Title - "Before It's Too Late"
Author - MacKenzie Rabb
E-Mail address - dana_mulder31@hotmail.com
Rating - G
Classification - Romance Mac/Harm
Spoilers - Personal Harm/Mac stuff, too many to name. But they're pretty vague.
Summary - Mac's about to go through with marrying Brumby. Will Harm do
anything about it before it's too late?
Disclaimer- I do not own "JAG", or any of the characters within. They
are all the property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount, and CBS.
No infringement is intended.
Sarah MacKenzie was standing in front of a mirror in the middle of a bridal
boutique, wearing one of the most lavish wedding dresses she'd ever seen.
But it was perfect for her.
So many people thought that since she was a Marine Colonel, there was no
room for femininity. But she loved being a woman, and she loved dressing up.
And no matter what anyone thought about her, she always managed to prove
them wrong.
In less than two weeks she would be Mrs. Mic Brumby, and she couldn't
remember ever being happier in her life.
She wandered back into the dressing room to change back into her uniform,
smiling all the way. She couldn't believe she'd finally found a man who loved
her enough to want to marry her.
She'd had so many bad experiences with relationships, she didn't think she'd
ever have a successful one. She had been married once before, but that was
one of the many mistakes of her life. She was tired of making mistakes, and
this time she was positive this was the right decision.
Mic was everything she could have ever hoped for. He loved her beyond
all reason she could see, and he would do anything for her. Even move
practically halfway around the world.
And she loved him too, she was sure of that, but sometimes...
Sarah, don't, her mind told her as she walked to the register to pay for the
dress. Just stay focused.
Mac, as most everyone called her, made her way to her car, trying to
remember what she needed to do next.
She checked her watch. She had twenty-five minutes of her lunch break
left to order the flowers for the wedding.
It wasn't going to be overly extravagant, but she did want it to be beautiful.
She wanted white and burgundy roses, and candles all over the place. It was
going to be an evening church wedding, and she was sure the reception would
go on until the wee hours of the morning. But they were going to have a wonderful
time.
Driving back to headquarters, Mac was worried about seeing Harm again. She'd
been given a week's leave to take care of the bulk of the wedding plans. It hadn't
been her choice, Admiral Chegwidden had insisted. Sometimes she wondered if he
was going soft, but she wouldn't dare let on to him.
He was going to give her away, and it had really touched her when he'd offered.
Any awkwardness that had existed between them seemed to be gone.
So now it was Harm she was anxious about. He hadn't been there when she came
in that morning, but she was told that he would be back from his investigation in the
afternoon.
She hoped he was okay. He seemed to be avoiding her ever since she'd announced
that she was officially engaged, and he was somewhat distant when she did catch him.
He kept telling her he was all right with it, and she kept trying to believe him.
What neither of them knew was that it was taking an incredible toll on them to be in
such states of denial.
Mac entered the building, somewhat apprehensive that Harm might be the first
thing she saw. But he wasn't anywhere in sight. She paused to breathe a sigh of
relief, then walked the short distance to the elevator and punched the button.
When the doors slid open, there was the one person she had wanted to avoid
for at least another five minutes.
Harm smiled. "Hey, Mac. They told me you were in this morning, and then
when *I* came in you were out for lunch", he said, stepping out into the hallway.
"Uh, yeah. I had to pick up some things, take care of some arrangements, stuff like that."
He nodded. "How are the wedding plans going anyway?"
"Everything's going fine. On schedule, just like we Marines like it."
He laughed slightly. "Well, that's great", he said, looking at his watch.
"I'd love to stay and catch up, but I was just headed out again."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you later, Harm", she said, squeezing his arm and
punching the button for the elevator again.
***
Harmon Rabb, Jr. was trying to convince himself this was all great, and
that he could handle it. But so far he was on thin ice.
He slipped into his car, and banged his fist against the wheel.
Harm wasn't sure how much longer he could hold up under the pressure.
He'd been invited to the wedding, of course, but he had yet to RSVP because he
didn't know whether or not he was strong enough to make it.
The thought of Mac ruining her life by marrying that Aussie idiot was
almost more than he could stand.
But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to say anything.
She was so happy, and he felt she deserved some happiness in her life.
She'd had so many hardships and challenges in her life, he didn't want to
spoil the happiness she'd finally found. Even if it was with Brumby.
Harm didn't think much of Brumby, but he knew he only wanted the best for
Mac. Even if he was a little cocky, and Harm couldn't stand him.
Brumby had done everything that he hadn't, and now he was paying the price.
He started his car, and drove out of the parking lot of headquarters. If he
could just get through the next ten days, there wouldn't be anything he could
do about it.
But can you live with yourself if you let it go?, he thought.
He hadn't even had a reason to leave, there was plenty of paperwork
waiting for him in his office. But he knew she'd be there, and she'd want
to talk. And one hesitant vibe about the wedding, one look from pleading
eyes, and he knew he'd blow it all.
He didn't even know if either of those things would happen, but he couldn't
take the chance.
He'd waited too long, and he no longer had any right to tell her how he felt.
He hadn't been ready... before. And now that he was... It's no use, he thought.
It's all over, and the Aussie wins.
He pulled into the driveway of a business, and turned around. He was going to
hold up. He was her friend, if that's what he had to settle for, and as her friend
he wasn't going to bail on her now. She'd always been there for him, and she
deserved the same.
He drove back to headquarters, and went straight to his office. He'd take care
of his paperwork, and if she found out he was back and wanted to talk, he'd talk.
Less than ten minutes after he arrived, there was a knock on his door.
"Come in", he said, not looking up from his work.
"Harm? Are you busy?", Mac said, sticking her head in the door.
"Oh, hey, Mac. No, come in", he said, straightening up the papers in front of him.
She sat down in the chair in front of his desk. "How've you been?"", she asked.
"Fine. Really busy lately. I've got three different cases right now."
"I know, I'm supposed to take on one, and help out with one of the others."
"That's what I was told. Maybe now I'll have a little time to breathe", he said, smiling.
"I'm sorry, Harm. Admiral Chegwidden-"
He cut her off. "No, no, don't worry about it. It's fine. You needed time to plan
stuff, you weren't going to find it any other way. It was no trouble, really."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"I'm sure", he insisted.
