I am here

Hey everyone. I know it has been some time since I last wrote something. But I guess most of you that also write stories know the feeling when you wrote down all you had in your head and inspiration left you … there is nothing to write. Until inspiration is kicking in again. Which it did with that picture of Magnus and Alec on the balcony (*fangirl scream*). It took a few days for the story to build. But now here it is, my version of how I would love for this situation to play. Enjoy ^^


Chapter 1

It *push* was *push* so *push* utterly *push* frustrating. For the uncountable time Magnus had to realize that life wasn't fair. Not in the slightest.

It had been slightly over a week since he had seen Alexander. Not that he had heard from him either. No text, no message, no call, nada. And it started to eat Magnus away. Their last conversation, if you could call it that, played in his head every time he let his mind wander.

"You watch the people you care about age and die."

And the more he thought about it the more he realized that Alec's voice hitched the slightest bit at the word "die". It hurt. It hurt more than it should, oh how could he have fallen so hard so fast. He shouldn't. He couldn't. But he did. By Lilith he fell in love with the Shadowhunter the moment he first laid eyes on him.

It had consumed him within seconds and left him vulnerable, heart beating faster than it ever had in the last decades, faster than any other time when he had fallen in love. And it scared him. Because he was sure that Alec felt something for him, too. But he started to doubt the gravity of the others feelings. What if the kiss was merely a way for Alexander to break free and Magnus had just been … there.

The warlock had to swallow. No, he could not let himself think like that. It would only end in heartache. More than he was already doomed for.

Trying to push this depressing thoughts aside Magnus pushed himself faster and harder from the floor. Working out had been a wonderful way to rid himself of the spare strength and frustration that had piled up during the day. It was not perfect, but it was way better than destroying things or punching the walls.

The burn in his lungs helped him concentrate on other things than his arching heart. It made him forget about the pain, even if it was replaced with a different kind of pain. At least for a bit because the feeling was similar to the way his lungs felt when Alexander looked at him with those big scared eyes, eyes that spoke volumes about what he wanted but was afraid to let himself have. Aaand he was thinking about the Shadowhunter again. Shit. This was not working.

When Magnus let a rather filthy curse leave his lips, he heard the doorbell.

Great, the last thing he needed right now was someone that got on his nerves and with his current state of mind this could be the only outcome.

Regardless Magnus swung himself on his feet and with a scroll on his face grabbed the door handle to pull the door open. And froze.

Before him stood Alexander Gideon Lightwood. He saw how the young Shadowhunter opened his lips to take a breath – surely to say something as a greeting – when the only thing leaving his lips was a startled gasp, his mouth hanging open and his eyes becoming wide.

Alec could not breathe, he couldn't think! When Magnus opened the door, Alec had expected him to wear a glittery extravagant outfit, like he usually wore. But the possibility that he would not wear anything over his chest did not occur to Alec at all.

The moment Alec took Magnus in, he lost his breath and his mouth went dry. He swallowed thickly in vain to get his throat back to work. But no words left him, all he could do was gasp with his mouth hanging open and his eyes to wander over the naked, sweat covered torso of the warlock before him.

Oh by the angel he had fantasized about this. When he was alone in his room in his bed but seeing Magnus shirtless in reality caused him to stand beside himself completely.

In a deep corner of Alec's mind, Magnus words echoed like a whisper "you lose your breath every time they enter a room".

"Alexander." Magnus said stunned, which brought Alec out of his trance, realizing that he still had not said one word.

"I uh … I was … I wanted …." Oh great, Magnus without a shirt was enough to make him tongue-tied.

Getting a grip on himself Magnus put on a tiny smile and opened the door wider, stepping aside and gesturing for Alec to enter. "Please, come in."

Letting his eyes fall to the floor, Alec walked inside definitively NOT looking at Magnus, or his toned muscular chest, no absolutely not.

But when he was a few steps inside and he raised his head, Alec realized that he stood at the same spot where he stood the last time he was in Magnus loft, when he told him to 'back off'. No this was not helping, it only caused Alec to panic inside. So the only thing he could do was turn around and face Magnus in the process.

With him standing a few feet away it was even easier to take him in, everything of him.

The warlock was wearing comfortable black yoga pants, feet bare and don't get Alec stated on his chest. By the angel he knew that Magnus was muscular, but not like this! The slight film of sweat made his already toned skin shimmer in the light of the setting sun, making him look god-like. His hair was styled, but without any trace of additional color. His eyes were lined with black coal and his lips were an inviting reddish color.

And Alec wanted to kiss him. He could feel the urge arise deep within himself to just cross the few meters that separated them, take Magnus head between his hands and kiss those sinful lips. He wanted to kiss him, needed to. But he couldn't. Not when he could barely breathe. And not without explaining himself why he had not contacted the warlock earlier.

He knew that he hurt Magnus with his behavior, but the situation at the institute was hell. His life consisted of stress and hunting, and searching for Jace without giving him a second to breath. And after this day he could no longer handle it. The need to see this man again had grown so strong that he nearly fled the institute at the first possibility he got.

