Author's Note: Okay, so first things first, this is not my first piece of fan fiction, nor is it my first piece of fan fiction for Big Time Rush. It is however my first piece on this account, under this name. So yeah. Secondly, I'm not entirely sure where this story is going to go just yet, so bear with me if you like it and it takes a while for me to update. Since I don't have this one planned, like I normally do with my stories, it'll take some time for me to post updates. That being said, please don't be discouraged by that fact. The odds of me finishing it are high, and I will probably produce other things while this one is in the works. But I just wanted to get it out there before I decided it was crap and never showed it to you guys in the first place. So…I guess all that is left is to read it so, please enjoy.


For Kendall the problem started on the day that he was supposed to get married. For James the problem started when they were twelve years old. James should have known that his actions were just going to lead down a road filled with nothing but trouble, but he couldn't stand there beside his best friend and pretend like what he was about to do wasn't going to kill James. He had stood by for the better part of eleven years and watched Kendall Knight love someone that wasn't him. So, really, with that in mind, could he really be blamed for his actions?

But now, he was standing here in the pouring rain, watching the shrinking form of the love of his life walk away from him. James had gotten him into one big mess this time around, and now there was no Kendall to help sort it out.


Two Hours Earlier…


"Kendall," James said with a chuckle, "you really need to calm down. I'm trying to fix your tie, but I can't if you keep bouncing around." For probably the ninth time, James pressed his hands lightly on Kendall's shoulders to stop the current bounce he was doing now before reaching down to straighten the tie that had taken a good half hour for James to tie in the first place because of the soon to be newlywed.

Kendall sighed, "I'm sorry James, I just…I've been waiting for this since I got down on one knee. If I had known that planning a wedding was going to make me even more nervous than actually proposing I never would have done it."

The pretty boy gulped and his eyes flickered down for a second and he stepped away from Kendall. "Don't say that. We all know you would have married Logan one way or another." James hated those words, but that was what he had been telling himself from the moment that Kendall had called him to ask his help in searching for an engagement ring.

James shook the thoughts of self-pity out of his head and looked up at Kendall and instantly painted one of his brightest smiles on his face. "You look incredible Kendall." And the blonde really did. While most of the smiles James had on his face today were fake, that statement certainly wasn't. He had always known that Kendall cleaned up well, but seeing him like this and beaming from ear to ear was really just the topper on the cake.

"Oh," James said suddenly, "I have something for you." He dug into his pocket and produced a length of colored and intertwined string.

Kendall's eyes, if at all possible, brightened even more and he reached out for the object. "You made me a lucky bracelet for today," he asked looking down at it.

The lucky bracelet was something that James had learned how to make when he was eleven and had broken his leg at hockey practice. It had been a silly gesture back then, but he had ended up giving it to Kendall and saying that it was to bring him luck at the next game since he couldn't be there. When they won the game, Kendall declared it was because of the bracelet. And so, for every hockey season, Kendall had demanded a new bracelet from James and refused to allow it to fall off until the season was over. One year he even wrapped a strip of duct tape around it to keep it from falling off for the championship game. It was childish, but James missed Kendall wanting something from him. And he really didn't want his best friend to forget him once he was married.

Kendall tried to wrap it around his wrist and tie it, but struggled and James instantly reached out and did it for him. And for a second, he allowed his fingers to linger on his wrist, the soft faint thump of his heart in the pulse. It caused a chill to run down his spine, and when he looked up, Kendall's green eyes were focused on him and James quickly looked away, biting his lip, because there was no way that he could keep himself together under that look.

James cleared his throat and looked at his watch. "Come on. We should get you out there. You don't want to be late for your own wedding do you?" The chuckle that he gave with it was weak but he headed for the door before Kendall could question him.

And for the next fifteen minutes, they both made their rounds around the guests loitering among the chairs placed before the arch overlooking the lake. James went and talked to the rest of the wedding party, which consisted of only three others. There were only four of them in the party, one best man and one bridesmaid for each groom. But while he spoke to them, he watched as the blonde moved about their guests, accepting their early congratulations. But soon enough, James was taking his place at one end of the aisle while Kendall stood alone at the other end.

The processional music started and the wedding party began to descend down the aisle. Eventually, James watched Carlos escort Katie down the aisle and when they reached Kendall, the Latino pressed a kiss to the youngest Knight's cheek and deposited her beside her brother before taking the place that James would stand opposite of. And seconds later, James escorted Camille down the aisle, mimicked Carlos' gestures with her and then took his spot beside Kendall who gave him a nervous smile.

