Author's Note: This is to the tune of "Lisbon", from Percy Grainger's Lincolnshire Posy. I assume that few people have heard of the song, but Wikipedia has a short article on Lincolnshire Posy that gives the manner of the song and the original lyrics. As for the actual notes and rhythms, I'm sure they're floating around somewhere, if not the internet, at a library.
They call me Bur Gro-Bash, and to Skingrad I am bound.
I am a fighter born, and king of the 'Rena grounds.
Mudcrabs, imps, and daedroths too, they've fallen to my mace
Folks clamor to sing praise to me, of the orcish race.
From sewers I had come, ready to preserve the throne
From city to the priory I had to bring a stone.
But along the way a bandit's stash happened to catch my eye
Ten Septims and some skooma from my quest they did me ply.
One drop from that pink bottle, and was I ever pumped
But soon its effects faded and too the store I jumped.
I sold my cuirass, pants, and bow to buy cheap bottles three,
But just beer, mead, and cheap wine, they did nothing for me.
I cleaned out fifty mines, all for to regain my toy
But nothing I could find to reacquaint me with its joy
Until one day near Anvil I stumbled across a house
"Come in," the proprietor said, "I've the thing for you to rouse."
My limbs refilled with vigor, though my mind grew awful numb.
When I ran out I slaughtered all my new friends, one by one.
Though I must admit it took too long for my taste,
Eventually I was through and promptly did get waste (d).
Soon a guard came knocking; I had to let him in.
"By the Nine," he cried, "You've cleared out a skooma den!
"With your skill boy, I sure must say You'll excel as a guard
"Move your behind to Skingrad, You big green piece of lard!"
Please hearken to my tale of how through drugs I found success
I found strength, gold and glory, but will never settle for less
Than a bottle of skooma, friend, it has brought me so far.
You'll never need a buddy except for that pink jar.
