It was late Friday evening and the Long Branch would soon be jumping. Ordinarily Kitty Russell would be getting gussied up for a night of making sure booze flowed, gamblers stayed in the game, and everyone was happy without crossing the line to rambunctious. Tonight, instead of climbing into a sequined dress and painting her face, she sat in her room staring into space. In the quiet that surrounded her she mused about life and how, like many people, she was usually too busy living it to think about where it was taking her. Then she'd come to a major crossroad and have to stop and think. Eight or nine months ago she'd hit a crossroad named Will Stambridge. They met at a moment in time when he was growing tired of his life and she was questioning hers, a perfect storm. He courted her with a single-minded intensity. He was charming and attentive, and tempted her with the things he discovered she wanted. Yet, she didn't love him so she turned him down. It was true that she didn't have everything she wanted in life, but then again who did? She loved and needed Matt more than anything, and she had hope for the rest. As for Will - she had a feeling he returned to his gun slinging life. It was the life that was baked into his bones and soul. While courting her he'd bought a run-down, dirt farm just outside of Dodge, which he quickly sold before he left. She was sure he never thought realistically about a life of working the land.
She smiled slightly trying to picture Will Stambridge in sooty overalls, pushing a plow over rough terrain in the hot summer sun. The smile faded as her thoughts returned to the crossroad she'd now reached. This time, unlike with Will, the choice was not hers alone. It included a man who had a different kind of life baked into his bones and soul.
"Kitty."
She turned towards the familiar voice coming from behind the door. "Come on in Matt."
He used his key to unlock the door and hurried in, tossing his hat aside while looking at her with anxious eyes. "Kitty, what's wrong? As soon as I hit the stable, Moss took my horse and said you had to see me right away."
She stood and faced him. "We need to talk." She saw the worry in his eyes intensify and offered a reassuring smile. "Welcome back Cowboy, I've missed you this past week."
He relaxed slightly. She pointed to a chair and sat opposite him wondering how to start. Silence hung in the air. She decided there was no way to build up to what she had to say.
"I'm pregnant Matt."
She watched his face carefully. For over 18 years she'd been able to read his most subtle expressions, but not this time. His face revealed nothing – not shock, disappointment, dismay or the happiness that deep inside she hoped would be there.
"Matt, I've been thinking of the options." She tried to sound matter-of-fact. "I'm not very far along. I can go to the woman in Hays City all the saloon girls go to when this happens. They say she's good, it's just that I…." Her voice petered out. The tick of the clock filled the air. Matt suddenly reached over and put a hand on hers, "I'll take the badge off and marry you."
She jerked her hand away and crossed her arms in front of her. Emotions surged, none of them good. "Great, you'll take the badge off and marry me because it's the right thing to do. Matt Dillon, once again doing his duty no matter what the cost."
He was stunned by her words, but when he replayed his own in his head he realized how they sounded to her. He leaned over and took her hands gently but firmly, forcing her to unwrap her arms and lean towards him. His voice was quiet. "Kitty, I shouldn't have said it that way. I'm sorry. Over the past months we've talked about getting married when I retire from this job. I should have said that this just changes the timing of things, and my retirement and our marriage will happen sooner than we thought."
She offered a half smile, "Yep, we're really rushing into this marriage thing."
Glad to see even a small smile, he leaned forward and gently kissed her. She didn't resist. "I'll wire my resignation to the War Department and we'll plan our wedding."
She looked into his clear blue eyes, "You won't resent me or the baby for pushing you to retire sooner than you want?"
He met her eyes, "I'd never resent you or our baby. My choice. It's my decision that I can't be a family man and a US Marshal at the same time. I admit this isn't how I pictured things playing out, but that doesn't mean it's not for the best. Kitty, I love you and nothing will ever change that."
"I love you Matt."
Still holding his hands she got to her feet. "I'll bet you have to go check in at the office. You've been gone for a week and you have a lot of catching up to do, right?"
"Well, I guess I should but…"
"Go on, I'll see you later." She knew that they both needed time alone with their thoughts.
After another kiss, this one deep and lingering, he left and Kitty ran her hand across her still flat belly.
Matt headed to his office looking calmer than he felt. He managed to nod hello to everyone who welcomed him back as he hurried down Front Street. He stepped inside his office and closed the door behind him. Festus was nowhere to be seen but a hot coffee pot was sitting on the stove. Grateful for both of those things, he poured himself a cup of the so-called coffee Festus had left, and sat at his desk. He ignored the stacks of mail piled in front of him and took a long swig of the dark, bitter liquid. Over the past months he and Kitty had talked about marriage and family. It wasn't that he didn't want those things, it was just that for him they were in a - some far off someday - category. He lightly rubbed his thumb on his badge. He'd been a lawman ever since he was a teenager lying about his age for the privilege of wearing a badge. That badge had changed from deputy's to sheriff's to US Marshal's in quick succession. As a marshal he'd removed the his badge several times for one reason or another. The first time he quit he was a young man in his 20's with a lifetime of opportunities in front of him. That time, and every other time, he was lured back by the call of duty. Serving justice, keeping folks safe and upholding the law was a deep, deep part of him, too deep to deny. This time removing the badge would be different. This time there'd be no going back. No matter how strong the call, he had to ignore it and move on. Move on to what? That was the question. He'd be a man in his 40's with no job, no property and not much money in the bank who had to find a way to support a family.
He set the cup down and tried to picture the future. He couldn't, so he picked up a piece of mail. He still had a job to do, so he might as well get to doing it. When he finished with the mail he'd send a wire to the War Department to resign from that job.
TBC
