HUNGER PANGS

The 6th Doctor and Peri.

"That 'little blue frog thing' back there Peri, was an Axolotlotlolon…" The Doctor announced as he strode briskly along.

"An Axa lotta what a-who?" Peri managed to puff out as she tried to keep up with him, then she asked curiously, "So why did he say he was a 'Chirpy Cock-a-Knee Sparra'?"

The Doctor stopped short and looked down at her quizzically. "Yes, that was rather odd, wasn't it? Made me quite dizzy, his constantly jumping up and down like that…"

He threw up his hands theatrically, as if banishing the thought. "But that's beside the point, Peri. What I was about to point out, is that the Axolotlotlolonians have never visited the Earth! Therefore we are not on Earth, therefore we are not in London!"

"I could have told you that!' Peri protested indignantly, 'that Axle… that Axalolol… that little blue frog thing is the only, er… person we've seen! The place is deserted!"

The Doctor nodded as he resumed walking, continuing to follow the directions given to them by the Axolotlotlolon. "Yes, Peri… aliens are people too, and I concede that the streets of the genuine London are very rarely this deserted. Still, there could have been any numbers of Earth-bound reasons to explain it."

"Name one!" Peri challenged, beginning to feel distinctly irritated by his patronizing manner.

"I could name several, Peri.' The Doctor proclaimed airily, checking the names of side streets as he raced along the main drag. 'You're probably too young to remember, and it didn't happen in America… so it may not have made the news over there… But I can recall a number of occasions when London had to be evacuated - due to alien invasions! Let's see… the Yeti… the Cybermen… and of course, we shouldn't forget The Terrible Zodin…"

He trailed off again, looking a little puzzled, then shrugged it off when he saw the sign he had been looking for. "Ere, Bert, this is the place!" he exclaimed, for no apparent reason.

Peri, once more dashing to keep up with the Doctor's manic progress, had to backpedal rapidly. She found him standing with his back to her, hands on hips. "How very odd." He murmured softly to himself.

Peri just gawped, not sure that she believed what she was seeing.

"Umm, Doctor?" she ventured nervously.

The Doctor didn't appear to hear her, as he took a step into the street and gazed around. "How very peculiar, it appears to be evening all of a sudden."

Peri hugged herself as she glanced around the main thoroughfare, where she was still standing. "Err… it's still daylight out here, Doctor."

"It is?' He turned around so sharply that Peri had to jump back to avoid being knocked over, as he leaned out to look around. 'So it is! That's very strange indeed! I wonder how they do it."

"How who do what?"

"Well… whoever it is,' the Doctor stepped back out onto the main road, gazing intently at the clear demarcation line on the pavement, 'that is keeping it daytime out here… and late evening down there."

Peri shivered. "What is this place, Doctor?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He asked, in a mixture of surprise and hopefulness.

"Not to me, it's not!" She replied in exasperation.

The Doctor looked crestfallen. "Oh. What a shame! I was really rather hoping that it would be…"

"Look Doctor, can't we just get back to the Tardis and go somewhere else?' Peri tried, even though she was pretty sure that she knew what his answer would be. 'This place is just too weird!"

"I think not Peri, there is a mystery to be solved here… and you know how much I like mysteries!

Besides… I'm still hungry!' With a slight bow, he offered Peri his arm, indicating down the street with his other hand. 'Shall we?"

As Peri got her first good look at 'Lycestershire' Street, unobscured by the Doctor's voluminous presence, she realized that it was fairly crowded with aliens of all shapes and sizes.

"I guess it's pretty popular then, judging by all these 'people'. I can't see any people like me though." The Doctor didn't appear to be paying any attention to her. (Again!)

He was gazing up at the ornate signage on the first shopfront they were passing. He looked somewhat puzzled.

"What do you make of this Peri?" He asked from the side of his mouth, as he nodded up at the sign.

The calligraphy was extremely ornate, but it was the words themselves that took Peri by surprise. "Ye Oldey Englishey Fishey and Chippey Shoppey?"

"Hmm...' agreed the Doctor, beginning to stroll further down the road. "Quite! And here's 'Ye Oldey Englishey Publickey Housey!"

Peri, forced to join him in meandering along, noted that there seemed to be a preponderance of Mock-Tudor frontages on the buildings they were passing. But she was less interested in the actual names of the various premises than the Doctor seemed to be. Even though Peri had encountered many aliens in her travels with him – both of him – she found the sheer variety of amazing creatures here absolutely fascinating.

The Doctor was mumbling some nonsense or other to himself, when he suddenly startled Peri from her people-watching with a delighted cry. "Ooh, look! – 'Ye Oldey Englishey Tajey Mahaley'! Fancy a curry, Peri?"

"I think I'd rather have 'fishey and chippey's'." She grumped unenthusiastically.

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(Later…)

They had found a small park to eat their food in, having decided to leave the evening and eat in the daylight.

Peri had just sat down to unwrap her newspaper encased portion of chips, when the Doctor loudly exclaimed. "Oh my Goodness!"

Peri glanced up to see what he was fussing about now, then scooted away from the object that a rather bemused Doctor had just taken from his own newspaper.

