Author's Note: This is probably the most depressing piece I've written.

This is going to be a two or three-shot, and next chapter we'll get a look into Ichigo's POV.

Just to clarify, this is not Ichihime. Not in the slightest. I haven't finished it yet, but when I post the other parts you'll see what I mean.

Please read and tell me what you think in a review.

Argh! Sorry for reuploading, but I forgot the Disclaimer! I do not own Bleach in any way shape or form.


"We must never shed tears. That is living form of defeat and if we give in to the emotions then it only becomes proof of our inability to control it."


Kuchiki Rukia glared wordlessly at the empty glass in her hands, as the loud music and mindless chatter of the bar filled the atmosphere. Her usual bright eyes had dulled, to an almost inhuman violet, and they glazed over as the alcohol she had just consumed coursed its way around its body.

A barmaid soon noticed the empty glass she clutched, and quickly tottered over to her side to refill her drink. She threw her head back once more, and took a large swig of the burning liquid from her glass, as it crawled its way down her throat.

She discovered three things at that moment.

Firstly, was that she was a lightweight. She had barely consumed 3 glasses of sake, as her vision began to blur slightly, and a pleasant haze descended on her senses.

Second, was that alcohol made her angry. Very angry. No longer did she feel like crawling into a ball and crying herself to sleep, instead, she felt like beating the closest living thing to a bloody pulp, so she could release the past 7 months of frustration, anger, sorrow and general pain on something other than herself. The fire that had burned more dimly every day for the past few months, had ignited like a furnace, as if someone had added a gallon of oil to the raging flames.

The third thing she discovered was that she needed more sake, and she needed it now. Because behind the maelstrom that were her emotions, behind the burning anger and the icy indifference, there was an underlying hurt that she just couldn't quash. She blinked her eyes open – when had she closed them? - to find her glass once more, filled to the brim as the bar maid offered a sympathetic smile.

Grasping the glass desperately once more, she drained its contents in less than a second, in a futile attempt to still the memories on the verge of surfacing. Unfortunately for her, the alcohol stunted her concentration, so her efforts in blocking the memories from floating to the surface of her mind were in vain. She soon found herself consumed by them, and was reluctantly remembering the damn cause of all this….That god awful day 7 months ago, that changed the rest of her life irreversibly.


7 Months ago- 2 days after the Winter War.

She found herself smiling as he walked into the classroom for no apparent reason. Well, actually, there was a reason, but she was just reluctant to face it, or even acknowledge its presence. Her eyes found trailed their way back to his form, as he moved skillfully between the desks, until he reached a stop, right in front of hers. Rukia looked up at him with a curious gaze, silently asking him what he needed. To her amazement, his eyebrows were un-furrowed and there was even a hint of a smile curling on his lips. What was happening? That expression made no sense to the shinigami currently sitting in the classroom. She was absolutely dumbfounded. Was he…smiling? If so, why did it look so….wrong?

"Ichigo." She acknowledged, with a raised eyebrow, silently asking him what exactly he needed, as he still stood tall in front of her desk. To her surprise, he bent down to her level, before whispering in her ear in a husky voice that sent chills down her spine.

"Can I meet you on the roof for a moment?"

It was a simple request, as Rukia found herself almost smiling. Almost. She nodded briefly in acceptance, before standing and following the orange haired teen out of the room, paying no attention to the others watching her. If she had been, she would have noticed a certain auburn haired girl's smile exactly mirror the boy she was following.

The whole walk to the rooftop was silent. Not awkward, or uncomfortable in any way, just simply silent. The twosome soon reached their destination, as he pulled open the door, holding it open for her courteously, as he allowed her to walk past. She simply raised an eyebrow at his actions, while on the inside she was utterly confused. When had he, the brash, stubborn, often hotheaded teen gained manners? Especially towards her?

She dismissed it, a little too easily as she made her way over to where he was currently standing, leaning over the balcony as warm rays of sunlight gently caressed his cheek, giving him a kind of ethereal glow.

It was in that moment, when the desire to simply tell him, everything, grew too much for the petite woman standing behind. She could no longer just shy away from the feelings growing within her, the pure concern she felt when he was injured, the fulfillment in her heart when he simply walked through the door, proving that he was alight. She had to tell him. Now.

"I-" I what? I care about you more than I'm willing to admit? I can't stand it when I can't feel your reitsu close by? I catch myself staring at you a little to long, and find it difficult to remember when you grew from that awkward teenage boy I that gave a portion of my soul to? I find myself thinking about you when you're not right beside me?

