I am here today to tell mankind of a fuckin' rad story, that will take place in the near future. A story which will cut any man's heart into bite-sized little treats for me. 'Cause I don't give a flying fuck. Do you know who I am now? I learned not to give a fuck from my youngest son, Saad. That's right. I am David Spade. Chaos. God. You might know me from, well, everything ... Have you ever heard some people say "There was no universe before David Spade"? They know their shit. They know that if their fuck is flying around, they'll tranquilize it, clip its wings, and staple it to the fucking ground. Things are pretty chill here in the void. Enough of this nonsense. Get yourself a good few licks at this story.

It is December 28th, 2016. You stare at your computer screen, trying to keep yourself entertained. Youtube has always had seemingly infinite content. Among the sidebar, you see a an old video of Egoraptor's. It was uploaded on July 18th, 2012.

"My New Channel: GAME GRUMPS! (Featuring JonTron!)"

Your mind can't turn away from the pull of nostalgia. All is as you remember. Arin is preparing to be drawn like a french girl while he introduces a familiar face. Good ol' Jon. He is happy. He manages to find joy in life, unlike you. He is the man you used to be. You think of when he was replaced by some Bob Ross ass motherfucker the next year. He thought he could get some work done for once, for the fans of his own show. You watched as the fans got more demanding of him, as Writer's Block and other things took control. He had a wife now. He made a few videos now and then, one was about Skyward Sword, one was some Mario Galaxy ripoff Sonic game, one was with The Completionist and the new Smash Bros. game, and there were other things along those lines. As video games got less and less original, so did the show. It got old. You knew something was missing from his show. You couldn't quite put your finger on it.

This is where the old Jon becomes the new Jon. It is certainly a change for the worse. He's almost changed into you now. There is only one step left. The new Jon tries to entertain himself during his lunch break by going on Youtube. He clicks on a video his old self took part in, and realizes what it was that had kept him whole. The video is 18 seconds in, and now the new Jon and you are one and the same. You finish your potato salad, and sit in front of the camera. You hold the script for "Just Another Paper Mario Game... Right?", with Jacques on your shoulder, and your wife, Nicole, standing across the room.

You are now another man, and have travelled to another story. It is December 28th, 2016. You stare at your computer screen, trying to keep yourself entertained. Youtube has always had seemingly infinite content. Among the sidebar, you see a an old video of JonTron's. It was uploaded on July 18th, 2012.

"My New Channel: GAME GRUMPS! (Featuring Egoraptor!)"

Your mind can't turn away from the pull of nostalgia. All is as you remember. Arin is getting drawn like a french girl while he introduces a familiar face. A kind face. The best friend he has ever had. He still keeps Arin sane. Because of Jon, Arin manages to find joy in life, unlike you. It's almost like he is the man you used to be. You think of when Jon left to do some of his own work the next year. Arin stuck to Game Grumps, but playing with some Bob Ross ass mother fucker instead. He thought he could still get some enjoyment out of the show. He clearly didn't need Jon ... You knew he did. You watched as the fans got more demanding of him, wanting Jon back at first, trying to at least replace Mr. Ross in the hopes getting someone on the same level as Jon again, and then giving up after realizing their opinions took had no meaning. Eventually, Arin's personal life took control. He had 2 children, who were both 21 months old by now. He made a few videos now and then, playing games like Portal 2's Co-op, Arkham City, Sonic & Knuckles, and others along those lines. As video games got less and less original, so did the show. It got old. You knew something was missing from his show. You couldn't quite put your finger on it.

This is where the old Arin becomes the new Arin. It is certainly a change for the worse. He's almost changed into you now. There is only one step left. The new Arin tries to entertain himself during his lunch break by going on Youtube. He clicks on a video his old self took part in, and realizes what it was that had kept him whole. The video is 18 seconds in, and now the new Arin and you are one and the same. You finish your egg salad sandwich, and sit in front of the TV. You hold the disc for "Paper Mario: Secret of the Schisms", with your headset on, and your partner, Bob, sitting across the couch.

Simultaneously, across time and space, two beings shed a tear. They both let out a sigh. They both state plainly, "Fuck this. I'm done." The newer Arin and the newer Jon are now one and the same.

Arin stands up. Jon stands up. Bob and Nicole wonder what's wrong. Arin walks down the hallway. Jon slides his back door open. Bob and Nicole ask, "Where are you going?" Arin runs outside and steps into his van. Jon jostles his way over to his convertible, and hops in. Bob and Nicole are both baffled. The two men drive off down the roads, until they are out of sight.

The two men arrived at public parks. They contemplated what to do. They couldn't contact each other, as they were to never receive an answer. These men were much too busy being tortured by their lovers, their careers, and their fans. The phones were always busy, the emails flowing so fast that any attempt to contact the other man would be hopeless, the courage not enough to tell anyone about it, the desperation not enough to see the other man, face to face.

