Hope Springs Eternal
Elizabeth sat staring at her fingers resting on the keys of the pianoforte as the last note resonated around the room. She had not yet realised her cheeks were wet with tears. Another month gone and yet, it was another heart wrenching disappointment. Would she ever feel that overwheming joy she could see filled Jane each time her baby was placed in her arms? Would she ever see the particular look of pride and admiration, which Bingley reserved especially for his wife on the birth of each of their children, sweep across her dear Fitzwilliam's face when she gave him the gift of a longed for child?
Elizabeth knew Darcy hid his own sorrow for the moments when he thought he was completely alone. She knew it was out of respect for her feelings, of which she was grateful, and it broke her heart. However, the more they refused to discuss the issue the more it seemed to encompass their lives. It hung in the air like a noose. Lizzy was, for once in her life, completely unsure how of to proceed or to even know how to encourage her husband to discuss his feelings on the matter. For her part, she would have been highly gratified if he began and he, would have been relieved should she decide to have the discourse. How would one even begin such a conversation? One simply could not say, "My dear, I know I seem to be incapable of bearing you a child but may I ask how it is you are feeling? No. No, it was absolutely intolerable! If she was honest with herself, she feared what he might say and yet, she feared what he was not saying. On this particular subject, he was as silent as the grave. Elizabeth was at the end of her patience and so, she turned to the one person she knew would give her sound advice, for she knew asking her mother was out of the question, her Aunt Gardiner.
It was to be that evening before she could even broach the subject of her aunt's potential visit with her husband. Darcy had been busy resolving a small dispute between two of his new tenants. Elizabeth was clever, she knew that if she was to convince her husband that the visit was his idea he would begin to feel at ease knowing she had someone to whom she could confide her woes. He worried about her welfare incessantly and while it was at first endearing it now began to feel like a weight sitting on her shoulders. In Mr Gardiner, Lizzy knew her husband had a willing ear should he wish to unburden his mind also.
And so, it was decided, the Gardiner's would arrive within the se'enight and stay a month complete.
As the date of the Gardiner's visit approached, Elizabeth grew more and more apprehensive. She was unable to account for why she should be feeling this way. Her aunt was one of the kindest, gentlest souls she knew. And this feeling of dread had descended and was not evaporating at all. In fact, it was worsening and Elizabeth was in such a well of despair that Darcy was, understandably, exceedingly worried for his wife's state of mind. What had brought on this sudden bout, he did not know but he sincerely hoped that having Mrs Gardiner at Pemberley might lift Elizabeth's melancholy.
On the evening the Gardiner's arrived, and when the men retired to smoke their cigars and drink Mr Darcy's forbidden French cognac, Mrs Gardiner quietly asked Georgiana if she would be so kind as to gather her forgotten shawl from the Music Room as she was feeling a sudden chill. Georgiana acquiesced immediately and was quickly on her way. As soon as the young girl was out of the room, Mrs Gardiner bade her niece sit down beside her and tell her what was ailing her.
"Nothing, aunt. Nothing ails me."
"Elizabeth, please do not lie to me I can see that you are unwell. Now, will you tell me or shall I have to weasel the matter out of my nephew?"
"Oh no, I wish you would not do that, Aunt!"
"Ah...so there is something amiss?"
"That is desperately unfair of you, Aunt! You know I will do anything than worry Darcy."
"That is where you have erred, my girl. I can see the worry for you written all over his face. So, out with it. I shall not wait one more second. Whatever this is it needs to be addressed at once, for the relief of all concerned."
Elizabeth was openly weeping by the time she had finished her sorry tale. There was nothing for Mrs Gardiner to do but to take her niece into her arms and console her until her tears had ceased.
"Without Darcy, there is nothing to tether me to this world. I love him so very dearly. Whatever shall I do, Aunt? Elizabeth cried, "What if he should say to me that he is tired of waiting and, with each wait comes more heartache, and he leaves me? It would be within his rights if he should, you know? What am I to do? I know I must discuss the issue with him but I fear this conversation most in the world and yet..."
"But speak to him you must, dearest. I have never seen a man more confused about, or show more concern for his wife than your Mr Darcy is showing at this present moment. My dear, I know it seems like you will not get what you wish for but have patience. You and Mr Darcy have only been married three years, there is plenty of time for you two yet to become parents. I have never told you this, but it was almost five years before your uncle and I welcomed our Edmund. Like you, many tears were shed before we were blessed. What I wish for you to remember, is that patience is a virtue and, if it is for you, then you will be rewarded. I do not think you have to worry about your husband's affections, he loves you dearly. You need to remember that. Do not push him away. If you are hurting then Mr Darcy is too. Let this bring you closer, let him share in your worries. If you do this, it will be easier for both of you to cope. Do try to speak to him and tell him of your concerns. He may surprise you, my dear niece."
Hearing her aunt's words convinced Elizabeth she had done the right thing in confiding in her aunt. Hope burst forth from within her. Hope, it seemed, really did spring eternal. For the first time, in a long time, Elizabeth was beginning to feel happy again.
"Thank you, Aunt. I do not know what I would do without your kind advice."
It was at this moment that they were interrupted by a confused Georgiana.
"I was unable to locate your shawl, Mrs Gardiner. I have looked everywhere in that room, it is nowhere to be seen. Are you certain you left it in there?"
Mrs Gardiner, who knew exactly where her shawl was at that moment, reassured the girl that it was her fault, it was her own foolishness that was to blame. Her mind was scattered these days.
Georgiana looked doubtful when Mrs Gardiner pronounced this, for she knew Elizabeth's aunt to have one of the best memories around, but she wisely held her tongue. She knew something was afoot but what, she was unsure. Time would reveal all.
