mind if I do Cat."

Angela poured the last of the whiskey in both glasses and nodded. "So what brings you to the dive?"

"You," Gabriel replied as he held his glass. He turned to face her and studied her. "It's been nearly a week Cat. I know that you have had a couple of jobs since then and pretty much had been running on luck."

"So you've been spying on me again," Angela replied with a snort. Instead of downing the drink, she took a sip. "Typical."

Gabriel made a slight face. She was on a roll tonight and she had two mopey Winchesters hanging around their motel. Oh things were going well tonight. "You know that I can find you no matter where you go."

"Yeah because you are my guardian angel along with stick up his ass Cas," she muttered. She sighed after taking a sip. "Gabe, why are you really here? Are you here to tell me to get over it?"

"No." When Angela looked at him, Gabriel repeated, "No. Look Cat, I know you love Hibah. I know that it feels like you lost your own child. How do you think Wosret felt when she gave you Hibah as a baby?"

"Don't I know it," Angela replied. She put her glass down and rubbed her forehead. She looked at the angel and added, "It wasn't fair to her and I don't understand why she did what she did."

"You know the reason why," Gabriel replied with a gentle knowing look. "She trusts you above anyone else with the skill to do what you do best."

"Kick anyone's ass that comes too close."

Gabriel lifted Angela's chin so their eyes locked. He took in the pallor of her skin and her eyes looked a little glassy and her hair was a little rough. It didn't have the beautiful sheen that Gabriel loved when she was her usual vibrant self. He knew it could be a lot worse if she didn't have what he always knew she had and was as natural as breathing to her. "Love, Cat. You have more love to give than anyone I've come across."

Angela gave a snort at that. "Love. Gabe, every time I reach out for something and show them a little bit of how much I care…" She snapped her fingers. "Gone."

"You really don't believe that."

Angela looked up from her drink. "Yeah I do Gabe. And you want to know something? I am scared. I mean it I'm really scared."

"I get that."

"No you don't." Angela replied as she finished the last of the whiskey and set the glass on the counter. She jumped off her stool and headed towards the door. She paused by Gabriel and repeated, "You don't know."

Gabriel sighed and followed her out. It was better that he followed her and made sure that she made it back to the motel in one piece. Besides he knew that Sam would be watching and if he saw something funny… that wasn't going to go too well.

Gabriel caught up with Angela as she was strolling down the road. He reached out and grabbed her. "Cat, stop."

"What do you want?"

Gabriel stopped her and forced her to stop. He met her angry and hurt expression. At least he had her attention. "Look I know you're scared and there's nothing wrong with that."

"You have no idea Gabe," Angela countered. She felt the warmth in her blood and some of it wasn't the alcohol. "You have no idea to have something so wonderful so close to you. You can touch it, see it and watch it; it is so wonderful and yet you know that you can't get closer no matter how badly you want to. Because if you do, it will disappear like an illusion or it is real but it doesn't see you the same way and it still is taken away."

Gabriel studied Angela. She was not going to cry. She was trying very hard not to do that. He knew where this was coming from. They were similar events and they were molded into one and the same. It was better though to hit what is fairly obvious. He said, "You love him."

"What?" Angela frowned. Her breath came out in puffs of smoke from the cold night air. She looked at the angel.

"Sam. You love him." At the look of panic, Gabriel moved to head it off. "Hey, it's okay. If you want the complete and honest truth, I am happy for you. Cat I've watched you for centuries. I've seen you give your love but not your heart."

"I…"

"Don't try to bluff your way out Cat. I know you." Gabriel took a breath and looked around. He then looked at Angela. "And it's okay. I've wanted you to find someone that can do that. And I know how you feel. You weren't just describing your feelings for Sam. It was about Hibah too and I get that."

Angela took a good look at the angel as he gave his speech. It then hit her. "It was you. You're her… father." She said the last word in a whisper out of old habits.

Gabriel gave a slight smile. "Took you a while. I would have thought that her interactions with Cassy would have tipped you off. You know how some of us angels have our bonds."

Angela shook her head slightly and her mouth was wide open in shock. Deep down she suspected something but even she knew it was possible for one angel to have multiple bonds with other angels in the sense that Gabriel was talking about. She preferred to ignore the angel half since she figured that the less that was out there for the factions that would have been after Hibah to know, the better chances they had. Part of her was full of happiness and the other was just being angry and annoyed. She went with the first reaction and that was to punch Gabriel. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Now there is the annoyed look I've missed." Gabriel gave his smirk in her direction. He stroked the loose tresses of her hair in an appreciative manner. "I know you're not mad that Hibah is born. I know you see her as a gift. That is what her name means. You're mad because of the complications."

