Slap-Bet
Synopsis: In "Slap Bet" (episode 2x09), Barney is the first to suggest the idea of a "Slap-Bet". When did Barney first experience the Slap-Bet?
"Hey Stinson! Ever heard of a slap-bet?"
Eight year old Barney Stinson slowly put down his half finished sandwich, resentfully lifting his head to face the owner of the voice. Matthew Panning sneered down at him, his group of fifth grade friends hovering behind like a barrage. Barney couldn't for the life of him remember exactly what it was that he had done against the boy, but ever since they met in kindergarden, Matthew had decided to make it his personal mission to make Barney's life miserable. It also didn't help his case that Matthew had somehow managed to befriend a bunch of loser fifth graders who, although no match for people their own age, could really pack a punch into his third grade frame.
"What do you want Matthew?" Barney asked now, calmly, knowing it was in his best interest not to show any signs of fear despite his traitorous heart beating rather rapidly.
"Aww, nothing, just wanna play a game Barney. Slap-bet."
"I don't want to play," Barney replied, standing up to try and walk away, but instead meeting the chest of Danny Miller, Matthew's best friend, as well as the bulkiest of the fifth graders. Barney stopped, using all his willpower not to shrug away the menacing hands Danny had placed on his shoulders.
"Who said you had a choice, Stinson," Matthew spoke up again, "I'll give you the rules. We make a bet, and whoever wins gets to slap the other person in the face. As. Hard. As. They. Can. Fun right?"
Barney's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Wait... you mean, if I win, I can actually slap you?"
Matthew smiled smugly, "IF you win. Good luck trying, Stinson. By the way, Danny is the slap-bet commissioner, so he's the judge."
Barney's eyes shifted. He knew there was a catch. But maybe... if something was blatantly obvious enough that he won on... "So what do we bet on?" he asked.
"Anything. Like... I bet you Mrs Leery is going to walk past in the next five seconds."
Barney's head turned, seeing the teacher walking in their direction, headed for the playground.
"Wait, but that's not f-" he protested, attempting to struggle away when he saw the trap, but Danny's steel rod arms held fast.
SLAP.
The sting hit hard, impacting his his cheek and reverberating to the other side of his head. He could feel his ears ringing from the aftermaths, betraying tears teasing at the edge of his eyes. He quickly swallowed them back, hand instinctively rubbing the burn left over, his body sliding down to rest on the bench before his legs gave way. The taunting pearls of laughter that surrounded him drove deep into his heart, words of 'wimp' and 'loser' flicking past his ears, seeming to tear pieces of him with them. He cried out a gasp when he saw Danny picking up his forgotten lunch, crushing it in his hands before throwing it onto the ground, jeering at him and daring him to protest. His stomach rumbled in complaint, but he said nothing, words lost within himself, anger and hatred burning inside, but frustratingly too weak against his opponent. Heaving a sigh of relief when the group finally left him, stalking off to taunt some other poor student, he closed his eyes to calm himself, still leering from the shock. A tear escaped, and he quickly wiped it away before anyone noticed. Sighing, he quietly picked up the discarded sandwich and turned it around in his hands, wondering if any part was salvageable, and regretting not having asked his mom for more.
The next few weeks of school were filled with similar instances, where Matthew would suddenly run up, announce "slap-bet", bet something ridiculously obvious with Barney and slap him even before he could retort back. Barney felt like the nerves in his cheek were constantly on fire, unconsciously flinching at every movement made near the general area. He had already lied to James several times that it was just a nervous tick, his brother eyeing him suspiciously before making Barney promise him that he would tell him if he really was having any real trouble. Barney had nodded sullenly, fingers crossed behind his back. He didn't like having to lie to his brother, but he certainly didn't want James having to defend him. James was in middle school now, and even though they were still in the same school, they no longer shared the same playground. If James were to help in any way, Barney knew it would only make life worse. Plus, he wasn't a baby, he didn't need his big bro to look after him. Barney did wonder how Matthew always managed to time his attacks so well though, always avoiding the teachers and anyone else who would actually care (not that there were many, since most of the other third graders were pretty terrified of Matthew and his gang, and the older students couldn't be bothered intervening). He himself had tried to use Matthew's own trick against him once, but Danny had simply held him in place whilst one of the other fifth graders pulled on his ear until he begged them to stop. When he called them out for not abiding by the so called sacred rules of the slap-bet, Matthew had only laughed, kicking him hard under the shin, before announcing that the rules meant only Matthew could declare the bets, and that Barney could do nothing about it. By the end of term, Barney had resigned to the idea that his cheek was never going to stop hurting. He imagined himself as an adult, a permanent hand print eroded into his skin, and wondered if any girls were going to like him. Not that he wanted any girls to like him. Girls were yucky. Plus, it wasn't like he was going to see Matthew in the summer break, and Barney was looking forward to that most of all. Well, that and the end of year concert. His music teacher, Mrs Granger, had arranged for him to play a violin solo this year, and Barney was looking forward to being able to play for a proper audience. He'd been diligent in his preparation, making sure his mom signed every note, practicing every day for at least an hour, and meticulously posting reminders on the fridge for his mom to take the day off so she could come.
