Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Brothers. But I like to torment them.
Billions of people were cheering wildly towards an empty stadium. We never actually see these people, so they may or may not exist. But a few definitely DO exist, and we go on a close up of two of them.
Two princesses, to be exact, who are looking down regally. The words PEACH and ZELDA appear under them.
"Peach, look," Zelda gasped. "They put our names on the wrong princesses!"
Peach looked, and sure enough the word ZELDA was floating under her, and PEACH was under Zelda. And also, the words were upside down and backwards, so they actually said ADLEZ and HCAEP.
"The designers told us they had a few bugs to work out but it will all work out in the end," Peach explained.
The scene cut to Shigeru Miamoto's workshop, where he was personally working out a few bugs. "Alright, you bugs! Lift that weight!" he ordered.
Several bugs were struggling to lift teeny little weights. They were exhausted, but the man who owned Nintendo would have none of it. He'd get these bugs worked out if it killed them!
To validate his claims, two fleas and a fruit fly dropped dead.
Back at the stadium, we quickly zoom to the other side, where three more people, one human and two Pokemon, were also watching. The words ROY, MEWTWO, and PICHU appeared under them.
"Why are we here again?" Mewtwo asked.
"So we can see our names," Roy explained, looking at his floating name happily. He poked it and it wiggled. "Ooh, wiggly!"
Both Pokemon stared at him, highly disturbed. "…Seriously, why are we here?"
Roy seemed to deflate. "We're here to see if we can spot the guys who stole our jobs."
"WHY?" Mewtwo asked.
"When they show up, we'll jump down and give them a super wedgie!"
"Pichu!" Pichu yelled.
"I agree," Mewtwo said, looking at Roy. "That's the stupidest idea ever. Everyone knows Pokemon don't wear underwear, so how can we give our replacements a wedgie?"
Roy scratched his head. "You're creative. You'll figure it out," he finally decided.
Meanwhile, two trophies fell from the sky. It turned out to be Mario and Kirby. As they landed they turned into…uh, not trophies…
Mario went first, and the words MARIO appeared under him, in case there was some total IDIOTS out there who didn't know who Mario was.
Kirby was next, and his name also appeared under him. Or it would have, but Kirby is really short, so his name covered his eyes. Also, his name was spelled incorrectly.
"I CAN ONLY SEE THE WORD KERBEE!" Kirby shrieked. "Who's this Kerbee guy? He's replacing me, isn't he? I'll be a looser like those guys!" Somehow, he managed to point to Roy, Mewtwo and Pichu, even though he couldn't see.
"Hey, nobody asked you, you pink JERK," Roy yelled. "You're practically nothing but a butt with a face, and if you don't shut up, I'll come down there and kick you!"
"I don't know him!" Mewtwo yelled loudly, pointing to Roy.
Kirby took the distraction to charge Mario, but as his eyes were still covered he couldn't see and he walked off the edge of the stage and died.
He reappeared as a trophy. Mario, who had fallen asleep, woke with a jerk, accidentally reanimating Kirby.
"Who, what, when, where, why?" Mario asked frantically.
Kirby looked at his arms in awe. "How?" he asked reverently. Suddenly Meta Knight's ship appeared out of nowhere and threw black dots of doom down at them.
"Hey, what's Meta Knight doing throwing black dots of doom at us?" Kirby asked, indignant. "Where does he get off?"
"I don't know," Mario admitted. "But I would suspect it's wherever he fuels that ship thingy."
Peach and Zelda jumped out of the stands and landed in front of the other two fighters. "Hi, Mario," Peach giggled.
Mario blushed… "Hi, Adlez."
Peach blinked. "What?"
"That's what they say your name is."
"That was a bug, Mario!" Peach snapped as Primids started to appear.
"That's not a bug!" Mario insisted, pulling Jiminy Cricket out of his pocket. "This is a bug!"
"AAAAA bug! Squish it!" Peach slapped Mario's hand and Jiminy fell to the ground. There Kirby ate him.
"Mm, crickets," Kirby muttered happily, rubbing his stomach.
Meanwhile, the Primids turned and grabbed a bomb! But they forgot to hurl it and it went off and they ended up blowing themselves up.
After this, the Ancient Minister (who's name we know because it also appeared under him) came in with a big bomb. He dropped it on the ground and two robot minions activated it.
