So this it the first new fic in the while, kinda been a bit off the boil lately. Hopefully this one should work out, gotta few ideas for it and I'm liking it at the mo so fingers crossed. All mistakes are mine and mine alone so throw the custard pies my way. I don't own anything either, unfortunately, so don't sue. I have nothing for you anyway :) Enjoy, and please review if you'd be so kind.
He slid his hand into hers and she felt his blue gaze surveying her worriedly.
'Come on. I'll take you home,' he murmured.
God, she had waited so long to hear those words. Home hadn't been the only place he had taken her that night. He had taken her to Cloud 9 and back again. Flashes from that night scrolled through her mind as she drove and she hated herself for it. She hadn't been drunk, she'd sobered up, and there had been nothing else she had wanted him to do. Hell, it had been exactly what she had wanted since she had first laid eyes on him all those years ago. She had been pleasantly surprised - for a quiet and private man he was surprisingly experienced - and, as she would have expected, he didn't do things in halves.
The images kept coming. She clung to his strong back. His lips on her, everywhere. His hands explored every inch of her body. She looked into his eyes and they were dark. Darker than she had ever seen them. She could have stayed like that forever. His mouth touched hers and she bit his bottom lip to stop him leaving, stop him disappointing her like he always did. When that sweet moment came she could feel his need and it took her breath away. She had always known he felt the same way she did, he'd said as much when she'd asked him for dinner, but she thought that maybe finally he had worked out what to do about it. She had been hopeful. Too hopeful, in hindsight.
The morning had come and she'd woken up alone in a cold bed, and she'd cursed him. Then she saw the note he'd left and she cursed him some more.
'419, had to go. Take a few vacation days & speak to your PEAP counsellor. Grissom.'
It was typical Grissom. Give her something to go on and show her he cared with one hand. Then take it all away and break her up with the other. He was bad for her, she knew that. She had known that since college yet she kept coming back to him. The alcohol was supposed to make her forget about him but in the end it had brought her exactly what she had been yearning after for the best part of her adult life. She didn't know why she couldn't get away from him. Every time he broke her heart she promised herself she'd be kind to herself. Promised that she'd go straight in there, lay down her resignation and make him see what he had missed out on. But then she walked in, and she saw him there. She looked into those blue eyes, she saw the boyish glint in his eye when he cracked a case, she listened to his voice and she couldn't. She just couldn't do it. She could never walk away. This time was going to be different.
He had gone too far but this time she wasn't hurt. She was furious. She hated him for doing this to her and as she pulled into the carpark she knew she was doing the right thing. She needed to leave Vegas, she had to put some distance between them. She knew what he'd say. It was what he always said, and he never seemed to get it. He'd sent her plants, flowers, and before now she always came back. Not this time.
She rounded the corner at full speed just as he was leaving his office. She stared a hole in his back as he stopped to speak to Jim, and when he finished she shouted on him. He turned on his heel and when he saw her he paused. Looking over the top of his glasses, he raised an eyebrow and she felt the flutter in her stomach. She scolded herself. This was not the time.
"You're late."
"What?" She was knocked off balance. She had expected something else. Something with more gravity, something deep and significant but then she cursed herself. It was Gil Grissom, what had she expected? A declaration of love? No. No, this was Grissom and that was all she was going to get from him. "Wait, no. I need to speak to you."
"Later. We're backed up as it is. Come on." He gestured in the direction of the break room and turned back round, starting to walk off.
She sighed in frustration. Why did he never listen?! She realised that if she was leaving it didn't matter if she made a show. As she watched him walk off, a cunning thought hit her. The more embarrassed she could make Grissom the more he would pay for what he had done to her. In that moment she made a decision.
"GRISSOM!" she yelled at the top her voice. He startled and turned back round. He looked angry.
"Sara, please!" he scolded.
"No, Grissom! I need to speak to you, and I'm damn well speaking to you now!"
He looked amused for a brief second but then he put on that goddamn pout and he bit his bottom lip. "Okay. Let's talk."
She hadn't expected it to be that easy but she was going to take all that she could. He passed and for a moment her resolve crumbled but then she felt the envelope in her hand and she squared her shoulders. She was going to do this, she had to. There was nothing else she could do now that it had come this far and he still didn't get it. Closing the door behind her, she refused the seat when he offered it. Her blood boiled when he calmly sat behind his desk, looking at her over the rim of his glasses, fingers steepled against his chin.