There was a slight pause.
"I finally picked up my dress today", she said.
He wasn't quite sure what to say to that.
"You'll be a beautiful bride", was all he could come up with.
"Thanks, Harm. I better go, I've got a lot of stuff to catch up on", she explained, smiling.
"I'll see ya later."
"Yeah, see ya, Mac."
***
9 days later
24 hours before the wedding
It was Friday night, the night before the wedding. There was a small rehearsal dinner
going on at the reception hall.
Mac had insisted that Harm come, seeing that he was the closest thing to family she had.
Even though he wasn't a member of the wedding party. He couldn't have refused, although
he was absolutely miserable watching Mac and Brumby together.
Everybody was toasting them, but Harm's acting skills were about to fail him. He was glad
the party was almost over, and he could go home soon. He was also glad that he wasn't in
the wedding party, just in case he decided not to show up.
Everyone was getting up from the table, and shaking hands with the soon-to-be-wed
couple. But Harm could hardly move. He was pretty sure he was drunk, and now he
was going to have to find a ride home.
Suddenly, he felt a hand a hand on his shoulder. It was Mac.
"Are you okay, Harm?", she asked, concerned.
"Uh, yeah, but I think I had too much to drink. Is there anyone who can drive me home?"
Mac looked uncertain, but only for a second. "I'll take you, Harm. Just sit here a minute,
okay? I'll tell everyone goodbye, and I'll be right back."
Harm rubbed his eyes and nodded. If he'd never gotten himself in this condition he could've
saved her the trouble.
***
Mac made her way through the small gathering of people towards Mic.
"Uh, Mic, I need to drive Harm home. I think he had a few too many."
"Sarah, can't somebody else do that?"
"No, I'll do it. Don't worry, it's about time we called it a night anyway. We've got a
big day tomorrow, remember?"
He looked at her adoringly. "How could I forget?"
She kissed him and said,"I'll see you tomorrow evening. Be careful going home, okay?"
"Love you, Sarah."
"Love you too", she said, going to get her coat.
She walked over to where Harm was still sitting at the table.
"Come on, Harm. Time to go home", she said, tugging at his arm.
"All right, Mac. I can walk, I just can't drive."
"All right", she said.
They got in the car, and neither one of them said a word all the way to Harm's
apartment.
Mac pulled into the lot at Harm's building, and realized he was asleep. She parked,
and fished his keys out of his pocket. She walked over to the other side of the car, and
opened the passenger door.
"Harm", she said, leaning in, "Harm, wake up, we're at your place", she said, shaking him.
He opened his eyes, and she held the keys up. "Let's get you inside, Harm."
"Okay", he said, climbing out of the car. "You really don't have to come up with me."
"It's fine. I've got to make sure you actually make it inside your apartment."
They took the elevator to his apartment, and he was still standing. When they got off,
Mac unlocked his door, and handed him the keys.
"Get some sleep, okay? And maybe you'll be over that hangover by tomorrow
afternoon."
"Yes, Ma'am", he replied, sarcastically. "You know, you better get some sleep too,
you're the one that's the blushing bride tomorrow."
She looked down at the floor, and then back up at Harm.
"Can I ask you something?", she said.
He swallowed hard. He was sobering up fast.
"Sure", he said.
"Can you give me any reason I shouldn't go through with this?", she asked him.
"Do you love him?", he asked.
Now she swallowed hard. "Yes." Well I do, she thought.
"Does he love you?", Harm questioned again.
This one she couldn't hesitate on. "Yes."
"Does he make you happy?", he asked, never taking his eyes off of her.
She was starting to tremble. "Yes, he does."
His green eyes darkened a bit as he said, "Well, then I certainly see no reason you
shouldn't go through with it." He reached out to touch her cheek. "'Night, Sarah,
I'll see you tomorrow." And he entered his apartment and closed the door.
She turned around, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Tears were welling up
in her eyes. Was that pain she had seen in his? She didn't know. She didn't know much
of anything these days, except he hadn't asked her to call it off. So there was nothing left
to do but go through with it.
She got in her car and drove home, knowing she wouldn't get much sleep at all.
***
Harm collapsed onto his bed, wishing that if he ever got to sleep, he wouldn't
wake up in the morning. He'd been in some tough situations before, but never
anything like this.
How could he have told her to get married? He loved her more than Brumby did,
he knew it. And he'd known her longer, so how could someone new just come
along and sweep her off her feet like that? He realized now he'd taken her for granted
for so long, that he didn't know he'd messed up until it was really too late.
Where had he gone wrong? Or where had they? He knew she had felt something at
one time, so what had happened to lead to this?
He knew he was partly responsible, he had blown one of his chances in Australia.
He hadn't wanted to cross those boundaries with her at the time. His love and respect
for her wouldn't let him.
Now he didn't know what to do, and he was well aware he'd probably never have
another chance.
He had to go to sleep, he couldn't remember ever feeling so horrible.
Standing up, he got undressed, and turned the covers down.
Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my life, he thought.
***
Mac never got nervous, but today was the exception to the rule. There was an
hour and a half until the ceremony started, and she was having the finishing touches
done on her makeup.
Harriet Roberts, her matron of honor, was right beside her in the next chair, having
her makeup done as well. She had always thought that she'd be matron of honor at
Harm and Mac's wedding, but somehow it just hadn't turned out that way. But she
had seen how all of it was affecting Harm, and she felt for him. How Mac couldn't
see it too was what she couldn't figure out.
"Are you all right?", she asked Mac.
"Um, yeah, I'm good, Harriet."
"Not nervous or anything?"
"Well, if I have to be honest, maybe a little bit", she admitted.
Harriet squeezed her hand. "It'll be okay. Remember what a wreck I was on my wedding day?",
she laughed.
"How could I forget that?", Mac said, laughing too.
"Well, don't worry, Sarah, you couldn't possibly get to that level."
"I certainly hope not!"
"Do you know how Harm's doing?", Harriet asked, concerned.
Mac sighed. "He's fine now, I guess. I called him this afternoon. He said his
hangover was gone, and that it wasn't much in the first place."
"That's good. He didn't look so hot last night."
