I stood there arguing with Ricky like I always did but it just isn't far that I am the only one with all the responsibility and he doesn't have any.
I know it's wrong to fight with him and blame it all on him because he wasn't the only one that got me pregnant but I just feel he can do more to help out and also just be there for me.
But I know he doesn't feel that way about me. My thought were interrupted my Ricky;
"Look Amy I know it's my fault and I know you hate me but I don't want to fight every time I came over here to see John"
I looked down at the floor, I can't believe he thinks I hate him, it's the complete opposite I still love him and the reason I am so upset all the time is because I know he doesn't love me, I have to see john everyday and it reminds he that I can't be with Ricky.
"You think I hate you" I gave him a questioning look
He rolled his eyes
"of course you do that's why you fight with every time I come over here, you hate me for getting you pregnant and making you life complicating" he thinks I hate because of John, I am glad I got pregnant and had john he is the best thing that happened to me, I just like to tell people that because I am so young.
I walked across the room and looked out the window for a second then turned around and looked at John then back out the window.
"Ricky I don't hate you, I could never hate you, I fight with you for other reasons" he seemed very surprised by my answer, and in his eyes I saw something like love.
Looking into Ricky's eyes at that moment I realized I never loved Ben I never had the feelings I have for Ricky with Ben and I know I love Ricky.
I think I just told Ben that I loved him to hind the fact that I was hurt that Ricky didn't love me back.
"If you don't hate me then why do you argue with me all the time, what are the other reasons?"
I turned from the window and looked back down at John who was fast asleep, he didn't deserve for us to fight all the time, and I signed and walked to my bed to sit down.
At this time I was glad that my dad lived next door and my mom was staying at her boyfriends house because I don't want them to hear me tell him how I feel after I tried so hard to convince them I didn't like Ricky,
When he came and sat next to me on the bed I knew there was no turning back I had to tell him the truth.
"Ricky listen the reason I am mean to you and I fight with you all the time is because…um…." I started to bit my lip; I looked away because I couldn't look him in the eye when I said this.
"Because I love you" I muffled it under my breath and I could barely hear myself
"What" and Ricky leaned closer to me but I shot up and turned around and looked at him
"Because I love you alright and I know you don't feel the same and it hurts me when I see you so I get mad at you" then I turned around
"Ok well know you know" I was fighting back the tears because I was preparing for rejection.
I didn't even know he stood up and walked to me until he grabbed my waist and spun me around to look at him but I just looked at the ground.
He used his pointer finger and put it under my chin, to raise my head so I was looking at him.
"Your wrong" that's all he said before leaning down and kissed me, I kissed him back too because I loved it.
I wrapped my arms around his neck; we stayed like that for a couple of seconds and I was upset when he pulled back but he didn't go far he just raised his head on my for head and looked into my eyes;
"I love you too and I have wanted to say that since the first night at band camp"
I was shocked I just couldn't believe he loved me too.
Just then I found myself wanting him more then I have ever wanted him before, more then I wanted him a band camp.
I really wanted him and now that I know he feels the same I could have him.
I reached up and kissed him more passionately then our first kiss, as I did I turned around and started walking backwards but I think Ricky realized what I was doing and he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around him waist and put myself to him as tight as I could.
He put me on the bed and hovered over me, we were still kissing and then I made my way to the bottom of his shirt then pulled it off when I was finished he looked down at me
"Amy are you sure about this" he gave a concerned look and that just made me want him more because he cared about me enough to stop but I didn't want to stop.
I have wanted this since the night in Band camp.
I leaned up and kissed him neck and then I kissed his ear and whispered into it
"yes I want you" and then I kissed him all over his neck making my way to his lips but then I stopped and took off my shirt and bra before returning to kiss him again I went towards his lips but he grabbed my face
"You already have me" I smiled and he kissed me, pressing his body close to mine.
I reached down and unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down.
I knew there was know turning back now and I didn't want to either.
He left my lips and kissed down my neck, then down my chest, then down my stomach till he got to my pants,
He pulled them and my thong off in one swift motion, then kissed his way back up to my lips,
I wanted to just start but I knew I couldn't I had to be safe I pulled away and he looked at me concerned
"Do you want to stop" he went to get off of me,
"Nnooo" my breathing was uneven, but he just stayed where he was looking at me
"Do you have protection, I don't think we want a repeat of last time" I said when I got my breath back, he started laughing and I just blushed
"You right Amy hold on" and he pulled himself off of me and pulled something out of his pants and put it on.