This is when a beautiful thing happened. The inevitable. The desperation had finally reached a level high enough to restart hope.

We had a plan. We knew how to start things over. In 10 days, we would each have our own panels at MAGFest 2017. So we waited. Regardless of our mindless existences, we were rolling in dough. We stood up from the park benches. We were determined. We had no idea we were already one and the same.

The men used half of the cash they had during those 10 days, just surviving. Sitting in hotels. Eating. Drinking. Showering. Shitting. Other than that, the only thing that kept them busy was their anticipation. Hoping that things turn out well. Remember, this is what you wanted. This is your fault. You expected these men to do more than what they knew they were capable of.

...Let's step back a few days again. The hotel TV's were on. Jon was unbelievably drunk. He was still alone, however, in his room. He looked at the TV intently. He softly spoke,

"Happy New Year, Arin"

Arin duplicated Jon's actions an hour later. Something else made this new day special. It was the start of the 2500th day since Jon and Arin first met.

I remember it so clearly. It was the most important Skype request ever sent. Not much was spoken, other than questions about what they could do to make each others' channels better. By the way, I'm not sorry at all for all the jumping through time. I'm David Spade and I can do all the time travel I damn want. So anyway, I'll just just skip ahead to where they both pull into the parking lot at MAGFest.

*Sniff* - - - *Ahem*

Jon and Arin both walked to their panels. They saw these big rooms filled with all these seats. They both were told the usual stuff about how things were to go down. They both sat. The men both saw their lovers. They looked very unhappy. After all, the men had been missing for ten days. They were relieved, however, because they knew if the men appeared at the convention, they were at least alive. The men both answered questions. They both knew it was time.

Halfway through the convention, I answered a question that went, "Yo Jon, will you do a thing about the new Paper Mario game?" I replied, probably not for a long time, as I had other projects on the go. He asked what they were. I told him it has to be a surprise.

Here we go.

I suddenly bursted out, "Okay, everybody! I've really had to piss for the last half-hour, and I can't take it, so I'm gonna have to leave for the next 3 minutes." Everyone looked shocked. They had never seen this happen before at a panel. I rushed down the aisle while trying to control my shit-eating grin.

Although I got lost after a while, I eventually found my way. I was about halfway there. The hallways were empty. I came up to the corner. before I got to the corner, I was interrupted by someone. I was speechless. So was he. It was Jon. We stood for a good 3 seconds.

"What are you doing here?", I asked with a worried smile.

"I told everyone I was going to use the washroom."

"Oh. So did I."

"B-but, I was on my way to the Game Grumps panel to tell you something."

"Well, fuckin', what do you know!"

"Eh?"

"I was on my way to the JonTron panel to tell you something too."

"I was gonna say..."

"Say what?"

"Uh..."

"I wanted to tell you that ever since you left Game Grumps-"

"My life has been a wreck!"

"...Same here."

"I wanted to say, that I don't give a fuck about my supposed fans anymore. *sniff* 'Cause it's impossible to make them happy. I haven't been myself ever since I left. And fame, I have more than I could ever want. I have it all. But I want none of it. 'Cause I've realized friendship is more important."

We both said in unison,

"... and you're the only real friend I've ever had." I put my hands on my hips and looked up, shaking my head and smiling. "That Bob guy is fucking Tool, too."

The doors opened at each panel. The men had been gone for a long time. There had been an announcement at each panel that stated, "We've come to believe the host of this panel lied when they said they were, going to the bathroom. The Panel is over, as they are not coming back. Everyone stand and walk out."

I watched as Jon teared up. I asked, "So, do you want to save Game Grumps or what?"

"I can't do anything else."

I gave him what he desperately needed. "C'mere."

We hugged. Tightly. We stayed there for a full minute, swaying back and forth gently. During that minute, the crowds of people from both of our panels' early endings came up each side of the corner. They were broken, relieved, shocked, and proud because of what they saw. Something tells me they knew exactly what was happening. They knew we had never seen each other for the past 4 cruel years. They knew we stopped giving a fuck about our careers long ago. They knew we wanted to change. However, they didn't know how important this was. What this meant for the future.

A security guard walked up to us from the crowd. "What is the meaning of this?" He asked sternly. Jon spun us around to say Game Grumps was saved, and he's "NOT SO GRUMP!"

Many people in the crowd were filming this, and uploaded it to Youtube as fast as they could. The True Game Grumps told their story in many interviews, but never the same each time. Only they could know the exact truth of how back one June, they dug a hole in each other's souls which could only be filled by the other soul, like Yin & Yang. They no longer took each other for granted.

Now, Jon Jafari, Arin Hanson, and mankind were one and the same.

"How's that for inspiration, Gabe?"