Mac rolled her eyes. "He was drunk, Harriet, of course he didn't look so hot."
"I know. I just wonder why, I've never seen him like that before."
"Yeah, I know. I think he's taking this hard, but I don't really know why."
Harriet looked at her skeptically. "You don't?"
"I know what you're thinking, Harriet, but he doesn't want me, so there's no use talking about it."
"But how do you know that?"
"I drove him home last night. I asked him if he saw any reason why I shouldn't do this,
and he asked me three questions and said no."
"What were the three questions?"
"Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he make you happy? I answered yes to all
three and he said do it."
"Well, that doesn't mean he doesn't want you, Sarah. He just doesn't want to get in
your way if it's what you want. So is it?"
"Come on, Harriet, there's no turning back now. And why turn back for nothing anyway.
Everything's going to be great, you'll see."
"As long as you're sure, I'm with you", Harriet said.
Mac hugged her. "I'm sure." At least as sure about anything as I can be, she thought.
***
Harm was on his way to the church. He couldn't believe he was going to go through
with witnessing this.
But if he didn't show up, it would just make things worse. He didn't want people focusing
on that, he wasn't what this was about. It was Mac's day.
He managed to find a place to park, and entered the church. There were roses and candles
everywhere.
I bet it's just like she imagined it, he thought, sitting down. He sighed. I shouldn't be here.
***
Mac was getting ready to walk down the aisle. Calm down, she ordered herself.
You've been in scarier situations than this.
The Admiral appeared beside her, decked out in his dress whites. It wasn't a formal
military ceremony, but she'd expected him to show up that way. Most of her friends had.
"Ready?", he asked.
"Yes, sir", she replied, smiling.
Harriet hugged her one last time, before taking her position.
Chloe, her "little sister", who was also her only bridesmaid, threw her arms around Mac.
She had just arrived that afternoon.
"What happened with Harm?", Chloe whispered.
"Nothing, and that's why I'm marrying Mic. And no, I don't mean it like that. I love Mic",
she whispered back.
Chloe had a downcast look on her face. "I love you, Sarah", she said.
"I love you too, Chloe."
"Ladies", Chegwidden said, "let's get it moving."
"Yes, sir!", they all replied at once.
The music started, and Chloe began to march down the aisle. She and Harriet were
wearing burgundy, sleeveless, floor length gowns. Harriet followed Chloe, and took
her place at the front.
The Wedding March was cued, and Mac and the Admiral started down the aisle.
The candlelight reflected off the white silk and intricate beadwork of her gown. The
sweetheart, off the shoulder neckline, fitted waist, and full skirt flattered her perfectly.
The long veil encased her in a cocoon of gauzy white. She was stunning to everyone
who laid eyes on her.
Especially Harm, who's heart nearly stopped at the sight of her.
They made it to the front, and the Admiral placed Mac's hand in Brumby's.
They faced each other, smiling, and the minister began the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man, and this woman, in holy
matrimony."
Mac managed to make it through her vows and "I do" without a problem.
But Harm was feeling sicker every minute. Do you understand what's happening?
Do something before it's too late, his mind screamed.
But it was almost over.
The minister went on, "Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple
should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."
Before he knew what was happening, Harm was on his feet.
"I object", he announced, as if he was in a courtroom.
Mac and Brumby turned around, Harriet gasped, and little Chloe's face lit up.
"Please state your reason", the minister requested.
Mac's eyes were as big as sandollars, and she could've sworn her jaw was on
the floor. All of the sudden she couldn't breathe.
"I love you, Sarah. You can't do this", he said, a look of desperation on his face.
"I need you. I know I should've told you before, but I think you're making a mistake."
Everybody was speechless, holding their breath.
Chegwidden had a look on his face that was a mix between amusement and exasperation.
He'd seen this coming.
Mac tore her eyes away from Harm's and glanced at Brumby. He looked furious,
and like he expected her to say something.
In a low voice she said, "I- I can't do this. I'm sorry, Mic. I'm so sorry." Dropping
her bouquet, and gathering up her skirts, she rushed up the aisle barely able to see
through her tears.
Harm ran after her, following her out to the parking lot.
There was the woman he loved, leaning up against her car, sobbing. He'd
never seen her like this before.
"Sarah", he said, feeling completely helpless. He couldn't stand to see her cry.
He walked over to put his arms around her, but she started pounding his chest.
"How could you, Harm? How could you do this to me?", she shouted, shoving him
away. "Why? Why now? Why not two years ago, or two months ago, or two weeks
ago?", she demanded. "Or last night?", she asked, lowering her voice. "Is this some
sick attempt to humiliate Mic or what?"
"I don't care about him, Sarah. I'm sorry if he is humiliated. I care about you, and
I couldn't keep it to myself anymore."
"But why did you wait until now?", she demanded again.
"Look, I wasn't going to say anything. It just happened. I couldn't fight it anymore.
You have to believe me, I didn't plan things this way. I never would have."
She sighed. "You know, Harm, I don't know what to think, or do, or feel, or
anything anymore. Sometimes I'm fine, and then other times I'm going stark
raving mad. You didn't tell me why you didn't say any of these things last night."
"I thought about it, trust me. But I thought if you wanted out, you'd call it off yourself.
Did you want out is the question now. Because despite how I feel, and everything I've
said, you can march yourself right back in there, Colonel MacKenzie, and get married.
All you have to say is you love him, not me, and go. But don't expect me to follow you
back in there and watch, Sarah, because I won't."
"Why would I have asked you what I did if I didn't want you to stop me? I was
giving you the chance, Harm. And you, being a man, just couldn't see it."
She opened her car door and climbed inside, stuffing her dress in as best she could.
She nodded towards the church. "Why don't you go back in there and apologize to
everyone for this? And tell Mic I'm sorry again that this happened", she said, shutting
the door and driving off into the night.
Great, you've done it now, Harm thought.
People were now filing out of the church, and he didn't want to stick around to see
any of them. He got in his car, and drove away, not caring what any of them thought.
He didn't know where he was going, and right now he didn't care. He was sure he'd
just lost the woman he loved forever.
