Elena sat still, looking out of the window at the rain which was coming down heavier now. The dark clouds moved across the sky and the trees bended and bowed with each fierce gust of wind that hit them. Elena swiped her hand across her cheek to quickly remove the trails of tears that she was desperately fighting to stop.
No. She wouldn't cry.
What would be the point? Would it bring back Jenna? Would it stop Jeremy experiencing so much hurt and loss? Would it mean that Alaric wouldn't keep dying? And then her thoughts strayed to Bonnie and what Caroline had told her; she loves you, and of course she's glad you're ok, but it's always her that ends up getting hurt. Elena heard a sob; it took a few moments for her to figure that the sounds were coming from her. Bonnie had lost her Grams and now her Mum had been turned into a vampire, the one thing that Bonnie had always hated, she knew that Damon and Stefan had done it to keep her safe, she couldn't be angry at either of them. She was angry with herself; she knew that it was all her fault. Everything.
Elena remembered the night of her parent's death and how they had come to pick her up from a party that she wasn't supposed to be at, they had been rowing on the way home; Elena in her drunk state had screamed that she wanted nothing more than to be able to live her life.
Well…she got her wish.
It had all started that night, her life had once been so simple but now, here she was, in love with two vampire brothers. She had sent her one last remaining family member away to keep him safe. She missed Jeremy desperately, she looked at her phone; she had hardly heard anything from him since he had arrived in Denver, he had settled in quickly and was making new friends and having a normal life. Elena allowed herself to smile at this; at least she had done one thing right.
Allowing herself to be brought back to where she was, she looked round her room at the photos and the memories that she had created, looking at herself in those photos made her feel odd, she wasn't that girl anymore, she hadn't been for a long time. The girl she was now only seemed to cause hurt and pain to those she loved, Elena held her waist, scared that she may actually fall apart. She held on tightly, too scared about what she might release if she let go, she was losing. Her eyes were darkened and red from her attempts at not crying, her skin looked gaunt and translucent, she stared at the palm of her hands and could see every vein. Her hands were cold, but she refused to move toward the heater thinking that she didn't deserve to be warm, cold is what she deserved. Dark is what she deserved. Before she could allow herself to fall deeper into the depression which had gripped her, she got into her bed shivering. She curled the blankets around her and prayed for sleep to come.
Damon stood in the shower letting the water cascade off him; he kept his eyes closed and did everything he could not to think of her. He was fully aware that she would know what he had done by now, he knew how angry she would be at him, but he didn't care; angry trumped dead. He thought back to what had brought them to this point, how he had been the one she confided in, in the absence of Stefan. How they had grown close, too close; he had let himself believe that she loved him. When he thought back to all the moments over the summer where he had thought that one move from either of them would have changed everything between them. But he knew that Stefan had been the one thing that had stopped her, and as much as it pained him to say, it had stopped him from taking the one thing that he desired more than anything.
Damon rested his head against the wall; he shook the feeling of guilt that was pushing its way to his gut after what he had done to Bonnie's mum. He tried to shake the image of Bonnie holding her mum, crying. Desperately trying to understand why this had happened. His hand gripped the wall as he allowed the momentary feeling of guilt consume him, he hated feeling this impotent, he couldn't stop himself from feeling like this. He had always known that once he had started loving Elena that it was only a matter of time before his humanity would seep back into his stained soul, she had made him vulnerable, and she had wounded him. And for all the drinking, girls and blood he could consume he knew that because of Elena, he would never be the same again.
He shut off the valve and left the shower, letting his weaknesses and demons drain down the plughole.
Elena awoke to the sound of her alarm clock; she rolled over and switched it off. Today was not going to be a good day, so she thought it best to spend it asleep. Much, much safer for all concerned. She allowed herself to drift back into the land of nod.
She was then awoken by something hitting her face; she jolted out of sleep;
"Get up Elena!- did you think that I wouldn't notice you missing from History?, we live in the same house!" Alaric boomed from the doorway. "Now get up and get to school!".
Elena stared at the ceiling, she was tired. She moved to put on some clothes before she grabbed at her chest. She started to hyperventilate, the room started to spin fast and she couldn't control her body movements, she felt herself fall to the floor with a thud. She blacked out.
