I can hear Murphy wrenching at the doors desperately trying to get out. I hear him shout out in frustration. It is muffled on the edge of my consciousness I cannot seem to pull my eyes away from the bed drenched in ...drenched in black.
Oh god it's her blood. I feel my knees buckle and fall to the ground. None of this seems real. Maybe Murphy turns around... He must do because he is suddenly at my side. I feel him crouched down beside me as if he is approaching a wounded animal. I feel his hands on my shoulder.
Somewhere from far away I hear a voice. It takes moments to realise it is mine..."it was so pointless " I whisper. My throat is not working, it is constricted with the pain of not crying. "Her death meant nothing" I choked out because somewhere under it all that is the horror that consumes me.
Lexa was special. She was extraordinary and her death was so ordinary so pointless.
Murphy sucks in his breath. " Clarke I know you want to fall apart right now but you can't we have to get out."
I shake my head I can't leave. If I move from this place then that moment will be real and it will all be over at the same time. If I leave this room I will have to force everything I feel down inside of me. All of the problems that have existed since we arrived will be worse because now we are not safe.
"The next commander will protect you" Lexas voice echoes in my head. I shake my head softly. If Lexa is not here no one can guarantee our protection. Blood must not have blood will be dead and everyone will die. Blood will have blood once again. But if I just stay here I can stay with Lexa with my memories of her. I put my head on my arms and I cry. Rasping sobs.
"Fuck" I hear Murphy say. His hand finds my head, placed with care he squeezes once and then he is In front of me wrenching my head up. I desperately pull my head away.
"Clarke!" He slaps me once across the face and the pain pulls me back my eyes meet his. "We are all going to die if you do not get a grasp on reality. The alien commander..."
My breath hitches
He stops "Lexa...she is dead Clarke...she is gone..."
"The dead are gone and the living are hungry" I mutter.
"Yeah sure however you want to put it." He releases me and stands up. "I was here Clarke I was here when that maniac in a dress was chasing you around the room with a gun. I told him he prayed to garbage and you talked Lexa into changing everything. What do you think they are going to do to us once they know she is dead? So get the hell up!"
"But her death was pointless" I sob "what's the point Murphy? Everyone just keeps getting killed. No matter what I do everyone keeps dying."
" Go float yourself Clarke. The point is I don't want to die! The point is her death might have been pointless but her life wasn't! So get up and help me get out of here and then we can have this philosophical bullshit discussion if you want!" I could feel him approaching in a rush of energy and he wrenched me to my knees.
"I swear to you Clarke if you help me get out of here I will make sure her death wasn't pointless. That thing in her neck it came from us from the 13th station we are all connected all of us. I promise I will help you make everyone see that I promise I will make her death have meaning but you have to get up!"
"Your legacy will be peace". I had promised her that. Somewhere through all the pain; all the fog in my brain; all the desolation; that thought crystallised in my mind. I held onto that thought. It resonated through me.
I grabbed the chair that Murphy had been tied to and hurled it against the window. It gave way. "Let's go! We have to get to Arcadia to warn them" Murphy said half out the window already.
"Go" Clarke said to Murphy "but I am staying here." My eyes glance back to the bed "I need to be here. I need to. I can't leave her." I can feel the strength of my words. I have no idea where it comes from this conviction but I know I cannot leave her. Not yet. I need to see her again. It is a need which burns. It scorches me. Even if it is just to kneel before her body. I just need to see her once more. I force down a sob. It doesn't matter that she will not smile at me. That her eyes won't light up when she sees me. God her eyes. The thought almost fells me again. A swooping sickness. Her eyes. I will never see her eyes again. Stop! Stop! I force myself to breathe. Focus Clarke.
"This is insane. This is a really bad plan. But fine if your staying I'm staying. I am not leaving you alone here with all these crazies about." Murphy shakes his head.
"Why?" Clarke asked.
"Because you are my best hope of getting out of this alive. All of this fucked up mess. I heard her she said the next commander will protect you. Well let's hope they do because that is the only thing that will save us."
Clarke knelt and picked up the gun. She turned to look at the blood once again. Her body was broken apart. Shattered. Irreparable. But she would go on. She would make sure Lexa's legacy was peace. She would do the right thing for both of their people. She climbed silently out of the window and into the night following Murphy.
"Where to Princess?" He asked her.
"To the conclave. I need to speak to Aden. Lexa said he would probably be the next commander. I need to hold him to a promise he once made."
"Great. So into the Lions den it is then". Clarke nodded once and they moved off into the darkness towards the light and the chanting they could hear.
"My spirit will live on" - Heda