***
Mac hadn't spoken to Harm in over a week. The tension at the office was so thick
that almost everyone walked on pins and needles when either one of them was around.
It was tearing her up inside, but Mac just couldn't let Harm off the hook yet. She
wanted him to suffer just like she had.
She had gone to see Mic the day after their botched wedding. To her great relief
he had forgiven her, but he still wasn't happy about any of it. He told her he'd be
there whenever she needed him, and she felt more terrible than ever. She really did
love him, but only as a friend now. She just hoped he'd be okay, because he loved
her so much more than that.
Walking in the door Tuesday morning- 10 days since the "wedding"- she was still
wondering how everything had gotten in such a mess.
Why should I be surprised?, she thought. My life has always been a mess. All the
way from childhood, one disaster after another.
She dumped her briefcase on the desk, plopped down in her chair, and just sat there.
All of this was draining the strength out of her, and she was tired, and alone, and frustrated.
Mac just barely heard on a knock on the door. "Come in", she said absently.
Bud Roberts stuck his head in the door. "Ma'am, the Admiral wants to see you in
two hours. I just ran into him, and he told me to tell you."
"Okay, Bud. Thanks", she said with a sigh.
***
Harm had hardly slept in days. He'd called Mac at least a thousand times, but she
wouldn't answer. If she didn't pick up the phone soon, he was going to camp out in
front of her door until she talked to him. He was sure her landlord wouldn't appreciate
that. But she probably wouldn't open her door either.
Why won't she listen to me?, he thought. I kept her from making a mistake, she can't
deny that. I didn't see her running back into that church to get married. How did we go
from best friends to this? And how long can she stay angry at me?
He felt like banging his head against his desk. He'd barely made a dent in the three foot
stack of paperwork in front of him.
If he'd kept his mouth shut, he'd be miserable, and even though he'd said something, he
was still miserable. There was no way he could win.
Gunny rapped on the door.
"Yes?", Harm said.
"Sir, the Admiral wants to see you in an hour."
"Thank you, Gunny."
"You're welcome, Sir", Gunny said and left.
What did I do now?, he thought. I don't even want to know.
***
At eleven o'clock, Harm and Mac showed up at the Admiral's door at the exact
same time.
"What are you-?", Harm started to question, but Mac breezed right past him into the
office. He followed, and they both snapped to attention.
"At ease", Admiral Chegwidden said.
They both relaxed slightly.
"Do either of you have any idea why I wanted to see you today?", he asked.
"No, Sir", they replied in unison.
"Have you noticed anything-", he paused, "unusual going on around here?"
Now they both looked uncomfortable.
Chegwidden gave them a short nod. "That's what I thought. And since you two will
not stop acting like children, you're going to stay here and duke it out. I don't want to
see either of your faces until something is settled. Is that understood?", he barked.
"Yes, Sir!", they said.
Without another word, he walked out the door and shut it behind him.
Mac crossed her arms, and looked everywhere but at Harm.
"Mac, talk to me", he said.
"Why?", she finally asked.
"Because even the Admiral has gotten tired of this. It's gotten out of hand.
Why can't things be right again?"
"Harm, things weren't right in the first place. How do you think we got here?
We must still be denying everything. You want to know why I'm so angry?
Because you let it go this far, Harm. And sure, I could've helped out more,
and I did give you more hints than anyone should need. But I had another man
just dying to snatch me up. Besides that, there are just some things a woman wants
a man to initiate. I am a woman, Harm. Remember? Or does this uniform get in the way?"
"Hardly", he said with a mischievous look in his eyes.
She gave him a dirty look. "That's your problem, Commander, you can't grow up.
Do you think you're still sixteen? Another thing you're in denial about."
He'd listened to her enough. He had her alone, and he was going to make the most
of it. He marched up to her, and before she knew what was happening, he was kissing
her. She didn't even have time to think about resisting.
Harm let go of her abruptly. "Deny that, Sarah", he said, his voice low, their eyes locked.
Mac was trying desperately to steady her breathing.
"I'm serious about this, don't you realize that? I didn't do what I did just so
Mic Brumby couldn't have you. I did it because I need you, and I love you, and
I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't tried. If that's not good enough for you,
I don't know what is."
"That is good enough, Harm. I just wish you'd done it before now."
"I can't take back the past, so let's deal with right now, okay? You have to let me
know if you want us to be together. Otherwise, we are both wasting time we should
be using trying to be friends again. So it's all up to you now."
She put her arms around him, and held him tightly. Then she stepped back.
"That's what I've wanted to do for nearly five years now. Just to be able to be close
to you, and not feel uncomfortable. All those times I wanted to comfort you, and all those
times I wanted you to comfort me, Harm. We wouldn't let ourselves get too close. We've
wasted precious time, and we have to take what's left now. I love you. Is that good enough
for you? Because I'm tired of being in love with you, but being alone. It feels like I've been
alone my entire life. I need you to be with me now."
"Just try and make me leave you alone", Harm said. "It's not gonna happen. You worry
too much, Colonel MacKenzie."
"Well, maybe you don't worry enough, Commander Rabb."
"What should we tell Chegwidden?", he asked.
"Nothing. He'll know what's going on when we come out and you don't have a
black eye", she said grinning.
He looked at her funny. "You wouldn't."
She laughed. "Oh, I would have, flyboy. You better keep that in mind", she said
with a wink.
He kissed her again, slower this time. She slipped her arms around his neck. "You keep
that in mind", he said.
"Mmmmm, don't worry about that", she said. "Hey, let's act like nothing happened in
here for awhile. It'll drive everybody nuts! Besides, Harriet will be planning our wedding
if she finds out now."
Harm looked a little worried. "Yeah, you may be right."
She laughed. "But how 'bout you come over to my place tonight.
We can watch a movie or something."
"Or something?", he asked smiling.
She whacked him on the arm. "Harm, grow up already!"
"Well I'll try. Come on, let's get out of here and get to pretending we're
friends again. Want to have lunch?"
"Sure, we don't have to be friends outside the office", she said teasingly.
"Oh, and could you do me a favor?"
"What's that?"
"Keep calling me Sarah", she said, trailing a fingertip down his jawline.
"It makes me weak all over."
"Anything you want, Sarah", he said, following her out the door.
