The Proper Way: Painfree Guarantee
Part One
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Yet. No worries, I'm getting there.
--
NEJI'S PLACE
--
Naruto held up an intriguing DVD case. "Midnight Sex" invaded the top half of the case, printed in a dripping crimson. The lower half was occupied by a mysterious couple. A shirt-less man could be seen caressing every part of a woman's body who was wearing a dress that was two sizes too small. Pinned against a cream-colored wall, the woman seemed almost oblivious to their surroundings; a junked-out hotel.
Seven sets of blinking eyes stared blankly at the make-out session as Naruto retrieved the DVD, fiddled around with a few buttons on the player, then popped in the disc, followed by a push of the PLAY button. And a slurp of ramen.
Not surprisingly, the scene flickered to life while displaying the same couple. This time though, they were progressing; the woman stripped of her vulgar attire. Hinata fainted immediately, leaving Naruto to grin like mad. Ino tried to suppress a smile as she realized who the woman was, Shikamaru had his head in her lap, muttering something like, "What a drag…" A thin blush spread across Sakura's cheeks as she glanced over at Sasuke, who kept on staring blankly. Neji blinked several times then looked at an uneasy Ten Ten, a message of understanding passed between them.
Naruto cocked his head. "Doesn't that look somewhat like…" He turned towards Ino. "Temari?" He grinned like a maniac. Shikamaru's eyes traveled towards the screen, which now featured a probable Temari going at it… hard.
Ino spoke, "Ya know, I think the idiot's right."
She looked down at Shikamaru. "Is it just me, or does the dude look like…" He trailed off, struggling to remember.
"Gaara." Sasuke stated.
Everyone turned towards him. "Hey, I think you're right." Sakura studied the screen carefully.
"Who else could it be?" Sasuke continued, blocking out any further arguments. Neji and Ten Ten kept quiet.
--
91 MINUTES LATER
--
"Gaara's hair's too red, but overall, I like the movie." Ino gave her two cents.
"I know, right? Doesn't pervy sage have good taste?"Naruto said between slurps of ramen. "Hina-chan." He shook Hinata gently as her eyes fluttered open. Naruto sat back on his heels, "You missed the best paaart." Naruto stretched out the last word, as if that would emphasize his point.
"That wasn't the proper way, you know." Ten Ten finally spoke.
"What do you mean?" Ino questioned.
"Well, for starters, the positioning was all wrong. It hurts that way and—"
"Wait, wait. How do you know?" Sakura sent her an accusing glare.
"Um… well—"
"We take classes." Neji covered. "You will too, next year."
Ten Ten nodded her head vigorously as Sakura glanced at Ino, eyebrows raised. "Of course." Sakura's voice drooped with sarcasm.
Ino carried on as Shikamaru and Sasuke smirked alongside Naruto. Hinata looked ready to pass out again. "Yeah, and I bet they also explain the correct breathing techniques and experiment the proper way, and—"
"Lowly virgins." Neji muttered. Ten Ten jabbed his ribs with her elbow.
"Anyway, are you all attending the party on campus tonight?"
"Hn.", "Yep.", "Of course.", and "Uh-huh"s whirled around the oversized room.
"Great! See you then!" Ten Ten grabbed Neji's arm and sped out the door.
--
THAT NIGHT
--
"I'm bored. This thing's a gyp." Ino held a glass to her lips.
"I'll second that." Sakura scanned the room.
"Too bad there aren't any extraordinary guys here."
"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" Shikamaru stumbled over.
"More like a lazy ass."
"Troublesome woman."
"But you'll do." She grabbed Shikamaru and dragged him over to a dark, secluded corner.
Sasuke walked over to Sakura. "Let's ditch this hell-hole."
"Gladly." They strolled across the floor towards the exit, only to be blocked by Naruto, who seemed to be doing the tango with Hinata… or at least attempting to.
"Where are you guys going? This party isn't even in full swing!"
"I don't like swings, I like tomatoes." Sasuke muttered as he led Sakura out the door.
Naruto shrugged as he turned towards Hinata, "Oh well. Let's boogie!"
--
TWO HOURS LATER
--
"Oh, come on, Neji! Another drink won't kill you!" Naruto urged.
"Yeah… just one more…" Ten Ten slurred.
"Bottoms up!"
Neji downed the drink as he danced with Ten Ten. Feeling oddly discombobulated, Neji's vision blurred as Ten Ten swayed from side to side.
"Maybe you should head home." Hinata suggested as she looked on, a note of concern in her voice.
"Oh, do we have to?" Ten Ten hiccupped.
"I think we should." Neji's voice wavered slightly.
"Fine."
Neji helped Ten Ten get up and find her feet before the couple headed out.
Ten Ten giggled.
--
To Be Continued...
--
Author's Notes: Just to clarify, there was some implied Sandcest, NaruHina, ShikaIno, and SasuSaku. Now that that's out of my system, Part 2's on the way. ;D
