Distractions

Maybe it's because of that cursed demon blood running through Sam's veins that it feels so good. Maybe that is what makes every touch on his body impossible to resist.

He knows he shouldn't be doing this with Ruby; he knows that Dean would rip him apart if he knew – no, wrong metaphor, not after he'd seen Dean ripped to shreds by hellhounds, push that though aside and push against Ruby – but he cannot stop himself, he needs it.

So different from any girl he's ever been with, because Ruby isn't a girl, not in the strictest sense. But she had promised – it's all me in here.

And she had promised that it was oh, so nice in there.

He needs nice, needs warm, needs heat. He hasn't felt anything good, not really, since Dean died. Since he has been left alone to try and find Lilith and kill her.

He wants to kill Lilith more than anything.

That rage, that determination builds up in him in that moment and he channels it into kissing Ruby that much harder. He bites her lip, hard; she moans, seems to like it, seems to crave it.

It's foolish and dangerous, doing this. Is it even really possible, having sex with a demon, binding himself into what he never wanted to be? Will this make him into what that bastard Yellow-Eyes wanted for him?

He doesn't care. Because without Dean, none of it really matters.

Ruby slips off his shirt, pulls it over his head as Sam listens to the sounds of his own breathing, like it's some kind of mantra.

Then she moves her fingers, long and thin and practiced, to the clasp of his pants and then the zipper. He lets her undress him; watched as she undressed herself, or rather, the body she'd "recycled", which is a creepy and not particularly erotic thought.

Though he has to admit that Ruby had gotten even hotter since her last incarnation.

He reaches out and touches the soft brown hair, laps over the red lips. There's something in her calling to him, wanting to consume him. Maybe it's because she's been where Dean is and managed to escape, but, no this is so he will stop thinking about Dean.

In fact, so he will stop thinking about anything, stop having his mind consumed with thoughts of Lilith and Dean and their father and every horrible thing that has befallen the Winchesters in their often too-short lives.

He does stop thinking about everything when he finds himself almost forced inside Ruby's heat; her hair is tickling his shoulder and she's nipping on his neck and he has absolutely no thoughts other than a need for more. He hears her cry out and he does the same, filling her or maybe it's the other way around – she's certainly the one in control and maybe she has a hold on his mind as well, possessing him in a way.

Sam cannot control it. He wants nothing more than to make it last but she brings him off far too soon and it almost hurts when he lets it go, for as they depart from one another and slowly pull their clothes back on – so ironic for Ruby as she's not laid bare as he is, she's wearing a disguise even now – he is filled again with thoughts of what he must do, how he needs to find a way to find Dean. He cannot switch places but maybe, now, he's touched the inside of Hell somehow.

And it's better than this. It has to be.