THE END
Author - MacKenzie Rabb
E-Mail address - dana_mulder31@hotmail.com
Rating - G
Classification - Romance Mac/Harm
Spoilers - Personal Harm/Mac stuff, too many to name. But they're pretty vague.
Summary - Mac's about to go through with marrying Brumby. Will Harm do
anything about it before it's too late?
Disclaimer- I do not own "JAG", or any of the characters within. They
are all the property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount, and CBS.
No infringement is intended.
Sarah MacKenzie was standing in front of a mirror in the middle of a bridal
boutique, wearing one of the most lavish wedding dresses she'd ever seen.
But it was perfect for her.
So many people thought that since she was a Marine Colonel, there was no
room for femininity. But she loved being a woman, and she loved dressing up.
And no matter what anyone thought about her, she always managed to prove
them wrong.
In less than two weeks she would be Mrs. Mic Brumby, and she couldn't
remember ever being happier in her life.
She wandered back into the dressing room to change back into her uniform,
smiling all the way. She couldn't believe she'd finally found a man who loved
her enough to want to marry her.
She'd had so many bad experiences with relationships, she didn't think she'd
ever have a successful one. She had been married once before, but that was
one of the many mistakes of her life. She was tired of making mistakes, and
this time she was positive this was the right decision.
Mic was everything she could have ever hoped for. He loved her beyond
all reason she could see, and he would do anything for her. Even move
practically halfway around the world.
And she loved him too, she was sure of that, but sometimes...
Sarah, don't, her mind told her as she walked to the register to pay for the
dress. Just stay focused.
Mac, as most everyone called her, made her way to her car, trying to
remember what she needed to do next.
She checked her watch. She had twenty-five minutes of her lunch break
left to order the flowers for the wedding.
It wasn't going to be overly extravagant, but she did want it to be beautiful.
She wanted white and burgundy roses, and candles all over the place. It was
going to be an evening church wedding, and she was sure the reception would
go on until the wee hours of the morning. But they were going to have a wonderful
time.
Driving back to headquarters, Mac was worried about seeing Harm again. She'd
been given a week's leave to take care of the bulk of the wedding plans. It hadn't
been her choice, Admiral Chegwidden had insisted. Sometimes she wondered if he
was going soft, but she wouldn't dare let on to him.
He was going to give her away, and it had really touched her when he'd offered.
Any awkwardness that had existed between them seemed to be gone.
So now it was Harm she was anxious about. He hadn't been there when she came
in that morning, but she was told that he would be back from his investigation in the
afternoon.
She hoped he was okay. He seemed to be avoiding her ever since she'd announced
that she was officially engaged, and he was somewhat distant when she did catch him.
He kept telling her he was all right with it, and she kept trying to believe him.
What neither of them knew was that it was taking an incredible toll on them to be in
such states of denial.
Mac entered the building, somewhat apprehensive that Harm might be the first
thing she saw. But he wasn't anywhere in sight. She paused to breathe a sigh of
relief, then walked the short distance to the elevator and punched the button.
When the doors slid open, there was the one person she had wanted to avoid
for at least another five minutes.
Harm smiled. "Hey, Mac. They told me you were in this morning, and then
when *I* came in you were out for lunch", he said, stepping out into the hallway.
"Uh, yeah. I had to pick up some things, take care of some arrangements, stuff like that."
He nodded. "How are the wedding plans going anyway?"
"Everything's going fine. On schedule, just like we Marines like it."
He laughed slightly. "Well, that's great", he said, looking at his watch.
"I'd love to stay and catch up, but I was just headed out again."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you later, Harm", she said, squeezing his arm and
punching the button for the elevator again.
***
Harmon Rabb, Jr. was trying to convince himself this was all great, and
that he could handle it. But so far he was on thin ice.
He slipped into his car, and banged his fist against the wheel.
Harm wasn't sure how much longer he could hold up under the pressure.
He'd been invited to the wedding, of course, but he had yet to RSVP because he
didn't know whether or not he was strong enough to make it.
The thought of Mac ruining her life by marrying that Aussie idiot was
almost more than he could stand.
But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to say anything.
She was so happy, and he felt she deserved some happiness in her life.
She'd had so many hardships and challenges in her life, he didn't want to
spoil the happiness she'd finally found. Even if it was with Brumby.
Harm didn't think much of Brumby, but he knew he only wanted the best for
Mac. Even if he was a little cocky, and Harm couldn't stand him.
Brumby had done everything that he hadn't, and now he was paying the price.
He started his car, and drove out of the parking lot of headquarters. If he
could just get through the next ten days, there wouldn't be anything he could
do about it.
But can you live with yourself if you let it go?, he thought.
He hadn't even had a reason to leave, there was plenty of paperwork
waiting for him in his office. But he knew she'd be there, and she'd want
to talk. And one hesitant vibe about the wedding, one look from pleading
eyes, and he knew he'd blow it all.
He didn't even know if either of those things would happen, but he couldn't
take the chance.
He'd waited too long, and he no longer had any right to tell her how he felt.
He hadn't been ready... before. And now that he was... It's no use, he thought.
It's all over, and the Aussie wins.
He pulled into the driveway of a business, and turned around. He was going to
hold up. He was her friend, if that's what he had to settle for, and as her friend
he wasn't going to bail on her now. She'd always been there for him, and she
deserved the same.
He drove back to headquarters, and went straight to his office. He'd take care
of his paperwork, and if she found out he was back and wanted to talk, he'd talk.
Less than ten minutes after he arrived, there was a knock on his door.
"Come in", he said, not looking up from his work.
"Harm? Are you busy?", Mac said, sticking her head in the door.
"Oh, hey, Mac. No, come in", he said, straightening up the papers in front of him.
She sat down in the chair in front of his desk. "How've you been?"", she asked.
"Fine. Really busy lately. I've got three different cases right now."
"I know, I'm supposed to take on one, and help out with one of the others."
"That's what I was told. Maybe now I'll have a little time to breathe", he said, smiling.
"I'm sorry, Harm. Admiral Chegwidden-"
He cut her off. "No, no, don't worry about it. It's fine. You needed time to plan
stuff, you weren't going to find it any other way. It was no trouble, really."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"I'm sure", he insisted.