The day finally came, and he found himself waiting nervously backstage, dressed in a tuxedo that belonged to Mrs Granger's nephew, his violin tuned, bow adjusted just right. Seeing the first graders file off the stage, he snuck a peep out into the crowd again, scanning for his mom. She had promised that she was going to be there, but hadn't seen her in audience at all, only spotting James seated at the front, to the side of the stage with his friends. Surely she remembered, he reminded her just yesterday. But somehow, deep inside, he knew there was every possibility that his mom forgot, and the thought made nervous butterflies flutter around his stomach, a sense of betrayal and abandonment building in his heart that threatened to crush his every hope. He bit his lip in trepidation, peeping out to the crowd again when the act before him walked onto the stage, fighting the nausea when there were still no signs of his mother.
"Hey little maestro, how're you holding up?"
Barney turned in surprise at the voice, breaking into a grin when he saw that James had snuck backstage to see him before his performance. He wrapped his arms tightly around his brother, allowing the safety net James provided to envelop him, nerves and gloom forgotten.
"James, you came!"
He giggled when his brother ruffled his hair, shaking his head so the blonde curls bounced back into place, and buried his face into his brother's chest again.
"Of course I came Barnaby, how can I miss my bro's awesome performance?" James cheered, bending slightly to look Barney in the eye. Barney's face fell when he was reminded of someone else important who would be missing his performance.
"James... have you seen Mom?" he asked now, hoping maybe he had just missed seeing her at the back when he was peeping through. James' face fell also, answering Barney's question, but he forced a smile for his brother's sake.
"I'm sure she's just running late. You know Mom!" he reassured him, giving his younger brother another hug. "Now I better go back outside before the teachers catch me in here. Go knock 'em dead okay, Barnaby?"
Barney nodded, giving James one last squeeze before watching his brother leave. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. He could do this. He was going to go out there, perform his song, and James was going to be there, and everything was going to be okay.
"Hey Stinson, slap-bet."
Barney's heart skipped a beat. Sighing, he turned to face Matthew and Danny, who had somehow made their way backstage also. Surely they weren't going to slap him now? Not before he was about to go on stage. They couldn't, everyone would know if he went out there, a fresh hand print on his cheek. His breath caught at the back of his throat in a panic.
"Bet you your mommy's not gonna come," Matthew teased, and Barney couldn't decide which was worst, being slapped now, or being slapped tomorrow at lunch knowing it was because his mom had forgotten about him. Still, he couldn't let Matthew know that.
"She is too, she's just running late," he retorted back, defiant, managing to somehow keep his voice steady. Matthew and Danny both laughed.
"Yeah sure, whatever you say Stinson. See you tomorrow, lunch time. This time I'm gonna make sure you get slapped so hard it'll last all through the summer," Matthew taunted as he left. Barney gulped, turning his attention back to the stage where his name was now being announced.
"And now, we have a talented young violinist to perform the beautiful Le Cygne, please put your hands together ladies and gentlemen, for Barney Stinson!"