And then it was time for Logan. All of the guests there stood and turned to look at them. James barely got a glance of the shorter boy when he noticed that Katie was leaning in to say something to him.

"I can't believe you're doing this James," she hissed, making certain he was the only one that could hear her, "you're really going to stand by and watch as Kendall marries Logan."

Katie was the only one to know about James' love for Kendall. She had noticed it when it had first started, and had tried to persuade him to go after the blonde, even after he and Logan started dating in high school. It wasn't that she didn't like Logan; it was more or less that she had always supported James. And ever since she had found out about the engagement, Katie had been nagging James about saying something to Kendall.

"But what can I do about I now Katie," James whispered back, "it's a little late for that."

The girl smirked, "it's never too late. I could start choking on air or something. All you have to do is give me a signal."

James frowned at this. Katie was really willing to ruin her brother's big day just so James could have the chance to say something to him? She was such a conniving little girl. But maybe Katie had a reason for doing so. Maybe Kendall was about to make the biggest mistake of his life marrying Logan. Logan was the only boyfriend the blonde had ever known and they hadn't had an easy eight years. Who said marriage was going to change that? Maybe James really did need to say something. Maybe he really did need to stop this wedding.

The pretty boy was startled out of his thoughts when he noticed a mass of bodies move and he realized that it was just the guests taking their seats once more. James suddenly became quite aware of the fact that his palms were sweating like crazy. And his heart was pounding against his chest so hard that it was all James could hear. His mouth was suddenly very dry and he found himself frantically licking his lips.

In his head, James would have blurted out Kendall's name followed by the most beautiful declaration of love that would have the blonde in tears. And then Logan would step aside and allow James to take his place and it would just have been so incredibly perfect that there would be nothing in the world that could top that moment. But James' fantasies never came true, and more often than not, his brain wasn't connected to his mouth. So the words that came flowing from his mouth weren't a beautiful declaration of love, but rather the first thing he could think of to stop this wedding.

"I had sex with Logan."

Katie had seen James' nerves building and it had brought a beaming smile to her face because she knew that he was finally going to do something, and so she had been preparing the best choking cough that she could muster. But when the pretty boy finally opened his mouth, Katie had to do anything but act because she started to violently cough, staring at James with wide eyes. But then again, so was everyone who had heard the tall groom's best man.

Kendall turned to look at him, his green eyes filled with confusing and hurt. "What?" He didn't need it repeated though; he had heard him loud and clear. Kendall turned to the man he was about to marry. "L-Logan…what is he talking about?"

Logan's mouth opened, trying to form words. His eyes were glued on James, the same mirror of confusion and hurt reflected in them, but they were also far glassier than Kendall's. He swallowed. "F-freshman year…when we were b-broken up. Kendall, Kendall I'm sorry. I always meant to tell you."

The blonde's hand came up to stop him and he pursed his lips for a moment, looked down and blinked furiously before dropping his hand. "You meant to tell me you had sex with my best friend six years ago? Logan…I…"

The short brunette tried to pick up where Kendall had trailed off. "Please, Kendall…it was one night…it meant nothing."

Kendall shook his head. "It meant enough for you to hide it."

James finally found his own head and started to step forward. He placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder, but his best friend brushed it off almost violently. "Don't touch me," Kendall hissed so low that James actually reeled back. "Just…" he was struggling for words and his hands were shaking at his sides as he tried to keep them from balling into fists, "just stay away from me James."

And with those words, Kendall sent a seething and hurt look between James and Logan and stormed down the aisle just as the first crack of thunder rumbled above in the sky.

The crowd watched him and when his back was no longer visible they turned to the alter where everyone there seemed frozen in place. That was until Katie chose to move, now that her coughing fit had ended. She sent a hard whack to James' stomach. "You idiot," she chided. That wasn't what she had meant by needing to stop the wedding. But then she followed it up with a shift kick to the shin that had James instantly hobbling on one leg. "Go fix this."

James glared at her for a second before motioning towards the direction that Kendall had disappeared to. "You heard him Katie; he doesn't want me anywhere near him."

"I don't care! You made this mess now go and clean it up James Diamond or I swear I will put you in the hospital!"

Katie's threats were always reliable and so James straightened up as best he could before turning to head down the aisle. But before he could, a fist connected with the side of his face and he was stumbling once more.

"Now?! Of all moments James?! NOW?!" Logan was screaming at him through the tears that had begun to stream down his face. "It's been six years! It never mattered! So why?! WHY TODAY?!"

Logan started to jerk his arm back a second time, but Carlos caught him before he could unleash it once again on James' slowly swelling face. The Latino muttered a few words into Logan's ear, and it seemed like in one fluid motion, Logan collapsed back against him and Carlos was left to help him get out of the line of sight of anyone at this moment.