There was a slight pause.
"I finally picked up my dress today", she said.
He wasn't quite sure what to say to that.
"You'll be a beautiful bride", was all he could come up with.
"Thanks, Harm. I better go, I've got a lot of stuff to catch up on", she explained, smiling.
"I'll see ya later."
"Yeah, see ya, Mac."
***
9 days later
24 hours before the wedding
It was Friday night, the night before the wedding. There was a small rehearsal dinner
going on at the reception hall.
Mac had insisted that Harm come, seeing that he was the closest thing to family she had.
Even though he wasn't a member of the wedding party. He couldn't have refused, although
he was absolutely miserable watching Mac and Brumby together.
Everybody was toasting them, but Harm's acting skills were about to fail him. He was glad
the party was almost over, and he could go home soon. He was also glad that he wasn't in
the wedding party, just in case he decided not to show up.
Everyone was getting up from the table, and shaking hands with the soon-to-be-wed
couple. But Harm could hardly move. He was pretty sure he was drunk, and now he
was going to have to find a ride home.
Suddenly, he felt a hand a hand on his shoulder. It was Mac.
"Are you okay, Harm?", she asked, concerned.
"Uh, yeah, but I think I had too much to drink. Is there anyone who can drive me home?"
Mac looked uncertain, but only for a second. "I'll take you, Harm. Just sit here a minute,
okay? I'll tell everyone goodbye, and I'll be right back."
Harm rubbed his eyes and nodded. If he'd never gotten himself in this condition he could've
saved her the trouble.
***
Mac made her way through the small gathering of people towards Mic.
"Uh, Mic, I need to drive Harm home. I think he had a few too many."
"Sarah, can't somebody else do that?"
"No, I'll do it. Don't worry, it's about time we called it a night anyway. We've got a
big day tomorrow, remember?"
He looked at her adoringly. "How could I forget?"
She kissed him and said,"I'll see you tomorrow evening. Be careful going home, okay?"
"Love you, Sarah."
"Love you too", she said, going to get her coat.
She walked over to where Harm was still sitting at the table.
"Come on, Harm. Time to go home", she said, tugging at his arm.
"All right, Mac. I can walk, I just can't drive."
"All right", she said.
They got in the car, and neither one of them said a word all the way to Harm's
apartment.
Mac pulled into the lot at Harm's building, and realized he was asleep. She parked,
and fished his keys out of his pocket. She walked over to the other side of the car, and
opened the passenger door.
"Harm", she said, leaning in, "Harm, wake up, we're at your place", she said, shaking him.
He opened his eyes, and she held the keys up. "Let's get you inside, Harm."
"Okay", he said, climbing out of the car. "You really don't have to come up with me."
"It's fine. I've got to make sure you actually make it inside your apartment."
They took the elevator to his apartment, and he was still standing. When they got off,
Mac unlocked his door, and handed him the keys.
"Get some sleep, okay? And maybe you'll be over that hangover by tomorrow
afternoon."
"Yes, Ma'am", he replied, sarcastically. "You know, you better get some sleep too,
you're the one that's the blushing bride tomorrow."
She looked down at the floor, and then back up at Harm.
"Can I ask you something?", she said.
He swallowed hard. He was sobering up fast.
"Sure", he said.
"Can you give me any reason I shouldn't go through with this?", she asked him.
"Do you love him?", he asked.
Now she swallowed hard. "Yes." Well I do, she thought.
"Does he love you?", Harm questioned again.
This one she couldn't hesitate on. "Yes."
"Does he make you happy?", he asked, never taking his eyes off of her.
She was starting to tremble. "Yes, he does."
His green eyes darkened a bit as he said, "Well, then I certainly see no reason you
shouldn't go through with it." He reached out to touch her cheek. "'Night, Sarah,
I'll see you tomorrow." And he entered his apartment and closed the door.
She turned around, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Tears were welling up
in her eyes. Was that pain she had seen in his? She didn't know. She didn't know much
of anything these days, except he hadn't asked her to call it off. So there was nothing left
to do but go through with it.
She got in her car and drove home, knowing she wouldn't get much sleep at all.
***
Harm collapsed onto his bed, wishing that if he ever got to sleep, he wouldn't
wake up in the morning. He'd been in some tough situations before, but never
anything like this.
How could he have told her to get married? He loved her more than Brumby did,
he knew it. And he'd known her longer, so how could someone new just come
along and sweep her off her feet like that? He realized now he'd taken her for granted
for so long, that he didn't know he'd messed up until it was really too late.
Where had he gone wrong? Or where had they? He knew she had felt something at
one time, so what had happened to lead to this?
He knew he was partly responsible, he had blown one of his chances in Australia.
He hadn't wanted to cross those boundaries with her at the time. His love and respect
for her wouldn't let him.
Now he didn't know what to do, and he was well aware he'd probably never have
another chance.
He had to go to sleep, he couldn't remember ever feeling so horrible.
Standing up, he got undressed, and turned the covers down.
Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my life, he thought.
***
Mac never got nervous, but today was the exception to the rule. There was an
hour and a half until the ceremony started, and she was having the finishing touches
done on her makeup.
Harriet Roberts, her matron of honor, was right beside her in the next chair, having
her makeup done as well. She had always thought that she'd be matron of honor at
Harm and Mac's wedding, but somehow it just hadn't turned out that way. But she
had seen how all of it was affecting Harm, and she felt for him. How Mac couldn't
see it too was what she couldn't figure out.
"Are you all right?", she asked Mac.
"Um, yeah, I'm good, Harriet."
"Not nervous or anything?"
"Well, if I have to be honest, maybe a little bit", she admitted.
Harriet squeezed her hand. "It'll be okay. Remember what a wreck I was on my wedding day?",
she laughed.
"How could I forget that?", Mac said, laughing too.
"Well, don't worry, Sarah, you couldn't possibly get to that level."
"I certainly hope not!"
"Do you know how Harm's doing?", Harriet asked, concerned.
Mac sighed. "He's fine now, I guess. I called him this afternoon. He said his
hangover was gone, and that it wasn't much in the first place."
"That's good. He didn't look so hot last night."