When she regained consciousness she was relieved to find that she was tucked in her bed safely, she thought back to when she had tried to get ready for school but something had stopped her, the pain in her chest had crippled her and wouldn't let her move. What had that been? Almost as if the voice had heard her thoughts she got an answer "You suffered a panic attack Elena, but you're fine now". Elena allowed her head to move in the direction to where the voice was coming from. She smiled when she saw who it was. "Matt! What are you doing here?" she was even surprised by the lightness that she found in her voice. He smiled back at her, this gave her comfort.
"What's bought this on 'Lena?, you really don't look like yourself" he gestured at the space she had taken up in the bed. Elena thought carefully before she answered, she didn't want to worry Matt, she knew that he had enough to deal with. Again, she felt a stab of pain in her chest when she remembered Vicki, again…although Damon had turned her, all roads led back to her. Matt noticed her wince and put his arms out to re-assure her.
"I am just feeling a little bit below the weather, I will be fine" she forced a smile. Matt stared at her intently, he wasn't buying it.
"You may not be the Elena I used to date, but you're not a million miles from her either. I remember that smile, that's the one you used just after you lost your parents. What's going on Elena? Spill…". Elena's throat dried up, she was amazed that after everything, he could still see behind it all, she couldn't lie to him and she knew it.
"It's exactly that Matt", he looked at her, not sure what she was referring to; "what exactly?"
"I'm afraid that I will spill, that if I don't hold myself tightly I will start spilling over and I won't be able to stop", she heard her voice break towards the end of the sentence and put her hand over her mouth. She blinked away the tears that were also threatening to spill, how had she lost this much control? Matt pulled her shaking body towards him and held her tightly.
"Shhhh…it's okay, I promise", she could hear the trepidation in his voice. Would it really be ok? She had forced herself to believe it but she wasn't sure if she could any more, not after all this. Elena felt herself holding onto Matt for dear life, terrified to let go. And they stayed this way, for hours. He held Elena while she finally stopped holding herself together and let it all spill out into the open.
When Elena awoke, she found that she was still in the safety of Matt's embrace, this made her feel better. She had let herself break into pieces and crumble, it was finally time to move on and pick up these pieces and stop the darkness from overtaking her again. Although it was 3.30 in the morning, Elena hadn't eaten for over 24 hours, she needed something, she slowly peeled away Matt's arms and gently slid off the bed. When she walked past the mirror she jumped at what stared back at her, she looked like a ghost. Staring at her reflection she walked toward the mirror, she had never really studied herself this closely.
When she got close to the mirror she could see the eyes of Katherine looking back at her, but these eyes were different. They were sad, bloodshot; not seductive. She smiled in the mirror, but the smile wasn't like Katherine's it was crooked and broken, she tried again; gave her best impression of Katherine. She finally managed it, she watched and saw Katherine smiling back at her. Elena felt a weight lift from her shoulders and she stood up straight, she ran back into her room and grabbed her makeup bag and her straighteners.
She stood in front of the mirror and watched herself put on the makeup that she had always associated with her, it was like putting together a puzzle. When she started to curl her hair, she watched the reflection smile seductively at her. She had finally finished, she passed her fingers through her hair. Elena walked to her closet in a trance, she pulled one of her holdalls and began stuffing it with clothes, she grabbed her jewellery and makeup. Not even glancing twice at her photos, before she left the room she looked at Matt asleep in her bed, a small voice in her head told her not to do this, that she could get through this. Elena walked over to Matt and pulled the covers over his body, she found a photo of the two of them in high school and scribbled on the back.
Then, she slipped silently into the night.
When Elena got into the taxi she thought she would break down into tears watching her old life disappear into darkness. But she didn't, instead the fear and guilt that had gripped her in its tight palm started to fade; it was replaced by an emptiness, a dark space that she neither wanted nor needed to fill.
Elena suddenly realised that this was the closest she had ever felt to understanding the Vampire's ability to turn off the switch, she was nowhere near the level of Stefan or Damon, but Elena realised that being a doppelganger made her different, she was merely a copy of a copy; therefore she was hardly a whole person herself, only a trace of a person who had once been whole. Elena suddenly understood her constant need to feel, she now realised that if she stopped herself from feeling, she was who she was meant to be, a Petrova. Elena smiled at her reflection, and it smiled right back.