"You got that right. Gabe, why?" Angela gave a second punch to the angel's chest knowing that it didn't hurt him that much.

"You know the answer to that. At least you admitted it to yourself," Gabriel replied in a smart aleck answer. He gave a slight smirk as he looked at her. He sobered and then said, "Look Cat. I would have said something but I didn't know until after Hibah was born and by then she was placed with you. If you want the honest truth, I could have taken her and hidden her with me but I am glad that she was with you.

"You are the best choice Cat. It is because you have the capacity to love. You find it deep within you to show mercy when others won't. You know what it is to be what you are and still be connected with humans."

"You give me way too much credit Gabe," Angela replied as she gave a gentle sniff. A slight tear dripped from the corner of her eye. "I'm just tired. I know how Wosret feels because I feel the same. I'm tired of being connected because when they're not there… it's like a hole."

"Hey I get that and you want to know something?" Gabriel lowered his head to catch her eyes. Tears were coming down but he ignored the temptation to wipe them away. "I feel a void because I will never have what Hibah has with Sam but we have a connection. Maybe not the one we want but we have it. The biggest hole that I would ever feel is losing you."

Angela stood there for a moment as Gabriel left her alone. She stared at the road and looked both ways. Sighing she started back for the motel. This had been hard on all sides. She had tried hard to prevent it but it happened. She raised Hibah and she felt that she was her own. She had done the right thing though and returned her to her mother.

But I don't want to leave you Ima. I don't want to leave you or Abba or Amitz.

Angela muttered the same reply she had told Hibah, "I don't want you to go either but you must go. You must go and be with your mother. You are now safe."


February 2008

Almost a week and I still look to see her looking at me with her smile or that curious expression about what I was working on. Sometimes I look to see if she is doing her 'homework' at the table while Sam and Dean are getting dinner or I happen to make it and they knock on my door. So much had happened within those three months and yet it felt like almost a lifetime for me. The same could be said for Sam and Dean… and I haven't made things easier. I never did make things easy for anybody and I could name a few people who would claim that.

I am a selfish bitch. I'm going through my own pity party and there are others in this that are hurting just as bad. It is why I can't wish for anything for myself. Something good is undeserving for me because I turn into this. I hate the fact that I connect with people because when either by slow decay of time or death on the job it leaves a void, and given that I seem to lose everything meaningful to me…

Gabe knows that feeling and I am sorry. I am sorry that he even knows me. I can only imagine what he has felt all these years when I've almost bought it. I am sorry and I am tired. I am also scared. I am scared of what I feel for Sam, being near him and not being able to voice it… then Hibah…

Angela looked up from her book that she was reading when she heard the knock on her door. She had made it without garnering the attention from the boys. They were worn out from the last hunt and she hadn't done them any favors in her state of mind. The same could be said for the last couple of jobs and her attitude as of late.

Her drinking binge, while not making her drunk, made her reckless. She was eager to fight and had jumped in without thinking. They had been lucky on those cases. Then her general attitude of being someone trying to get over a hangover didn't help things either. She knew she had been a bitch and she was a coward.

The knock sounded again and Angela stared at the door. She knew who it was knocking and she hoped that he would give up like he had the several previous nights. She didn't want him to go but she felt that she wasn't the best of company. He deserved better. They both did.

"Angie. Please open the door."

Angela closed her eyes slowly and opened them as she stood up. Straightening up, she placed her book on the table and walked towards the door. She leaned against it and closed her eyes again before turning the knob and opening the door and she came face to face with a pair of mossy green eyes and mop of brown hair.

Sam had been trying for three nights to talk to her. He had been silent when it was evident that she was feeling the loss of Hibah more deeply than she let on. He believed she had every right to grieve, if that could be the correct term, since he knew how much she loved the little girl. He and Dean had their issues about that and they went through it but he was concerned that it was starting to spiral downwards. Dean thought he was crazy but he was certain that she was not all right. He wanted to be there and to help if he could. The first words out of his mouth were, "Uh… hi."

Angela replied, "Hi."

"Can we talk?" Sam had decided to grab the bull by the horns so to speak. He stood in the doorway waiting for her to respond and praying that she didn't close it in his face. He didn't think that she would be like that but she still couldn't help but hope. He added as a prompt, "Maybe a walk?"

Angela blinked as she considered. She knew that she needed to provide some explanation or at least talk. "Let me get my key."

Sam gave an inward sigh of relief that she was at least willing to go on a walk. She was back shortly and he stepped back to let her make sure the door was locked. He motioned in a direction and started off making sure that she was following. When they were well on their way he asked, "So how are things?"

"Good days and bad," Angela replied. She pursed her lips slightly before adding, "You?"

