Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.

The rain struck upon me mercilessly, but I did not care. The people around me did not care either. We wanted to listen, to hear, and to know that our loved ones will still be remembered and that their sacrifice was not for nothing. We have been standing here for four hours now, listening to him read out all the names of the soldiers and civilians that were lost in this war. I will not leave until I hear all the names of my family and friends. I had lost everything in this war: my home, my family, my friends, everything...except for my life and a thin thread of sanity and I have no one to blame, but myself.

"Treize Khushrenada" At sound of this name, I cringed with anger. It was him. It was because of him that my colony was made a sacrifice of war. He did not think my colony was productive enough. So he ordered his men to destroy my colony and the entire dragon clan. It was all because of him that I lost everything. He deserved to die. Yet... I have only myself to blame for the death of my friends and family...only myself...

"Chang Meiran" My best friend...She believed in justice; She preached for justice; She fought for justice. But justice is so far away now and so is she...and so is everyone else that lived on colony L5. She died fighting for justice, died bravely as she went out into space in a gundam to combat the merciless Oz forces. She was no coward like me. She died with no regrets, with pride, and with honor, emotions that I will never feel when death takes me. The emotion that accompanies me during death will be guilt, for Meiran had died not only because of Treize Khushrenada, but because of me. I had not been a loyal friend. I should have stopped her from entering that gundam; I should have went to combat the Oz forces in her place; I should have...I could have prevent her death in so many ways. But I did not. I was too scared of the Oz forces, too frightened of the possibility of death. How I regret my actions that faithful day; how I wish that Meiran had not died; and how I wish that Treize Khushrenada had died before her.

"Zhou Tianlong" It was the last name that I wanted to hear, the name of my fiancé and the last name upon that bloody list. Guilt and sadness struck, like knives, deep into my heart and conquered my body. I could feel my knees fail me as they made contact with the wet, cold stone floor. Within my head, the same sentences repeated themselves: 'His fate was in your hands that day and you chose for him to die. It was all your fault…all your fault'.

He had fought valiantly when the Oz forces came to annihilate our colony, but in the end his efforts were in vain. He was shot in the head and murdered instantly like all the others. I should have helped him, protected him, and even die with him. I should not have run away. I saw him fight bravely against a group of Oz soldiers. I saw him losing, yet I did not turn back to help him. I was too selfish and concerned for my own life to care about his. I could have saved him, but I did not. How could I have been such a selfish coward? I have no one to blame for being left alone in this cruel world but my weakness and my selfish self. It was all my fault that he died; it was all my fault that Meiran died; and it was all my fault that I, a selfish, weak coward, am still alive.

On that day, I should have been like Tianlong, like Meiran, like all those brave members of the Dragon clan who fought to protect our colony. I should have stayed and fought. Death in battle is more honorable than fleeing like a coward. How could I have fled? How could I have just left my friends and family and let them face death without me? How could I?

As I regained my composure, I realized that millions upon millions of names were read. Of these names were poor, defenseless children who had not yet lived their lives, pacifists who refused to fight because of their views, and those unfortunate souls who do not have a living relative alive to remember them. But my name was not on that list. It should have been. At least then I would be with my family and friends, at least then I would have the knowledge that I fought bravely for my colony, at least then I would have died with no regrets…

Death...it seems so comforting now, to be reunited with my lost friends and family, yet I...I cannot be reunited with my loved ones. I betrayed them because of fear. If only I had realized this earlier, now I know the true meaning of the fear of death. It is the fear that I cannot face my lost loved ones anymore, not now and not ever, because I know that they will never forgive me.

I am, no was, one of the members of the dragon clan. I was not supposed to know any fear. I was supposed to be valiant, to fight for justice, and protect the weak. Yet when danger came, I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me when those Oz mobile suits came to destroy us. I could hear the sounds of guns being fired and the screams of my fallen comrades, yet I ran onward. I could have saved any of those people that I passed that day, but I did not. I could see the river of blood flowing behind me and the heavy, dark smoke build up in the air from the chaos, yet I kept on dashing forward --

"Hanying?" It was from a familiar voice, a voice that I have not heard for a very long time. It startled me at first. By instinct, I got up upon my feet and looked at the person who had spoken to me. At first, I thought it was my imagination. I dismissed the theory after I saw a tall silhouette in the thick mist staring at me intently and curiously. Who was he? And how did he know my name when everyone I know is dead?