Sam had quickly learned that a day in the ED was no less hectic than her days out in Afghanistan, in fact there were very few differences between the two. Endlessly barking out commands to nearby assistance, shocking people back to life with defibrillators, stitching up wounds and carrying out chest drains are just a few of the many examples. One thing, however, you never see in a battlefield with machinegun fire constantly whizzing over your head is a man with a toilet brush shoved up a particularly uncomfortable place that it would probably be best not to mention.

Sam and Tom had been enjoying their break in the most creative way they could think of by doing something, again, that shouldn't be mentioned for the sake of keeping this story clean but the phrase 'On call room' should give you the right idea. Unfortunately for them a few minutes into this endeavour there was a harsh knock at the door and the sounds of Tess bellowing commands from the other side of it completely broke the mood.

Following a hasty retrieval of clothes which somehow resulted in Tom trying to put on Sam's bra before he realized it was not his vest and Sam walking out with Tom's shoes on they were finally ready to listen to Tess, albeit with Tom looking like a drunken flamingo has he struggled to pull one of Sam's trainers, which just so happened to be neon pink, over his heel.

"There's a patient I think you're both going to want to see in cubicle four." Tess barked, choosing to ignore Tom's attempts to pull the tiny item of footwear onto his elephant sized appendage.

Unfortunately for him, however, Big Mac and Noel did not have the same tact and started hooting and laughing at him, though this didn't match the high pitched cackle that was emitted from Louise. Sam, upon noticing that she felt as though she was wearing clown shoes hastily switched with Tom as her face turned a colour close to the nice shade of beetroot Tom's had gone.

As Tess led them over to the cubicle they were forced to take the walk of shame, enduring the wolf whistles and hollers without batting an eyelash for engaging them would definitely make the torment worse.

"Hey Noel! If you ever find a girlfriend who's into a comic loving teenager in an adult body THEN you can start laughing at me for having a girlfriend with the same brain age as me!"

Apparently Tom missed the memo.

Tess silenced Noel's most likely witty retort with a look that would have scared off a T-Rex before pulling back the curtain with a single swish and revealing an empty cubicle.

"Tess what-" Sam began, dumbfounded.

"Shhh! Look, this next case is a very… sensitive one and I am relying on the digression of you both. Do you understand?" Tess said in a hushed tone, "And under no circumstances will you laugh."

Tom and Sam nodded simultaneously, serious expressions forming on their faces which were now returning to a normal colour. This, however, proved hard to maintain.

The curtains moved back further to reveal a man laying face down on a trolley with what looked like a pyramid on top of his rear end with a sheet over it being pulled by Bic Mac and what Sam could only hazard a guess to be a woman wearing a hoodie and a balaclava over her mouth.

"Right sir, 'ere we are then," Bic Mac said in his usual cheery tones, "We'll have that out of you in a jiffy so long as Dr Kent and Dr Nichols here don't feel an urgent desire to use the on call room for something other than sleeping."

Big Mac shuffled off after giving them both a knowing wink. Tess sighed and rolled her eyes before turning to the matter at hand and whipping a curtain around the cubicle.

"How are his vitals?" Tess asked the mysterious woman.

"Fine. He was stable all the way here." The woman replied in a voice and accent that sounded mysteriously familiar.

"Right then sir, let's get started." Tess said briskly, pulling back the sheet.

Tom and Sam nearly exploded with laughter then and there, for the man appeared to have the handle end of a toilet brush shoved in somewhere no toilet brush, especially one that appeared to have the contents of the toilet still on the bristles, was ever supposed to go. After a few disapproving looks from Tess Sam finally calmed down enough to ask,

"How did this happen?"

"I ACCIDENTLY bumped into her in the bathroom with my behind and next thing I know she's given me a bloody tail!" The man exclaimed, turning to face them both.

"Sorry sir!" Tom said, the smile wiping off of his face immediately, "I didn't know you were awake!"

"It's fine… If it didn't 'urt so bloody much I'd probably be laughin' right along with ya, that and if that old bitch hadn't given me one painful ass." The man replied, wincing as Sam examined him.

"You scared the hell out of me! And less of the old." The woman exclaimed in a voice that was now so disturbingly familiar if Tess hasn't told her digression was the objective Sam would have yelled out her name in the hope that the real version of the person she thought that was would come into the now very cramped cubicle and dispel her theory.

"Scared you? All I did was bump into you in that tiny bathroom of yours while you cleaned the damn toilet!" The man shouted over his shoulder, moving to try and see her before asking, "And why are you dressed up like you're about to raid a bloody bank?"

"Sir I need you to remain still while I complete this exam." Tom said calmly as the man squirmed around to stare at his attacker.

"How I am dressed is of no concern to you." The woman snapped.

"You're damn right it's not. I liked it a lot better when you weren't wearing any clothes." The man replied with a cheeky grin.

Sam, who had been trying not to laugh at the disgusted expression on Tom's face after he got a look at what was on the bristles of the toilet brush which was mere inches from his face, noticed that the woman looked like she was about to grab a catheter and shove that somewhere else very painful and upon deciding that it was probably a good idea to dispel this action asked,

"Do you have any health problems?" Sam asked before the woman could respond.

"Not until last night. I'm never eating bar food again." The man moaned, wincing slightly as Tom continued his examination.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Tess asked as she filled out a chart.

"We met in a bar last night and ate something... I can't remember exactly what because we were drunk... Anyway she invited me back to her place and-well you can guess what we were getting up to... But about half way through we both started, er, needing the toilet. A lot. By the morning it had worn off but her tiny bathroom was in a bit of a state and while I was using some mouthwash she was bending down and cleaning the loo... I bumped into her and she um… reacted." The man explained, going slightly red.

"I'm going to assume you weren't wearing any clothes." Tom said as he finished his exam.

"Well I would have a bit of a problem getting them off with that thing shoved up my-"

"Ma'am if you're ill then we need to take a look at you too." Tom said hastily, cutting across the end of a sentence he had no desire to hear.

"That won't be necessary." The woman barked, jerking away as he moved towards her.

"Tom that's not a-" Tess began, but unfortunately before she could finish that particular sentence the damage had been done.

Tom had attempted to remove the balaclava and came face to face with none other than Zoe Hanna. Upon seeing her face Sam found herself unable to hold in the laugh any longer and was soon on the floor in stitches and the noise of Sam's hysterical laughter then set of a chain reaction which rippled around the ED in a matter of seconds.

The curtains to the cubicle were soon whipped back by Fletch, who stared at the man's exposed rear with the sewage-ridden toilet brush stuck up it for a full second before diverting his gaze to Zoe's mortified face and bursting out laughing.

This in turn alerted Noel, Louise and Big Mac at reception who took one look and also fell about laughing, which attracted pretty much every nurse, doctor and conscious patient in the ED. Zoe could only think of one thing to say, or rather screech, and most of it wasn't pleasant. In fact there was only one word of it that was even writeable:

"SAM!"

My first attempt at a comedy... I hope you liked it!