at the table
sitting close
you leaned forward talking laughing
that ridiculous mustache wriggling as you smiled
me sitting straight quiet watching
at attention
trying not to smile at your antics
smiling at the serge's
no
captain's happiness
so long absent
I kept looking at you
out of the corner of my eye
you draped your arm around my shoulder
bold
but you'd proven yourself bold
flying like a leaf falling
that careless and free
the captain raised a quiet eyebrow to me
I raised my own in response
he understood
he let it be
I was wearing a sweater
a leftover from my life before
still smelling slightly of dust and hunger
but too warm too real too mine to let go
time and heavy packs had worn holes through the shoulders
my arms showing through
the captain started telling a story
a good one I'm sure
full of daring exploits
with too little blood to be true
but then you started
tickling
rubbing
feather light teasing
through the holes of my sweater
barely touching my skin
with fingers trigger sensitive and far softer than my own
and somehow your touch
and the warmth of you
around me
and the twitching of your mustache
calmed my soldier mind
for the first time since before I want to forget
I relaxed
if only a little
a slight softening
a bend of my spine and a curve of my neck
a fraction more of me touching a fraction more of you
nothing more
and out of the corner of my eye
I thought I saw you smirk