I smiled when he came back and leaned up to give him a kiss but he didn't kiss back, he just ran his hands along my face pushing my hair out of my face
"are you sure you want to do this, if you change your mind I wont be mad, I just want you I don't need sex" I started to laugh but I realized that he was being serious, so I just leaned up and whispered
"Thank you but I want to, I want you, I love you" then I kissed him and pulled him back down closer to me
"I love you to Amy" with that I opened my legs and let him enter, he started slow, I knew it was because he was afraid that he was hurting me
"Its ok I am fine" with that he went in deeper and faster.
It was amazing, it felt so much better this time then it had the first time and I think that's because we were in love.
When he was done he rolled over onto his side and wrapped his arm about me, I had never felt so alive.
I never realized how much I loved sex till then; I could do it all the time if I was able to.
We just stayed like that and didn't say anything we were just so happy, we ended up falling asleep.
I woke up to Ricky playing the Guitar to John, I guess he had woken up, I looked at the clock it was 2:30 am, yup he always got up at this time I went to get up but then I looked down and noticed I still didn't have any clothes on.
I looked around and I saw Ricky shirt and put it on, it smelt like him and I felt like I was in a daze but I was pulled out when Ricky started to sing, I started to cry not just because he had an amazing voice but because of the some he was sing to john.
I was going to walk over and sit next to him but I thought if he saw me he would stop sing so I tried to be a quit as I could.
The song was so beautiful,
"My
Wish" I
hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow, But
more than anything, more than anything, I hope you never look back,
but ya never forget, But
more than anything, yeah, and more than anything, My wish,
for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, This is
my wish
And each
road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a
choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that
means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door
closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If
it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
My wish, for you, is that
this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big,
and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you
can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting
to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things
too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
All the ones who love you, in the place you
left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you
help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in
every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
My wish, for
you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your
dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to
carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting
where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and
wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
Your
dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to
carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting
where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and
wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams
stay big
When he stopped singing, he saw that john had fallen back asleep and he put the guitar down and went to get back in bed, when he saw me in his shirt and tears running down my face.
He walked over
"What's wrong" I couldn't talk yet but I wrapped my arms around his neck, he was an amazing father and I loved him so much. He started rubbing my back to comfort me.
"That was beautiful, you are a great dad" I finally got out away after about 10 minutes, he smiled and pulled her in tighter
" You are an amazing mother" I smiled and pulled my head away to look into his eyes "I love you"
"I love you too" he leaned down and kissed her.
"Umm I need to ask you something" I got a little nervous what did he want to ask me, I started to think the worst.
Maybe he still wanted to sleep with Adrian and be with me too, I wouldn't be ok with that he would have to choose one, But what if he chooses her over me and John.
What could it be that he wanted to ask me.
I looked down at the floor.
"well I want you to keep an open mind and if you say no I will be hurt and disappointed but I will understand" I was right, I cant believe after we just made love and he just sang to our child that he was going to ask if he could still see another girl.
He said that he loved me maybe that was just to get into my pants again.
I felt the pain in my chest but I really didn't know for sure if that was the reason but I have a pretty good Idea that it was.
"Ricky will you just tell me" I heard the hurt in my voice and so did Ricky, he looked down.
" well ok umm I really like being here with you and john but" I stopped breathing at this point, I couldn't even prepare myself for what he said next, she was about to cry but she fought them back, he might not say what you think he is, she kept telling herself that over and over again.
"But" the hurt in my voice was overwhelming.
We still haven't looked at each other. " but I hate having to leave, I loved waking up with you and waking up with john to put him back to sleep" I looked at him in surprise that wasn't what I thought he was going to saw, I felt relief flow through my body but I still didn't look up at him, I just waited for him to finish
"I was wondering if you and john would like to move in with me" my eyes shot up to his
"Or I could move her with you" I was shocked he really did love me and he wanted to be with me all the time and go to bed with me, wake up with me, raise john with me.
We would be a really family and that's all I ever wanted, tears started to fall from my eyes.
Ricky I guess thought I was telling him no because he turned around but I caught him by the arm
"yes Ricky I would love to live with you, I don't care where we live her or there as long as you are with me" he turned around fast and pulled me into a hug, he started laughing and spinning me around, I wrapped my legs around his waist, I was so happy.
"Thank you I love you so much" he said into my hair
" I love you too Ricky" we kissed for a couple of minutes till we heard John moving around in his crib and then started to cry.
Ricky put me down and gave me a small kiss then went to pick up John.
I walked over and laid in my bed and Ricky did the same putting john in-between us, we just sat there watching John then Ricky kissed the top of my head.
He looked down at john
" Hey buddy guess what daddy is moving with you, we are going to be together all the time like one big happy family, I love you john." God I love this man he is full of surprises.
"I love you too john" then I looked up to Ricky
"I love you too with all my heart" he kissed me and then we laid there with john in-between us and I had never been so happy in my life.
Then we drifted to sleep as a family.
Hope you enjoyed that