Mario saw them. "Hey!" he yelled, realizing foul play was afoot. "You guys didn't buy a ticket!" He rushed towards the R.O.B.s to evict them, when a bullet bill came flying out and hit him, knocking him off into the horizon.
For its own part, the bullet Bill froze. "I…I BEAT Mario! Oh, yeah baby! Hammy time!" he started dancing. "Da, da, da, da, da da, da, da can't touch this!"
Kirby ate him.
Petey Pirahna, who also appeared out of nowhere, appeared out of nowhere and caught the two princesses and locked them in a cage. "I caught the princesses!" he said. "Just like everyone always does and why am I the lame first boss?"
Kirby floated up and punched Petey in his glass jaw and he screamed and passed out, showing everyone why he was the lame first boss. The cages burst and Zelda walked out of hers. Peach stayed in her cage.
Zelda blinked at her. "Why aren't you coming out?"
Peach giggled. "Silly. Princesses never leave their cages until someone rescues them. Or else bad things happen."
Zelda rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. What could possibly—"
She would have continued, but Wario showed up and shot her with a pointy arrow thingy. He laughed, picked up her trophy, and waddled off.
"See?" Peach said, feeling vindicated as Kirby released her. The two hopped on his warp star and rushed out just as the bomb exploded, leaving all the spectators to their fate.
We don't care about them, though.
"IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE!!!" Roy screamed as the bomb's explosion came nearer to him. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"
"I loathe you," Mewtwo told him.
"Pichu, pichu, pichu, pi!" Pichu said.
Mewtwo sniffled. "That was beautiful, Pichu."
Roy nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. "You say your name so wonderfully. And you're so cute! I could just eat you up."
A random crazy guy jumped out of the crowd. "Like the apocalypse is going to, baby! Live the dream!"
"Oh, yeah," Roy nodded wisely. "I'd forgot about the apocalypse."
His companions nodded, smiling warmly. Then the turned, looked into their doom, and stated heroically, "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" as they were swallowed.
In case you were wondering, we don't care about those guys either.
Meanwhile in Angel Land, Pit the Angel saw the whole thing. He was freaking out. "Oh, no! What can I do? How can I help? Is there any hope left in the world?"
He stumbled around dramatically while he posed these rhetorical questions, but tripped over his shadow and stumbled. He screamed and tried to regain his balance, but to no avail, and he fell off the edge of Angel World.
"No, the horror!" Pit sobbed as he fell through the sky. "I'm a fallen Angel! What will my mother think? What will my sister think? Wait, I don't have a sister. What will my nonexistent sister think?" He fell silent after this depressing thought. "Boy," he finally said. "I've been falling forever! I wonder when I will stop…"
He hit a cloud which felt like a painful trophy. Which confused Pit because he hadn't thought clouds felt like painful trophies. He turned to glare at the cloud and found out it had been a painful trophy! Named Mario!
"Mario!" he cried, reanimating him. "I'm so glad I landed on your face! Otherwise I might never have found you!"
Mario looked at him. "Who are you?"
"I'm Pit. I'm an Angel, but I fell…"
"AAA!" Mario screamed and pointed at Pit in horror. "Fallen angel!"
"No, no! I just tripped, honest!" Pit sobbed and fell to his knees, clasping his hands together pleadingly. "Please don't tell my Mommy!"
"Uh…ok…" Mario coughed and rubbed the back of his head nervously. "So…where are we?"
"We're standing on a cloud. Which is weird because clouds aren't really able to support weight, you know?"
They looked at each other for a long second, and then the fell through the cloud.
"AAAAAAAA!" screamed Mario.
"Oh, man! Falling again!" Pit crossed his arms and sulked. "I just can't get a break!"
"Pit! Help!" Mario screamed. "Or we'll go splat on the ground!"
"Well, what can I do about it?" Pit asked.
"Fly!" Mario screamed.
Pit rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered, flapping his arms. "Nothing. See?"
"Wings!"
"Huh?"
"WINGS!!!"
"No, I'm not hungry."
"WIIIINGS!!!"
"…" Pit thought for a long time, then his eyes lit up. "Oh, that's right! I have wings!" He reached inside his toga and pulled out some buffalo wings. "You want barbeque or honey mustard?"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Splat.