She didn't know how to start and Grissom eventually asked, "Well?"
"This is my resignation," she stated simply and dropped the manilla envelope in the middle of his desk, scattering his papers.
He raised an eyebrow again and stared at the envelope for a moment or two. "Sara, if this is about the whole promotion thing, then..."
"No, Grissom! This is not about the whole promotion thing!" she exclaimed. "You just don't get it do you."
"Obviously not." He stared at her with those blue eyes and she found herself going back to that night...staring back up into darkening blue. She shook her head and tried to focus but it was hard when he was right there in-front of her. "So explain it to me."
"This isn't about a promotion. I get it, Nick was better for it, okay, fine. Over it. It's you, Grissom. That's what my problem is."
"I think we've had this discussion before, Sara," he smirked. He thought he knew where this was going. Well he didn't.
"Yes, we have, but last time I was stupid. I came back just because of a dumb plant and I shouldn't have. Hell, I should never have come here in the first place. I should have known you'd do this, I should have seen it because you do it time and time again and I'm sick of it. You let me in and then you shut down as soon as anything of any significance happens. I can't work like this. I can't work like this and I can't live like this. I've had enough of it. I've had enough of this job, of this city and I've had enough of you. I'm never going to get into your heart and that's okay - I give up. I just can't do it any more."
"Sara, come on, the lab..."
"Needs me? Yes! I know, you've told me that before, don't you remember?!" she shouted. "You tell me the lab needs me. I leave. You send a dumb plant and I come running back to you because I think maybe this time will be different, but it's not and it never will be."
"Okay, look, Sara, you and I...." he started again, his panic starting to become obvious.
"You and I nothing!" she yelled. "I'm done! You can send all the plants you want, I'm gone."
"Where are you going to go?" He rose from his seat and laid his glasses on the desk, advancing towards her.
"Take one more step and I swear I will put a bullet in you," she warned, pointing a finger in his face. He stopped in his tracks and his brow furrowed as if she had grown another head. "Yeah, Grissom, that's right. I'm really going. I don't know where the hell I'm going, but I'm going. Anything is better than being here with you!"
"No, Sara, please. Just listen to me a sec." He took another step towards her and raised his hands as she laid her hand on her holster. "Just listen, okay? What if I say the lab doesn't need you. What if it's me? What if I need you?"
"Shut up!" she shouted. "I'm not going to take any more of your crap, I'm not!"
"But Sara...." he went to follow her as she flung the door open. Lab techs and CSIs were gathered outside listening but when they saw Sara storm out, her face red and her eyes wild they scattered. Only Nick and Warrick were left standing there, staring curiously, their eyes questioning her.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She had never yelled so loud in her life and she took herself by surprise. "I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU! JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"
Grissom had nothing to say. He just stood there, confusion evident on his face, trying desperately to grasp an understanding of the situation.
Warrick went to ask something but Sara raised a hand. "Don't." He shut his mouth. She didn't look back as she stormed out of the building. She heard Nick and Warrick shout on her, then Grissom's voice echoed along the hallway. She didn't listen, and she screwed her eyes shut tightly. She didn't want to cry, not now. She had to get out of this place. As she approached the main door there was a large group of wannabe CSIs signing in for a tour and she couldn't get past. She heard footsteps behind her and she heard him shout on her. She couldn't get out on time and she felt his hand close around her arm. It had to be him, nobody else could get that kind of response.
"Grissom, please. Let go of me," she said, her voice soft as she tried her damnedest not to allow her tears to roll down her cheeks. There was a moment's pause and then he let go of her arm. She turned and looked into his eye for a moment and she thought she caught the very thing she had never anticipated but she couldn't stay. Not even for his love. She couldn't take it anymore. She pushed past the young group and out into the crisp air. She didn't hear any further shouts, but as she slammed her foot on the accelerator she saw him standing in the doorway. She sure as hell hoped that it was the last time she would see him, because she just knew that if she saw him after this, after catching that look in his eye, she wouldn't be able to leave again. He was in her rear-view mirror all the way along the road and he only disappeared when she rounded the corner away from the lab. Away from him. Away from this life and into a new one. A happier one without him. Or maybe one just as miserable....
So that's the first chapter. What do y'all think? Good? Review and tell me please, love the feedback, will try and reply to any reviews I get :) Cheers.