Barney took a deep breath before taking to the stage, glancing nervously at the crowd before him. His eyes caught James, who was giving him the thumbs up, and he smiled confidently, readying his bow. The auditorium went silent, anticipating. He was about to play the first note when the sound of the door opening caught his attention, his eyes widening when he saw Loretta Stinson entering, heaving as if she had been running, but here nonetheless. His smiled broadened, the butterflies in his stomach now doing flip flops of joy, and he straightened his shoulders, allowing the notes to begin flowing from his violin, days of practiced ability meshed with innate talent creating a masterful sound that filled the auditorium and into everyone's hearts. It was over before he realized, sounds of applause ringing in his ears as he bowed with the perfected precision his teacher had taught him. Almost skipping, he quickly left the stage, hurriedly packing up his violin before running around the building to the audience's entrance. Spotting his mom standing near the door, he leapt at her, enveloping her gleefully into his arms, strings of excited "you came!"'s flowing from his lips. Seeing the other members of the audience giving them dirty looks, Loretta quickly pulled him outside before returning the hug.
"You came!" he exclaimed excitedly again, a grin stretched from ear to ear.
"Well, you have been telling me to come everyday for almost four weeks now," she responded.
"Yeah, but you actually came!" he cheered, this time jumping onto her and burying his face into her. She gently placed her hands onto his back, confused at the notion. Running a hand through soft blonde hair, she pulled him away to face her.
"Okay, I came. Now let's get your brother and go."
Barney nodded, still grinning widely.
The next day, it was Barney who went up to find Matthew and Danny for once. He had been anticipating the moment, when all he had suffered through during the slap-bets would finally be paid off. He had won this time, fair and square. Matthew had been the one to make the bet, and now, Barney had actually won it.
"I won, my mom came," he stated as soon as he reached the group, tapping Matthew on the shoulder to get his attention. Matthew grimaced as he turned to face Barney, nose scrunched up in thought, lips pouting petulantly.
"So what, Stinson?" he retorted, slamming his fist into his palm threateningly.
"So... so I get to slap you," Barney answered, stepping back hesitantly now and wondering if it had actually been that intelligent an idea to poke the tiger. No, he deserved his slap, after all, his mom did come, and he won fair and square. "Danny, you're slap bet commissioner. I won, I get a slap. It's the rules."
To his surprise, Matthew laughed.
"Yeah right, like Danny would actually allow a loser like you to slap me," he jeered.
Barney ignored him, turning to the older boy. "You're slap-bet commissioner, you need to uphold the rules of the slap-bet, you said so yourself."
"So what? We're in charge of the slap-bet rules, so it is what we say it is," Matthew taunted again, though Danny's silence was un-nerving him. "Right Danny?" his voice wavered.
"Sorry Matt," was Danny's solemn reply, causing a look of unbelief to cross Matthew's expression. "He's right, I am the slap-bet commissioner, I have to uphold the rules... and Barney won this time, there's no other way around it."
"But... but, you said we were only doing the slap-bet to get at him..." he retorted, backing away, though Danny held him steady.
"It doesn't matter, a slap-bet is a slap-bet Matt, it's sacred. The rules can be tweaked, but they need to be upheld. You made the bet this time, and you lost. Now Barney gets a slap," Danny reasoned, gripping Matthew by the shoulders now. "Okay Stinson, you get one slap for winning the bet."
Barney grinned, stretching his fingers before pulling his arm back as far as he could, willing all the stored up anger, all the times he had been hurt, all the times he had been teased, to flow into his arm. Matthew whimpered, struggling to pull away, but Danny held tight.
"Come on Matt, look at him, he's just a skinny little stick. Just take it man," he advised.
"Easy for you to say, you're not the one about to be sss-"
Barney had swung, letting loose everything, feeling nothing but power and force running through his veins, relieving him of all his pent up frustrations, all he had held back over the years. At this moment in time, he was not a loser, he was not a wimp, he was Barney Stinson, and Matthew Panning had better know it.
SLAP.
The stung bit into his hand and he pulled back, massaging his palm, but grinning, knowing how much more it would've hurt Matthew. The bully had fallen to the ground, holding his cheek in his hands and howling in tears. Barney smiled in satisfaction upon seeing the red handprint on peeking through the sides of where Matthew's hand was covering his cheek. He was deciding on the perfect last words, as they often had in the movies, when he felt a pair of hands grip his shoulder, and he finally realized why Danny had allowed Matthew to fall to the ground.
"Barney Stinson, how dare you physically assault another student like that. I did not expect that from you, mister." Mrs. Rhineheart, their third grade teacher, was now looking down at him, disappointment and disbelief written into her face. Barney gulped, all words stuck down the back of his throat.
"He just attacked me, miss! I want my mom!" Matthew yelped from the ground, sitting up to display Barney's hand print to the teacher.
