You were always so out of the ordinary and kind. They spoke horror stories of how malicious you were, but from my porch you never gave me that impression. We would always wave to each other when you went to the lobby. I would sit on my stoop listening to my audio player bobbing my head along as I read avoiding going inside for as long as I could. You would stare at me more often than not causing my cheeks to flare. The first couple of times I would scoot to the farthest corner to hide my mortification. After a while though, I no longer worried.
It was all fine until we spoke.
You found me heading out and grabbed my shoulder harder than you should have. I stopped waiting to see what you wanted. That was my mistake. You told to come into your apartment. You wanted to show me something. I can't actually recall what it was you said. I just remember thinking you were my neighbor and seemed safe. I followed you.
I followed you like a fucking fool.
I didn't even like you. Not like that at least. You were just some guy who I knew on a waving basis.
You had smooth hands. I remember thinking they were nicer than mine because I worked with my hands a good bit of the time. We went into the apartment and moved to your bedroom. You undid a combination lock which I thought was weird to have on one's door. Without warning, you shove me in slamming the door shut. I fall to the ground crawling back on my hands becoming conscious the horrible mistake I had made. You jerk me up by my hair and sling me to your bed pouncing on my now trembling body.
I asked why a lot. So much so you slapped me and told me to shut my sodding rot. Your hands felt like ice as they worked off my top. My body shook as you used a knife cutting off my bra. I try in vain to cover my exposed skin, but you would have no such thing. You pinned my wrist and smiled at my bare breasts.
"What lovely groodies you have little sister." You ridiculed taking my nipple into your mouth causing me to gasp and buck under you.
Twisting under you I am able to loosen your grip enough to roll off the bed. I elbow your nose and run to the door yanking on the handle praying the lock didn't reset every time it closed. You curse at me reaching for my ankle. I jerk the handle and to my luck it opens. I slam it quickly twisting the lock to make you have to re-enter the combination.
I sprint to the door tugging on it to realize it was dead bolted and you had the key in your room.
My stomach drops. Your door slams open and I scramble attempting to come across somewhere to hide. There was nowhere and I felt the cold chill of terror travel my body. Ducking into a bedroom I slip under the bed covering my mouth.
"Come out you malenky whore!" You growl from outside. I gradually scoot farther curling into myself praying I would think of something, but there was nothing.
I was completely trapped.
"I know you're in here." You hiss kicking the bed frame. I suppress a whimper and a thought pops in my head. If I come out maybe you won't be so angry with me. It wasn't logical or even something I could explain, I just did it. Moving from under the bed I stand in front of you adverting my eyes waiting to see what you would do.
Your hand tangled in my trestles yanking me forward. I cry out in fear as you drag me back to the room.
23- 42- 17- 9.
I repeat the numbers to myself over and over. We enter the room again and this time when you throw me down you give a few solid kicks to my side. I retch miserably clutching my sides in agony. You reach down pulling me to my feet and throw me back on the bed. The covers had been pulled back. You had been planning this.
Then I got mad.
Really mad.
I punch you as hard as I can over and over kicking and screaming. You laughed.
You fucking laughed at me like I was a stupid girl.
Not sure when it happened, but we were both naked next time I truly focused on what was happening.
I didn't like it. I didn't like the way it felt you touched me. You wouldn't stop.
I asked you over and over why.
Why were you doing this to me?
You told me to shut my sodding rot again. I tried really hard to obey you. I guess I thought you would be gentler with me if I was really good. It was stupid, but I just needed a coping mechanism, something to make me feel like I wasn't being useless. I tried fighting. You were stronger and threatened to hurt me more.
When you forced your fingers inside me I gasped crawling back on my hands trying to get you out. I thought this was supposed to feel good. In books this was supposed to feel good.
Why doesn't this feel good?
A dark voice in the back of my head whispers:
"Because you are being raped."
I shake my head.
No, no those things only happen to certain girls and I wasn't one of those girls. I was a good girl. I didn't deserve this.
Why God?
Why do I deserve this?
Where is my angel?
Where is my knight?
Where is my almighty god?
I cry out in despair when your tongue touches places it shouldn't. My hips resist in fear trying to escape, but you keep them close. Your skin rubs me causing my heart to sink. You spread me open telling me to be dobby or else. I promise I will, feeling you hover above me. Closing my eyes I feel the tears run down my cheeks into my hair.
I was going to be raped.
In a few seconds the one thing a woman cherishes most was going to be ripped from me in the most violent way possible. I prayed, prayed for someone to have mercy and save me.
You plunged forward and sharp sheering pain detonates through me.
And I realized there was no one.
No hero crashing through the door saving me from you.
No moment where you saw clarity.
There was nothing.
Books are lies.
My hero doesn't exist.
All I have is evil.
This is day oneā¦.
Please review if you get a chance. Not sure where this will go in the long run. I know the ending, but can't promise my updates will be super regular.
