Penance
Disclaimer- Nope, they're not mine.
Rating- R
Notes- From an MLL Writer's Circle thread challenge

Not fifteen minutes ago, I smiled at him as he woke from his slumber, ready to take on the world to save the woman he loves. But, since that moment, a small, dark corner of my mind has grown too large to ignore. The dark corner I try so hard to ignore- the one that makes me ask 'Why him?" rather than allowing me to be content that my friend has come through the transition. Visions of Sarah block my thoughts, reminding me of what I lost. Why did he come back? Why not the woman I love? Why would the fates be so cruel as to do that to me? I'll never know the answer, and it curdles inside of me like old milk.

He's supposed to be my best friend… my fledgling now, in all the ways that really count… but I can't forget that he's here and she's not. How could he have made it back, while she is still laying on that damned bed, condemned to a life of- what? Peace? Or is she suffering and I don't know it? That's the hardest part of it all. I can't ask- I can't know. I love her, and I can't even know that she's at peace.

I don't want to begrudge him the chance to save Beth, if only because I know how much it hurts to fail someone you love. I just can't help it. The horrible images are seared in my mind- the long moments waiting for her to return, and his almost immediate response. His deep, angry snarl, and her silence. She should be here beside me, her red hair flying in the breeze in the open Mercedes. She would at least have appreciated… but I can't even say that. What if, despite it all, she hated being a vampire? I can't say for sure that she would have appreciated it. I know he hates it, though, so there's not much difference. Or maybe that's the perfect ending to all of this. He hates his vampiric existence- just maybe that's enough penance for his sin.