Note From The Author—This one is very short but again, couldn't seem to help myself. I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer—I don't own the characters of CSI:NY and the inspiration and the title come from the Kelly Clarkson song Beautiful Disaster, but specifically the live version from Breakaway because the other one kind of sucks.
She hated that she was still in love with him, hated that she still wanted him. It still hurt to even think about what he had done; and it was a searing ripping pain the likes of which she had never felt. Even then, even when she could barely stand to look at him she couldn't stop loving him, and she found herself wondering if she could go back to him and what they had.
Stella had told her almost exactly the same thing as her mother: 'Cheaters cheat kiddo. I love Danny like a brother, but if he cheated once he'll probably do it again,' and logically, she knew that. She knew that it was a cycle, that chances were it would happen again. Even then she couldn't make it stop, she couldn't make the feelings go away.
So she wondered, she agonized and she beat herself up. No matter what she told herself, he was always in her thoughts, and she couldn't help but think that maybe everything could be okay; that maybe it would be different. Maybe they could go back to that first time and the absurd beauty of a flower in a jar and a note on a whiteboard.
But even as she imagined, the clouds would roll in. That little flower and sweet note fell under the heavy shadow of doubt and hurt; and she wondered then if it could really be beautiful again, or if that beauty was forever destroyed.