"Getting by. Dean misses your hand in things. He's complained you haven't got on his case about his laundry." It was mundane and probably stupid but Sam was willing to try anything just to get on a conversation.

"And what about you?"

Sam considered her question. He could be glib and end up being like Dean and really stick his foot in his mouth or come out and say it and take his chances. He was pretty good at reading her moods and had enough conversations to know when he was getting close. He took a chance, "I still expect Hibah to open the door without a key and ask about a hunt or to play."

"I still see her doing homework. Reminds me of you and Dean." Angela felt her lip twitch into a half smile. "Yes I was spying. I always did when John was away. It became sort of… I'm not sure but it was like…"

"It was like maybe when you taught Augusta or anyone else."

"Maybe." Angela paused a bit and then said, "Sam, I'm sorry about the last few days."

"Angie it's okay. Really. You know it is normal to feel sad."

Angela gave a wry look at Sam. It was one she gave to tell the boys not to baby her. They hardly ever listened to that one unless she was deadly serious. Perhaps it was a good thing they didn't at times. Otherwise things might have turned out differently. She softened it a little as she replied, "Normal maybe but it feels like a luxury and one that I can't afford."

"It's not a luxury, Angie."

"Maybe to you but…" Angela stopped to look at the landscape. It looked different after her crying fit with Gabriel. She looked back at Sam and said, "It's not because I don't care. I care too much and things have happened one too many times for me."

"And I get that Angie," Sam replied. He did get that. "I get that it's the same thing over and over again but have you ever asked yourself why you keep doing it?"

Angela paused a moment. Had she really considered her decisions over the centuries? She was the one who said hindsight was 20/20 at best. She always fell back on what she could have done or should have done but never really delved into why she kept at it. "Glutton for punishment?" She offered it as a question as she seriously considered what Gabriel talked to her about. "That or I just can't help it. I see someone and I take a liking to them and that's that."

"You're a good person Angie. Bad things happen and when it happens to good people it hurts. You've scared us both when you nearly died and yeah a couple of times were my fault…" He paused at the look she shot him. "The point is, it's okay. I'm not saying to get over it. I don't think you ever get over something but get through it."

"You're right."

Sam paused a moment. Usually there was an awkward silence for a moment while she considered what was being said. This was a little different for him that she answered so readily. It then occurred to him that she might have been thinking about this for some time. Still he ended up asked, "What?"

Angela repeated, "You're right." She studied Sam's expression before continuing, "You know there is a poem written at a temple in Japan called 'Loss' but the writer scratched it out. The reason is that one can't know loss unless it is felt. Hibah is home with her mother; it's where she rightfully belongs and I admit that I grew very attached to her. More than I have with any other children that have come into my care."

"It's different because you raised her."

"With a little help from a Sasquatch who folded faster than I do when I kid begs me to do something," Angela teased Sam with a slight smile. It made her feel better and she could see the ghost of a smile form on Sam's face. "The point is, she's a part of my life and memories and I still have those; the same goes for my strays that I trained and taught and… whatever throughout the years. I'm just sorry for pushing you both away."

"Hey we were in the same place. Dean occasionally calls for her still and I sometimes wonder why she hasn't crawled into my lap to look at what I'm researching." Sam looked at Angela. She seemed to feel better. She was quiet and thoughtful but she wasn't the wreck from before. "I just want you to be okay."

"I'll be fine. Truly," Angela replied looking firmly at Sam. She could tell he had some doubts and she didn't blame him. "Sam, I have gone through this before. I was worse when my father died and I was convinced that it was my fault. For months afterwards, the things I did… It makes our last few cases look like cakewalk. Can you trust me on this?"

Sam frowned at the question. "I always trust you Angie. Why would you ask?" He then remembered something she said a long time ago and said, "Angie, that doesn't apply. You've always told me or Dean or both of us things when you were ready to and you've told us the truth. Don't ask that again because you know my answer."

"Maybe I need reassurance every once in a while. I did say that there will be people who know me and will hate me," Angela replied softly. She looked in the distance. "Things will be okay if we make the effort to make it so. That is what I'm going to do. Besides, the job doesn't seem to follow the current state."

Sam wasn't sure if the sudden change was a good one or a bad one but he would work with it and it could be that she had done it before. "I guess not. I found something in Sioux City on the internet that is if being around magic doesn't bother you."

"Hit me."


A/N: Here we are folks with a brand new episode. Did ya really think I would end things like that? Nah... So now Hibah is back with her kind and the Winchesters and Co are dealing and looks like it has hit Angie a little harder than usual. Maybe a case pick me up is needed. Keep watching for more Do You Believe in Magic?...