Damon woke up just as the light had started to drip through the curtains, he stared at the ceiling. What did he plan to do today? Now that he was Elenaless he could concentrate on getting his mojo back, have a few drinks and maybe even invite Rebekah along for round two, he smirked to himself remembering the reaction of Elena. While he was busy re-living this thought, his phone began to buzz. And so begins the onslaught he thought to himself; Damon reached over and answered already convinced he knew what was coming.
"Just so you know I am not prepared to have you rant at me at this ungodly hour" he rolled his eyes.
"Damon! It's Alaric- Is Elena with you?!", Damon sat up in his giant bed;
"Why the hell would she be with me after what I did to Bonnie's Mum? Why are you calling me on her phone?" Damon was becoming more impatient by the second. Of course Elena would be the reason that his day would be off to a bad start.
"Her clothes are gone Damon, she's left her mobile, her photos…everything! What if it's Klaus? Or Rebekah?!" Damon's mind was whirring, he thought that what had happened with Bonnie and Esther had ended this, now he wasn't sure.
"Have you spoken to Stefan?" Damon was already putting his trousers on and grabbing his shirt.
"No, you were Elena's last called number. I thought you might have spoken to her", she had tried calling him last night, several times in fact, but he wasn't ready for it. Had she rung him because she was in trouble? The thought left him feeling sick.
"Give me five minutes and I will be there, do me a favour and call Stefan", Damon hung up. For a moment Damon was terrified, where was she? However angry she made him he would never ever stop loving her, protecting her, the thought that his recent sacrifices on her behalf had all been in vain made him angry. He sent his glass from the previous night flying across the room, only to splinter into a thousand pieces as it hit the wall.
Elena had reached a sleazy looking motel, but she got out of the cab and made her way to the reception, the wooden cladding on the walls gave the image of a Swedish sauna. The man behind the desk double took when he saw Elena saunter towards him, she smiled and glanced at him under her eyelashes. He looked nervous; he began moving things around on his desk to make himself look busy, Elena became aware of the sound her shoes were making, she let her body sway to the rhythm of her footsteps.
Once she made it to the desk she leaned over in her most seductive way possible, sexy wasn't really a term that Elena would associate with herself but she would give it her best shot.
"Hey there" she cooed.
"Erm hi…how can I be of service?" The receptionists wobbly voice told her that her 'new look' was doing everything that she wanted it to.
"I would like to rent a room. Just for tonight", Elena was amazed at how easy it was playing Katherine; even Katherine herself would be impressed. Elena smiled at the receptionist.
"Sure, we have plenty rooms available" he sounded pleased that he could offer a service.
"Whichever one will do, I'm not a fussy gal" she winked at the man who was now leaning toward her, he leaned over and handed her the keys. "That'll be twenty dollars and twenty more if you use the cable service", Elena handed over the money and started to turn. As she walked towards the exit the man called "excuse me Mam? Could you just give us a name to write on this sheet". Elena turned and thought for a second.
"It's Ellie…Ellie Sommers", and with that she walked towards her hotel room.
Damon had now made it round to Elena's house and walked straight upstairs, he found Alaric pacing and Matt sitting looking confused on the bed; "What is HE doing here?" Damon couldn't mask his rage, Elena was gone, but he didn't want to be dealing with misplaced feelings of jealousy as well. Alaric stopped and stared abruptly.
"Show him Matt", Damon began to purse his lips in a flippant response but watched as Matt pulled out a crumpled photo out of his jacket pocket, he handed it to Damon.
"Why are you showing me a picture of high school lovers past?" he was getting snarky, but he couldn't help it.
"God Damn it Damon! Read the back!" Alaric was also feeling agitated.
Damon let his eyes scan the back of the photo;
I have broken those that I love into a million pieces, made decisions that have caused those near to me to feel immeasurable pain. I can't and won't do it any more, I'm so sorry for being a burden. I wish you all a better life.
Please tell Damon and Stefan not to look for me, I am a danger to them as much as anyone. Tell them that I love them both and that they need to care for each other; family is more important than anything. That's why I'm leaving you all; I love you too much to stay.
Forever yours,
Elena
Damon stared at the piece of paper for what felt like an eternity. She had left. She had actually run away…Damon could hear his name being called but the white hot rage that was filling him made it difficult to hear. So he decided to play the card everyone was expecting, though nobody ever bought.
"So she's gone on a road trip? you had me worried for a second!" This was a good act; he could almost convince himself it was real.