"But he..." Barney tried to explain, but cut himself off. He started it? He lost the slap-bet? How was he meant to explain this one to the teacher?
"No excuses from you mister, I saw you hit Matthew, fair and square. Danny Miller, take Matthew to the nurse will you? As for you, young man, you're coming with me to the principal's office," the teacher cut off his thoughts, grabbing Barney's arm and pulling him behind her towards the office.
"Physically assaulting another student, Mr. Stinson? Do you know how serious our school is against this type of behavior?"
Barney kept his head bowed, hands straight by his side. He had only ever been at the principal's office once or twice, and never for being in trouble. But Mrs. Rhineheart had brought him straight in, angrily relaying what she had witnessed to Mr. Johnson, the principal, before leaving him there to face the consequences. Now Barney did his best to stand straight and keep quiet whilst Mr. Johnson lectured him, wondering how it was that of all the times the slap-bet had taken place, the one time that he won would happen to be the one the teacher saw. Still, he could barely wipe the smile off his face every time he pictured Matthew Panning crying and rolling about on the ground after being slapped.
"Is something funny, Mr. Stinson?"
Barney looked up and realized that the principal actually expected him to respond this time.
"No sir," he answered politely, carefully keeping his eyes on the ground and biting his lip to stop the smile from creeping onto his face again.
"Good. Because I don't expect there to be anything funny about this serious incident. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir."
"Now Mr. Stinson, it is school policy that we have punishments befitting to the crime. Physically attacking another student, like you did today, is a serious enough offense to warrant the cane." Barney glanced up in alarm, remembering the time he had met James at this very office after his brother had been on the receiving end of the cane. He was only in kindergarden at the time, and his mom had come to pick up the two of them. His brother's palm had been covered in angry welts, and he had held onto James whilst his mom iced James' hand back at home. Barney shuddered at the thought of now facing the cane himself, especially since his palm was still smarting a little from slapping Matthew.
"You are going to receive five straps."
Barney swallowed as the principal took out the long thick instrument from his drawer, signaling for Barney to hold out his hand.
"It's worth it, I slapped Matthew, it's worth it," he told himself, taking a deep breath before shutting his eyes and holding his palm out.
THWACK. "It's worth it..."
THWACK. "Worth it..."
THWACK. Barney released a strangled noise, realizing he had been holding his breath, but somehow so paralyzed by the burning agony in his palm, he was unable to draw in much needed oxygen.
THWACK. He felt the tears sliding down his cheek, his lungs were choking, he needed air...
"Breathe Barney, breathe."
He felt the principal's hand on his back, soothing him, ordering him to breathe. Slowly, he managed to draw in a shaky breath. "N..No more?" he questioned. He had already lost count.
"One more Mr. Stinson." Barney shut his eyes again, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He fought against every instinct to protest, to beg, to pull his hand back from the agony he knew was about to follow, and he held fast, strong, unwavering.
THWACK. He felt the comforting hand on his back again, letting him know he was all over. Opening his eyes, he saw that the principal had already placed the cane back into his drawer, now signaling for Barney to take a seat in a nearby chair. Exhausted, Barney obediently complied, taking a seat whilst still sniffling uncontrollably from his ordeal.
"I expect you learnt your lesson Mr. Stinson?"
"Yes sir."
"And am I ever going to see you back in this office again?"
"No sir."
"Okay Barney," the principal knelt down beside him now, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I'm not going to make you go to class in this condition. Would you like me to call your mom and have her pick you up?"
Barney shook his head, "Mom...Mom's not home," he answered, hiccups interrupting his voice.
"Who usually takes you home then?"
"M...My brother... J..James... he's in... in the middle school," he sniffed, embarrassed at having no adult to pick him up.
"That's okay, Barney." The principal gently patted him on the back. "School's over in a couple of hours, would you mind sitting here and waiting? I'll send a message to James for him to come and pick you up here, okay?"
Barney nodded, looking down onto the floor again.