She couldn't help but pause, an unfamiliar fear seeping into her heart. What was this feeling? It felt oddly like fear, but only worse, as she struggled to find the right words to express the depth of her emotion for the boy in front of her. Suddenly, it was as if a flashlight was shined in the dark, pinpointing exactly what she was feeling. One simple word, that described everything that she felt for the person in front of her. It would absolutely change their relationship, and yet, she found herself not caring nearly as much as she should. She opened her mouth as the words came rushing out in a breathless whisper, as he suddenly whipped around to face her.

"I love yo-"

"Rukia, I have to tell you something before you tell me alright?" He interrupted, the same smile still adorning his lips as she had observed earlier in the classroom. She froze up the moment he had interrupted, sure that she wouldn't have the courage to tell him again. Maybe in time, but not at that moment.

"S-sure.." She stuttered hastily in response, covering up the horrible sinking feeling in her gut.

"Inoue asked me out!" He claimed, his grin spreading even further across his face. Something inside of her died at that moment. For some reason, she was internally begging that he would then say he rejected their buxom friend, as he had finally realized his feelings for the girl before him. But she knew that wasn't the case. She could tell by the smile he wore that still felt so wrong, and the glassy glint in his eye what his answer had been, even before he made any further comment on the subject.

"A-ah… really?" she choked out, her voice suddenly hoarse as if she had just run a marathon as a burning sensation settled behind her eyelids. She knew what it was, but refused to let a single tear fall.

"Yeah! I never knew she liked me like that! I agreed, so now we're officially boy friend and girl friend!" he responded, his words so pronounced, so clear…so happy, that each felt like a slap in the face. There was a visible red blush creeping along his cheeks, as she bit in inside of hers as well as clenched her hands into fists in an attempt to control the writhing emotions just below the surface.

"G-great.. I-I'm happy for you." She managed to splutter in response, her voice cracking multiple times as she tried desperately to hold her mask of happiness in place. Not for her sake, but for his.

Another smile crept along his face, as his eyes seemed to shine brighter than she ever thought possible in the sunlight. Inside her chest, it felt like an iron hand had reached inside, grabbed hold of her beating heart, and began to twist mercilessly.

"Awesome, now I just have to tell the others." His voice was louder now, more confident as he gazed down on her form.

"Y-yeah.." she whispered, the volume of her voice dropping dramatically so it could barely be heard over the soft whistle of the wind. The burning sensation behind her eyes was quickly becoming too much. She had to escape. She had to escape now, before her mask shattered and she broke down completely. She turned from him swiftly, walking towards the steel door of the roof as quickly as she could without looking like she was trying to escape.

"Oh, wait, Rukia!" his voice rang out loudly, acquiring a thoughtful quality as if he had just remembered something important. Said girl froze in her steps, craning her neck around to face him once more…..dammit, she was only two steps away from the door.

"Yeah, what is it." She replied, her tone flat as it no longer held the fake happiness it did 5 seconds ago, because even that was too much for her to take.

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" He asked curiously, making his way towards her, his own eyebrows raised in curiosity this time.

She slapped on yet another fake grin, and stood as strong as she could as she attempted to wave it off.

"Ah.. Nothing." She replied, shaking her head slightly as she felt the wind rush past her was he walked towards the exit. Not once did he turn around, nor did he seem to notice the fake-ass smile that had enveloped her lips a mere second earlier. Once upon a time.. he might have. But not now. Never again.


We must never shed tears. That is living form of defeat and if we give in to the emotions then it only becomes proof of our inability to control it.


She felt two tears slowly trek their way down her cheek, conjoining once more at the base of her chin. She didn't wail like a infant, nor did she let a single sob escape her lips. But try as she might, the tears refused to stop falling.

Somewhere along the line, the sun had stopped shining as the storm came thundering in.

'Ni-sama would be disappointed with me', is the only thought the broken soul left alone on the rooftop could process, without running the risk of falling apart more than she already had.

And the rain came pouring down.


Cringing from the memory, she hastily downed yet another glass of the sake. Her brain was fuzzy, the room was a blur and she could barely feel any reitsu.

The previous anger that had flooded her veins had dissipated, leaving despair in its wake. To be perfectly honest, she preferred the blinding fury, to the overwhelming hopelessness, currently crushing the remainder of her hope to pieces, by replaying the day; start to finish, over and over again.


8 hours ago

"Rukia-chan, just tell him how you feel." The eldest Kurosaki persisted, his hands currently latched onto his third daughter's shoulders in an attempt to shake some sense into her, both literally and figuratively.

"I- I can't do that to him Isshin-san." She stuttered softy in response, still not used to his forcefulness when it came to matters like this. She had been living in the Kurosaki household, (with their knowledge) for almost a year in total, and almost felt like a real part of their family. The key word there was almost.