"Don't give me that bullshit Damon, you're as worried as the rest of us!" obviously Alaric wasn't a fan of Damon's acting skills. Damon shrugged, "I give it a week tops before she calls me or you with her tail between her legs, she will run out of money and won't get far", he partly believed this, Elena was a small town girl, she had never really spent much time away from home so he didn't think that she would be able to cope without the safety blanket that was mystic falls.
Alaric stared at the note, shaking his head; Matt looked at Damon and finally spoke,
"You should have seen her yesterday man, she was broken. I've never known Elena to just give up y'know? But she held herself so tight. Told me that she was scared of letting go in case she fell apart…I don't think she's in her right mind at the moment", Damon had heard more than he needed to, he needed to get out of there and fast.
"Well you guys can go looking, knock yourselves out. But I have a life and I'm not going to jump to the tune of Miss Gilbert, she will come home sooner or later" Damon pulled his keys from his jacket and in a blur had made it out to the car. He pulled away and was racing towards the motorway in seconds. Matt looked at Alaric, "what's that dude's problem?" Alaric shook his head and stared out of Elena's window.
"That dude is now off to find Elena", Matt scratched his head and furrowed his brow in confusion.
"But he just said tha-"Alaric interrupted, already knowing what Matt was thinking.
"What Damon says and Damon does are normally two completely different things, especially when it comes to Elena", Alaric was looking at the back of the photograph.
"Do you think he will find her?" Matt sounded genuinely worried. Alaric put his hand on Matt's shoulder.
"If there is anyone that could find her, it's Damon" Alaric moved toward the door frame.
"But don't you worry? I mean the guy's got issues", Alaric laughed.
"Yeah he does, but they all revolve around Elena. He needs her as much as she needed him while Stefan was gone. She keeps him in line",
"But didn't he sleep with Rebekah? And ignore her a bunch of times?!", Matt really didn't understand it.
Alaric shrugged; "I used to get angry at him for how he was with Elena, he loves her…and as much as I struggle to understand, I think she loves him too." Alaric could hear the surprise in his own voice.
"And Stefan?" Matt was intrigued.
"Already knows" said a different voice; both Matt and Alaric looked up to see Stefan at the top of the stairs.
Elena sat in the dingy hotel room looking around. You really didn't get much for your twenty dollars other than a springy mattress and stained sheets, but Elena was beyond tired; she pulled back the sheets and fell into the bed. She would shower in the morning when she had the strength to peel off the mask that she had put on.
Damon had gripped the steering wheel so tight that he could feel it bowing to the pressure, he needed to stop, think, calm himself down. He pulled into a layby on the side of the country road that he had found himself on. All he could think about was Elena's note, she was the most positive and hopeful person he had ever met, she had been the one time and time again to pull him out of some of his darkest moods, she was the one who told him to look on the bright side. The thought that her light had been diminished by darkness and depression sent a wave of nausea over him, how had he not noticed!?
They had spent three months where they had spent practically every day together, he thought he knew her inside out, he was fully aware that events in recent weeks hadn't done anything to help their complicated relationship, but she would know that he would still do anything to keep her safe, happy; she knew that, right? The evidence was beginning to tell him that maybe he had got it wrong. Terribly wrong. Damon felt a tear run down his face, he swiped angrily at it, God Damn her…he would make her pay for making him feel like this, he would yell and scream at her the way they always had done; but first he needed to know that she was safe.
He started up the engine and drove down the dark road.
Elena awoke to the muffled sounds of banging and screaming, it took her a couple of minutes to realise what it was, "UGH!", she pulled the pillow over her face. Ten minutes after trying to drown out the sounds of sex Elena finally realised she couldn't take any more and banged hard on the wall "will you shut the FUCK up!", the person banged back so Elena used her feet "screw you" she heard through the wall.
"No thanks. Hearing you was enough!" Elena's anger had reached fever pitch, she almost never allowed herself to lose her temper, the only one that had ever caused her to completely loose it was Damon. She scolded herself for allowing the thought of that smug son-of-a-bitch cross her mind, the way things had been left between them was not the way she had wanted it to be, but every time she tried to make amends he had stopped her dead in her tracks. He didn't want to know, he was too busy with Rebekah and his new friend Sage to even think twice about her, even though she had been ridiculously jealous, she knew that in the long run; if she was going to make this move, the separation needed to be as clean as possible.
