'You have a spot of my ejaculate on your trousers.'

The statement, issued in a far-too-loud yet absolutely nonchalant mutter from L to Light, brought the Task Force headquarters to a grinding halt. Light's jaw dropped momentarily as he racked his stalled brain for a word of protest, but the room remained silent save for L's continued tapping at his keyboard and the resulting light jingle of the length of chain attached to his wrist. As his cheeks heated well beyond comfort, Light noted that L had not looked his way for so much as a half second when he'd spoken.

Had Light been capable of forming coherent thoughts at present, he may have decided that at least they're not all here - for indeed, Aizawa Shuuichi and Mogi Kanzou had yet to arrive to work this morning; Yagami Souichirou had shown up shortly after L and Light themselves, and Matsuda Touta had followed only minutes after.

There was a soft fluttering as Souichirou found himself no longer able to hold on to the papers he was currently reviewing, and they fell in a deafening near silence to be spread across the ground. Here, Matsuda - lapdog to anyone who would take him - averted his still frozen gaze from the back of Light's head and dropped quickly to one knee, clumsily sweeping up the dropped sheets of paper.

It was Souichirou who finally spoke: 'Excuse me, Ryuuzaki?' While there was certainly a tone of warning in his voice, it was difficult to ignore the accompanying waver.

L took a moment to finish whatever he was typing and spun his chair around to face the room. Only Light registered the tiny twitching at the corner of L's mouth as he suppressed a grin.

'It's of little importance to me,' L started, and had Light yet come to his senses again he might have interrupted, 'but when your son agreed to engage in intercourse with me last night, he was most adamant that we must conceal any and all resulting evidence - oh.' That final syllable, uttered at a considerably lower tone, as if an afterthought, was what at last snapped Light out of his trance.

He took just a moment to compose himself. 'Very funny, Ryuuzaki,' he smiled grimly, his acting faltering slightly for perhaps the first time ever, 'but this isn't the time. Let's just-'

'But there it is,' L cut in. He lifted one arm until it reached straight ahead of him, his hand arranging its bony fingers into an almost accusatory point, and, tugging on the chain that connected them, wheeled himself toward the standing Light until the tip of his forefinger met with a conspicuous stain on the crotch of his jeans. 'Right there. That's mine.'

Light jerked away so hard at the touch that he tripped over his own feet and collapsed, sprawled on the ground with limbs in every direction. His position rendered the denim between his legs taut, and the stain became even more obvious.

'That is not - that!' Light barked as he tried to right himself. The dull pain in his behind from the fall was lost to the searing heat in his cheeks as they reddened significantly.

L pulled his extended hand back to his knees and leered down at Light with a triumphant gleam in his gray eyes so subtle it was certainly apparent to nobody but his current victim. 'How strange; you acknowledged it at the time-'

'I did not,' Light glowered.

At this moment in time, the detective and his suspect seemed only to have eyes for one another - much like the previous evening, perhaps - and neither had noticed the unblinking eyes of both Souichirou and Matsuda on them, flicking from one young man to the other as if following a tennis match.

'That should wash out, that was what you said, Light-kun,' L mused. For all of his genius, Light could produce no rebuttal aside from outright denial, which had already proven useless, so in the silence, L went on. 'You dismissed it readily but you've not forgotten, surely. It was on your chest and face too - you must recall - almost immediately after you sucked-'

Souichirou's and Matsuda's respective cries of 'Enough!' and 'What?' were sufficient to not only kill L's next words before they were spoken, but also to warrant a horrible, childish grin to grace his normally stoic face.

L turned his attentions to Souichirou; Light just closed his eyes and wished himself - or Ryuuzaki - dead.

'You understand the basic mechanics of intercourse between men, I assume,' L began. 'It seems that one can produce an astounding amount of ejaculate following a particularly pleasurable session of fellatio.'

In tension so thick it was suffocating, Souichirou's face was fixed in an expression he might be expected to take on during his witnessing of the existence of such things as shinigami - his mouth and eyes were impossibly wide, sparse wrinkles stretched so far they looked as though they might snap.

Matsuda was so overcome by his own mental images of L releasing himself all over Light that when he whimpered - like a kicked dog - he almost forgot to turn his pathetic sound into a cough.

'What is the meaning of this!' Souichirou demanded, his voice comic in its conviction.