"What the heck is that?" She yelped urgently, slightly alarmed.

"It's a battered sausage!" said the Doctor, sounding as if he didn't quite believe what he was saying himself.

Peri shook her head vehemently. "No way is that a battered sausage!"

"Ye-es...

'It is… Look!" The Doctor thrust it out towards her for closer inspection. "You see?

'It's got a little splint, and bandages, and everything!"

Peri studied the object in horrified fascination, unable to suppress a gulp, then looked back at the Doctor. "You're… you're not gonna eat it are you?"

"No, Peri,' the Doctor sighed mournfully, dropping it back into his newspaper, and then tossing the lot into the bin by the bench. 'Sadly, I find it rather difficult to partake of a sausage that has engaged my sympathies!"

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(Much Later…)

"Are you satisfied now, Doctor?' Peri complained angrily, as she cast about for a sign of anything that she recognised. 'Thanks to your stomach, we're totally lost!"

"Oh, be fair, Perry!' he retorted, making a great show out of opening the plastic bag of goodies he had managed – at last! – to purchase. 'I'm really hungry, and we haven't exactly had much luck finding anything actually edible around here!"

"We should have gone back to the Tardis – like I said in the first place! There's plenty to eat there!" Peri shot back over her shoulder unsympathetically, about to go and see what might lay around the next corner.

A cry of triumph from the Doctor halted her, and she looked back to see that he had finally opened his bag.

"I'm bored of the food in the Tardis, Peri!' He whined, thrusting a hand into the bag and rummaging about. 'I wanted something new and exotic! Something I could really get my teeth into!'

He offered Peri a crispy looking object with fingers already stained the same bright orange. 'Fancy a 'Cheezy Whatzit'?"

"What is it?"

"I have no idea…' The Doctor replied, studying the morsel with an anticipatory gleam in his eye. 'But,' he popped it into his mouth and began to crunch, 'Hmmmmm! It's very 'cheezy'!" Peri momentarily forgotten, the Doctor dived back into his bag enthusiastically.

Shaking her head in disgust, Peri rolled her eyes and said, "I think I'll pass, Doctor! Given the weird ideas they have about food around here, I'm just glad you didn't ask for a bag of 'Spicy Knick-Knacks'!"

She decided that she was going to find out where they were, even if the Doctor didn't seem too concerned.

"Hmm! Hmm! Hmm!' agreed the Doctor, not having heard a word Peri said, and now blissfully unaware that his companion was stalking off without him. There was something truly remarkable about these 'Whatzit' things, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. (The bag, that is!)

Unfortunately for him, this ambition was curtailed by a piercing scream from Peri!

He was so startled that the bag seemed to explode in his hands, and bright orange crunchy things erupted all over him!

Suddenly all business once more, the Doctor rushed towards his friend with alacrity. Peri was standing stock-still at the end of the street, hands over her mouth, and a look of abject horror on her face!

Suspecting that she might be in shock, the Doctor puffed to a halt beside her and declared… "My Heaven's, Peri! It's not like you to scream like that! What in the world is the matter?

'You nearly gave me a Cadillac!"

Peri removed one hand from her mouth to point a quivering finger down the next road, turning her head to stare at him, eyes wide. "It was horrible, Doctor! I've never seen anything like it before!'

Her heart was hammering ten to the dozen, and she was trembling all over, but as the Doctor's words filtered through her panic, she suddenly calmed a little. "A Cadillac?" She asked in confusion.

"Hmmm..?" The Doctor enquired absently, as he fastidiously brushed orange powder from his orange coat – with orange fingers.

"You said that I nearly gave you a Cadillac!"

"Ah yes! So I did!' He snapped his fingers in exaggerated recollection, whirling around to give Peri his full attention. 'It's a Time Lord thing! Same as a Cardiac, only bigger!'

He gorilla-thumped his chest dramatically. 'Two hearts, you see!"

Peri regarded him suspiciously for a couple of beats, then rolled her eyes and 'tutted' to herself, as she began to suspect what he was doing. Squaring up to the Doctor and placing her hands on her hips, she jutted her head up accusingly.

"You just made that up, didn't you?

'To distract me!"

"Ye-es!' Smugged the Doctor. 'I di-id!'

Then he grinned at her fondly, and tapped the end of her nose. 'Worked though, didn't it?

'Now, why don't try to tell me what you saw – in a calm and rational manner."

Much as she hated to admit it, (particularly after being tapped on the nose like that!) Peri was feeling much better; her heart was no longer racing, and the trembling had subsided.

However, when she tried to follow the Doctor's suggestion, she discovered that her tongue was still panicking! "The wall grew a mouth and ate him, Doctor! One of those Axololololololololololol…"

The Doctor placed a smelly finger gently to her lips. "One of those 'little blue frog things', Peri? Yes, I get the picture – I think…"

"…Alons.' Peri finished when the finger was withdrawn, and tried again. 'But it wasn't just anyone, Doctor! I think it was Chirpy, the 'Cock-a-Knee Sparra' frog! He was doing that silly little dance of his!"

"And… The wall?Ate him, you say?" Asked a somewhat doubtful Doctor.