Author's Notes: I am so very rusty at this you guys! For starters, I'm not a stranger to the Batman fandom. I've been a lurker for years reading all of your wonderful stories. So I know I probably made some errors but I would love to hear your thoughts. Constructive criticisms are welcomed. Anything you think needs improvement? I'm all ears. Character thoughts will be denoted using italics and this is supposed to be a lighthearted story. That was my original intention anyway. Don't be too surprised if the story ends up having a mind of its own. For those of you who wanted this story published, you know you who are! Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman or anything associated with DC comics.

Dick was down in the Batcave trying miserably to crack a cold case. He'd done everything he could possibly think of to find some sort of lead but no such luck. Papers were strewn all about the workbench while he had samples being tested in the laboratory area. On the Batcomputer, he had various files pulled up cross-referencing all of the potential suspects from the case.

He was so focused on his work that he completely missed the moment Jason rode up to Wayne Manor, punched in the security code and parked his motorcycle. Unbeknownst to Dick, trouble had just arrived.

Jason waltzed through the front doors of his old home like he owned the place. He took a moment to close the door and then carelessly tossed his helmet on one of the sofas as he made his way to the kitchen. I don't plan on being here long. Just pop in, say hi to Alfred, get some free food and maybe bug the demon brat and replacement.

Right as Jason was on his way to the kitchen, he spied Damien and Tim both coming down the stairs. Damian was trying his hardest not to shove Tim down the stairs, however, Tim looked dead on his feet. His hair was messy, huge bags were underneath his eyes and every now and then he'd yawn. Jason ducked into another room and decided to let his pseudo siblings enter the kitchen first.

I could work with this. Now where in the hell is Dick? I can't pull this off without him being here.

Jason waited a few more moments before finally venturing out. He couldn't hear anything from the kitchen so he took that as a sign that both of his younger siblings hadn't killed each other yet. He didn't even bother announcing his presence as he walked into the kitchen.

Damian was sitting at the kitchen island with an irritated look on his face. Tim, on the other hand, was staring at the empty automatic coffee maker as if his life depended on it. Not one to miss the perfect opening, Jason quietly crept up behind Damian and placed one hand on his shoulder. "So, demon brat. You want to try being an adult?"

Damian scoffed without even bothering to look at Jason. "Todd, I am an adult! It's the rest of you who can't accept my superb intellect and superior lineage."

All of a sudden, Jason got a wicked gleam in his eyes as Dick slowly shuffled into the kitchen.

One look at Dick and he's suddenly reminded that he's been stuck working on a cold case. The slow gait, hunched shoulders and defeated aura around Dick is something he knows very well. He's almost tempted to offer his assistance but thinks better of it. After all, it's not like he'd willingly accept my help. Stubborn ass.

Tearing his eyes away from Dick, his gaze narrows in on Tim again. Poor sweet, innocent, and naive little Tim has no idea the trouble coming for him. He's still standing in the same spot, however, now he's glaring at the coffee maker.

This is too good to pass up!

"Alright, demon brat. Twenty bucks says you can't drink an entire mug of coffee before the replacement finishes his own cup."

At the mere mention of coffee, Tim is instantly awake. Dick, on the other hand, is suspicious.

"Jay, what are you doing here? And why do I get the feeling that you're up to something?"

Jason smirks at Dick. "Oh Dickiebird, it's too early for accusations. Can't a man just drop in for a visit? I mean it's not like any of you bother to come and see me."

Dick looks stricken for a moment but before he can say anything, Tim instantly appears at Jason's side holding two coffee mugs.

"Less talking. Coffee's ready." Tim proceeds to place one mug in front of Damian and then calmly walks to his own seat.

Both Jason and Dick share horrified glances. They're both wondering how in the hell did Tim manage to do that so quickly. Neither one of them has the guts to outright ask. After all, they both know from previous experience not to come between Tim and coffee.

Tim is oblivious to his brothers. All of his attention is on Damian. Right before he sits down, he smiles evilly at Damian and mouths to him, "Prepare to die."

For a moment, Damian experiences a brief flash of fear but he quickly shoves it aside as he sneers at Tim. "And just what makes you think I'm going to die from this? I'm not weak like you Drake!"

Jason's smirk has evolved into a full blown smile. I'm totally downloading the security footage of this.

Dick can sense that control of this situation is spiraling downwards fast. "So Jay, what are the rules of this little competition?"

Jason chuckles before answering the question. "Simple. Demon brat has to finish his cup before Replacement. If he does, then I'll stop treating him like a child. As a matter of fact, I'll even let him patrol with me."

Dick raises an eyebrow and begins to tap one finger on the counter-top. "And?"

Jason stops chuckling and clears his throat. "It's that simple. Just look at Tim. He doesn't even need any incentive to do this. Do you Tim?"

Tim hasn't taken his eyes off of Damian. Instead, he grips his mug tighter.

If Tim had been in his right mind, he would have seen this trap coming from a mile away. Unfortunately, the chance to show up Damian was just too good to ignore.

Damian, on the other hand, is completely ignorant to Jason's true intentions. He's just ready for his so called siblings to start treating him with the respect he deserves.

Against his better judgment, Dick nods and Jason knows that he's won.

"Alright, on the count of three but I'm going on record right now. Bruce isn't going to like this one bit. And when he finds out about this, it'll be your fault Jay-bird."

Jason huffs indignantly, "Oh shut up! You're such a kill joy. What's the worst thing that could happen? Huh? Daddy Bats would never get mad at you. You're the favorite. If anything, he'll probably be glad that nothing happened to you."

Dick glares at him for a moment before turning away from Jason. Tim and Damian both turn to Dick in order to comfort him but think better of it. They both know that Dick would appreciate the gesture but at the same time, it'll only prove Jason right.

Jason feels guilty for a minute but not enough to apologize. Not my fault he's so damn sensitive.

Damian rolls his eyes before snapping his fingers at Jason. "Are we going to do this or not? I have plans for the day that don't include the three of you."

Jason bites his lip for a minute and then shrugs. He'll deal with Dick later.

"Right. On three. 1. 2..." Jason pauses for a bit and tries to discreetly look at Dick again. After a few seconds, he notices something he failed to see earlier. Dick has dark lines under his eyes and his complexion looks washed out.

Son of a! He's hiding something. Now I need to talk to him. Damn. Why do you have to complicate everything Dick? That was the last thing Jason thought before he yelled, "3!"

Tim downed his coffee in two gulps. He slammed the mug on the counter-top and started laughing maniacally when he heard Damian begin to sputter and choke.

"Disgusting! This drink is horrible!" Damian started gagging and that's when Dick sprang into action. He picked Damian up and ran out of the kitchen, hoping he could make it to the closest bathroom.

Tim, however, ran off cackling. "I'm undefeated!"

Meanwhile, Jason was torn between feeling horrible and ridiculously happy.

On one hand, I've got potential blackmail material. But, there's still the matter with Dick.

Jason had to fight hard against the urge to face palm himself. "Why do I even care about these idiots?" He mumbled angrily as he walked out of the kitchen.