Author's note: this story is set at the beginning of season 4 - and it's quite angsty, as the show itself.


Broken

"Stop blaming yourself, Grace. It's perfectly useless, and you know it".

She felt the sudden urge to laugh hysterically. A very profound statement, especially coming from a man who still felt guilty about something that had happened almost eight years ago.

She deliberately ignored him, her gaze fixed on the computer screen. No way was she going to discuss this – with Jane, of all people.

Unfortunately, he was Patrick Jane. He'd go on pestering her till doomsday if she didn't answer him. Now she really wished Lisbon had sent her along with Cho and Rigsby – no matter how much she hated meeting Wayne's new girlfriend.

Sarah wouldn't dare to bring up the Craig subject, at least.

"Jane, if you didn't happen to notice, I have work to do. Can you please stop staring at me and just walk away?"

Clearly he wasn't impressed by the coldness in her voice. He just settled on the corner of her desk, smirking at her in a way that made her want to shoot him – really want to.

"You can't go on pretending that you just don't care about the whole thing. You'll have to face it sooner or later, don't you think?"

"Go to hell, Jane!", she finally snapped – anger rising inside her like a flood she could no longer control. She stood up, furiously pacing up and down the empty office.

"Do you really believe you have the right to poke your nose into other people's life? To tell them what they should or shouldn't do? You can't even begin to understand what things like love and trust mean. You haven't the remotest idea of how I feel now!"

"I do", was his quiet reply.

"Really? Have you ever felt betrayed by someone you loved and trusted? Someone you were ready to spend your whole life with? Have you ever had to choose between this someone and the people you work with – people that you admire and respect?"

"No. But I did betray the people who loved me. And they weren't so lucky as to have any choice about the matter".

Grace was struck dumb – horrified at what her words might have implied.

"Jane, that's not what I meant…"

"It's the truth, anyway".

He looked perfectly calm – his eyes devoid of any emotion. Yet they both knew that this was far from true.

"It is my fault, Jane. I should have seen that coming. My blindness nearly led to a complete disaster. Lisbon was shot, and could have died. Hightower and I would be dead by now if it wasn't for her".

"You had the guts to shoot and kill your fiancé. What else do you think you should have done?"

"He was a bad guy, Jane. I thought I had found my prince charming, or something equally stupid. I was wrong – he just used me, that's all".

"Yeah. He used you – following Red John's orders. If we're speaking about someone to blame… well, maybe it's right in front of you".

She let herself fall on his couch – feeling suddenly defeated.

"What would you advise me to do? Forget what happened, and live happily ever after?"

Jane left her desk and sat next to her.

"If this was a fairy tale, yes, I would. However, reality is often a bit different".

"Yeah".

Were it a fairy tale, Wayne would have come to her rescue long before Craig could hurt her.

They wouldn't have had to split up in the first place – and he wouldn't be dating that public defender woman right now.

She tried to picture how their life together could have been. Getting married. Having kids.

Too late for that, anyway.

"It's never too late, they say", Jane reminded her – as if he had actually read her mind.

"Of course it isn't", she countered dryly. "What about you, then? Why don't you give up your quest for revenge, forgive yourself and start a new life?"

"I wish I could…", he whispered almost inaudibly – his gaze straying just for a moment towards Lisbon's office.