L sighed, and slowed his speech as if talking to kindergarteners. 'Mister Yagami, last night I had sex with your son. I took him for a bit of the old in-out, we buried the one-eyed worm, exchanged bodily fluids, had a squeeze and a squirt, did the funky chicken, plugged and played, took a stroll down Cadbury Canal, had a live sausage for supper, rumbled in the jungle, bumped uglies - Mister Yagami, I fucked him into the ground, and he loved every second of it.'

Souichirou Yagami was simply far too bewildered to even think of being angry at L.

Matsuda wasn't sure whether he should cover his mouth first or his crotch.

And the whiny sobs coming from Light's crumpled form might have been the God of the New World reduced to tears.

'Is - is this true, Light?' Souichirou stuttered.

Light swallowed hard and began to clear his throat, but L never gave the poor boy a chance to answer. 'Oh yes, Mister Yagami. You'd be astounded at some of the fetishes your son has been repressing all these years. He asked me, for example, if I would wear Miss Amane's leather skirt to bed - of course I politely declined at first, but have you ever heard Light-kun beg for anything?' L left a moment for Souichirou to answer, but unsurprisingly, Light's father remained absolutely silent. 'It turned out, in the end, to be a very practical decision - when I eventually got to reaming him in the ass,' - Light shuddered - 'it was by all means far easier to remove than-'

'Wait - you mean you... before you...?' Matsuda interrupted, nervously. 'Wouldn't the taste...?'

'Oh, that's no worry,' L replied quickly. 'I was bothered by the hygiene issues at hand from the beginning so I insisted on an enema.'

Souichirou Yagami felt around behind himself for a chair, and the second he came across one, let himself fall into it immediately. He raised a hand to his brow and shook his head slowly.

'Don't be upset, Mister Yagami,' L reassured, in a voice anything but reassuring. 'He was more than ready for me by the time I was through preparing him. I am not a small man, but after the vibrating anal beads Light-kun seemed to loosen up considerably.' He paused, then added: 'Not so much as to impede on my pleasure, of course.'

'Ryuuzaki,' Light whimpered from the ground, 'please-'

L sprang back into action right away. 'See what I mean about his begging, Mister Yagami? It was above and beyond that, of course - did you know that with the right pressure at the base of the penis, orgasm can be entirely prevented?'

While Souichirou's mouth still hung open in stunned silence, Matsuda was quick to respond, his nerves thrown to the wind now that he finally had something useful to contribute. 'Yeah - I heard something about that!'

'Very good, Matsuda,' L congratulated, with little enthusiasm. 'With this in mind, you must agree with me that it would be very easy to exhaust and overpower a man with a constant combination of stimulation and denial?'

Matsuda nodded eagerly.

'Yes, well.' L trailed off for a moment, letting his gaze wander briefly back to the boy on the floor before him. As that terrible smile resurfaced, he turned his attentions back to Matsuda and Souichirou. 'Light-kun is of course no exception. In fact, being young and hormonal, his physiology was particularly easily manipulated to my own wants.'

Souichirou, practically brain dead by now, began muttering to himself.

Matsuda, on the other hand, was hanging on L's every word. 'What do you mean?' he prompted. 'How did you...?'

And L, at this point, seemed delighted by the attention.

'The prostate gland - as you may know - is very easily stimulated by anal penetration, and with the correct positioning of the anal beads I mentioned earlier, it was indeed very simple to keep up both pressure at Light-kun's most vulnerable point and simultaneously deny him any release.'

Eyes lighting up, Matsuda spoke excitedly: 'And then you'd still have a free hand to play with his-'

'Two free hands, Matsuda,' L corrected. Matsuda gave him a quizzical look, so he continued. 'There are certain toys designed specifically to apply just the right sort of pressure to the male anatomy so as to both maximise the potential for pleasure and prevent the reaching of orgasm.'

'A cockring,' Matsuda nodded.

Suddenly Souichirou came back to life. 'Matsuda, this conversation is entirely inappropriate!' he scolded.

Matsuda tried to piece together a protest, but it came out as a whined 'Yes, sir.'

Disregarding Souichirou entirely, L went on after a moment. 'I could show you, Matsuda, if you'd like that.'

Light jerked his head up, his expression one of terror.

Souichirou gave a heavy sigh.

Matsuda cleared his throat, and looked L in the eye. 'Could you?'