This had to have been at least the 10th time the head of the household had tried to convince her to confess her feelings to his son. She stopped denying her feelings after the second attempt, seeing as all the members of the family could see her feelings a clear as day, no matter how much they tried to hide them…well, all accept the now smiling carrot top.

They had grown apart in the past months, to a point the words acquaintances described their relationship much more accurately than friends. Whenever they talked, Inoue was always hanging on the end of his arm, as the seemed to travel as a duo these days. It wasn't Ichigo, and Inoue. It was Ichigo and Inoue.

There was no more me, or I, just us and we.

The petit shinigami hadn't talked to the orange haired teen alone since that fateful day on the roof, and after a month, she simply stopped trying.

So, the current distance in their relationship had somehow prompted the elder Kurosaki to convince her to actually confess her feelings, so he could have '26 grandbabies'.

So far, none a single attempt had succeeded, though almost every one came close.

"I thought I told you to call me papa? And why not? How do you know he doesn't feel the same?" He whined childishly, his lips set in a pout as he crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. She couldn't help but sigh in response. Did he know that she had been asking herself his last question, over and over again in her head?

"I…I can see how happy his is with her… I have no right to take that away from him." She muttered, her eyes darkening as a dejected frown spread across her face. It was true. She resolutely refused to be selfish. Not that Ichigo was finally happy…he deserved that, in the least.

"But what about you?" Isshin asked, his eyebrows furrowing in serious concern. Rukia was dumbfounded, not understanding what he was getting at.

"Huh?"

"He may look happy, but what about you? You deserve to be happy as well. I'm not going to guarantee that he will accept your feelings, but keeping them all to yourself…. I can see its killing you." He stated, earlier playfulness disappearing from his tone, as it dropped in volume to barely a whisper.

"I.. I don't want to ruin this happiness he has finally found… I just can't do that to him" She replied, her eyes screwed shut in an attempt to make the man before stop making so much sense. Because if he kept this up, he may actually convince her to do what she had buried so far in her subconscious, ever since that day he brushed off her confession on the rooftop.

"Just tell him Rukia-chan. For a piece of mind. If he accepts, then you will finally have a chance at being happy, and if he can't? It will hurt, but at least you got it off your chest, and then you will be able to move on with a clear conscience." He explained, his eyes clearly displaying his level of concern for the shinigami he had come to love like a daughter. He honestly cared for her happiness. He really did. She needed this. Even if she would never admit it, or show it openly, what had been happing for the past few months was literally killing the poor girl from the inside out.

"..t-thank you…" she replied, her head hung low as his words echoed throughout her mind. 'then you will be able to move on'…. It made sense. It made so much sense that she felt like an idiot for not seeing it that way sooner. Maybe if he told her how he really felt, if he actually opened up to her for once, she would be able to let go.

"No problem. Now go get that idiot son of mine" He chuckled, patting her on the back solidly, as she nodded hurriedly, before sprinting out of the house.

She followed his reitsu like as if it were her lifeline, running carelessly across the streets in order to get there was fast as possible.

She arrived in a part of Karakura that she had never seen before, but soon ignored it as she continued to follow the trail of his reitsu. She soon found herself standing on the outside of what appeared to be a high class restaurant. She briefly wondered what he was doing there, but was distracted by the sound of thunder in the distance as storm clouds began to roll in.

She turned her attention back to the window, in a attempt to spot the bright haired-boy. And spot him she did. The image she saw next was burned so deeply into her mind, that even after her fourth glass of sake, it would not dissipate. His orange hair was as unruly as ever- it looked like he hadn't brushed it in before coming - was all dressed up, wearing a casual black tuxedo, as well as a red and black striped tie. But that wasn't the part that killed her. It was the fact that he was on one knee, in front of his girlfriend, holding up what looked to be a wedding ring. She didn't need to hear any words to know what was going on.

"Inoue…will you, marry me?"

It was too much for the shinigami to take. She screwed her eyes shut, turned around, and simply ran. She didn't even bother to wait for a response. She just had to get away.

Away from him.

Away from her.

Away from them.

Away from everything, as the storm came thundering in.


Maybe that's why she sat in the middle of a random bar at two in the morning.

Maybe that's why she was on her 10th glass of sake, no longer caring about the world around her.

Maybe that's why when the hollow alert sounded from her Soul Pager, even though she could barely stand upright, and her head was pounding and hands shaking, that she stumbled off into the night without a second thought.

And the rain came pouring down.


Somewhere across town, a certain orange-haired boy pondered briefly over why something felt horribly, horribly wrong.