James was still bent over from the punch, nursing his jaw lightly. But he could hear the mumble of the guests and movement from them. Obviously they knew that no wedding was going to take place now and they wanted to get out of there before the rain started. He didn't know how long it took all of them to leave but when James finally looked up, there was nothing but the retreating backs of the crowd. Slowly, he sank down to sit.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to have stopped this wedding but still had everyone smiling in the end. It wasn't meant to be a day of heartbreak, but a day of celebration. But stupid James had decided that confession of the wrong thing was the way to go and now everything seemed to be ruined.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but it was long enough that the rain began to pour down on him and his bones and muscles ached from being in one position for such a length of time. James had never felt like a bigger idiot in his entire life. And there were a lot of idiot worthy moments that he had to show for the past twenty-six years of his life. Granted, most of his idiotic moments were conducted with Kendall, so they were moments he loved, but not a single one of them had ever hurt Kendall (well aside from the incident that he had mentioned earlier, but he had kept that from the blonde).

"Go home James."

Startled, James' head shot up. He hadn't expecting to hear Kendall's voice; he hadn't expected him to come back here. Where had he gone? Who had he talked to? Was he here to beat him to a pulp?

But as he looked at Kendall, he realized that the blonde had either been outside or he had been standing there for quite some time because he was just as soaked as James was. They heavy rain would have soaked anyone to the core, and staying out in it, the way James was, would only earn him a ticket to the sick bed. He didn't care though. Whatever bad things happened to him in the next twenty years were bad things he deserved; he had decided that in the time that he had sat there.

Standing, ignoring the protest of his body, he stepped towards Kendall who immediately flinched back. James' frowned. "Kendall…"

"Why are you still here James," Kendall cut him off, "just go home. You've done enough."

Again, James stepped towards his friend and again his friend moved away from him. "Please; you have to understand. You need to know…"

"That you did this because you loved me," Kendall shot at him, venom dripping off his voice. The blonde painted a smirk on his face at the wide eyes from James. "Yeah, I know James. I've always known. You're not exactly subtle when it comes to your feelings."

"Then why…"

"Did I never say anything?" Kendall shrugged, "I didn't feel like it was worth mentioning. And neither did you apparently."

James sighed, "I was scared Kendall. I was afraid that you would reject me."

Kendall didn't say anything. He knew how much James hated being rejected, and that was probably the real reason why he had never said anything to his friend about knowing his feelings. "I would have, you know…rejected you."

He heard the little choked sound that James made in the back of his throat, but he didn't look over at him. Kendall had wanted to come out here and be hurtful and hateful and make James feel as horrible as he did. But this was his best friend, he couldn't do that to him; no matter how much Kendall despised him. "I wouldn't have wanted to ruin our friendship James. You were always my world; you even came before Logan. All of the time. Even now."

Kendall paused, and James remained silent. The pretty boy didn't know how to respond to anything that Kendall was telling him. He was still trying to process the fact that his best friend had known about the feelings he had been harboring all of these years. But the things he was saying, they made sense.

James had come first in Kendall's life, and as much as James wanted to believe that he had been a gracious best friend, he knew that he had been selfish. When his parents decided to get divorced their sophomore year, Kendall hid James out in his room for a week because he had "run away" from home. And their senior year, when James' had been dumped for the very first time in his life, Kendall bailed on the romantic three year anniversary date with Logan to cuddle him in bed while he sobbed. And just last month, James had been freaking out because his cat had slipped out of his apartment and Kendall had dropped everything to help him look for the little demon (as Kendall called it because that cat only liked James) and it had resulted in him being benched for two major games. James was selfish, and he had been so, especially, with Kendall.

"I guess I just had to wait for you to ruin everything, didn't I?"

His voice broke the memories that were tearing James up inside and he brought his focus back to the present and stared at Kendall. "What?"

"Any other time you would have told me what happened…I would have been mad, yeah, but I would have listened…probably would have forgiven you. But doing it today…ruining my wedding. …I can't forgive that. From now on James…just stay out of my life."

And with that, Kendall left James standing there in the pouring rain, watching the shrinking form of the love of his life walk away from him.


Author's Note: That is the end of the first chapter. I'm still iffy on how the whole thing went down. I feel like I rushed it. But then again I am never satisfied with my work, so this chapter has a potential of changing. Nothing like too drastic, just little details here and there that will probably make things flow a lot better. But yeah, if you read my author's note in the beginning just know that this may take me a while to update, but don't be discouraged by it. And if you want to help motivate me…click the review button.