The Crystal Melody
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy.
Notes: Do we need another AU spinoff for Records of Keeper Canti? Yes. Yes we do. Here's a reality where Canti doesn't take her life at the end of Records, and Rebirth is just a very long, detailed dream Cid had that inspired him to do everything he could to spare her.
FIC START!
The university had been quite abuzz since everything involving Canti's planned Erasure being canceled. Many of her friends and classmates never suspected that she was in such a mental state. It seemed the only ones who had any clue were the party members that had been at her side through everything since she saved them. Many stopped by her observatory to come and see her, and even though she was showing a lot of the telltale signs of depression, she did her best to receive them all. It wasn't easy, forcing herself to do the right thing when all she wanted to do was be far from everyone there, but with the support of her Papa Cid, and Kain, she managed to work through it. Somehow. Life seemed to just flow by slowly, like a gentle spring breeze.
"I hate this," Canti said suddenly, sitting on her bed with one of her books across her lap. She'd been reading more about the Second Realm, the place where she was born and lived for the first few years of her life.
"Hate what?" Kain asked.
"The whole having to deal with all these people," she answered him. "They all come by and say they're grateful that I'm still okay, but they never noticed that I wasn't doing so hot before."
Cid sat down next to her. "That's probably because you put up a different face while you're here. When we're out there in the field, you don't bother trying to hide anything. You're so focused on your mission that you don't have the time to worry about your feelings." He sighed. "A lot of it is the fact that you're not here often anymore. You'd been taking on a lot of different missions just to avoid being here."
"Because I hate it here!" she declared. "I hate this place and most the people in it!"
"Kain... Help me out here..." Cid muttered, motioning towards her.
"You know that if you weren't a keeper, you wouldn't have a family now, right?" Kain asked. "Instead of looking at the parts of life you hate, why not be grateful for the opportunities it's given you?"
Canti reached into her bag that sat on the floor and pulled out a book about the Fourth Realm. "Do I need to remind you about the things you pulled to avoid having to deal with people?" she asked threateningly.
"Actually, no," he said, snatching the book. "I'm doing this to prevent you from making the same mistakes I did. You can't go hiding for nearly two decades and expect things to be completely absolved when you return. There is healing to do, and you have to make it happen." Kain then opened the book, flipping through a few pages. "This book isn't about my history. It's about the history of Mysidia. Know what you're going to threaten with before you say anything."
This isn't the help I was expecting, Cid thought, needing to step out for a cigarette.
"I knew what it was. I grabbed that on purpose," Canti said, snatching the book back and turning to a later chapter. "Hello, Dark Kain. Look at that, it's your mental problems taken physical form and stealing the crystal away from the Elder that had been decimated by Titan after being summoned by the Mysterious Girl. Am I missing anything?"
Kain rolled his eyes. "I'm remembering why I left."
"I'm remembering why I'm glad you left," she retorted, looking away.
The silence between them went on for what seemed like an eternity. By the time Cid had come back in the room, he found that the two were barely on speaking terms, and Canti had an expression on her face that lead her to wanting to skewer the man who she was supposed to love. "What the actual hell," he said. "I stepped out so you two could get all over each other for a moment and relieve the tension between you two! Why the hell has it gotten worse?!"
"Papa, it's nice for you to try to ship me with Kain and all, but-"
Kain cut her off. "That's not how I fix problems. If you want everything to be fixed with kisses and hugs, you might want to find someone else to handle this. Clearly this wasn't what she wanted otherwise one of those other dimwits would have sufficed."
"Cosmos damn it, Kain, just kiss my daughter," Cid commanded, glaring at him.
"I've... Never..." Kain blushed, turning so that his back faced them both. "I've never kissed anyone. I don't know how to initiate that. And, honestly, that's not the core of the issue. Dealing with Canti's depression is something that goes much deeper than just showing her affection. That might help her deal with the outward feelings, but it doesn't do anything to fix what causes those innermost problems, now does it?"
Canti didn't know what to make of that. Everyone was so eager to jump into the affection and loving the idea that they were what made her feel better. Minwu attempted to get through her this way, but she never took the time to listen to him. "...I understand," she said, her voice staying very quiet. "You're absolutely right, Kain. I'm so sorry I never took the time to consider that affection was something that took care of surface level problems and not what was causing me to feel the way I have been."
Cid couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Canti just apologize for expecting what she always expected? Perhaps this last experience had helped her grow up more than any other since he'd come to know her. He took a deep breath and said, "All right, then. So let's figure out exactly what it is that's got you so down. Once we take care of that, things should look better." He sat down in a chair, facing Canti, ready and willing with open ears.
