The mess hall was loud with laughter and chatter as always. He was sitting quietly at a table alone eating, but mostly watching her. Laughing and being her. He didn't expect any of this. It had been a few days since he, finally realizing her, while his heart decided to beat fast, and influencing his breathing, skin heating without his consent or expectation. He finally found his mind again, wrapped around the truth and meaning of the very word - life. He doesn't and didn't need a distraction. He had the Red Angel and all sentient life to worry about. The entire crew, and well everyone. It all depended on every decision and action they made. He wasn't focused on anything personal. Emotions were never on his list. yet here he was. Making sure he took lunch the same time she did. He never faltered at his duties. He managed to keep his mind and focus in the right moments, however when there was no direct pressure, his mind slipped to her. Her red curls contained during the mornings, afterward they had their own free will. Wild and free. Her babbling, her nervousness, her curves, had intrigued him in ways he never expected. He was careless, he had let his wall and guard down while he was so lost, this must have been while all of this had slipped in and cornered him. That, and while he was working hard on his understanding of the Red Angel and the meaning of everything. He had never experienced anything like this before. Maybe this was why he was curious. This was not his way, but he had to know WHY?

It wasn't just the time and situation they found themselves in. It was him in general. He NEVER has done or experienced this before, not like this. He always believed it to be a myth. Something everyone kept themselves busy and occupied with. Made themselves believe it existed. To make up for all the hardship they all had to deal with.

He didn't know where to go from here. Should he talk to her? What will he say? He didn't trust his vocals with this. He felt even more lost than he had before he even met her, but it wasn't like he felt heavy and empty like back then, but more lost without answers to his sudden awareness of questions making their presence known. He knew he shouldn't give in to this. Simply ignore it, like everything that had ever bothered him. But, he couldn't help himself, even if he wanted to. He had to be near her. See her. Hear her. Yes, hear her. Her voice, and to many words guided him, like a northern star to its treasure. Her being was his peace at a sanctuary. He knew better not to stare at her. He felt guilty like he was violating her privacy, but yet, the mess hall wasn't a private place.

Spock tried and failed to clear his head. This was his off time. He had let himself have this moment of simply enjoying her energy, even if it's at a distance. He didn't need much effort or focus to eat lunch. It was illogical to show emotions, even more so to give in to them. He had never even spoken to her face to face. But it wasn't necessary for him to see HER. The real her. Words weren't needed. He had his skills, knowledge and the truth to help him profile her. She was perfect and that was the truth. He didn't even need his skills or knowledge. However, it all played a part in his reasoning for ignoring logic. He never thought or even dreamed about feeling something, whatever it was, for someone like her. Not because he thought he was better, but simply because he felt like Vulcan had failed him, and humans don't understand him. There was no balance where he fit in. How would he even approach this? If he felt it suddenly was logical. He would not be someone Tilly would even consider. Not even in her weakest moment. Her chatter to his silence. There was no balance there. Or was there?

His thoughts were interrupted so sharply that he was startled when Captain Pike put his plate down loudly and sat down opposite him.

"A penny for your thoughts." Captain Pike said with a grin, and for a swift moment, Pike thought he saw guilt in Spock's eyes before his mask was back full alert.

"It's illogical to gamble something so private." Spock finally spoke and Pike had to bite back his laugh, but his grin failed to stay away. Oh, how he missed Spock.

"Are you alright, Spock? I worry about you." Captain Pike asked, his Captain face back. It was true. He was worried that Spock would lose his mind again. That he doesn't take time to rest and heal more. He didn't have to take it all on his own shoulders. They were all in it together.

"I am Captain. I will figure out who the Red Angel and why it chose me." Spock assured.

"I'm not worried about your duties. I'm worried about you and your health. You do know we are all in this together. You don't have to do this alone." Pike reminded him.

"I do Captain, but we cannot deny the fact that I was the one who was communicated to. I just want to make sure we are not missing anything important that could save us all." Spock said, and Pike knew he had a point.

"Still, I want you to strictly stick to working hours. No more late nights." Captain Pike ordered and Spock's eyes left him and suddenly looked past him when loud laughter erupted suddenly. It was Tilly and the group she was with. Captain Pike didn't have to look around to know this. He was more curious about the sudden look on Spock's face. Was he flushed? Was that even possible for a Vulcan? Should he test the waters?

"You know, I'm surprised you came at this hour for lunch. This is usually when the loudest of them all are here." Captain Pike said with dimples.

"She's not that loud Captain." Spock said and regretted it immediately, and noticed the Captain's grin grew wider and his own cheeks grew hotter. What had he done? Hopefully, the Captain will see nothing into what he said and simply talk about something else.

"I was actually talking about all of them, but now that you've started the conversation with she. Is there someone you have your eye on Spock?" Captain asked dimpled and all.

"No.. N.. No, I was just pointing out a fact." Spock said.

"Did you just stammer?" Captain Pike couldn't help himself.

Spock didn't answer. Instead, his eyes caught her movement. She was heading this way, looking like she's going to leave. The closer she came, the more erratic his heart started to beat, and his breathing increased. He felt flushed too. Captain Pike clearly saw the change. It was unlike any Vulcan to have this kind of reaction and he wondered if he should be worried. But then again Spock was half human. So maybe he couldn't hide that half of him as well as he thought after all.

"Captain!" Tilly said surprised when she walked past their table, and this made her came closer. Spock shifted in his seat, Captain Pike saw it before he looked at Tilly.

"Ensign."

"Oh, I know I'm late with my report Sir, I was just about to send it in, when I was distracted. Sorry, Sir. It will not happen again. I mean I will work harder." Tilly started but was silenced when Captain Pike rose his hand to stop her.

"Ensign, there's no need to apologize, I didn't ask you why I haven't received it." Captain Pike said.

"I know sir, but you know how I get. It's practically impossible for me not to feel guilty. Anyway, I'll leave you two to eat your lunch." Tilly said as she looked between the two of them smiling, Spock felt his heart skipped a beat and with that, she was gone. He didn't realize that he was staring after her, watching as she left through the doors. Not paying any thought to Captain Pike still sitting opposite him.

Captain Pike looked at Spock all with worry. This was a very unusual match. Tilly was… well, Tilly. With her low self-esteem, she needed someone who didn't mind to constantly reminded her of how amazing and beautiful she was. And Vulcans well, they don't do that at all. They express practically nothing, except displease mostly. Rarely and occasionally they might mention a good deed. But looking at Spock now, he clearly has physical signs that he was a different kind of Vulcan. His humanity might just give him hope. He really wants Spock to be happy. He had gone through so much in his life with the Red Angel visiting him since he was a child. Almost dying from insanity. Maybe he and Tilly weren't so indifferent after all. They both grew up constantly hearing criticism and displeasure. Yes, he would have to keep an eye on this development. He would take Spock under his wing and help and guide him to express what Tilly needs to hear often.

Spock looked back at the Captain, who was now leaning back in his chair, arms crossed staring at him like was reading his mind. Spock wished his telepathy didn't only work through touch. He desperately needed to know how badly he had exposed himself. His darkest and most secret thoughts to Captain Pike. To his relief, Captain Pike sat up straight again and resumed his lunch.

"I would prefer it that you ate all your food. Don't make me order you to sickbay." Captain Pike said simply.

"I'm not sick Captain." Spock pointed out.

"But you will be if you neglect yourself even more." Captain Pike said. "We need you at your best." He continued. It was the truth after all. They needed Spock clear headed and well rested to make sense of all the madness.