So his ignoring her had helped, it only further reinforced the notion that he was better off without her, she had hurt him by what she had said that night at the ball, though she knew instantly after she said it, it was the furthest thing from the truth. His love for her had got her through some of the most difficult moments she had ever faced, he had done everything in his power to keep her happy, and safe, he would never know how much she owed him, how at one point, he was her only tie to sanity.
She knew that she had fallen in love with Damon, it was something that she had been doing slowly…bit by bit for months, even before Stefan left, but everything about it was wrong. She didn't want to be like Katherine, she didn't want to destroy the brothers, they had already sacrificed so much in the name of love. She wanted them to love each other, but she knew that the further in love with Damon she fell, the harder it would be to maintain their distance, and she still loved Stefan too much to think about hurting him like that.
With all the thoughts whizzing through her mind, she was glad to jump in the shower and hear the whirring noise of the machine which heated the water. She would allow herself to be Elena in this small cubicle, a space that only she inhabited, again she felt the fear in her chest tighten and she allowed herself to sob silently in the shower.
Stefan walked into Elena's room, it was really the first time he had been in there since before leaving Klaus, he surveyed the walls and the photographs, he saw that a photo of him and Elena still took pride of place next to her vanity mirror; he almost winced at the pain it caused him. Stefan walked toward a rather awkward looking Matt and Alaric and gestured for the photo, Alaric handed it over without uttering a word; instead he looked back at Matt and mirrored his horrified expression.
"Relax Ric, I've known for a while", Stefan saw his shoulders relax.
"How long have you known?" Matt questioned.
Stefan shrugged, he didn't like to think of when he started to realise that the love of his life was falling in love with his brother, he had known that when he left with Klaus, Damon would do everything he could to keep her safe. He knew that Elena would keep Damon in line, care for him in his absence. It wasn't too far a stretch to see this was always on the cards; if he thought about it hard enough it was almost as if in some masochistic way he had engineered it.
This thought made him laugh humourlessly, he still loved Elena, he always would. But it was becoming very clear that the girl he left and the girl who had left were two completely different people. He thought about all the pain and sadness she had experienced in her short lifetime, was it any wonder that she had finally broken? Maybe it's what she needed, he couldn't or wouldn't ever try and tell her what was best for her, even when they were a couple, this was something that Elena had always loved about him, how he always trusted her intuition, even if it went against everything he believed. Even now, after all that had passed between them, he knew that if she felt this what she needed to do, they had to let her do this. He gently placed the photo back on the nightstand, reflecting all the fragility and uncertainty that the words on the back signified.
When his sight finally reached Alaric and Matt he crossed his arms and sighed deeply,
"This is a side of Elena that only Damon can reason with; I would never have the right to tell her to come home. Damon on the hand- "Stefan paused.
"Damon is stubborn enough not to take no for an answer, leave it with him. He will bring her home safe, one way or another", if Stefan knew his brother, he would bring her home kicking and screaming.
He chuckled, thinking about all of the arguments he had witnessed between the two of them. The line between love and hate between the two of them was something that they had blurred; it was a line that they had created between them. As hard as the thought was of the two of them together, he knew that Damon would do anything, be whatever she wanted him to be, he was a better man because of her and as angry as Stefan wanted be, to see this side of his brother that Elena had brought to the surface just told him that if she chose Damon, he would never stand in their way.
Damon stopped at a gas station to fill up his tank, he looked about and saw a motel across the street. He thought he best check to make sure that Elena hadn't stopped there, he walked across the street and walked into the reception area, the man at reception stood when he saw Damon move towards him.
"How can I help sir?" Damon leaned against the frame.
"have you had any small brunettes check in over the past 24 hours? About yay height and probably looking a bit pouty", he glanced over the desk to the papers in front of the man.
"Erm…sir, I cant tell you anything about our customers, it's meant to be confidential", this was not the response Damon had been hoping for, he stared directly at the receptionist.
"Really?...it's that kinda joint huh?" he saw something on the sheet in front of him that caught his attention, and snatched it from the man.
"hey!", Damon looked straight at the receptionist.
"Sit down and shut up…please", even his compulsions were no longer badass. Elena Gilbert had a shitstorm heading her way when he finally caught up with her.
His eyes scanned the page until he found it; he stared at it in disbelief…
"Ellie Sommers? Wha-the?" he glanced back at the now muted receptionist.
