Chapter One: Heartbroken
(From Clare's point of view)
Its midnight and I still can't sleep. As I lay in my bed I flip through pictures on my phone of me and him…Eli Goldsworthy. The love of my life, the only person I've felt this close to, the one who never stopped caring for me. What's the problem? He said we needed time apart. I cry myself to sleep every night wondering what I did wrong. All I wanted to do was help him; I've been there for him for as long as we've been together. Eli's been dealing with finding a student's body (Campbell Saunders) in the school's greenhouse a few weeks ago. I'll never forget that day…me and Eli were talking about taking the next step. Its weird how you can be the happiest you've ever been and then that changes in an instant.
When Eli dropped our breakfast to the ground I looked at his face…it's like the life had been sucked right out of him. As I looked to see what was wrong Eli quickly grabbed me into his chest. I knew he didn't want me to see…that's how I know he loves me. Ever since that day he's never been open to talking about it. One day I found out that he started smoking weed with my step-brother Jake. I wasn't so mad at first but when they kept doing it I was furious. You can't imagine how happy I was when I heard they stopped. But then Eli started taking more serious drugs after the incident. I kept trying to talk to him about it and how drugs aren't the answer to dealing with things. It got so bad that he showered in the girls change room and streaked naked through the school. I knew after that day that he was worse than he ever has been.
The next day I saw him in the greenhouse and he felt better being able to be in there without freaking out. I asked him if he took drugs because of me. He said he regrets what he did…but then he told me that talking about it doesn't help either. He said that he couldn't get better if I keep worrying about him. When he told me that we needed time apart my heart stopped; it's like the life had been sucked out of me. I love him and I don't understand why worrying is such a bad thing…I care about him. But when I heard the words "Cam's not the problem…you are" I felt like I couldn't do anything to help him…like he was shutting me out and not letting me in anymore. I still don't understand why he said those things to me…I don't think I ever will. Will we get back together? I don't know.
To cope with this all I've been trying not to think about it but I do…every night. That's why I decided to run for class president. I'm probably the most qualified person to do the job; although Drew Torres might think otherwise. He's also running…at first I thought it was a joke but it's not. Ever since he cheated on my best friend Alli I've never liked him. He thinks that he can just win everyone's vote by inviting them to parties and being their "bud". Sorry but that's not the way to win an election. He's not serious enough to do the job…which is why he's going down.
Today is the results of the election. That's probably one of the reasons why I can't sleep but on the other hand I can't stop thinking about Eli. What if we never get back together? Eli is gonna go to NYU and probably meet some gorgeous girl wanting to be an actress or someone who shares his passion with filming. He'll forget all about me and I may never see him again. I can't stand the thought of another girl in his arms…that must be why I love him so much. As I try and block all of it out of my head I finally fall asleep.
That morning when I woke up I went to check my phone and I received a text from Eli.
Eli: Just wanted to wish you luck on the election today…I'll be voting for you! Do you think we could talk sometime today?
I honestly didn't know what to think. We haven't spoken since that day in the greenhouse. Was he just being nice? Does he maybe wanna talk about us? I seriously didn't need this…today of all days. I didn't reply; today is about me for once.
I walked down the stairs to find Jake eating breakfast at the table. After his break up with Katie he hasn't been the same but lately he's been acting a lot happier.
"You ready for the big day?" Jake said with a mouth full of cereal.
I smiled as I put my stuff on the couch, "Of course! This is gonna be the easiest election ever. Drew doesn't stand a chance." I eyeballed my brother playfully "You are voting for me aren't you?"
"Yeah…about that. Me and Drew have been real close these days." He looked at me with a serious yet sorry face.
I felt like my mouth had dropped to the floor.
Jake laughed so hard some of his cereal was coming out of his mouth. "I'm totally kidding, Clare. Of course I'm voting for you."
I walked up to Jake and slapped him on his arm. "Don't scare me like that" I giggled a little then walked over to the kitchen to get cereal.
Jake got up from the table and sat at the counter. He looked at me concerned. "How are you?"
I gave him a puzzled look while pouring cereal into a bowl, "I'm great. I'm really confident about today."
"No not that," he paused from eating, "How are you and Eli?"
I looked down and thought to myself, thanks Jake for bringing that up. "I don't know how we are. I haven't talked to him in days."
"Clare, you know he loves you. He's just going through a lot of stuff right now."
As I stormed off to the fridge to grab the milk I stopped and looked at Jake. "I know he is but if he loves me then why did he shut me out? You men and your drugs make yourselves even more confusing as if you weren't already."
Jake finished off his cereal, "I'm pretty sure he was sober when he…" I looked at Jake and he looked down and sat in silence not being able to finish the words broke up with you. Don't get me wrong I'm really glad to have Jake as a brother but sometimes he can just push all the wrong buttons.
I put the milk back in the fridge and grabbed a granola bar and some yogurt. "I don't have time to eat breakfast here I gotta get to school. Are you driving today?" As I tried to change the subject.
Jake put his bowl into the sink and grabbed his bag, "Yeah I guess." As we both walked out of the house he grabbed my arm gently before I could get into the car, "I know this isn't really my place to say but I think you two are meant for each other. I really hope things work out between you guys."
I smiled, "Thanks, me too".