Mac rolled her eyes. "He was drunk, Harriet, of course he didn't look so hot."
"I know. I just wonder why, I've never seen him like that before."
"Yeah, I know. I think he's taking this hard, but I don't really know why."
Harriet looked at her skeptically. "You don't?"
"I know what you're thinking, Harriet, but he doesn't want me, so there's no use talking about it."
"But how do you know that?"
"I drove him home last night. I asked him if he saw any reason why I shouldn't do this,
and he asked me three questions and said no."
"What were the three questions?"
"Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he make you happy? I answered yes to all
three and he said do it."
"Well, that doesn't mean he doesn't want you, Sarah. He just doesn't want to get in
your way if it's what you want. So is it?"
"Come on, Harriet, there's no turning back now. And why turn back for nothing anyway.
Everything's going to be great, you'll see."
"As long as you're sure, I'm with you", Harriet said.
Mac hugged her. "I'm sure." At least as sure about anything as I can be, she thought.
***
Harm was on his way to the church. He couldn't believe he was going to go through
with witnessing this.
But if he didn't show up, it would just make things worse. He didn't want people focusing
on that, he wasn't what this was about. It was Mac's day.
He managed to find a place to park, and entered the church. There were roses and candles
everywhere.
I bet it's just like she imagined it, he thought, sitting down. He sighed. I shouldn't be here.
***
Mac was getting ready to walk down the aisle. Calm down, she ordered herself.
You've been in scarier situations than this.
The Admiral appeared beside her, decked out in his dress whites. It wasn't a formal
military ceremony, but she'd expected him to show up that way. Most of her friends had.
"Ready?", he asked.
"Yes, sir", she replied, smiling.
Harriet hugged her one last time, before taking her position.
Chloe, her "little sister", who was also her only bridesmaid, threw her arms around Mac.
She had just arrived that afternoon.
"What happened with Harm?", Chloe whispered.
"Nothing, and that's why I'm marrying Mic. And no, I don't mean it like that. I love Mic",
she whispered back.
Chloe had a downcast look on her face. "I love you, Sarah", she said.
"I love you too, Chloe."
"Ladies", Chegwidden said, "let's get it moving."
"Yes, sir!", they all replied at once.
The music started, and Chloe began to march down the aisle. She and Harriet were
wearing burgundy, sleeveless, floor length gowns. Harriet followed Chloe, and took
her place at the front.
The Wedding March was cued, and Mac and the Admiral started down the aisle.
The candlelight reflected off the white silk and intricate beadwork of her gown. The
sweetheart, off the shoulder neckline, fitted waist, and full skirt flattered her perfectly.
The long veil encased her in a cocoon of gauzy white. She was stunning to everyone
who laid eyes on her.
Especially Harm, who's heart nearly stopped at the sight of her.
They made it to the front, and the Admiral placed Mac's hand in Brumby's.
They faced each other, smiling, and the minister began the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man, and this woman, in holy
matrimony."
Mac managed to make it through her vows and "I do" without a problem.
But Harm was feeling sicker every minute. Do you understand what's happening?
Do something before it's too late, his mind screamed.
But it was almost over.
The minister went on, "Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple
should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."
Before he knew what was happening, Harm was on his feet.
"I object", he announced, as if he was in a courtroom.
Mac and Brumby turned around, Harriet gasped, and little Chloe's face lit up.
"Please state your reason", the minister requested.
Mac's eyes were as big as sandollars, and she could've sworn her jaw was on
the floor. All of the sudden she couldn't breathe.
"I love you, Sarah. You can't do this", he said, a look of desperation on his face.
"I need you. I know I should've told you before, but I think you're making a mistake."
Everybody was speechless, holding their breath.
Chegwidden had a look on his face that was a mix between amusement and exasperation.
He'd seen this coming.
Mac tore her eyes away from Harm's and glanced at Brumby. He looked furious,
and like he expected her to say something.
In a low voice she said, "I- I can't do this. I'm sorry, Mic. I'm so sorry." Dropping
her bouquet, and gathering up her skirts, she rushed up the aisle barely able to see
through her tears.
Harm ran after her, following her out to the parking lot.
There was the woman he loved, leaning up against her car, sobbing. He'd
never seen her like this before.
"Sarah", he said, feeling completely helpless. He couldn't stand to see her cry.
He walked over to put his arms around her, but she started pounding his chest.
"How could you, Harm? How could you do this to me?", she shouted, shoving him
away. "Why? Why now? Why not two years ago, or two months ago, or two weeks
ago?", she demanded. "Or last night?", she asked, lowering her voice. "Is this some
sick attempt to humiliate Mic or what?"
"I don't care about him, Sarah. I'm sorry if he is humiliated. I care about you, and
I couldn't keep it to myself anymore."
"But why did you wait until now?", she demanded again.
"Look, I wasn't going to say anything. It just happened. I couldn't fight it anymore.
You have to believe me, I didn't plan things this way. I never would have."
She sighed. "You know, Harm, I don't know what to think, or do, or feel, or
anything anymore. Sometimes I'm fine, and then other times I'm going stark
raving mad. You didn't tell me why you didn't say any of these things last night."
"I thought about it, trust me. But I thought if you wanted out, you'd call it off yourself.
Did you want out is the question now. Because despite how I feel, and everything I've
said, you can march yourself right back in there, Colonel MacKenzie, and get married.
All you have to say is you love him, not me, and go. But don't expect me to follow you
back in there and watch, Sarah, because I won't."
"Why would I have asked you what I did if I didn't want you to stop me? I was
giving you the chance, Harm. And you, being a man, just couldn't see it."
She opened her car door and climbed inside, stuffing her dress in as best she could.
She nodded towards the church. "Why don't you go back in there and apologize to
everyone for this? And tell Mic I'm sorry again that this happened", she said, shutting
the door and driving off into the night.
Great, you've done it now, Harm thought.
People were now filing out of the church, and he didn't want to stick around to see
any of them. He got in his car, and drove away, not caring what any of them thought.
He didn't know where he was going, and right now he didn't care. He was sure he'd
just lost the woman he loved forever.
***
Mac hadn't spoken to Harm in over a week. The tension at the office was so thick
that almost everyone walked on pins and needles when either one of them was around.
