Spoilers for Millers Crossing. No Slash. Although Rodney is present throughout this episode he is unusually subdued as he normally would be with Wallce and it struck me to wonder why. This is my reasoning. Also, a few scenes that I wanted to explore (such as saying goodbye to his sister is Section 3). I have paid special attention to character names this time and any errors can be blamed on imdb – LOL.

Also, in some places the dialogue in the episode was so vast that it would have taken a chapter just as straight copy so in these cases I have tried to stick to the main direction pointers. The thoughts and missing scenes come from my imagination and are worked around the exact dialogue in the episode. Please comment, all are welcome.

Section 1;

"This is not what you would call incentive" Rodney said, a he pulled on his straps, bringing his rant to a close. He was livid. Not only was Wallace surprised and angry that they had attempted to escape but he was sure Jeanie seemed more upset they had tried than the fact they had failed.

"I can't go through that again, you can save her" Wallace pleaded brokenly. Inside Rodney laughed bitterly. Save her, I can't even save my own sister, and why, because I got lost!

Rodney spat at Wallace "This is experimental work. It may never work and all this may have been for nothing". Inside he was still thick with shame and anger. Damn his pride and Damn his ego. If he had only asked Jeanie to look at the map then she would be safe now instead of strapped to the chair opposite. Next time he would ask for help. Next time he would do whatever it took.

"I thought I had weeks, now if things stay as they are, I'm lucky if I have days" Wallace said thickly, trying to get through to Rodney. Although still turned inwards, berating himself for failing Jeanie, he was not deaf to the humanity in Wallace's voice and in anger he struck out at this humanity with words dripped in acid.

"You never should have injected her" He heard Sheppard in his head. Shut up! Too late and as he realised what he had said he looked up at Wallace and saw his body tense and as Wallace walked to the far side of the lab it seemed to Rodney as if he could see the humanity leave him with every step. He wasn't sure if Wallace was talking to him or to himself as he said "No, no, It will work, It has to work"

As Wallace turned back to face him a cold dread filled Rodney. "What is that" he asked thickly, but he already knew. Please, no, please don't let it be. Maybe he's bluffing. Oh, please be bluffing. Not that, please, not that. He couldn't take his eyes of the syringe in Wallace's hand, noticed the way it caught the light like a knife.

"A dose of nanites" Wallace stated coldly, any trace of humanity gone. The words cut in to Rodney, cold settled into his bones. He watched in shocked silence as Wallace swept Jeanie's golden curls from her neck, all thoughts frozen, unable to process a single thought except one. Jeanie.

"Merideth" Jeanie whimpered and his heart broke as her eyes full of fear locked onto his, pleading for a rescue he couldn't bring. Rodney, restricted by straps, took action in the only way he could.

"No, wait, please, I'm sorry" Rodney begged, now trying to appeal to the very same humanity he had attacked earlier. But when he heard Wallace's voice, that humanity was gone and Wallace's face was set in anger.

"You wanted incentive" he spat at Rodney.

The words cut into Rodney and inside he heard again his words that had driven Wallace to act in anger and his words that had asked for incentive. Guilt wrapped thickly around him as he realised his own words had sentenced Jeanie to her death.

Rodney watched, shamed in silence, as Wallace injected Jeanie with the nanites that would kill her. Inside he sobbed uncontrollably, No, please no, not her, not Jeanie. Please you can't. The pain of emotions almost too large to contain was so intense that all thoughts were seared from his mind. Only guilt and emotional pain remained.

Rodney's blue eyes drifted from Jeanie to Wallace. He listened in a daze as Wallace spoke. "Fix this, or they both die" Wallace stated coldly and he walked from the room. Rodney's eyes followed Wallace, not daring to say another word. Inside he thought, if I live, you will die. Both of us hurt Jeanie and I will pay for that forever, but you will pay soon, I swear it.

A man came in and cut the straps and left in silence. Rodney looked down into his lap, rubbing his wrists, berating himself what have I done. Maddy, oh god, Maddy, how can she ever understand. Jeanie. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me, I know I can't. He could feel Jeanie looking at him but knew if he looked into those fearful, watery eyes it would break him. He was also scared that he would see the realization and accusation that he had done this to her. After what you've done to her, the least you can do is look at her.

He struggled within to push down the emotions that whirled within him like a storm. Finally, steeling himself he looked up hesitantly at Jeanie only to find that she had moved to her work station and was staring resolutely at the screen. The silence lay heavy in the room but he was loathe too break it. Preferring the uncomfortable silence to hearing Jeanie state that she could not forgive him for what he had.

He knew he would never forgive himself and he would never forget the look in her eyes as she called to him, as he failed her for the second time. He swore he would not fail her again as he moved to his own workstation desperately looking for the answers that could save her.

