disclaimer I do not own Castle. No copyright infringement is intended nor should be inferred.
Yes, another post Always story!
After Always
It was dark when she first opened her eyes. The darkness had once seemed so oppressive that it stopped her in her tracks, causing her to almost catch her breath. A million nightmares accosted her in the dark. A million mistakes came back to haunt her, a million things she shouldn't have said but did. A million things she should have said but different. This darkness was different. Usually the darkness, the nights she couldn't tolerate the silence the night brought would see her in her living room watching some mindless cop show where the bad guys always got their just deserts or out in the bar at the end of her road just drinking and trying to forget. Forget what? Her mom's murder? Her dad's tears, not only at her mom's grave but at the side of her own hospital bed when she had been recovering from the bullet that had almost killed her? The day Roy, her friend, her mentor had died to save her? Or the day Castle asked her to stop. Just stop. For him. Closing her eyes she felt the darkness envelop her. This darkness wasn't like that. The memories that flooded her mind weren't related to everything that had gone wrong, of every past mistake or missed chance. These memories were of chances taken, of the one time her bravery had been to make herself happy.
"Kate?"
"Hi." She turned slightly, her long brown hair falling across her face. Smiling slightly she watched him stand in the doorway.
"You ok?"
"No." He frowned at her admission. He hated it when she was anything less than fine, knowing for her to admit it was more than just her letting off steam. To Kate Beckett the rest of the world had to see that she was ok, even when she was dying inside.
"What is it?" His heart almost stopped in his chest. The look in her eyes almost ripped him apart.
"I'm an idiot."
"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow trying to work out what was bothering her. He hoped and prayed she wasn't regretting arriving at his door merely hours earlier soaked to the skin.
"I am such an idiot."
"Kate?" He approached her gently.
"I let Gates win. She has wanted rid of me since she started. She knew Roy was in my corner."
"You, Kevin and Javi were always Roy's favourites. I was just along for the ride."
"And what a ride." Kate smiled as he smirked. "Not only that. They are still out there. He got away, and I meant what I said when I told you I didn't care. I still don't but he is still out there."
"He is."
"And he is still going to kill me."
"No."
"Yes." Kate got to her feet. "And now, now you and Alexis, your mom."
"What about us?"
"If he killed Roy Montgomery to get to me then what's to stop him from hurting you? All of you? I should never have come here. You told me you were over. That you couldn't do this anymore."
"I just couldn't watch him kill you." He closed his eyes remembering the day in her apartment when he had finally told her what Roy had done to try to protect her.
"I know." She sighed as she held his gaze. "And I was awful to you. I am sorry for that."
"It doesn't matter now."
"No Castle." She paused. "Rick."
"I prefer Rick." He smiled his best charm smile, trying to work out if she was really walking away from them. If this was it.
"So do I." Kate smiled as his hand came to rest on her waist. The darkness seemed to lift a little. "But."
"But." He held her gaze, urging her to continue but dreading what she was going to say.
"But if you got hurt. If your mom or Alexis." She paused "Because of me, then I could never forgive myself. I'm not a cop anymore. I can't protect you."
"I don't want you to feel you have to. Maybe now they know you aren't in the force anymore?"
"You really think that would matter? I can put a page ad in the New York Times saying I am backing off and they would still want me in the ground. They killed my mom and they want to kill me. I can't have them hurt you."
"I love you."
"Rick."
"I love you." He repeated more firmly, as if he had to try to make her understand the words.
"I know." She smiled slightly. "And I love hearing you say it. But I love you too much to see you get hurt."
"Then don't do this. Don't leave me." He almost whispered as she bit her bottom lip. She shook her head slowly before reaching up and kissing him gently on the lips. His hands tightened on her waist, hers cupped his chin, thumbs gently brushing over his five o clock shadow.
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You." Her words were punctuated by gentle kisses as his eyes fluttered closed.
"Good."
"Understand something here, Castle." Her words were sharper than she intended. His eyes flew open.
"Kate."
"I am not going anywhere."
"Good."
"I love you too." She smiled as he grinned like a teenage boy on his first date. "But I had a text off Javi this morning. Well, at 3 am actually and a voice mail from Gates."
"Iron Gates? What does she want? How's Javi?"
"Bored. But she wants me back. She wants me to go back to being a detective."
"It's what you are best at."
"Is it?" She sighed heavily. "I dunno anymore. But it would be safer. If I was still a police officer, we'd have a degree of protection."
"What do you want?"
"I think I told you that last night." Kate blushed slightly as he raised an eyebrow at her.
"Apart from me?" He brushed her dark hair away from her face as she tilted her head.
"Us. Safe and if that means I go back to the 12th I will. But only with your blessing."
"We go back to how things were?" His breath caught as she frowned.
"At work, yeah. But outside of work. I need you with me on this. If I do this. If I go back."
"You've got me, Kate." He kissed her gently. "Whatever you decide, you've got me."
####################
A/N Will she go back? Why would Gates offer her the job back if she had just resigned? What about Javi and Kevin's friendship? What will Alexis say? And can Kate stay alive long enough to find out? Is the road to happy ever after going to be straight forward? May go on with this, if people want me to.