"I've all ready told you," Canti said. "I'm not happy being a keeper. I mean, I was pretty excited when I got the license. I am happy that I met both of you, and all the party members I've had in the past. Kain is right, because of this job and where I am placed, I've seen all the realms and I've had some incredible adventures." She smiled before she let out a little sigh. "I do see what's great about this. But I also see what isn't great about it."
"Such as?" Kain asked, taking a seat next to her on her bed.
"I'm not taking the fact that at the end of all of this, when the Ardent is sealed away, everyone's going to go back home very well. I just don't like the idea that I'm so close to all of you and eventually you have to just poof from my life," she replied honestly. It wasn't the first time she said that aloud, but it was never easy to admit that it was true. "I don't have friends or family here. I never have. I've been lonely until I met all of you Heroes and I know I'm going to be lonely again once its all over. I fought for my right to love a Hero before, but that doesn't change the fact that everyone has to go home. Everyone's going to leave."
Kain knew that he had ripped pages from her book to delete overwhelming memories, but now he wondered exactly how bad that decision was. Those people had left her, the book said. They drove her to want to die. He couldn't handle her being on that path. At least now she was only just depressed, right? Was he going to have to plant the seeds of new relationships to help her cope with this looming loneliness instead? Great. That would just add to the million other decisions that he wished he took a different approach with over the course of his life.
"Baby girl, didn't I tell you?" Cid asked. "They've all ready approved of me to stay here with you. I don't have to leave you. They'll have to have me change from one in time to one outside of time, whatever that crazy talk means, but I don't care. That means I get to stay here with you. I get to make sure you're never lonely again!" He let out a laugh, but that didn't change the expression on her face. "What? Your ol' Papa Cid isn't enough for you?! Guess I'll have to make arrangements for pretty boy here to stay with you, too."
"Papa..." she let out a little giggle. "...as much as I'd like that. There's so much more for you to do. There's more that will take place, and you have to be there for it. I won't take you away from the Seventh Realm. I won't take you away from where you need to be."
"I need to be with my daughter and whatever grandbabies I have," Cid corrected her. "I've made my decision, Cantirena, you aren't going to change my mind. You're stuck with me!"
Canti leaned over on Kain, nuzzling her cheek against his arm. "If this makes you uncomfortable, tell me and I won't do it," she said.
"It doesn't," Kain answered softly. "Do with me as you need."
Cid laughed loudly, getting up out of his chair.
"What are you doing? Aren't we having a very important discussion?" Kain asked as Canti continued to nuzzle against his arm.
"Oh, you naive dumbass," Cid muttered, shaking his head. "I'll be in the cafeteria. Cosmos knows I need to eat something all ready." He walked out the door, locking and shutting it behind him as he left.
Canti flopped onto his lap once Cid was gone, looking up at Kain's face. His eyes so blue that when she stared into them, it felt like she was looking up into the endless, cloudless sky, surrounded by golden waves of hair more expertly taken care of than her own locks. She could have looked at that face forever and found it interesting, found it enthralling, found it handsome and safe for eternity and beyond even that. They'd had plenty of adventures together in the past. They'd fought together, laughed together. She cried on him so many times during all of that, and he held onto her every single time. How could she have gone so long without laying in his lap to take him in? Canti always wanted Kain to make the moves on her, and every time she waited, he never did. Was he afraid of losing her to someone else, the way he had lost Rosa to Cecil?
"You're lovely," Kain said. He'd been looking down at her just the same as she had to him. "You've always been."
"You are far more lovely than I could ever be," she said, not letting her eyes wander again from the majesty that was his face. "Blessed by the Goddess to be more handsome than the history books described."
"I understand why your father left the room, but honestly, I have no idea how to go where you want me to," Kain whispered. "I'm not uncomfortable with the idea. I've always longed to know about love. I've always longed to be so close to someone that they'd willingly..."
"You don't need to long for that anymore," Canti said, reaching up to cup his face within her hands. "As you're helping me heal and find what I need, it's only right for me to help you with what you need." She smiled just a little as she ran her fingers along the side of his cheek, feeling the exact shape of his face. "You came back to me when no one else did. Why did you never tell me how deep your feelings were?"
Kain let her trace along the shape of his face. It was an odd sensation, but it wasn't something that he couldn't enjoy. "I'm just as damaged as you are," he answered. "There was a time that I believed I wasn't worthy of loving, and when someone made the move before I was able to, I knew that I wasn't worthy of loving anyone."