The time spent waiting for James seemed to last an eternity. Barney sat perfectly quiet in his chair whilst Mr. Johnson worked, the silence only being broken by the occasional hiccup. His hand continued to throb, and he had at one point, finally dared himself to look at his own palm, hissing when he saw the welts that had risen up, five vicious marks streaking across his palm. He remembered back to the initial stung his hand had suffered, as it connected with Matthew Panning's cheek, the exhilaration flowing through his arm, the release of pent up frustration from years of being taunted and made victim. He thought to how alive it had made him feel, and how in that very moment, he had been Barney Stinson, a boy worthy of pride and power, not a wimp, not a loser. Feeling the familiar smile tugging at the edge of his lips again, he bit down hard to stop himself before Mr. Johnson saw him. Sure he was remorseful at having been caught, at receiving the cane no less, but he would not regret slapping Matthew Panning, not one little bit. He won the slap-bet, he was entitled to his slap, and no amount of punishment was going to deter him from this one truth.
"Mr. Johnson?" Barney looked up towards the door, hearing the familiar voice of his brother. "I'm James Stinson, Barney's brother," James announced as he walked into the room, sneaking a quick peek over to Barney whilst he greeted the principal.
"James, yes," Mr. Johnson glanced up at James from his desk, eyes blinking in slight shock at the boy's color, but deciding it was not in his place to question. "You're a little early?"
James nodded. "Yes, I was meant to have football practice today sir, but the coach had to leave early for a family emergency, so we were free to go."
"Okay then," the principal answered, now gesturing to Barney, "We had a little trouble with Barney today, but I believe he's learnt his lesson, haven't you Barney?"
"Yes sir," Barney answered, his voice wavering. Somehow having James in the room made him feel like crying all over again.
"Here's a letter for your mother," Mr. Johnson handed James a sealed envelop, "Make sure she reads it. And you may take Barney home."
James nodded, putting the envelop into his bag. Mr. Johnson opened the door for them whilst James took Barney's hand (Barney made sure to offer him the un-hurt one) and led him out, the principal giving Barney one final pat on the shoulder before they exited. They had managed to walk around five meters away from the principal's office, before Barney suddenly burst into tears, the events of the day, his punishment, and now being back with his brother, all overwhelming him. James bent down to hug him, holding him tight as he sobbed and hiccuped, gently running his hands up and down his younger brother's back in comfort.
"What happened Barnaby?" he asked. Barney didn't answer, instead, shifting his hand to cradle it against his own chest. James gently took the hand into both of his own, tenderly unravelling the fingers, hissing in sympathy when he saw the marks.
"You got the cane?" Barney turned away, erupting into tears again, and James patiently held him, giving him the time needed for him to calm down.
"Matthew Panning made me do a slap-bet," he finally spoke up, sniffling, still snuggling in James' arms.
"A slap-bet?" James clarified. Barney nodded.
"If you win the bet you get to slap the person as hard as you can. Well... Matthew usually wins, because he makes up all the bets."
"Is that why you kept flinching away when people's hands brushed near you?" Barney nodded again, albeit, reluctantly.
"But then, I won one, so I was entitled to one slap. And I did. I slapped Matthew Panning."
He couldn't help but smile again when he said the words out loud, despite his tears. "But Mrs. Rhineheart saw me slapping him and took me to see Mr. Johnson... and then Mr. Johnson gave me the cane for slapping Matthew Panning." There, those words again, the corner of his lips tugged upwards. James stared at him in confusion, before shaking his head in resignation.
"You got the cane, AND you're still smiling because you slapped someone?"
"Not just someone, Matthew Panning. I slapped Matthew Panning." He was grinning in full now, tears long forgotten. James laughed, ruffling his brother's blonde locks affectionately.
"You can be a strange one, Barnaby."
"But I slapped Matthew Panning!"
"We know Barney, you've said it like, a million times already," James teased, standing up and taking Barney's hand once more, "your hand hurt?"
"Yeah," Barney answered truthfully, though still smiling uncontrollably.
"Come on then, kid, let's get you home so we can put some ice on it then, okay?"
Barney nodded, happily allowing his brother to lead him.
"I slapped Matthew Panning," he repeated once more, much to James' exasperation.
"Yes Barnaby, we get it."
"But I slapped Matthew Panning..."
Barney laughed gleefully as James rolled his eyes and pretended to faint.
"You know what, Barnaby?"
"What?"
"Say that one more time, and I will no choice but to unleash the... TICKLE MONSTER!" James threatened, chasing after Barney who had started giggling and running away.
As the two brothers continued their way home, one other thought kept crossing young Barney Stinson's mind.
Slap-bets weren't so bad after all.