It was tearing her up inside, but Mac just couldn't let Harm off the hook yet. She
wanted him to suffer just like she had.
She had gone to see Mic the day after their botched wedding. To her great relief
he had forgiven her, but he still wasn't happy about any of it. He told her he'd be
there whenever she needed him, and she felt more terrible than ever. She really did
love him, but only as a friend now. She just hoped he'd be okay, because he loved
her so much more than that.
Walking in the door Tuesday morning- 10 days since the "wedding"- she was still
wondering how everything had gotten in such a mess.
Why should I be surprised?, she thought. My life has always been a mess. All the
way from childhood, one disaster after another.
She dumped her briefcase on the desk, plopped down in her chair, and just sat there.
All of this was draining the strength out of her, and she was tired, and alone, and frustrated.
Mac just barely heard on a knock on the door. "Come in", she said absently.
Bud Roberts stuck his head in the door. "Ma'am, the Admiral wants to see you in
two hours. I just ran into him, and he told me to tell you."
"Okay, Bud. Thanks", she said with a sigh.
***
Harm had hardly slept in days. He'd called Mac at least a thousand times, but she
wouldn't answer. If she didn't pick up the phone soon, he was going to camp out in
front of her door until she talked to him. He was sure her landlord wouldn't appreciate
that. But she probably wouldn't open her door either.
Why won't she listen to me?, he thought. I kept her from making a mistake, she can't
deny that. I didn't see her running back into that church to get married. How did we go
from best friends to this? And how long can she stay angry at me?
He felt like banging his head against his desk. He'd barely made a dent in the three foot
stack of paperwork in front of him.
If he'd kept his mouth shut, he'd be miserable, and even though he'd said something, he
was still miserable. There was no way he could win.
Gunny rapped on the door.
"Yes?", Harm said.
"Sir, the Admiral wants to see you in an hour."
"Thank you, Gunny."
"You're welcome, Sir", Gunny said and left.
What did I do now?, he thought. I don't even want to know.
***
At eleven o'clock, Harm and Mac showed up at the Admiral's door at the exact
same time.
"What are you-?", Harm started to question, but Mac breezed right past him into the
office. He followed, and they both snapped to attention.
"At ease", Admiral Chegwidden said.
They both relaxed slightly.
"Do either of you have any idea why I wanted to see you today?", he asked.
"No, Sir", they replied in unison.
"Have you noticed anything-", he paused, "unusual going on around here?"
Now they both looked uncomfortable.
Chegwidden gave them a short nod. "That's what I thought. And since you two will
not stop acting like children, you're going to stay here and duke it out. I don't want to
see either of your faces until something is settled. Is that understood?", he barked.
"Yes, Sir!", they said.
Without another word, he walked out the door and shut it behind him.
Mac crossed her arms, and looked everywhere but at Harm.
"Mac, talk to me", he said.
"Why?", she finally asked.
"Because even the Admiral has gotten tired of this. It's gotten out of hand.
Why can't things be right again?"
"Harm, things weren't right in the first place. How do you think we got here?
We must still be denying everything. You want to know why I'm so angry?
Because you let it go this far, Harm. And sure, I could've helped out more,
and I did give you more hints than anyone should need. But I had another man
just dying to snatch me up. Besides that, there are just some things a woman wants
a man to initiate. I am a woman, Harm. Remember? Or does this uniform get in the way?"
"Hardly", he said with a mischievous look in his eyes.
She gave him a dirty look. "That's your problem, Commander, you can't grow up.
Do you think you're still sixteen? Another thing you're in denial about."
He'd listened to her enough. He had her alone, and he was going to make the most
of it. He marched up to her, and before she knew what was happening, he was kissing
her. She didn't even have time to think about resisting.
Harm let go of her abruptly. "Deny that, Sarah", he said, his voice low, their eyes locked.
Mac was trying desperately to steady her breathing.
"I'm serious about this, don't you realize that? I didn't do what I did just so
Mic Brumby couldn't have you. I did it because I need you, and I love you, and
I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't tried. If that's not good enough for you,
I don't know what is."
"That is good enough, Harm. I just wish you'd done it before now."
"I can't take back the past, so let's deal with right now, okay? You have to let me
know if you want us to be together. Otherwise, we are both wasting time we should
be using trying to be friends again. So it's all up to you now."
She put her arms around him, and held him tightly. Then she stepped back.
"That's what I've wanted to do for nearly five years now. Just to be able to be close
to you, and not feel uncomfortable. All those times I wanted to comfort you, and all those
times I wanted you to comfort me, Harm. We wouldn't let ourselves get too close. We've
wasted precious time, and we have to take what's left now. I love you. Is that good enough
for you? Because I'm tired of being in love with you, but being alone. It feels like I've been
alone my entire life. I need you to be with me now."
"Just try and make me leave you alone", Harm said. "It's not gonna happen. You worry
too much, Colonel MacKenzie."
"Well, maybe you don't worry enough, Commander Rabb."
"What should we tell Chegwidden?", he asked.
"Nothing. He'll know what's going on when we come out and you don't have a
black eye", she said grinning.
He looked at her funny. "You wouldn't."
She laughed. "Oh, I would have, flyboy. You better keep that in mind", she said
with a wink.
He kissed her again, slower this time. She slipped her arms around his neck. "You keep
that in mind", he said.
"Mmmmm, don't worry about that", she said. "Hey, let's act like nothing happened in
here for awhile. It'll drive everybody nuts! Besides, Harriet will be planning our wedding
if she finds out now."
Harm looked a little worried. "Yeah, you may be right."
She laughed. "But how 'bout you come over to my place tonight.
We can watch a movie or something."
"Or something?", he asked smiling.
She whacked him on the arm. "Harm, grow up already!"
"Well I'll try. Come on, let's get out of here and get to pretending we're
friends again. Want to have lunch?"
"Sure, we don't have to be friends outside the office", she said teasingly.
"Oh, and could you do me a favor?"
"What's that?"
"Keep calling me Sarah", she said, trailing a fingertip down his jawline.
"It makes me weak all over."
"Anything you want, Sarah", he said, following her out the door.
THE END