"Damaged," she repeated the word he used. "Damaged. I take it you know about Borghen then?"
"I was not aware of the name of the one who did it, but it's very easy to spot someone that has been through that particular kind of hell." His tone dropped considerably. "It wasn't just my actions against those I loved during the Crystal War that drove me to the brink of insanity, and later, to my self-exile." Kain put one of his hands in her hair, running the balls of his fingers through her blue curls. "Those who've seen this... They, they carry themselves a particular way. I could see it from the moment we met."
"Kain..." Canti gasped, sitting up. "...forgive me for being so blind to it. For not understanding such a core part of who you are."
"No, my lady," he said. "I've no reason to forgive you."
She brought her face closer to his until the tips of their noses touched. "You said you've never had a kiss. Is that true?"
"I wasn't lying," he said sternly. "I've no reason to lie about that."
"Can I kiss you?" she asked.
Kain blushed, but he nodded just a little bit.
Canti's lips met with his. She pressed herself against him, and his hands wrapped around her instinctively. She pulled back and pressed her lips against his. Again and again and again. Sometimes she bit his lip a little and pulled it into hers. Her arms went around his neck and she climbed onto him, sitting on his lap but with her chest to his. Her heart to his heart. They shared his embrace for a while, neither one wanting to let up. He was warm and safe. She could have hidden in that feeling for the rest of her life, if only she would have the chance to do exactly that. "I've been wanting to do this for ages now," she confessed to him, squeezing him as tightly as she could.
"The dream is not lost on me," Kain agreed. "I have wanted nothing more than to share this sort of closeness..."
"Even though it never would help you solve your problem?" she asked.
"Now that I understand a little more, having experienced just that," Kain said, "I'm under the impression that this sort of affection could help someone deal with issues like the ones we share." He returned the embrace. "Not completely, of course. We haven't solved anything yet, for either of us. But at the very least, we do feel better, right?"
"I do," she nodded.
"I do, too," he said. "The truth is, now that I have... I could easily see why you would hide within it instead of confronting your problems head on. It would be so much easier to enjoy this warmth and pretend it doesn't exist than to actually face them. You were trying to cope. You were seeking an escape for your pain, and confusing this affection for love makes all the sense in the world to me."
"Kain," Canti said. "I do love you."
"And not just one of your lustful flings of the fast sort of way?" Kain asked, only causing her to glare at him. "Understood, my lady. You've grown since then. I know you have."
She leaned in to whisper into his ear, "I love you, Kain. I always have. I just never understood how to process love like this. It was so much easier to just go between guys and enjoy all of their physical affection... And I, I can't help but feel like I've hurt you more than I can ever-"
Kain just nuzzled against her shoulder. "As long as we work towards understanding each other and what we need, you don't have to worry about hurting me anymore," he answered. "I accept you for who you are and what you've done in the past, and I forgive you for the pain you gave me." He then looked right into her eyes. "I love you. I always have."
There was a moment of silence that surrounded them for a while, just enjoying the warmth and understanding shared between both of them. That's when a letter slipped underneath the dorm door that came with a sudden, loud knock that surprised both Canti and Kain. "Summons from Dr. Mog!" the deliverer said with a voice marred by a sore throat and puberty.
"That hasn't changed," she grunted, climbing off of him. "Always during a sensitive moment..."
"Do not fret," Kain said. "We will return to it once your task is done."
"You promise?"
"Yes."
"Well, then, it's best we get it done, so we can get back to it!" Canti said, straightening out her uniform and grabbing all the rest of her equipment. "The sooner we get our work done, the sooner we can get to the fun stuff."
"While it was relaxing, I'm not sure if I would call it 'fun'."
"It was fun, Cosmos damn it. Just accept it," she said menacingly.
He let out an exasperated sigh, preparing to follow her over to the office to find out exactly what her task was.
...
Canti knocked on the office door to speak to Dr. Mog. She was let in almost immediately. There were a few keepers in there that she didn't know. Kain, seeing this and understanding that it wasn't his place to be there for this meeting, stood to wait outside for her eventual return.
"Very well, kupo," Dr. Mog said, bowing his head to the keepers Canti really couldn't recognize. "If this is your decision, I've no right to step in, kupo."
"It is, sir," one of them said. "Please understand the reason I make this transfer."