Lost in his thoughts, Alec did not register that Magnus had closed the distance between them and was now standing barely two feet away. He was looking at him, eyebrows crunched together slightly and eyes full of concern.

"Alexander, are you alright?"

"Your skin tingles when they stand close enough to feel their breath."

Taking a much needed breach, or at least trying to, the only answer Alec was able to give was another stutter.

"I can't … I need … air."

The Shadowhunter was not sure if Magnus caught the real meaning behind his words, but the warlocks eyes widened. He swallowed and gestured with one hand to the open balcony doors.

"Of cause, why don't you step onto the balcony for some fresh air? I will follow shortly."

Quickly nodding his thanks, Alec turned around and marched in the pointed direction.

Magnus was following his every step with his eyes. If his suspicion was correct, he had a very good idea why the young man could not breathe properly. Not wanting to disturb Alexander more than he already was, Magnus grabbed the closest and inconspicuous piece of clothing he could find, the gray, sleeveless hoody he was wearing earlier, before he started to sweat which caused him to take it off.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Magnus walked slowly towards the balcony.

When Alec arrived outside he had to grip the railing to steady himself. His heart was beating like crazy. By the angel he knew that Magnus had that effect on him but it had never been so intense. He did not have time for this, this feelings. He had to search and find Jace. The longer he was gone and in the hands of this … monster, the worse it would become. But even though, his feet had brought him here, to Brooklyn, to Magnus.

So deep in thoughts Alec did not notice Magnus stepping on the balcony beside him, causing him to flinch slightly when the other man spoke.

"What brought you here, Alexander? Is everything okay?" Magnus spoke in a gentle hushed way, not wanting to startle the other or making him uncomfortable. When Alec was looking at him, he could already see the inner fight the Shadowhunter was having.

"I am sorry, I should have called you. I know I did not for so long … and now I am just suddenly standing on your doorstep but I just …. I wanted … I needed …"

Swearing for not being able to express himself, Alec runs his hand through his unruly hair. Not being able to look at this magnificent man any longer, Alec casted his eyes down onto the city.

"Nothing is okay Magnus." And he hated how raspy his voice sounded, how hurt. How weak.

"We do not have a clue where Jace could be. My mother even suggested we stop looking for Jace at all because it would be too late. That he went with Valentine willingly and because of that he should be treated as a traitor, too. And … I can barely feel him, our bond is so week sometimes I cannot feel him at all. And I don't know what to do anymore and I can't …"

Alec had to stop, he was rambling and losing control over himself. He had to get himself together.

He looked so lost, all Magnus wanted to do was take him in his arms and hold him. Telling him everything would be okay, that they would find Jace. But he couldn't. He still did not know what Alec was comfortable with him doing and what not. So he decided to raise one of his hands and letting it hover over Alec's arm. Signaling comfort if the young Shadowhunter wanted to accept it.

"What did you try to find him? Did you try using your parabatei-bond? Or maybe the silent Brothers have a way to find him."

"Yes, no. I mean yes we tried what we could, yes we asked the silent brothers but everything leaded to a dead end. No we did not try to use our bond, because it barely exists."

Shaking his head, Alec straightened up.

"I should not even be here, I should be at the institute, Helping. I am sorry I disturbed you. I should go."

Fearing that he would not see Alec again if he let him leave just like that, Magnus sprang into action.

He lowered his hand, as a border that Alec would hopefully not cross, his other hand found its way on the railing, barely an arm's length apart from Alec's.

"Wait, please. Maybe I can help. I could search for a spell to try to track Jace or Valentine."

He spoke so fast but in a low voice. His heart beating fast and painful in his chest. Alec lowered his eyes towards the ground again, not being able to look Magnus in the face any longer, folding into himself, drawing far away from Magnus, maybe too far for Magnus to ever reach him again. And Magnus saw. So he said the only thing that came to mind, something that made him vulnerable but was oh so true.

And the next thing he knew was that Magnus had laid his hand above his own on the railing, a soft reassuring touch.

"When things get crazy, you can always come to me. I will do anything in my power to help you. Just … don't push me away. Please."

This last world made Alec look back up. It sounded so hurt, so broken, so unbelievingly begging.

He never thought he would hear the high warlock of Brooklyn beg. But here he was. Alec saw the hurt in those deep brown eyes. And it was worse than the time when Alec told the warlock that he would get married. Because this hurt was also caused by him, but it was also for him. And that Alec could hardly bear.

Slowly he started to withdraw his hand from Manus.


And this is all for now. Originally I planned for a short one shot … but my story ran away with me again, which I am sure you don't mind. But guys I am so excited with the trailer for season 2 that came put yesterday and the pictures. And this one comment where the producers said that they will top the wedding kiss from s1 in s2 – I hope it is real – and oh my gosh I can't wait for this to happen.
See you next chapter and tell me what you think ^^