Rodney saw Jeanie's hand move slowly up to her neck as if to rub an ache and his heart clenched as he looked at her forlornly. Is this how it feels when your heart breaks, it's so painful, there should be a noise, a loud noise, something this painful shouldn't pass by so quietly.

He got images of their childhood together, of the last year when she became part of his life again. He adored her, seeking Jeanie's approval over his parents. Always in awe of the ease in which she could communicate and interact with others, achieving in two days what had taken him four years to attain in Atlantis and she still outshone him.

More than that Jeanie knew him totally and she loved him regardless, and he carried that love with him everywhere like a candle in the dark. He had not realised how the lonely the candle burned until Atlantis.

"You okay" he asked tentatively. Inside he whispered, please be okay. I'm so sorry, I love you and I'm so, so sorry.

"Yeah, I'm fine" she said bluntly. No accusation but he could hear it amongst the pain in her voice. He tells her that the nanites aren't communicating and can't help thinking of the Irony.

More so to stop the silence from moving back in he discusses what they need to do. He realises he is avoiding the inevitable. He owes her more than this and as he walks back to his station he steels himself and turns to his sister. "Look, I'm really sorry about this"

She doesn't look at him and although it hurts, he can't blame her. "I really don't want to talk about this" she said stiffly, "We need to write this program and upload it to my nanites. I will yell at you later okay" and this time he doesn't just sense the barbs, he feels each one hit his heart and deflated he replies "okay"

He feels shamed that part of him is glad he won't have to hear her say she can't forgive him. He looks at her in a silent apology that she doesn't see. His wrist spasms, betraying the fear and nervousness he feels as he thinks of the pain when he finally hears those words. He turns to his workstation to loose himself in his work, to the only avenue left open to him to save Jeanie.

They work together, reprogramming the nanites. He checks it over and it seems to be correct. He wishes he had Atlantis to hand to check it over but he doesn't and with options limited he scours the program, trying to see if he's missed something but he can't, this seems to be it. Hesitantly, he uploads the program to Jeanie and then notifies Wallace that the program is ready for Sharon.

They have to wait for the results. Rodney starts ranting and pacing, anything to fill the silence so Jeanie can't, so he doesn't have to hear the words that will tear him apart. Doesn't want to hear the words that although she will live, she is lost to him and his life is empty again, that the candle no longer burns.

His heart clenches as he hears her voice and he moves to the nearest chair, steeling himself, but she doesn't say the words he's dreading. She's asking about Kate and it throws him completely but he doesn't want to speak about that Kate either. He's on borrowed time there to. You can't have long now he says to himself morosely. He nods and agrees she's right he's been dating Kate about a year. But a year on Atlantis is different to a year on earth. It's not as if you can call from the office to say you'll be home in 20 minutes. He thinks sarcastically Too much time spent on separate missions or working on experiments and oh yeah, trying not to die in so, so many horrific ways.

He likes being with Kate. Tries to be different with her, tries to let her in but knows the day will come when she realises what a mistake she has made. Only a sister's love is unconditional, he learnt that a long time ago. Yet even that he was going to loose, best to face it and start dealing with the pain. Start building more walls he thinks bitterly, I thought I was done with walls.

"Look, lets get back to how this is all my fault, because I think I preferred that" he said, already steeling himself against the pain. But he's given a reprieve from the inevitable as one of Wallace's men comes in to take them to Wallace.

They follow him to Sharon's bedside. She was sitting up. It had worked. He thought it would but could not be sure with the limited equipment. Inside hope and relieve flared but he couldn't allow his emotions to win yet, he still had to get Jeanie away from Wallace, to safety.

Rodney was already turned inwards looking for a way to get Jeanie out. They found themselves in Wallace's office as he poured them champagne and it all seemed so surreal. They were alone with Wallace and he wondered if he could take Wallace and not for the first time today he wished Sheppard was by his side.

"What are you going to do with us" he asked as he wondered how many guards were outside. "I'm going to let you go" Wallace replied with slight joviality in his voice, "I don't expect you to understand"

"You're right, I don't" Rodney replied, all thoughts froze in shock. Hope flares, Jeanie was going to be safe. Relief flooded through his body, followed by guilt. Jeanie was right, if we had just fixed the program in the first place we would be free now and Jeanie would not have nanites in her system. Wallace was still speaking to Jeanie explaining how he had always expected to answer for his actions.

"But you'll be arrested" Jeanie said. Damn it, he injected you with nanites, who cares, damn it didn't she understand she was still in danger. "Not helping!" he hissed at her, dread clenching his heart as he watched Wallace's reaction. Relief flooded again as Wallace explained he was expecting as much and Rodney released the breath he hadn't even realised he had been holding. They were interrupted as one of Wallace's henchmen entered the room. "We have a problem…….."

Section 2 to Follow;