"You will be missed here, kupo, but if it cannot be avoided..." Dr. Mog let out a sigh. "Ahh, if it isn't my professional troublemaker, Keeper Canti."
"I got your summons, Doc," she said, holding it up to show him. "Though I was told that I'd be in recovery for a while because of... All the... Uhh... stuff..."
"You are, you are," Dr. Mog answered, nodding as he turned to the other keepers in the room. "If that'll be all, please give your paperwork to the administration department, both of you."
The other two keepers in the room started to leave and they gave a glare at Canti that she didn't quite understand. She didn't know these people. Why would they give her such an expression like that? So hard, almost a deep-seated anger that they couldn't express. It made her feel uneasy. She moved aside to allow them to leave, and they left.
"What did I do?" she asked, blinking in confusion.
"You don't need to worry about that," Dr. Mog said. "I need you to take a look at this file." He pushed the file over the desk and to her hands.
Canti opened the file up and read through the first two pages. "You want me to retrieve Emperor Mateus Palamecia?!" she asked. "That's even weirder than the keepers giving me death glares."
"The truth is, I wasn't ready to give you an assignment right now. I know you're in recovery, and based on what I've heard, you're doing great, kupo," Dr. Mog said, his wings fluttering about. "But you are the greatest specialist we have on the Second Realm, and we desperately need to find him."
"You can't be serious..." she said. "I'm all up for saving a hero, but... This guy?! He's responsible for everything gone wrong in the Second Realm!"
Dr. Mog let out a little chuckle. "That's not what I expected to hear you say, kupo. He's one of the most handsome men that's ever lived. I thought you'd jump at the occasion. Pardon my dragoon pun, kupo."
"I will admit, he is my type," Canti said, looking at the picture in the file. "Royalty with blonde hair? He's got to have a seductively deep voice, too. I mean, he's an Emperor. That's one of the sexiest features a man can have."
"So you'll take the assignment. Save the Emperor from being devoured by the Ardent and bring him here, kupo."
"Hold up. I'll oggle him all you like, but..." she closed the file. "...I don't think it's a fantastic idea to bring him here. He's going to completely screw it all up!"
Dr. Mog sighed. "Kuuuuuupo. We have other villains, and our university still stands. History isn't determined just by the saviors. If we don't have the villains, history can still be destroyed, and the keepers are the defenders of the History of the Realms."
Canti crossed her arms. "Under one condition," she said.
"Yes?"
"I want permission to... Have someone stay with me," she said. "Not just the medical reason, but. Someone to live with me."
"We'll provide you with a bigger dorm room, should you do this, kupo," Dr. Mog replied.
She nodded. "I'll take it! Consider this guy rescued and brought back to you in one piece."
"Thank you kindly, kupo," Dr. Mog nodded in agreement. "Please take your best team and be prepared for danger."
"Understood." Canti took the file with her as she left, and Kain followed alongside her once he noticed she was going to the gates. "Hey, Kain. Prepare to depart. We've a mission."
"You want me with you for this? I thought your team was completely full." Kain was surprised to hear that. "Who will you send away in exchange for me?"
"I don't think the entire team will show up once I let them know I've a mission," she said. "And that doesn't matter. If the only ones who go out there today are just you and me, then that's who's going. I'm not going to try to convince them to work with me."
"You might be surprised," Kain said, pointing to the rest of her team gathered at the usual place. "When I overheard your conversation in the office, I knew you'd need the cavalry."
Cid pushed up his goggles. "Back in the thick of it all ready, huh, baby girl?" he asked. "We're all with you!" Vanille and Minwu both had looks of confidence as they stood there on Cid's sides.
"Where's that sky pirate?" Kain asked.
"Balthier has decided he's not going to stay with us anymore," Vanille answered in that sweet voice of hers. "He said he wanted to give that place to the one who deserved to be a part of the team."
"What? Me?"
"Who else?" Minwu asked. "It makes the most sense for you to be on this team. Almost more than any of us, except for Cid." He walked over to Canti and ruffled her hair. "I'm glad to see you well."
"I'm not all better yet," she said. "It's called a recovery process for a reason."
"Well said," Minwu replied, leaning in to give her a kiss on the forehead.
"What's our mission?" Cid asked as he began to check his equipment.
"We're going to save someone from being devoured by the Ardent in the Second Realm," Canti said, holding up the folder. "It's a realm I'm supposedly an expert about... Being born there and all."
"Then let's suit up," Kain said. "Let's go. We've saved quite a few in the past."
"You're right. You're absolutely right!" Canti said. "Let's go!"
