A/N: Listening to a Forbidden Broadway skit from their 2001 program, I came up with this. I don't mean to make fun of either Andrew Lloyd Webber or Gaston Leroux, because I think they're geniuses. I just thought this would be fun. Please review!
Gaston Leroux & Andrew Lloyd Webber
Based on the Forbidden Broadway skit "Ethyl Merman and Elton John."
Narrator: At the beginning of time, France was a muddy swamp. French literature was even longer than it is today, and Frenchmen threw livestock at passing Englishmen such as King Arthur. Then one day, an intelligent, rich, gambling man was born. It was THE BIRTH OF GASTON LEROUX!
Gaston Leroux (to the tune of "I've Got Rhythm"): I've got phantoms!
I've got operas!
You've got Leroux who wrote an awesome novel!
Who wrote an awesome noveeeeeeeeeel!
Grand!
In my time, I was the biggest guy in French literature. Just ask Victor Hugo! But nowadays books and movies are turned into musicals because composers aren't that creative and they're the stars! So let me introduce you to the biggest star on Broadway, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber!
Andrew: Hello!
Gaston: Hey there, Andrew! I've heard your Phantom of the Opera is a huge hit!
Andrew: It's the biggest hit ever! You know, I changed some stuff around. It's about . . .
Gaston, interrupting: That's great! I like nothing more than a good interpretation of French novels. How about we sing about Phantom together without changing anything in my original novel? What do you say?
Andrew: No.
Gaston: Great! Hit it!
(To the tune of Old Fashion Wedding)
Let's sing a good old French novel!
Not changing any details!
We'll sing about good Count Philippe.
Without him it won't be complete!
We'll harmonize 'bout the Persian!
I'm completely sure that you can!
Let's sing a good old French novel!
'Cause it's the one and only way to tell!
Andrew: No, no, Gaston. The story's changed!
Let's change it up so it's real funky
With no count
'Cause it's too much.
With managers with different names
Like Andre
And like Firmin
And translate it to Dutch.
It's gonna be so great
You can't wait!
I'm sure you'll love it, yeah!
Although it may be called The Phantom,
Yes it's The Phantom
But with details changed.
Let's change the ending so it's diff'rent
With no Persia
'Cause it's Iran!
With new interpretations of your book.
Just take a look!
You'll love it, yeah!
I want a musical that's not too old
Or too young, that's true.
If it's not a new take on it
I'd rather not do one at all!
Gaston: Andrew, you've got it all wrong! Listen, I've been dead a long time!
(Andrew and Gaston sing their verses over simultaneously, then):
Andrew and Gaston: Let's not!
