What a whiny brat.

I swear I hate you. I should have listened to Seguchi. He warned me you'd drive me crazy sooner or later, but I didn't believe him. I was sucked in by your inherent cuteness, that fragile innocence. You remind me of myself, somehow.

Just like Shuichi. Only cuter, if that's possible. That same annoying chibi quality, except that with you it doesn't irritate quite so much since you really are a chibi.

No, don't look at me with those saucer eyes. I warned you I'd take away your bunny if you didn't stop being a brat. When the hell are your parents coming home, anyway? That fucking awards program couldn't last more than a few hours. What are they giving him, the Nobel Prize? It's just a damn music award.

Oh, pardon my French.

And stop slapping my face. Why do babies like to do that? Aren't you tired yet? All right, here. Have your frigging bunny back. Just go to sleep.

I can't believe Mika ever put up with this kind of crap from me. If our places were reversed, I would've drowned her. You want your bottle? No? Okay. Personally, I'd love a bottle right now. Maybe Crown Royal. You don't mind if I smoke, do you? No, wait; better not. Mika will kill me if she smells nicotine on her precious Ikea sofa.

And how could Seguchi put up with me all those years in New York? I was an even bigger brat then. You wouldn't have known me if you'd met me in those days. Man, was I a dork. Heh. You think that's funny? Yeah, it is. A New York dork.

Seriously, aren't you tired yet?

Fine, I'll tell you about New York. Don't ever go there, kid. Freezing winters; hot, humid summers. And don't get me started on the crime and the homeless people. Okay, that sounds like Tokyo on a good day, but trust me—it's worse. New York's much worse.

Thankfully your pop was there with me. Don't ever tell him this, because it would totally mess up the sadistic torture thing I have going on with him. It's a great way to vent my rage, you see. When you hate yourself, the best way to punish yourself is by tormenting someone you love. And the more you love them, the more you have to torture them. It's just how it is.

But don't ever tell Seguchi I love him. It'd go to his head. I think I like torturing him more than anyone else. And I suppose he knows what that means, so he puts up with it. Better to get tortured and know you're loved than be ignored and know you don't matter.

But don't you ever get like that, kid. It's a miserable existence, and that's why I've been in therapy for so long, and—wait a minute. What the hell. How can you fall asleep right when I'm giving you priceless advice about life? When I was spouting gibberish earlier you wouldn't stop listening. Crap. You're just like your father—a complete idiot.

Kinda cute, though.

Oh, back so soon? No, I wasn't kissing your damn baby, Seguchi. He's a moron, just like you. But at least he falls asleep easy. I don't care what it looked like; I wasn't kissing him on the head. I don't kiss babies. They're repulsive, and yours is more disgusting than anyone else's.

No, I don't want a beer, Mika, and I definitely don't want to hear about your evening. I just want to go home. Yeah, whatever.

Damn, am I glad to get out of there. Finally I can light up. Where are my freakin' keys? It was killing me to babysit all those fucking hours without a smoke. Now where the hell are those Marlboros? Seguchi's an idiot if he thinks I like babies. Especially his. Probably grow up to be an idiot, just like him. Oh, there they are.

Ah, the soothing caress of mentholated carbon on the lungs. Nothing quite like it. Actually, I should've grabbed a beer from their fridge to drink at home. Too late now, though. At least it'll be there next time. Not that I'd ever do this again. Of all the people to ask to babysit, why the hell did they ask me? Seguchi's an idiot.

Still, there are worse ways to spend an evening.