"When did this Ellie check out?", the receptionist answered in a monotone voice.
"She's still here", before he even had a chance to say which room number Damon had already moved out of the door.
Elena had just about done her makeup, she stuffed all of her things back into the bag, she looked once more into the mirror and smiled when she thought about how she had managed to bamboozle the receptionist, she would have to practice again when she was checking out. She pulled her bag onto her shoulder and headed toward the door when she heard a familiar hammering knock at the door.
Her blood ran cold… "Damon"…she whispered.
He knocked again and she suddenly jumped behind the bed. Shit shit shit…how was she going to get out of here? She could wait for him to leave but she knew that he would have compelled the receptionist to find out everything. She could try climbing out of the bathroom window but knowing he was a vampire her chances of getting past him were slim to none.
There was a bang at the door again.
"Fuck!" there was only one choice, and it was again a long shot, but it's all she had. She had spent the past 24 hours being Katherine, could she walk past Damon and convince him of the same thing. He might just be surprised enough to believe it for long enough for her to get away. She took a steely breath and headed towards the door.
Once she opened it, she was surprised to see there was nobody around, maybe he had really gone. She wouldn't take the chance, she swung her kips in the most Katherine like fashion she could muster. Elena walked briskly but confidently towards the taxi rank at the top of the road, she could hear her heart beating in her ears, how could she have forgotten about that? He would see right through her, he would hear her traitorous heartbeat, she found that she was nearly running towards the cabs.
She finally made it when she heard a familiar yell "Elena don't you-" she slammed the door of the taxi and shouted at the driver "please! Get me out of here. Fast!". Elena locked the doors and saw that in a blink of an eye Damon was outside the door.
Damon stared as he saw her drive away in the taxi, was that Elena? She looked like Katherine…but Katherine wouldn't have run, or if she had her own vampire powers would have allowed her to outrun Damon. By the time Damon had processed that Elena was walking and looking like Katherine he had already lost a good five minutes. He made his way to the car and sped after the taxi.
It didn't take long to catch up with the taxi, Damon was a confident if not quite an arrogant driver, he would tail it until she decided to get out. She must surely realise that the gig was up. He saw her look out of the back window, he gestured to the left, trying to get her to stop, she shook her head; he saw her mouth something he didn't expect.
Let me go, please. He shook his head, no, no, no…she didn't get to just leave. He tried one last time to reason;
Please stop, talk to me…Even from a distance she could see the desperation in his eyes, she knew that if she didn't stop he would do something dangerous, he wouldn't stop. He would never stop, she asked the taxi driver to pull over. She heard Damon's Camaro revving just behind, she was nowhere near ready for this but she knew she had no choice, she would have to be as honest as possible, let him see how broken she was. It was the only way he would ever understand, she paid the taxi driver and shuffled toward the door, Damon was already outside, he opened the door. He looked at her with such sadness; it nearly made her heart break all over again.
He held out his hand and she took it, she felt her legs give out as he caught her; she heard the sobs as her body began to shake violently. Damon picked her up, she felt so small and frail under his hold, he felt more tears run down his cheek, what had he done? All the anger and bitterness that he had been harbouring towards her ran cold out of his veins, he kissed the top of her head as he got to the car door. He gently placed her in the back seat and got in beside her, he gently closed the door and pulled her tiny frame onto his lap, he held her silently while her sobs deepened.
She clung to his chest and felt one of his hands sweep gently through her tangled hair, and then he heard the words that nearly broke him in two,
"I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry", Damon cradled her body and pulled her tighter towards his chest.
"shhhhh you have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?", Damon's composure was broken, he had the person he loved more than anything in his arms and he could do nothing but watch as she fell to pieces in front of him.
Elena cried until all of her energy had disappeared, she knew that this whole Katherine act had been a terrible idea, she had just needed to find a way to stop the pain. But it had only been short lived, she was still sobbing silently on Damon's lap as he held her and softly brushed his hands through her hair, her eyes were closed and her breathing was still erratic; she tried everything to calm herself.
Slowly but surely, Damon began to notice her slowing heart rate; he had been sat like this for nearly 3 hours and was prepared to sit there a lot longer. He wouldn't take her home tonight, no…he would be whatever she needed him to be tonight, even if it was just a pillow. Anything that meant he was with her, he was very much aware that seeing Elena like this was destroying him also
